Question: Who is more resourceful: Regular girls or Bob
lovers?
Experiment: We will bring in fitting stimuli for each female. Bob and A
Backstreet Boy. The latter will obviously be for the supposed mall crawling
non-believer. We will then monitor the subjects attempts to reach their ultimate
goal: their dream hunk.
No only will we monitor resourcefulness but persistence as well.
Materials:
Bob
Nick Carter
Strong chains
Rope
High backed chair
Ice cubes
Heavy weights
Procedure:
1. Place the subjects in separate rooms.
2. Chain them to and chair and tie them up.
3. Attach weights to their feet.
4. Place them exactly ten feet away from their respective male bait.
5. Cover the floor with ice cubes.
6. Watch the subjects attempt to reach their goal.
Subject A: Bootnick and Bob
00:15 Girl begins to drool.
00:30 Girl attempts to break free.
01:00 Girl starts to yank at chains.
01:30 Girl bites chains.
01:45 Girl searches through pockets.
02:00 Girl finds an icon pin.
02:15 Girl starts picking lock.
03:00 Girl succeeds at opening lock and throws chains off.
03:30 Bob begins to sing.
04:00 Girl pulls against ropes.
04:30 Girl flutters her eyelashes at the singing Bob.
04:45 Girl starts gnawing on the rope.
05:00 Girl looks around, casting puppy eyes at Bob.
05:20 Girl reaches into boots.
06:00 Girl discovers sporks.
06:15 Girl starts hacking at ropes.
07:00 Girl breaks ropes and starts to run.
07:20 Girl falls flat on her face, weighted down by the weights.
07:30 Girl is reduced to the primitive behavior reminiscent of her ancestor Bob
lovers and starts crawling.
07:45 Girl moans at Bob.
07:50 Girl slips on ice.
08:00 Girl asks Bob to melt ice with energy from his hands.
08:15 Bob complies.
08:30 Girl continues to crawl.
09:00 Girl collapses into Bob’s arms.
Subject B: Teenage Girl and Nick Carter
00:15 Girl begins to drool.
00:30 Girl continues to drool.
01:00 Girl wipes up saliva.
01:30 Girl looks at Nick and screams.
01:45 Girl screams at chains.
02:00 Girl starts sobbing.
02:15 Girl looks at chains again.
03:00 Girl looks forlornly at Nick, tears running down her mascara coated
face.
03:30 Nick begins to sing.
04:00 Girl finds a nail file in bra.
04:30 Girl giggles and drops nail file.
04:45 Girl picks up nail file.
05:00 Girl starts picking lock on chains.
05:20 Girl stops to vomit up lunch.
06:00 Girl continues to pick lock.
06:15 Girl succeeds with picking lock.
07:00 Girl notices ropes and starts crying all over again.
07:20 Girl pokes ropes.
07:30 Girl waves and giggles at Nick.
07:45 Girl starts trying to rip ropes apart.
07:50 Girl starts hyperventilating.
08:00 Girl looks for paper bag.
08:15 Girl rips off shirt and breathes into it.
08:30 Girl returns to ropes.
09:00 Girl passes out.
Conclusion:
It took nine minutes for the Bob lover to reach Bob. Our other subject had to be
sent to the trauma center shortly after passing out. Although the experiment did not
turn out the way we had hoped we did find out who can stand pressure longer and
who gets their cake and eats it too. Ahem.