I was born in Nowshera, Pakistan, and am from Kohat, near Peshawar. But no, do not call me a Pathan. Let me make it clear to you that:

• First of all, I am a Human Being.
• Then I am a Muslim.
• And finally, I am a Pakistani.

I grew up in the suburbs of Middle East, i.e., United Arab Emirates (2 years), Saudi Arabia (8 years), and finally Oman (9 years). I learned the facts of life at Pakistan College, which include the true values of life and friendship. It was there that I was crowned 'JunooN' by the 'Golden Star'. And Owais, you are the best, with Aa'ala Hukkam, of course.

There, I was abducted by UFOs who implanted one of the most stupid and craziest idea about my future: go and study in the U S of A!!!!!!! The UFOs were the culture as well as my elder brother Khurram. Well, I raised hell and high water but could not go there.

That's when I accidentally landed in Sharjah College, UAE. The pilots of this UFO were my Father and my Mamoon. But I have to make a confession: I spent one of the best times of my life in Sharjah College. That year was absolutely fabulous. I had everything: friends, responsibility, freedom, someone to look after me, and finally GIRLS, but its not MY fault if they did not find me attractive. Still, I will always remember Canada.

UFO activity started again and I tried USA, and although Mulder and Scully had tried their best, Mr. President had other ideas. Due to a rivalry between them (and the accident of the janitor), I was accidentally dropped from the UFO at Richmond College, London. After a quite semester, there was the talk about Independence Day, and the UFOs thought about USA again. As the torture during the abductions was too much (they fed me chocolate and made me watch TV), I had no choice but to give in. But the UFOs failed again. Thus they decided to drop me off at Canada. Thats why aliens came on Independence Day: to drop me off to Canada. They were planning that for a year, and I was happy: I could meet Canada again.

Canada, the country, was great. The only problem was continuing my education, as the UFO authorities did not believe in my alien abduction stories: the credits were did not include Chris Carter. Now it was clear that I had to go to USA myself and meet Mr. X; he was the only one with power. After 3 months of hassle as well as changing the X on the window three times, Mr. X finally contacted my, gave me the truth I was searching for (aka the I-20), and told me to go to Arizona ASAP, and that Bill would contact me there. Do you know

Well, he did come by on the 30th of October, 1995 and gave a speech, but I could not see him because I was very busy (I was actually asleep). So, here I am, stuck in Arizona, waiting to find my way to that place, where I have been told UFOs are living in hiding. And no, I am not talking about the comedy show, "3rd Rock from the Sun". Its that place some where in the desert, where the American Government has buried a UFO which crashed here nearly 50 years ago. Guess I'll have to talk to the Uni-blonder about that. Hey Mulder, wait for me.....