Dream last night:  at Mom's, full house but I'm not sure who all was there.  Wayne was not.  D shows up and he is mad at me, probably for putting that entry on the net.  Military haircut, I out the blinds and there is a small motorcycle on the porch.  D sits off to the side and snipes at me through the conversation.  I think "God, he's just like Wayne."

Someone says something about my new job and he says, "Oh good, something else she does well" with a sneer.  I leave and start jogging down the street.  I hear D behind me calling my name.  I go faster till I am running and looking for a place to hide.  I turn a couple corners and hide behing a garden wall which turns out to be a Mexican bistro type.  A whole scene goes by with the chef and whether he is going to make bread pudding for dessert or something else.  I think he decided on the bread pudding and a lady over the wall at the table asks me what he is going to make and I tell her bread pudding.

I scrunch down to hide and pull my hair over my face as he comes around the corner, but as soon as he walks by he sees me.  I have jotted down some notes of things that were supposed to happen by or on a certain day but haven't (like getting my period on a special day, or going to a party).  There is a cartoon of something and in the cartoon the house and front yard are on fire but the guy is sitting onthe front steps which are fine.  D starts to be mean and sees my face and gives up.  He sits beside me and pulls me against his shoulder.  We talk and Wayne and someone comes by and sits.  We all talk, D's arm still around my shoulders.

4:45pm
I cause fights with Wayne sometimes because I won't lie to him.  I promised myself that I wouldn't when I first got with him because so many people have lied to him and because me and Ny lied to eachother, just to make thing easier, so we wouldn't have to face it.  I won't lie to Wayne.  I acknowledge, if pushed, that I still love D, those kind of feeling don't just disappear because you aren't with that person anymore.  But I'm not going to go running off with him.  I may really truely want to sometimes, I may lie to myself and consider doing it.  I really want to sometimes.  I still love him and having dreams with him in them just lets me dwell on regrets.  I also acknowledge that if Wayne were not here, the situation with D would still not be simple, or maybe even possible.