the end is nigh
Topic: future
I can't believe that I'm only a few months away from getting married. Well, it's still the better part of a year away, but it's getting so close. I feel so weird when I think about it. I mean, my fiancee and I have been talking about it since our freshman year, but I don't see myself as grown. It's so weird to describe. I know I've written about this before on the blog, but it's just really been on my mind lately.

I mean we already do a lot of adult things (we are both 21) such as paying rent, phone bills, entering into contracts, grocery shopping, planning our meals in a healthy manner instead of just eating whatever we want, buying gifts for family members, and a few other things that I'd like to keep between the two of us. But, at the same time we play nintendo, playstation, computer games, watch cartoons (such as watching Aladdin around 6 times the week we bought it - but not six times in a row, just over the course of that week). I mean, that's all totally kids stuff. So when I think that I'm going to get married, I have a bit of a hard time grasping it.

But I've been thinking about this for quite some time, so it's not that bad. What I'm really having a hard time wrapping my head around, is the concept of Dan getting married. I mean, he's just my little brother, but he's already thinking about getting married. If he waits like me, that'd be 3 years after mine or ~2008. I really like the girl that he's chosen, she is the sweetest girl and is definitely right for him. She isn't trying to take advantage of him like some other girls and she's intelligent and knows what she wants from life. It's hard to say that what you pick to do in your freshman year is what you will continue to do because a lot of my friends have changed majors. Of course, there are also people like me who have stayed on track all four years - but the fact that she has a plan is really great.

Even David will be starting college very soon. It's all so much to absorb - but I've always taken more time to fully adjust to changes. I don't hate or fear change, but I just don't adjust to it immediately. There's definitely more than delta t involved.

Today I told my dad, "my whole life is before me, but it's just an angle. Every day, every hour, every minute the angle shrinks. Not that I can't change my path, but the area is smaller." Basically, this is when I begin to make the next huge set of decisions that will affect the rest of my life. I've already dealt with the first batch when I resolved to do well in high school and continue through at Cornell, but now comes the next big round. The place I choose to work will affect where I live and what my career path will be. And where I live will affect decisions with my wife. For example, if we live near one of our folks we can decide to have them help raise the kids. We have to decide how to make sure that both sets of grandparents are able to experience their grandkids. If we live away from everyone, do we allow non-family members to take care of the kids? Does my wife take some time off from work for a couple of years? Does it even matter if our ultimate goal is to have our own business? So you see, so much will be decided over the next few months.

We have so much to talk about and plan, yet we can't do too much planning until we know where we will work. But we won't know that for a few more months. It's so crazy - so much hangs in the hands of strangers. I hate it! I like being in control of my life - as much as God allows anyway. Because I know that a lot of life is directed by forces that I don't fully know. Sometimes you don't know whether something is good or not until a few days or years later. But those parts that I can control, I like to be in control of.

Well, only time will tell.