Ooooh, where to begin?! This is such a long journey I scarcely know what to tell you first. For those of you that
like statistics in line order, I'll outline it on a timeline, then spell out the mysterious details that framed each after;
1979- 1st pregnancy, labored16 hours, baby caught up behind ishial spines and would not descend. Dr. Incompetent diagnoses
CPD. Daughter, Angela, surgically removed via cesarean section 12/17/79. Angela was 8lbs 10 oz and 21 inches; long. Apgars
8 and 9. Diagnosis: CPD (cephalopelvic disproportion)
1983- 2nd pregnancy, Dr. LostHisMedicalLicense badgers and shames me into a scheduled repeat cesarean without any labor.
Dr. LHML schedules C/S April 5, 1983. I was concerned he miscalculated my baby's due date and told him I thought that was
much to early. He tells me I'm out of my league that he's the Dr and I should leave all the medical decisions up to him because
he's the expert and I am not. Erica Mae is surgically removed via cesarean section on April 5, 1983. She was 7lbs 15 oz and
20 inches; long. Apgars were 7 then 6 and falling. She went completely blue and was unable to cry. Her vitals were dropping.
I had Angela's pediatrician standing by ;just in case; (thank God I listened to my women's intuition). Dr. Stanley Hackbarth,
the pediatrician, whisked her off to neonate ICU, where he ran tests on her at the speed of lightening. He ascertained she
was premature by 4-5 weeks. She was unable to breathe on her own and was unstable. Dr. Hackbarth was furious with Dr LHML
and if it weren't for Dr. Hackbarth, my 2nd daughter would have most certainly been seriously brain damaged. Thank God he
acted quickly.
1985- 3rd pregnancy, found a very understanding physician, Dr. RespectsWomen. He was willing to help me with trying a
VBAC, even in the face of negative pressure from his peers and the hospital. Labor was uneventful and progressing. Pushed
for 2 hours, baby caught up behind ishial spines and wouldn't progress any further. Xray taken to see position of baby. Cesarean
performed and Rilee Jae arrived at 9lbs 2 ½ oz. 21 inches; long. Dr. RW was saddened that we weren't successful (but thank
you for sticking by me!)
1987- 4th pregnancy, followed my gut instinct that there was really nothing wrong with me and that I could give birth
so, I read dozens of books, literature, medical literature and periodicals. Interviewed midwives, doulas, doctors, CS victims,
VBAC successes.
September 7, 1987 (wouldn't you know it was Labor Day!) Casslaine Kae was born at home after 6 hours of labor, one pelvic
adjustment by my Chiropractor, Dr. Meyers, and 2 hours of pushing (which wasn't bad at all). She made her debut at 9lbs 10
oz and 21 inches long with apgars of 8 and 9.
Now, here I am, 45 years old, having a HBA3C more than 15 years ago. This was back when women were scorned and ridiculed
for wanting a natural birth. We were called selfish and ignorant. Now, in the 2000s all of the talk is how GREAT VBACS and
HBACS are. I'm shaking my head at how ironic it is. I was a criminal in 1987, but today what would I be called? I didn't care
in 1987 and I don't care in 2003 :o) !!! Bring em on!!!
The rest of this story are the personal experiences in detail and are the views and beliefs of the author; and might
be a longer read than the Psalms ;o)
My purpose for sharing my story is to help women out there know that VBAC's and HBAC's are a NORMAL way of life.
I was 21 when I first got pg. Wow, was I young and dumb and well intentioned. I never thought this would happen to me.
After all, I was a strong and capable woman. Right? Wrong. Looking back on it, I was smart and I was strong, but I was not
armed with the knowledge, the data, the statistics, the information or the wisdom to help myself. Life is a most sured teacher.
Sometimes it takes a tragedy to wake us up and in my case it was my daughter Erica's mistreatment by an incompetent OB/GYN
that almost cost her a normal life. Thank you Dr. Hackbarth, the pediatrician, for saving not only Erica's life, but also
her quality of life. Do you remember you were so concerned that she went too long without oxygen? You asked me to have her
tested when she was 2 yrs old because you thought there was a good chance she did sustain some brain damage and would be a
special needs child. You are her guardian angel and I hope one day you two will meet, so she can thank you in person. We often
laugh about if you WERE right and she did have brain damage. If this was the case, and she DID have some brain damage, she
would have been another Einstein. I did have her tested at the age of 16 years old and her IQ came back at an astounding 138.
Brain damage? Maybe :o) But how can we complain when she consistently tests in the top 2% of all her test scores?! Thank God
for Dr. Stanley Hackbarth.
When I was pregnant with daughter #3, Rilee, I always had this nagging feeling like I didn't need a CS. Call me crazy,
I didn't have an explanation for it. It was like I just knew. Imagine how disappointed I was when this VBAC failed. I was
heartbroken. I questioned my judgment and my choice for a VBAC. And of course I had to endure the ridicule from the anti-VBAC
people. Wow, was that daunting. Took the wind out of my sails and I didn't want to go in public. Finally, I shrugged it off
thinking that I have 3 daughters and I won't have to worry about it anymore. We weren't having any more kids.
Surprise!!!! Casslaine is on her way! Not again! I can't do this! Don't make me have to go through all of this bullshit
again, I can't do it.
I cried and cried and cried.
Then I thought;this baby is going to have to come out of my body one way or the other which WILL require some sort of
decision heh heh nope! I stayed in denial for a few months, not answering any prying questions from friends or relatives,
always skirting their questions or diverting their attention away from how I was going to deliver this baby.Oh look!! It's
a 3 headed squirrel flying in a dump truck over city hall!!!
So what happened to jolt me into action?! PAIN, pure unadulterated PAIN. I was about 5 months along, washing dishes at
the kitchen sink. Suddenly a bolt of lightening shot down both of my legs and they buckled, sending me to the floor. I lay
there shocked not knowing if I should dare move. I collected myself, slowly dragged myself to the phone and called a friend
of mine, she's an RN, mother of 3, and she'll know what this is and what to do. She tells me it's probably a pinched nerve
in my pelvis that I should go see a chiropractor. She asks me not to tell her boss, he's a physician and he doesn't believe
in chiropractors. I think she's crazy and dismiss it, because I don’t believe in them either. I had heard too many
quack stories.
Now I earnestly want to find out what's really wrong with me, so I find the foremost midwife in the Midwest on birthing.
Rebecca examines me, looks me straight in the eye and declares there's nothing wrong with me and I can give birth. I showed
her the x-ray from my 3rd daughters birth to ensure she has all the facts. She looks it over and moans an affirmative uh-huh.
Looks me in the eye a second time and asked me if there's a chiropractor in my town that I need to make an appointment with
him. Was I stunned! She proceeds to tell me that I have been misdiagnosed 3 times and I never needed a cesarean. Well a lot
of good that does me now!! I'm a three-branded woman. She told me that I would make my own destiny, not the doctor. She told
me to follow my gut instinct; it was God given and a gift. Women give their power away to men so easily, especially when the
going gets tough or uncertain. Do men do this? I think not. So why are we so conditioned to kowtow and acquiesce? Each of
us has our own answer, reason or excuse. You only have to answer to yourself.
Back to the story: so I grumble, not happy with being told to see one of those quack doctors. But each day the baby gets
bigger and bigger the pain becomes unbearable. I go to the chiropractor in desperation. I give him my history and my current
problem; he can see I'm waiting for him to mess up. He examines me, looks at the x-ray I brought and offers to give me a pelvic
adjustment. I was in such pain; I didn't care if he brought out his chicken bone necklace or lizard tail potion. So he had
me lay on my side and adjusts my backside and asked me to sit up slowly. By the way, it was an awful bone popping noise, crackity,
crackity, crack. As I'm sitting there he explains to me that the reason baby #3 would not descend on the x-ray is because
my pelvis was misaligned in the x-ray just like today. That's why I was having so much pain. He explained how the misalignment
locks up my pelvis and won’t let it open up so the baby could drop through. We'll, jiminy cricket. Could it be that
easy?! He all but guaranteed me that was what prevented a natural birth. He told me to call him if I needed him again. I went
for adjustments every 2-3 weeks or so and got to know him. He really was a conservative chiropractor. I told him I was considering
a VBAC and he offered to come to the hospital or my home to adjust me when I went into labor and to be on call until the baby
arrived. He was sticking his neck out for me, remember, this was the s. My physician, Dr. GolfProHandsomeCommunityLeader was
not so impressed. He thought Dr. Chiropractor was a quack and told me so. I asked him what his explanation was. Why did I
have to have 3 CS? He said he had no answer. He told me that if I come to the hospital in labor he would refuse to do a natural
delivery. He will ONLY do surgery. He will ONLY do a cesarean section. He also told me that having 3 previous cesareans would
guarantee a ruptured uterus, a dead baby and a dead mother. Did I listen? Yes, I listened and I weighed the facts. On
one hand I have Dr Chiropractor who got me out of pain, gave me an explanation as to why my babies got stuck on the ishial
spines and offered to help me. On the other hand I have Dr GolfProHandsomeCommunityLeader who has no explanation, does not
get me out of pain, and is not interested in reading up on the latest VBAC information. Who am I going to trust?! Certainly
not Dr. GPHCL.
I made dozens and dozens of phone calls to find a midwife that would help me with a HBAC. It was NOT easy. Her name was
Judy, and out of respect for her legal safety, I will not use her last name. She was amazing and courageous to take me as
a client. She respected women so much. She dedicated her life to helping women have babies safely and naturally. She never
referred to her customers as patients because as she told me pregnant women are not sick, pregnancy is not an illness, it
is a condition. It is a healthy natural condition. She talked with me at length at each appointment explaining the safety
measures and asked me to agree to them. If at any time she felt my safety or the baby's safety was in question we would be
whisked to the hospital ASAP. I had the opportunity over the next few months to talk to some of her other clients and got
together with them to talk over every aspect of their decisions. Each woman had a unique story as to what brought her to the
decision of VBAC/HBAC. What a sisterhood! I had so much support; it left me in awe and on my knees with gratitude. They gave
me a list of books to read on VBAC.
When labor began at 3 am on Labor Day, September 7, 1987 I woke up with not now parting my lips. LOL. I went back to
sleep and got another 3 hours of needed sleep. At 6 am. I woke up with a contraction that shot me out of bed with one felled
swoop. I called Judy, and she was on her way to my house. I ate breakfast (none of that starving yourself! After all, I would
need all of my strength to birth that day!) And had contractions about 5 minutes apart, and they were relatively moderate
or mild. Judy arrived and monitored our vitals every 20 minutes in the beginning, more frequently at the end. By 10:45am I
called Dr. Chiropractor to come over. He brought his portable table with him and gave me an adjustment. It felt so good. He
left and within a few minutes the baby had descended quite a bit. Judy was stunned at how far the baby had dropped. The pain
in my back was gone, the adjustment had worked. Now it was just intense pressure. Oh the pressure!! LOL! Within 10 minutes
I felt the overwhelming urge to go to the bathroom, ran to the toilet and plopped my pg behind down. My water broke like a
damn bursting. Water shot everywhere~wooohooo!!! We have lift off!!! Now the contractions were intense!!! Her head was starting
to bulge down into home plate. I knew I was going to give birth today. It was a miracle. I walked around the bedroom and stopped
to lean on something with each contaction. When I felt the urge to push, I squatted at the foot of the bed. I pushed when
my body told me to push and rested between each contraction. As the baby's head came into view, everything became surreal
to me. My midwife kept saying this is a big baby. As she crowned, she had a full head of dark hair, and the pressure was incredible.
I didn't feel any pain until her head fully crowned and was born. I felt the ring of fire, but it only lasted 5 seconds or
so. The cord was around her neck twice and Judy slipped her finger in to loosen it and keep room for the baby's neck as she
was being born. Next were the shoulders. Judy helped her out by slipping her other fingers under her arm and with a corkscrew
motion eased her out. Everyone was so excited that Casslaine was born that no one but ME noticed she still had one leg up
inside me;HELLO! OUCH!! LOL!! Can you get her ALL the way out?! It was 2:36 p.m. and it was a beautiful sunny day outside.
I sat there with my baby girl in my arms and she was staring up at me blinking those big beautiful eyes. I did it. I did it.
I did it!! I crawled into bed after the placenta was delivered. Angela and Erica wanted to take their baby sister outside
to play and show the neighbors. I told them they would have to wait for her to dry off a little more before they could show
the neighbors and Cassi wasn't old enough to play yet. They were so cute!
I nursed Cassi and I fell asleep with her in my arms. She was my baby girl and I gave birth to her.
When I look back on each of the girls; birth, I can tell you that, for me, there was a difference. Even with all the
hype that is given about how good a cesarean can be (for whatever the reason), it will never be able to come close to giving
birth. In my mind a cesarean for me was NOT giving birth, it was a surgical removal. For me it meant a failure to experience
the active psychophysical miracle of birthing. With the first 3 girls, I love them dearly, but I didn't have any of the phenomenal
bonding that I did with my HBAC. The bond I had with Cassi was complete.
I hope this helps you in your journey and your quest, if you would like to contact me, you can reach me at
lindainchicago@mindspring.com, if you would like to talk to me by phone, email me your phone number and I will call you.
Pay It Forward,
Linda