I was just thinking.  if wayne died tomorrow, what would you do?
a) nothing
b) "console the widow"
c) show up at my window in the middle of the night with the excuse that you were just "in the neighborhood"
d) none of the above.

I have no idea what you would do, I don't know what i would want you to do, i don't know what you would want to do.  is this sad?

not that i want him to die, but he's getting bad enough that we know it's going to happen sooner rather than later.  he got a wheelchair last month and we found that he's using it often enough that he's getting a motorized one.  i can't push him in the other one, he's too heavy.  no putting him on a diet isn't going to help.  i've heard that one from everybody.  "well if he just lost some weight..." it isn't about the weight.  the heavy living and "chemical influences" of his youth have caught up to him.  even if he lost the weight, the problems would still be there.  so it might not happen tomorrow or next month, or it might happen later tonight.  i don't want him to die, i don't want to wait around for it to happen, but i don't want to leave either.  i guess that when you wait for it, you get your greiving out of the way early and you're ready to move on long before the end.