Silent_Sisters_(1/3)

Most of the stories collecting dust on the hard drive are set in earlier seasons, looking at ideas the writers started but ignored. Sisterly interaction is/was one of them. Friday She hated the smell of hospitals - cold medicinal death in dim lighting and bland walls. She forgot why they were there, which brother it was that needed mending this time. But, they were here to take him home. Her older brother was in a wheelchair dressed in a hospital gown and robe. His smile put her at ease, contagious really as she smiled back. With a short nod, she left him and reached out for her sister's hand. No sooner had they rounded the corner closer to another room she felt a chill run down her spine. Quickly, she pulled away from her sister, ran back around the corner only to see him wheel away without looking back. She ran after him only to watch the elevator doors swallow him up. A heartbeat later, she bolted down the stairs, not caring who she bumped into along the way. As soon as she ran out onto the snow-covered walk, any and all trace of him disappeared. She didn't even get to say goodbye. She ran to the nearest phone and called a familiar number. When she heard his voice, she broke down and cried. "Are you all right? Talk to me. Where are you?" She couldn't answer, too overcome by joy and relief. She began to giggle, hiccups interrupting occasionally. "I'm coming to get you. Stay there. I'll be right there." There was a click before she could say goodbye. Now it was only a matter of time. She didn't know where the knocking came from, but it woke her from her slumber. The dark blue uniform all but filled the doorway. A small gold pin had a name engraved on it. Dubrowsky or something, it read. She didn't dare look up, nor could she look down, so she stared at the blue of his uniform, feeling the coldness of the color, of his words. "I'm sorry." he said. Claudia woke with a start, her hands thwarping the bed loudly as she gasped for breath. Julia bolted up, reaching for Claudia's hand. "What is it, Claudia?" Julia pulled the bathrobe up around herself as she sat on Claudia's bed. "Claudia?" "He's gone," she whispered. "He's dead." She walked out of the room in a daze, going first to Charlie's room, then Owen's. "Where is he?" she asked, standing in the attic now cluttered with junk. Julia took her by the hand. "Who?" When Claudia didn't answer, Julia led her to the living room. There on the couch, slept Bailey and Owen. The toddler's arm wrapped itself around Bailey's neck in a backward fashion. Bailey, for his part, tried to maintain a balance by keeping one foot over the back of the couch and the other on the edge of the coffee table. "They're here," Julia said. "See?" Slowly, Claudia nodded her head. "I want to see Charlie tomorrow," she whispered. Julia smiled. "Fine. We'll see him first thing tomorrow morning, all right?" Again, Claudia nodded her head. She took her time climbing the stairs, not letting go of Julia. Rather than return to their room, she went to Charlie's and lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "Hey," Julia said tucking the throw around her. "What really happened?" When Claudia finally spoke, her voice was more distant than before. "I killed him. I had a nightmare, got scared, called him and he died trying to get to me. Then I woke up." "Sounds like a really horrible dream, Claud. I'm sorry. You know I'm here for you. All of us are." "Really? For how long? I mean, if you think about it, you and Bailey aren't alone. Owen isn't, not that it matters for him, yet. But, me I'm alone." Julia sighed. "Answer me this: Have you ever let yourself grieve for Mom and Dad?" "Yeah." She pressed on. "No, I mean it, Claud. Have you talked with Miss Huffman about it or-." "Sure. Just like you guys." "What do you miss about Mom?" Claudia snuggled further into the covers. "Lots of things." "Like what?" "You know, stuff. Same with Dad. I miss a lot of stuff about him. Now I'll miss a lot of stuff about-." "Don't," Julia said. "Don't say it yet. I know Charlie said we should prepare for the worst, but that doesn't mean we should expect it, either." "Were you expecting that to happen to them? Were we supposed to be prepared for that? I'm tired of losing all the time." Claudia's voice strained with each word she spoke, her last words barely making sounds at all. Julia hugged her closer, waiting for anything else to happen. Saturday Julia sat in the chair closest to Charlie, Bailey standing behind her. "She told me she wanted to come, Charlie. Really." "Don't worry about it, Jule. She'll." Charlie sighed, staring at the paper flowers Owen had made with Claudia's help. "She'll slip away if we're not careful," he said at last. "Stop talking like that," Bailey said, giving Charlie's arm a quick shake. "We're not losing anyone else in this family." "You don't know that, Bai. You really don't," Charlie said. He paused. "I've talked with Dr. Rabin and she's scheduled a few sessions for me to talk to a psychiatrist. I want." He shook his head. "Who am I to ask, man. What I want you to know." Again he shook his head. "Can't talk well can I?" "Want us to talk to a shrink, Chuck?" Bailey asked exchanging glances with Julia. "We could, if you really want us to." Julia took her time. "If it's about talking about all of this, or about losing Mom and Dad." Charlie reached for both of them, his arm dropping from fatigue. "We- I don't know how you guys dealt with that. I mean, I know we had those family meetings at the beginning and all-." "We couldn't keep up with that nonsense, Charlie," Bailey said. "It's like you said, how are we suppose to trust those who don't even know." "Why are you asking, Charlie? Really?" Julia asked. He shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe if it sets an example for her, to get her to try and work this out for herself somehow from anyone who can help her. I don't know. I don't like not knowing, I know that." "Can we see the same shrink you're seeing?" Bailey asked smiling. "I could handle that," Julia added. "Who knows, we might find out more about each other's private lives, too." Charlie's pleading look for help was quickly answered by Bailey's swing of a magazine in Julia's direction. "Seriously, Char," Julia said, "what she told me last night worried me. I thought about keeping her home from school Monday so we could talk, but…." "That might help, assuming there aren't too many absences already. Why don't you two enjoy a day for yourselves, just a sisters day or something?" Bailey nodded. "I can watch Owen easily. We can have our own brothers day." Julia sighed. "What if she doesn't get through this? What if-." "That's not an option for us, Jule," Charlie said. "Right now, you two are her only hope, my only hope." She kissed him on the cheek. "I'll try not to let you down," she said. "I'll see you at home later?" she asked Bailey. "Yeah, in a bit." As soon as she left, Bailey sat down. "I appreciate what you just said, man. But." "What is it?" Charlie asked. "I don't know if I've really been there for her lately, really listening to her like before, you know. It's as if I've been so busy trying to escape all of this that when I do, guilt-free, I get pulled back in twice as hard and twice as fast. I'm tired all the time and getting angrier by the minute." "With whom?" Charlie asked. "With myself, with you, with Mom and Dad." Bailey leaned forward, hands clasped as if in prayer. "You don't know how many times I've almost gone back to drinking." "Almost," Charlie repeated. "What about your sponsor, John?" Bailey shook his head. "I tell him things, sure. But, it's not like I can comfortably tell him everything you know. There are still some things I haven't even told Sarah." Charlie didn't say anything. "Thing is, how am I suppose to be there for my family, huh? That was always my job before, to be the caretaker. Now that you're asking me to-." "Adds more to an already overloaded plate of responsibilities. I'm sorry, Bai, for everything. If there was a way I could change anything, that night or. She listens to you, talks to you, Bai. Truth is, I'm convinced you'll be the one she'll ask to walk her down the aisle. It's just that thing about you." "Don't sound stupid, Charlie. I just. How do you do it, huh? I mean, how did you put up with all of us for those four years and not go mad, not having anyone to support you?" "We had Joe and Grandpa Jake for a while," Charlie reminded him. "Claudia had Ross." "I'd rather have Grandpa Jake," Bailey said. He stared at the untouched plate and said, "She still hates hospitals, you know. I mean, with Nana, Mom, Dad, that time with Owen and now…. It's like a family curse, isn't it? For all we know, Jake-." "He did," Charlie said. "Last month. Cancer." Silence hung there as each of them tried to regain their footing so to speak. "I'll do what I have to do for her, Charlie. I promise." He nodded. "That and take care of yourself, too. I don't think any of us could or would survive if more than one of us fell." Sunday "I fell, that's all," Claudia said nursing a bruised knee as she sat in the seat furthest from Charlie. "Think we could find someone to look at that, you know," he said smiling as he struggled to sit up. She wanted to sit beside him, but it was all she could do just to cross the doorway. "Jule and Bai say we should all see psychiatrists or something." "What do you think about that?" he asked. "Could work. I mean, Miss Huffman already gave me some names to see in case. Do I have to talk to her?" "Do you want to?" Claudia sighed. "Yes and no. I mean, it's not as if you made Julia go." "And I won't make you go, either. I just don't want to see you continue to bottle up all this. I don't know, whatever it is inside you." "Fine. I'll talk to someone." She looked up at him, the tubes and wires connected to him as if his life depended on them. She closed her eyes to them and walked blindly toward his bed. When she felt his hand on hers, she cried. "Come here," he said lowering the guardrail as best he could with one hand. She helped him then climbed onto the bed beside him. He wrapped an arm around her. "I haven't been doing a good job in being there for you Claud, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." "Don't go. Please?" she asked in a childish voice. "I can't," he said. "I'll try. You keep me going, Claudia. When I told you just hang in there, I should have told you why. I should have told you that seeing you carry on a somewhat normal life and still vent your worries and frustrations. You are my window to normalcy. I didn't stop to think what you needed from me." "I'm fine, Charlie. Really." He shook his head. "No more lies." She took her time before answering. "How am I suppose to sit there, in English lit, in math, and pretend everything's all right? How can I do that when…." She sniffled. "I'm tired of losing, Charlie. I'm sick and tired of it. Any second and there could only be four of us. Or three, or less and. "Why do people expect you to just pick up where you left off and pretend everything's all right? Why can people easily dismiss the fact that it hurts like hell to lose someone who meant so much to you? Why does their life seem to suddenly matter so little?" "That's not it, Claudia, not really. People worry and want desperately to see things as before, for themselves, for you. They want the pain to go away, not the person, not the memory." He sighed. "The memories never go away because they can't take that away from you." "Do you ever think about them?" "All the time, Claudia. Whenever Bai or Jule make their decisions, dumb as they are sometimes, I wonder what Mom and Dad would have done. I wonder if Bai and Jule would have done that in the first place if they were here." "It's not that you're a bad parent, Charlie. I don't think that." She curled herself into a fetal position. "I don't want you to go." "If I knew how to write the rules of life in such a way, then I would," he said chuckling softly. "I can only fight this one day at a time. Take it by the moment. We've been doing that for a while, haven't we?" She nodded. "There are other things, but…. I should probably work on cheering you up, huh?" She turned to him and smiled. He gave her another hug. "We'll discuss family roles later. See this person Miss Huffman recommends. If it works out, then…." "I will," she said.