11:20 am
I like working for for county.  It has set ways of doing things that corporate or private owned companies do not.  In the county you know that the duties you do are almost entities of themselves.  People come and go and you can drop in and out of a position just like the chair and desk that is the physical manifestation of that position.  The work will still get done.  Maybe that's why whenever I work for a private company I am so ill at ease and I want nothing more than to tell those people how incompetent they are.  They never seem to have just one set way of doing the job, and it seems they never know exactly what they're doing.  People in private companies try to puff themselves up. They are more important than the job.  They are the job.  In county the job is the position.  Maybe It's I'm just more comfortable being a number.

2:12 pm
There are people who confuse modesty with shame.  When they say "Have you no shame?"  you know what they are talking about.  I am not one of these people.  When I am asked this question I answer no, because I have nothing I need be ashamed by.  I could walk down a street totally naked.  I wouldn't enjoy it because there are things about myself I don't like; however, I am not ashamed of myself and don't feel I ought to be. 

Adam and Eve having eaten the apple "found themselves naked" and covered up.  You don't think they didn't know before that they had no clothes?  Of course they knew.  But with t he fruit of knowledge, now they knew what could be done with their nudity and, being totally innocent until then, were embarrassed.  This did not involve modesty (which is taught by others) but shame (which can be self-taught).  Modesty is an act of manners, you cover up so that the less naive folk don't dwell on the physical (yes, I'm explaining badly, there's no easy way).  Others are not embarrassed by you appearance, functions lacks or endowments,  you are.  No one is perfect but human nature seems to demand it, and finds embarrassment in imperfection.  Is this a learned response?  Little kids find farts and burps funny.  They notice the attention it brings.  If there was no notice, would imperfection then be perfect?  Shame comes when the notice of your imperfections are noticed, by yourself or others.  This may be overcome, or not.

God made us in his image.  He is perfect.  We were perfect until we had shame.  So is God imperfect, just refusing to find shame in it?  Is the way to perfection refusing to have any shame?  Next time someone says you should have shame say, "No, because God made me in his image and I am perfect."  That's circular logic for ya.

9:07 pm
Went shopping after work for a new blazer or dress.  I tried on several dresses my size and none of them fit.  I'm a big fat cow.  All the mirrors in the dressing rooms are made of fun house glass.  I am never eating again.