Just when it seemed that my suffering was at and end, when I found what it was
that was missing from my life, when I was to be fulfilled, it was then that my true suffering began.
Early in the morning
as I had been instructed by Sat Kartar Singh, I would wake, take bath and begin my prayers. It was difficult at
because everything was so strange.
My wife I and discussed the matter and thought it would be a good idea if we could
get some one to help us learn at first. Some one to
teach us and guide us, we were so ignorant.
We went to a Rainsubhai
keertan. The melodious sounds had us entranced. When my eyes were closed it was as if fairies were dancing in gold dust,
just beyond the field of my vision. When I opened them, and glanced across the room, I saw that Bibi ji was sitting with the
Later during the langer we had a chance to speak. We discussed our situation earnestly, My wife was all for inviting
Bibi ji to be our
guest for some time, so we could have the opportunity to learn from her. Bibi ji agreed that there
were some small things she could
help us with. Like the proper pronunciations of the scriptures, as well as the proper
protocol to observe if we were to bring Baba ji into our home.
Sat Kartar Singh was to have a keertan in his home and
she agreed to come at that time.
My wife became very excited, it was obvious she had a deep regard for Bibi ji.
When the appointed time came, we went to the keertan.Sat Kartar Singh motioned us to sit close to him, even my wife was invited
to sit with him although very few women ever sat with the ragis. I felt very honored and insisted that she do so even
though she was shy to. Bibi ji sat with her. We really didn't know the words, but when they sang "waheguru waheguru waheguru",
we joined in whole heartedly. We were given small rythym instruments
to keep time with. And I closed my eyes to
A pain began to start in my heart. It rose into my throat, and I felt as though I would suffocate from
the weight of it. It could not
even be released into tears, and I felt as though it would over whelm me.
I do not
know Gurubani. I have no idea of the words being sung or their meaning. In my life time, how can I ever hope to understand.
How could Bibi ji or Sat Kartar Singh or any mortal being ever make a difference. How could I ever hope to grasp an
inkling of what Gurubani means.
Images started floating through my mind, I saw immensely large stone feet with
brilliantly red colored flowers, sprinkled in offerings, scattered on them, and smelled the scent of incense burning.
I could see worshipers bowing, and prostrating themselves before them. I felt a breeze blowing gently soothingly,
fanning away the heat of my distress. I heard the words,
" Kar Kirpa Har Charnan Dhi-aa-ee."
In an instant
my distress returned, What did it mean? What were these words?
Afterwards, on the way home I whispered to my wife what
I had seen, and the words, Bibi ji looked into my eyes, hers glittered like
diamonds in the darkness, she spoke
softly, and said "Bless me that I may dwell upon Thy Feet." My heart exploded, and I turned my face away into the night as
the tears finally began to come.
"Waheguru waheguru waheguru waheguru waheguru," i heard her repeating sowly, soflty
with her breath, "waheguru waheguru waheguru waheguru waheguru," we joined her. "waheguru waheguru waheguru waheguru waheguru...."