11:10 am
Learning how to do mail, what files go where and where to direct calls.  Thank Goodness I haven't had anything really difficult come my way.

A lady from HSA (Welfare Administration)  has been calling me for an interview.  I finally got back to her yesterday.  The job would be interviewing to start immediately for $10.29 and hour.  Wew!  And I turned it down.  Ok, ok, hear my reasons before emailing me with names calling.  Reason 1) It's only until September.  2) I'm committed to this job until June (I hate saying I'll do something and then running out on it.  I won't do it unless I have to).  3) It's HSA - Welfare Administration, need I say more?  4) If I make that kind of money I will be cut5 from my insurance and I will have to pay $200+ for child support even though it's only until Sept.  What would I do after that?  It's not worth it (even with that kind of money) to screw up my life and my family's life that badly for a temporary position.

2:50 pm
I find myself uncreasingly dwelling on the thought -- what will happen to us when Wayne dies?  It's no longer a question of if, just when.  Between hus weight, his back and knee problems and his heart problems, and then new problems seem to pop up every day.  It hurts him to even walk out to the car from the house, about 100 feet.  Standing for longer than 5 minutes is agony for him.  Walking through the grocery store is something to be done as quickly as possible and can only be done if he can lean on the cart.  His father has suggested that he get a wheelchair, just like him, but he turned that done flat.  God forbid he do anything just like his father.  But he's starting to think about it, a little more every day.. He always said that if he was ever put into a wheelchair, lost his legs or something, he would shoot himself.  However, as he gets older and more broken down he finds that he doesn't want to die.  I don't want him to die either, but what can I do?

4:45 pm
Ana has been talking about wanting to go to daycare and she misses her friends and she misses Jake.  We have got to get her out of this house on at least a semi-regular basis.  She is a very social child and she hates being cooped up alone as much as Wayne hates having to put up with her temper tantrums.

Dw mentioned Head Start on Sunday when she picked up Lorelei, but Wayne has this thing against Head Start.  She is 3 years old.  This would be a good thing.

Maybe I could shuffle bills and see if I can afford part time daycare somehow.