Watching Ally McBeal tonight.  And I do think about that.  I fo want to not be able to live without some, at the same time I don't want to be that dependant on someone.  I would like for someone not to be able to live without me, but I don't want that kind of responsibility.  That's what's so frustrating about being with Wayne -- I love him but honestly not the way or as much as I should.  If I had to live without him I could.  This scares me a little; this is how the end of my marriage started.  I don't want to stay until I hate him.  I don't want to leave yet.

I used to know what I wanted out of life.  It took me a long time to figure it out, or at least part of it.  I've always known that I want a house and enough kids to fill it.  The rest of it has been developing, and will continue to develop until it all comes together.  I won't lie to Wayne and tell him that he is what I want out of life.  But life really sucks sometimes, no, a lot of the time.