Quotes
Quotes
These are some quotes that I picked up. Some are serious, some are funny, some are
stupid
but, well they are all quotes. Have fun!
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don't care how much of a lama he is, he still needs his mother.
Maria Torres, Spanish woman whose 10-year-old son is believed by Tibetan
monks to be a reincarnated lama
-
- Parents like the idea of kids, they just don't like their kids.
- Morley Saefer
, on Politically Incorrect
-
- Kids' views are often just as valid as the teachers'. The best teachers are the ones
that know that.
- Morley Saefer, on Politically Incorrect
-
It's the mind that makes the body
Sojourner Truth
Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom
Hannah Arendt
Why note seize the pleasure at once? How often is happiness destroyed by preparation,
foolish preparation?
Jane Austen
It is no sin to attempt and fail. The only sin is not to make the attempt.
SuEllen Fried
You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.
Margaret Thatcher
- Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly
alike
Anonymous
It's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you.
Janet Greeson
Today, if you're not confused, you are not thinking clearly.
Irene Peter
Communication is a measurable asset.
Susan Sampsett
-
Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
- John Russell
-
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain
-
An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not
think of The Lone Ranger.
- Dan Rather
-
- Men willingly believe what they wish.
- Julius Caesar
-
- Well done is quickly done.
- Augustus Caesar
-
- Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
- Publilius Syrus
-
- I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.
- Augustus Caesar
-
Before you contradict an old man, my fair friend, you should endeavor to understand
him.
- George Santayana
-
I have long since come to believe that people never mean half of what they say, and
that it is best to disregard their talk and judge only their actions.
- Dorothy Day
-
Approach each new problem not with a view of finding what you hope will be there, but
to get the truth, the realities that must be grappled with. You may not like what you
find. In that case you are entitled to try to change it. But do not deceive yourself as to
what you do find to be the facts of the situation.
- Bernard M. Baruch
-
To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others.
- Madame Swetchine
-
Biography lends to death a new terror.
- Oscar Wilde
-
I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
- Carl Sandburg
-
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone,
something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
- Paul Dirac
-
Let us overthrow the totems, break the taboos. Or better, let us consider them
cancelled. Coldly, let us be intelligent.
- Pierre Trudeau
-
Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going
backwards.
- Aldous Huxley
-
We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But
we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.
- Stephen Hawking
-
Mistakes are the portals of discovery.
- James Joyce
-
Anyone who says businessmen deal in facts, not fiction, has never read old five-year
projections.
- Malcom Forbes
-
The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts about reality.
- Franklin Delano Roosevelt
-
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves
Russia.
- Woody Allen
-
Houston, Tranquility Base here. The eagle has landed.
- Buzz Aldrin
-
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of
lost airline luggage.
- Mark Russell
-
If the programmer can simulate a construct faster then the compiler can implement the
construct itself, then the compiler writer has blown it badly.
- Guy L. Steele, Jr., Tartan Laboratories
-
When faced with a problem, some people say 'Let's use AWK.' Now they have two problems.
- Zalman Stern
-
Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing -- and that was the closest
our country has ever been to being even.
- Will Rogers
-
History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.
- Churchill
-
Do not speak ill of the dead.
- Diogenes Laertius
-
It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you
entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people.
- Dolph Sharp
-
Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month, other just go over them.
- Sally Poplin
-
Before marriage, a man will lay down his life for you; after marriage he won't even lay
down his newspaper.
- Helen Rowland
-
Being an old maid is like death by drowning, a really delightful sensation after you
cease to struggle.
- Edna Ferber
-
- War has become a luxury that only small nations can afford.
- Hannah Arendt
-
If you realize too acutely how valuable time it, you are too paralyzed to do anything.
Katharine Butler Hathaway
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Dorothy Parker, book review
When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift
of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for abstract, positive thinking.
Albert Einstein
The only use of a knowledge of the past is to equip us for the present. The present
contains all that there is. It is holy ground; for it is the past, and it is the future.
Alfred North Whitehead
Everyone complains of his lack of memory, but nobody of his want of judgment.
La Rochefoucauld
Love and magic have a great deal in common. They enrich the soul, delight the heart.
And they both take practice.
Nora Roberts
Courage atrophies from lack of use.
Unknown
Whether a man is burdened by power or enjoys power; whether he is trapped by
responsibility or made free by it; whether he is moved by other people and outer forces or
moves them -- this is of the essence of leadership.
Theodore H. White
All a man can betray is his conscience.
Joseph Conrad
Dost thou not know, my son, with how little wisdom the world is governed?
Count Oxenstierna
Upper classes are a nation's past; the middle class is its future.
Ayn Rand
The happiest moments of my life have a been the few which I have passed at home in the
bosom of my family.
Thomas Jefferson
Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke.
Hermann Hesse
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.
Unknown
Education... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what
is worth reading.
G. M. Trevelyan
The trouble with normal is it always gets worse.
Bruce Cockburn
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be
discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
De La Lastra's Law
There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I
advise.
Gore Vidal
-
MTV is the lava lamp of the 1980's.
- Doug Ferrari
-
Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
- Robert Orben
-
If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another
nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.
- Bill Vaughan
-
I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
- Paula Poundstone
-
I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say.
- Calvin Coolidge
-
If you would stand well with a great mind, leave him with a favorable impression of
yourself; if with a little mind, leave him with a favorable impression of himself.
- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
-
Praise the bridge that carried you over.
- George Colman, The Younger
-
Whenever evil befalls us, we ought to ask ourselves, after the first suffering, how we
can turn it into good. So shall we take occasion, from one bitter root, to raise perhaps
many flowers.
- Leigh Hunt
One must not lose desires. They are mighty stimulants to creativeness, to love and to
long life.
- Alexander A. Bogomoletz
-
We confide in our strength, without boasting of it; we respect that of others, without
fearing it.
- Thomas Jefferson
-
Be discreet in all things, and so render it unnecessary to be mysterious about any.
- Arthur Wellesley (first Duke of Wellington)
-
Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by
strength, but perseverance.
- Samuel Johnson
-
Health is not valued till sickness comes.
- Thomas Fuller, Gnomologia, 1732
When you go to buy, use your eyes, not your ears.
- Czech Proverb
-
Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?" he asked. "Begin at the
beginning," the King said, gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then
stop.
- Lewis Carroll
-
-
This isn't brain surgery; it's just television.
- David Letterman
-
Memory serves wise commanders.
- Tz'u-his
-
The most effective debugging tool is still careful thought, coupled with judiciously
placed print statements.
- Brian Kernighan
-
If we die, we want people to accept it. We're in a risky business... The conquest of
space is worth the risk of life.
- Gus Grissom
-
All I ask of my body is that it carry around my head.
- Thomas Alva Edison
-
I hate to agree with Tim Maroney on anything, but I guess this latest is an example of
the fact that even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
- Lee Lady
-
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see
my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought
there was lightning in my house.
- Steven Wright
-
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one... it wasn't doing what I was
doing.
- Steven Wright
-
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only
one moving.
- Steven Wright
I filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify". I wrote
"Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?
- Steven Wright
I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did.
Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars".
- Steven Wright
-
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to
go upstairs.
- Steven Wright
-
I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know the
speed limit is 55 miles per hour?" "Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out
that long... "
- Steven Wright
-
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what
he meant.
- Steven Wright
-
I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come
here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps
typing.
-
Steven Wright
-
- If it helps to make people think a little bit more what those ideals are, then I'll keep
wearing this uniform.
- Barbara Adams
-
- It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could
use a few people like that.
- Alan Alda
-
- I need to know the price of a gallon of milk and a dozen eggs. I need to know right now.
- Lamar Alexander
-
- The more I know about men the more I like dogs.
- Gloria Allred
-
- I don't know exactly what democracy is. But we need more of it.
- Anonymous Chinese Student
-
- It's like the coming of civilization.
- Anonymous Moscow Resident,
opening of the first Russian McDonalds Restaurant
-
- Somehow a bunch of sanctimonious wackos have managed to legalize torture.
- Anonymous Airline Passenger
, describing the US ban on smoking during airline flights
-
- I'm going through some serious basketball withdrawal here.
- Anonymous Basketball Fan
-
- We don't charge for autographs here. We give them away free.
- Anonymous Baseball Player
-
- Please, Please, no more of this music.
- Anonymous Radio Listener
, after French DJ's dusted off old disco records to satisfy
new domestic content laws
-
- If you compare ours with the best of French wines, we are definitely not there. But if
you compare it to the worst of French wines, we are definitely better.
- Anonymous Vintner
-
- Please Lord, let me prove to you that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
- Anonymous T-shirt plea
-
- It was certainly a record for polyester.
- Auctioneer
, after John Travolta's leisure suit from Saturday Night Fever brought in
$145,000 at auction
-
- These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't
make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only
make you have shoes like me. That's it.
- Charles Barkley
, basketball player
-
- Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten
in a while.
- Charles Barkley
, after elbowing an Angolan basketball player at the Olympic Games
-
- I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five.
- Charles Barkley
-
- My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that
I had no character.
- Charles Barkley
, on hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself "the Charles Barkley
of figure skating", 1994
-
- We were so close to being one of the actual victims. It makes you feel humble.
- Robert Lee Bedker
, Vietnam war veteran mistakenly listed as killed in action on the
Vietnam War Memorial
-
- I think one of the reasons I'm popular again is because I'm wearing a tie. You have to
be different.
- Tony Bennet
, singer
-
- I do not like this word bomb. It is not a bomb; it is a device which is exploding.
- Jacques Le Blanc
, describing France's nuclear testing
-
- My performances have finally caught up with my ego.
- Ato Boldon
, Trinidadian Sprinter
-
- I watched too much Wile E. Coyote as a kid. I've outgrown it.
- Jon Bon Jovi
, on why he does not want to play action/adventure roles
-
- Be careful what you swallow. Chew!
- Gwendolyn Brooks
, advice to graduates
-
- A lot of advertisers lined up to throw money at this stuff because they were caught up
in the hysteria about the Web. But now they want to know how you make money selling a
$1.59 bottle of dish detergent on the World Wide Web.
- Karen Burka
, electronic marketing analyst,
-
- I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about
throw up.
- Barbara Bush
, first lady
-
- One thing I can say about George...he may not be able to keep a job, but he's not
boring.
- Barbara Bush
, first lady
-
- As if we don't have enough violence on television.
- Barbara Bush
, after her husband accidentally hit two spectators with golf-balls
during a celebrity golf tournament
-
- I take as my guide the hope of a saint:
- in crucial things, unity -
- in important things, diversity -
- in all things, generosity.
- George Bush
, Inaugural Address
-
- I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother
made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more
broccoli.
- George Bush
-
- My grandkids say, "Reality Bites." O.K., but it also challenges and
rewards...I believe our best days are yet to come.
- George Bush
- Is this the Olympics or One Life to Live?
- Margaret Carlson
, on NBC's excessive use of tearful "Olympic Moments",
during its broadcast of the Atlanta Games
-
- I would not vote for the mayor. It's not just because he didn't invite me to dinner, but
because on my way into town from the airport there were such enormous potholes.
- Fidel Castro
, Cuban President
-
- Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a
father-in-law?
- Dick Clark
-
- What will we all do when the trial is over?
- Dick Clark
-
- You didn't tell me what I was getting into.
- Dick Clark,
during an appearance on 'Politically Incorrect'
-
- You can put wings on a pig, but you don't make it an eagle.
- Bill Clinton
, describing a modified piece of legislation
-
- The biggest critics of my books are people who never read them.
- Jackie Collins
-
- The two are unrelated. I'm not into turtles or space stuff.
- Harry Connick, Jr.
, explaining the title of his album, Star Turtle
-
- As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so
did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me
a younger brother named Russel, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the
fittest."
- Bill Cosby
-
- My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn't because
parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.
- Bill Cosby
-
- People will frighten you about a graduation.... They use words you don't hear often...
"And we wish you Godspeed." It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no
longer welcome here at these prices.
- Bill Cosby
-
- The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.
- Bill Cosby
-
- Paul, George, and Ringo are recording a song using the last of John's unreleased tapes.
It goes "Hello, this is the Lennon residence, I can't come to the phone right
now..."
- Chris Cox
-
- They're treating him like elvis.
- Eddie Davis
, describing crowd reaction to Woody Allen's clarinet playing
-
- At least she's the president of something, which is more than I can say.
- Bob Dole
-
- If something happened along the route and you had to leave your children with Bob Dole
or Bill Clinton, I think you would probably leave them with Bob Dole.
- Bob Dole
-
- You feel a little older in the morning. By noon I feel about 55.
- Bob Dole
-
- I admit Dole would have the kids asleep earlier.
- Justin Schorr
, parent, on what it would be like to have Bob Dole as a fill-in
parent,
-
- Once they realized it was a humanitarian gesture, they jumped on it.
- Patrick Dordan
, UPS Deliveryman, who suggested that his company fly the killer whale
used in the movie 'Free Willy' to Oregon for rest and recuperation (which they did with a
C-130 cargo plane)
-
- This started off as a father-daughter adventure, and it's gotten wonderfully out of
hand...I'm going to fly till I die.
- Jessica Dubroff
, 7 year old American pilot, speaking prophetically to the Times
of London, before her fatal plane crash,
-
- I think there are only three things America will be known for 2,000 years from now when
they study this civilization: the Constitution, jazz music, and baseball.
- Gerald Early
-
- Generally when there's a lot of smoke...there's just a whole lot more smoke.
- George Foreman
, boxer comentator, a fight between Riddick Bowe and Hector Gonzales
-
- These guys from the nation's capitol - now they do a lot of thinking.
- George Foreman
, referring to boxers from D.C., not politicians
-
- Let the other guy have whatever he wants before the fight. Once the bell rings he's
gonna be disappointed anyway.
- George Foreman
, relating boxing advice he received on posturing before a fight
-
- You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any
more.
- Jeff Foxworthy
, comedian
-
- I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I
did.
- Jeff Foxworthy
-
- I always felt rock and roll was very, very wholesome music.
- Aretha Franklin
, queen of soul
-
- It's so glamorous, you have to see it.
- Aretha Franklin
, describing the $92 million Rock & Roll Hall of Fame
-
- Violence is not funny.
- William Friedkin
, Director
-
- I was looking for an American symbol. A Coca-Cola bottle or a Mickey Mouse would have
been ridiculous, doing anything with the American flag would have been insulting, and
Cadillac hub caps were just too uncomfortable.
- Lizzy Gardiner
, Australian clothes designer, who wore a dress made of American
Express gold cards to the Academy Awards
-
- I looked up and saw my flag. But I didn't hear my anthem.
- Matt Ghaffari
, patriotic US Greco-Roman Wrestling Silver Medalist
-
- If Thomas Edison invented electric light today, Dan Rather would report it on CBS News
as "candle making industry threatened".
- Newt Gingrich
, US Congressman and House Speaker
-
- We're all human and we all goof. Do things that may be wrong, but do something.
- Newt Gingrich
-
- I think one of the great problems we have in the Republican Party is that we don't
encourage you to be nasty. We encourage you to be neat, obedient, loyal and faithful and
all those Boy Scout words, which would be great around a campfire but are lousy in
politics.
- Newt Gingrich
-
- It may just be because I get homesick, but I have concluded Washington's cherry blossoms
are just plain overrated.
- Newt Gingrich
-
- I'm not a natural leader. I'm too intellectual; I'm too abstract; I think too much.
- Newt Gingrich
-
- I discourage a cult of personality.
- Newt Gingrich
, US Congressman and House Speaker, 1995
-
- You will be pleased to know I stand obediently for the national anthem, though of course
I would defend your right to remain seated should you so decide.
- Ira Glasser
-
- Half the world does not know the joys of wearing cotton underwear.
- Phil Gramm
, US senator and presidential candidate, promoting US exports
-
- These people have served a longer sentence than some people who have committed murder.
- Jeff Greenfield
, news analyst, describing the jury in the OJ Simpson murder trial
-
- Only the little people pay taxes.
- Leona Helmsley
, hotel owner and prison inmate
-
- In our country they love to build beople up -- and SMASH them.
- Florence Henderson
, (Mrs Brady), on Politically Incorrect
-
- We need a president who's fluent in at least one language.
- Buck Henry
, commedian
-
- The surge of interest in an unknown talent is unprecedented.
- Yoshitaka Hori
, manager of Kyoko Date, a computer-generated teen-age Japanese pop
singer
-
- I see the President and the First Lady are not here -- probably someplace testifying.
- Don Imus
, shortly after being criticized for his not-quite-reprintable humor at the
Clinton's expense
-
- People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of
us only make $500,000.
- Pete Incaviglia
, baseball player
-
- Asking an incumbent member of Congress to vote for term limits is a bit like asking a
chicken to vote for Colonel Sanders.
- Bob Inglis
-
- I was a veteran, before I was a teenager.
- Michael Jackson
, singer, songwriter, and megastar
-
- Me and Janet really are two different people.
- Michael Jackson
-
- I like bubbles and the whole thing. That's the fun of taking a bath.
- Earvin 'Magic' Johnson
, basketball virtuoso, on his Magic's Elixir Bubble
Bath
-
- We composers are at least as significant as the stars who make $14 million or $15
million. You just don't see us.
- Michael Kamen
, movie score composer
-
- I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved.
- Rose Kennedy
, on her 100th birthday
-
- Tony is one of the most courageous people I've ever met.
- Steve Komac
, high school wrestling coach, describing his student, Tony Brown,
wrestling competitively at 105 lbs, a year after having both legs amputated following an
accident
-
- If you had to have a diploma or a GED to collect unemployment, you'd see a lot
more kids staying in school.
- Wayne Knight
, actor, on Politically Incorrect, 1995
-
- In the middle ages, people took potions for their ailments. In the 19th century they
took snake oil. Citizens of today's shiny, technological age are too modern for that. They
take antioxidants and extract of cactus instead.
- Charles Krauthammer
,
-
- After endless days of commuting on the freeway to an antiseptic, sealed-window office,
there is a great urge to backpack in the woods and build a fire.
- Charles Krauthammer
-
- This is New York, and there's no law against being annoying.
- William Kunstler
, lawyer
-
- I will try to follow the advice that a university president once gave a prospective
commencement speaker. "Think of yourself as the body at an Irish wake" he said.
"They need you in order to have the party, but no one expects you to say very
much."
- Anthony Lake
, national security advisor at graduation
-
- A distributed system is one in which the failure of a computer you didn't even know
existed can render your own computer unusable.
- Leslie Lamport
-
- If you knew how meat was made, you'd probably lose your lunch. I'm from cattle country.
That's why I became a vegetarian.
- K.D. Lang
-
- Be careful out there. There are things that go bump in the night. Actually, there are
things that go 'Give me your wallet or I'll kill you' in the night.
- John Larroquette
, actor
-
- It's not Jerusalem, It's not Baghdad. It's not Bolivia. It's Oklahoma.
- V.Z. Lawton
, bombing survivor
-
- That's what's cool about working with computers. They don't argue, they remember
everything and they don't drink all your beer.
- Paul Leary
, guitar player,
-
- I now know how Abbot felt when Costello left, how Brinkley felt when Huntley left, how
Sears felt when Roebuck left, and, of course, how Dan Rather felt when Connie left.
- Jim Lehrer
, at Robert MacNeil's retirement dinner
-
- Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.
- David Letterman
-
- People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete
strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the
engine.
- David Letterman
-
- For the love of god, folks, don't do this at home.
- David Letterman
,demonstrating the Donut-o-pult
-
- I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
- David Letterman,
after doing a less-than-wonderful job of hosting the Academy Awards
-
- It's true that I did get the girl, but then my grandfather always said, "Even a
blind chicken finds a few grains of corn now and then."
- Lyle Lovett
, upon marrying actress Julia Roberts
-
- We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
- Bill Maher
, commedian and commentator
-
- Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
- Bill Maher
-
- Does Mike Tyson live near here?
- Nelson Mandela
, South African president, during a tour of New York City
-
- I had it all, and I blew it.
- Mickey Mantle
, baseball player, shortly before dying from cancer and other
complications of alcoholism
-
- It's the biggest thing to happen to purple since Barney.
- Gary Marshall
-
- Look, I do hair for a living. If you want to find out what the American people are
thinking about, do you sit in an attorney's office or in a barbershop?
- Monte Moreno
, boxer, hairstylist, and republican senate candidate in Minnesota
-
- What I have to say is far more important than how long my eyelashes are.
- Alanis Morissette
, singer
-
- My ambition is to do a good job. I never plan anything.
- Ilie Nastase
, former professional tennis player, running for mayor of Bucharest,
Romania
-
- My generation, faced as it grew with a choice between religious belief and existential
despair, chose marijuana. Now we are in our Cabernet stage.
- Peggy Noonan
, speech writer for presidents Reagan and Bush
-
- I'm disappointed, but I'm not going to run around like Dennis Rodman and head-butt
somebody.
- Greg Norman
, Australian professional golfer, after losing the Masters tournament,
-
- I'm like John Wayne. I only play good guys.
- Oliver North
, retired US marine colonel, describing his cameo role on a TV series
-
- The west wasn't won on salad.
- ND Beef Council
, billboard advertisement, 1990
-
- Theres some trophy value to having artists of this magnitude.
- Don Passmani
, lawyer for Janet Jackson, after his client signed an $80 million
contract with Virgin Records
-
- You don't need any brains to listen to music.
- Luciano Pavarotti
, opera singer
-
- I've been subjected -- I think that's the word -- to that music for years by my
children.
- I.M. Pei
, architect for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame
-
- Musically, we are more talented than any Bob Dylan. Musically, we are more talented than
Paul McCartney...I'm the new Elvis.
- Robert Pilatus
, "singer" in the musical group Milli Vanilli
-
- I respect everyone. I even respect journalists.
- Alexander "the Russian Rocket" Popov
, double-gold medallist in swimming,
responding politely to inane comments by an NBC interviewer
-
- Think hard about it: I'm running out of demons. I'm running out of villains. I'm down to
Castro and Kim Il Sung.
- Colin Powell
, US general and chairman of joint chiefs of staff
-
- I don't want to describe the hate mail we've gotten.
- Alma Powell
, Colin's wife, on why she was fearful of her husband running for
president - from an interview in the Ladies Home Journal
-
- I don't even now how to use a parking meter, let alone a phone box.
- Princess Diana
-
- Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a
part of the United States that is an island that is right here.
- Dan Quayle
, IN senator and US vice president, during a speech in Hawaii
-
- What a waste it is to lose one's mind--or not to have a mind. How true that is.
- Dan Quayle
-
- Enough of blood and tears. Enough!
- Yitzhak Rabin
, Israeli Prime Minister and Nobel Peace Prize recipient
-
- I'll trust you to make sure that doesn't happen.
- Dan Rather
, to the pilot of a deep sea submersible, upon finding out what would
happen if the craft sprung a leak while submerged
-
- What I say or do here won't matter much, nor should it.
- Dan Rather
, journalist, University of Texas Graduation
-
- While I take inspiration from the past, like most Americans, I live for the future.
- Ronald Reagan
, US president,
-
- I know I'm not in government anymore. In fact I'm out of work.
- Ronald Reagan
, US president, on a speaking tour of Japan
-
- During the blizzard we had three feet of snow - and the pigs are only 18 inches tall. We
had to dig tunnels so they could get out.
- Dale Riffle
, who maintains a haven for unwanted Vietnamese Pot-Bellied Pigs in West
Virginia
-
- Less and grayer hair.
- Cal Ripkin Jr
., baseball player, describing how he has changed over the course of
his consecutive games record
-
- I've never looked forward to a birthday like I'm looking forward to my new daughter's
birthday, because two days after that is when I can apply for reinstatement
- Pete Rose
, baseball player and prison inmate
-
- Imagine what Disney could do with this material. There could be a parade... with at
least one real prince and one real princess on hand.
- John Rothchild
, proposing a sale of Windsor Castle to Disney to improve the royal
family's public image
-
- It's funny. Now they get it. I guess it's not the music for the
over-privileged.
- Johnny Lydon
, alias Johnny Rotten, punk musician
-
- We don't see eye to eye, but we have a common interest: your money.
- Johnny Lydon
, alias Johnny Rotten, announcing the rationale for a reunion tour
-
- Sure, luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck.
- Don Schula
, Miami Dolphins Football Coach
-
- He is neither a strategist nor is he schooled in the operational arts, nor is he a
tactician, nor is he a general. Other than that he's a great military man.
- Norman Schwartzkopf
, US general and gulf war commander, describing Saddam Hussein of
Iraq
-
- It has no fear.
- Yasser Sierawan
, chess grand master, describing one competitive advantage of IBM's
Deep Blue chess computer
-
- Juliet's so happy and in love, but at the same time so sad and lonely. She's totally
neurotic. I could really relate.
- Alicia Silverstone
, Actress, on Shakespeare's Rome and Juliet
-
- It looked like the fall of the Roman Empire.
- Ted Soqui
, photographer, describing parts of LA after the Northridge Earthquake
-
- We have a sock talking at our commencement. It's kind of upsetting.
- Southampton College student
, commenting on a commencement address by Kermit the
Frog, 1996.
-
- Now the only thing standing between you and a degree is, well, me. And 18 minutes.
- S. Frederic Star
, author, at Wooster College Graduation
-
- At my graduation, I thought we had to marry what we wished to become. Now you are
becoming the men you once would have wished to marry.
- Gloria Steinem
, author and activist, Smith College Graduation
-
- It is what you do from now on that will either move our civilization forward a few tiny
steps, or else...begin to march us steadily backward.
- Patrick Stewart
, actor and star fleet captain, at Pomona College Graduation
-
- Why is it drug addicts and computer aficionados are both called users?
- Clifford Stoll
, hacker stalker and author
-
- You open Kerri's closet and all the short-sleeved shirts are with the short sleeved
shirts, and the long-sleeved shirts are with the long-sleeved shirts. Her room is always
neat; the bed is always made.
- Melanie Strug
, on her daughter's perfectionist habits (in addition to gymnastics)
-
- I don't just sweat. I rain.
- Charlie Talbert
, the title character from the movie Angus
-
- I would advise you to keep your overhead down; avoid a major drug habit; play every day;
and take it in front of other people. They need to hear it, and you need them to hear it.
- James Taylor
, singer and songwriter, Berklee College of Music Graduation
-
- I tell people I'm too stupid to know what's impossible. I have ridiculously large
dreams, and half the time they come true.
- Debi Thomas
US and World figure skating champion, Olympic bronze medalist, and third
year medical student
-
- It's as startling as Chelsea Clinton with a Mohawk.
- Time Magazine
review of music by singer Alanis Morisette
-
- Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad.
- Donald Trump
, hotel and casino owner, to Larry King
-
- The 1990's sure aren't like the 1980's
- Donald Trump
-
- It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.
- Bill Watterson
, Calvin and Hobbes comic strip
-
- Good hours, excellent pay, fun place to work, paid training, mean boss. Oh well, four
out of five isn't bad.
- Help Wanted Ad
, PA newspaper
-
- Football incorporates the two worst elements of American society: violence punctuated by
committee meetings.
- George F. Will
, journalist, political commentator
-
- I will be brief. Not nearly so brief as Salvador Dali, who gave the world's shortest
speech. He said "I will be so brief I have already finished," and he sat down.
- Edward O. Wilson
, biologist, at Penn State University Graduation, 1995
-
- Assumptions are the termites of relationships. I wrote that.
- Henry Winkler
, actor, Emerson College Graduation, 1995
-
- [My customers] usually have to get a ladder to get it [their paper] off the roof or out
of the trees. I only hit one out of 100 front porches.
- Hal Wright
, Age 91, Sierra Booster Newspaper Editor and Flying Paper Boy, 1996
-
- It's really age discrimination. They shudder when you mention that.
- Hal Wright
, Age 91, Sierra Booster Newspaper Editor and Flying Paper Boy, after the
FAA tried to take away his pilot's license, 1996
-
- What's another word for Thesaurus?
- Steven Wright
, commedian
-
- If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?
- Steven Wright
, commedian, 1994
-
- You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
- Steven Wright
, commedian, 1994
-
- Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time.
- Steven Wright
, commedian, 1994
-
The Dilbert Principle: People are idiots.
- Scott Adams
, Dilbert creator, author, re-engineering sage, 1996
In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It's called Karoshi. I
don't want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as
soon as you hear a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.
Scott Adams, Dilbert's manager from The Dilbert Principle, 1996
Sis, even if you were adopted, I'd still love you...
American Greetings, from a 'less-than-tasteful' greeting card, 1997
The Lord had the wonderful advantage of being able to work alone.
Kofi Annan, UN Secretary General, answering why he had not implemented
organizational reforms after five months when 'God created the universe in seven
days',1997
I am from Denmark and I am new at this. Why do you get two points for a basket?
Anonymous European Journalist, to US basketball player Karl Malone, during the
summer Olympics, 1996.
Please stop. They really smell bad.
Anonymous Postal Employee, asking postal patrons to cease sending severed pig's ears
to ear-biting boxer Mike Tyson, 1997.
God sent a truck.
Anonymous Resident, from a poor section of Miami, explaining how God had answered
his prayers after a Brinks truck overturned on the highway, spilling $400K of money, which
was carted off by local residents, 1997.
Once was enough.
Christophe Auguin, French teacher, sailor, after sailing around the world solo in
106 days, 1997
We can wear flat shoes now and be fat.
- Ann Barbour
, United Airlines flight attendant, commenting on a new agreement on
working conditions, 1996.
I would like to believe that the discovery of even a single fossil bacteria on Mars
would teach us what we ought to know all along, and that is what binds us here on earth--
all the diverse peoples here-- is really much more profound than what seems to separate
us.
Richard Berendzen, American University Professor, August 6, 1996
A hundred years from now Bob Dole's new tax plan will rate a footnote in the history
books and this may have a whole chapter in itself.
Richard Berendzen, American University Professor, on the announcement that signs of
extra terrestrial life were found in a meteorite, August 6, 1996
Well, they're really outhouses. Once you've seen a race, you can't not be a fan.
Mark Blair, attendee, at the Great Outhouse Blowout (where they push 'em down the
road on wheels -- what were you thinking?), Gravel Switch KY, 1996
The kids get ready for school like they always do, and you throw them in the boat.
Talbert Boop, Hatfield Indiana resident, on dealing with widespread flooding, 1997.
It looked like a Taco Bell after an earthquake.
Karen Breslau, reporter for Newsweek, describing Air Force One after hitting
severe air turbulence while serving mexican food, 1996.
What are we supposed to do, write them a ticket?.
Kenny Bryson, Washington DC Police Department spokesman, on being told that the
Pentagon has no contingency plan for an invasion from outer space, and refers callers to
local authorities, 1996
It's been different. I started driving again. I started cooking again. My driving's
better than my cooking. George has discovered Sam's Club.
Barbara Bush, former first lady, describing life out of the public eye to David
Letterman, December 6th, 1996
The only time I had any butterflies was when I stood up and backed toward the open door
and looked down.
George Bush, former US President, describing his sky diving experience, 1997
I want to sit on the other side so I can look out the window. I've already seen
everything on my side of the bus.
- Kimberly Carpenter
, age 8, whose school system mandates boys and girls must sit on
opposite sides of a school bus, 1997
I won't be able to do what I'm doing forever. There aren't that many scripts floating
around for fifty-year-old chicks.
Cher, pop singer and actress, 1996.
A threat is basically a means for establishing a bargaining position by inducing fear in
the subject. When a threat is used, it should always be implied that the subject himself
is to blame by using words such as "You leave me no other choice but to..." He
should never be told to comply "or else!"
CIA 'Human Resources' Manual, for Latin America, recently declassified, 1997.
Heavens, no! It could get subpoenaed. I can't write anything.
Hillary Clinton, US First Lady, when asked if she had a diary, 1996.
If I end up with two marks in my neck, you'll know what happened.
Al Copeland, owner of the Straya restaurant in New Orleans, after a disagreement
with local resident Anne Rice, vampire novelist, 1996.
We're in uncharted territory here...
- Dan Dierdorf
, ABC sports commentator, preparing to announce the first womens'
professional boxing match on network television (Won by Yvonne Trevino), 1997
You know, a better man for a better America. That's sort of our slogan.
Bob Dole, Republican Presidential Nominee, on C-Span, 1996
The Brooklyn Dodgers had a no hitter last night.
Bob Dole, Republican Presidential Nominee, four decades after the Dodgers moved to
Los Angeles, 1996
Just tap into my web page at www.dolekemp.org.
Bob Dole, Republican Presidential Nominee, the first person to mention a URL in a
presidential debate, 1996
Elizabeth's back at the red cross, and I'm walking the dog.
Bob Dole, on the Today Show, describing life after the elections, 1997
I simply decided I had enough money.
- Charles Feeney
, wealthy anonymous benefactor, on why he has donated $600 million to
selected charities, 1997.
Rule 1: Be a creature unlike any other.
Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, authors, from THE RULES: Time-Tested Secrets
for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, 1995
Rule 5: Don't call him and rarely return his calls.
Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, authors, from THE RULES: Time-Tested Secrets
for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, 1995
Rule 20: Be honest but mysterious.
Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, authors, from THE RULES: Time-Tested Secrets
for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, 1995
There's a fine line between boxing and chaos.
Gordon Fink, Deputy Attorney General, aftr Mike Tyson bit off part of Evander
Holyfield's ear during a championship fight, 1977.
I'm not going to allow you to parade witnesses who are from the planet Mars.
Hiroshi Fujusaki, Los Angeles superior court judge, to defense attorneys in the O.J.
Simpson civil trial, 1996.
Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Garbage Back.
- Garbage Truck
, Cambridge, Massachusettes, 1997
Well, she is bigger than the other girls out there.
Ann Gardner, New Mexico resident, regarding Akicia Machado, Miss Universe, told by
officials to lose weight or lose her crown, 1996
If I could find the guy who did this, I promise you I'd kick his butt.
Matt Ghaffari, US Greco-Roman Wrestling Silver Medalist, about the person
responsible for the Centennial park bombing, Atlanta Olympics, 1996.
It freshens your breath and helps prevent tartar.
Mel Gibson, actor, while eating a dog biscuit at Harvard, 1996
There is still no cure for the common birthday.
John Glenn, US senator, former Marine and Astronaut, announcing his retirement at
age 75, 1996
I would like them to leave a little bit of New York for the old-timers.
- Fred Hakim
, lunch counter owner, on Disney's face-lift of Times Square, New York,
1997
Operations such as processing invoices and ordering supplies will be greatly curtailed
now that we have no money.
Mikki Halpin, editor of the Stim web 'zine, 1997.
It irks me when people use the character's name in a demeaning way.
Larry Harmon, AKA 'Bozo the Clown' after his stage name was used for political
purposes by Bob Dole, 1996
There are only three ages for women in Hollywood--Babe, District Attorney, and Driving
Miss Daisy.
Goldie Hawn, actress, 1996
I was with some Vietnamese recently, and some of them were smoking two cigarettes at the
same time. That's the kind of customers we need!
Jesse Helms, US Senator from North Carolina, at a dinner to promote the state's
tobacco industry, 1996.
We inherited the planet from our ancestors 3,000 years ago.
- Adam Ismail
, one of three Yemeni men claiming ownership of Mars, and suing NASA for
trespassing, 1997.
My only political ambition is to be re-elected.
- Glenda Jackson
, British actress and current M.P., on career aspirations, 1997.
Fruit, Purina Monkey Chow, and the occaisonal oreo.
Dietary needs of Jiggs, last chimpanzee to appear as 'Cheeta' in the Tarzan
movies, 1997.
I vote for beer.
Phillip Jimeno, Maryland state senator, on his recommendation for the official state
drink, 1997.
I want to do a musical movie. Like Evita, but with good music.
Elton John, English musician, singer and songwriter, on future plans, 1996.
I was always sending batteries and headless dolls in the mail. I think that's what
caught their attention.
Mark Johnson-Williams, 'Tickle-Me Elmo' doll designer, on why authorities had
considered him a potential Unabomber suspect, 1997.
I do.
- Clark Kent
, a.k.a. Superman, to Lois Lane, star reporter, after dating for 58 years,
1996
I never liked my own species.
Gary Larsen, Far Side Cartoonist, on why so many of his comics are about
animals, in an interview, 1996
Items in President Clinton's Medical File: #5. Soreness in lower back from years of
flip-flopping.
David Letterman, talk show host, 'Top Ten' list, 1996
I thought it was too wacky for the general public.
George Lucas, movie producer, director, and creator of Star Wars, on his
original opinion of his movie's chances for success, 1997.
You're in charge but don't touch the controls.
Shannon Lucid, record setting American astronaut, recounting what the two Russian
cosmonauts tell her each time they leave the Mir space station for a spacewalk, 1996.
The only thing it would be nice to have more of would be M & M's.
Shannon Lucid, record setting American astronaut, after 6 months on Space Station
Mir, 1996.
When she gets back to earth, she'll be like a tire that's ready to be retreaded.
Rev. J. Oscar Wells, father of astronaut Shannon Lucid, on her eagerness to return
to space,1996.
Childhood pictures and pictures of my life. Do you know how many pictures that is? Not
just this life; I have pictures from 13,000 lives.
- Shirley Maclaine
, actress, author, dancer, singer, and reincarnation proponent, on
things she had to pack before leaving her home in advance of a forest fire, 1996.
I'm not interrested in being Wonder Woman in the delivery room. Give me drugs.
Madonna, singer and actress, requesting an epidural in advance of childbirth, 1996
I can still smell the tear gas in the Hilton Hotel.
Eugene McCarthy, former US Senator, reminiscing about the 1968 Democratic National
Convention in Chicago, 1996.
The pride and presence of a professional football team is far more important than 30
libraries.
Art Modell, owner of the Baltimore Ravens (formerly Cleveland Browns), 1996
I read half of it, then I skipped through. I already know what it's about, though.
Dominique Monceau, adolescent US olympic gymnast, on reading her 'autobiography'.
1996.
There'll never be another ewe? Don't count on it!
News Headline, after Scottish scientists clone a sheep, 1997
Twenty-two years of tofu is a lot of time.
Paul Obis, creator of Vegetarian Times, on his decision to start eating meat,
1997
If elected, I will win.
- Pat Paulsen
, US commedian, commenting on his fifth, and final, presidential
campaign, 1996
If Thomas Jefferson had heard us, he probably would have said, 'We shouldn't have free
speech.'
- Robin Quivers
, co-host of the Howard Stern radio show, 1996
Well, does he still have his fingernails?
Bill Richardson, US Congressman, and nominee for UN Representative, making inquiries
while negotiating the release of a US Army pilot from North Korea, in Time, 1996.
Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business.
Mark Russel, Political satirist, composer, performer, Nov 6 1996
- ERNAL REVEN E SE VICE.
- Sign
, at the entrance to the IRS building in Washington D.C., 1997 (can I buy a
vowel?)
I catnap now and then, but I think while I nap, so it's not a waste of time.
Martha Stewart, ever-active home/garden/craft author and TV show personality, 1996.
- She is such a sad soul. It is good that it is over. Nobody was happy anyhow. I know I
should preach family love and unity, but in their case...
- Mother Teresa
, Nobel Laureate, on the British Royal Divorce (Charles and Dianna),
1996.
-
- I think I'm more difficult than critical.
- Mother Teresa
, Nobel Laureate, recovering in a Calcutta, India hospital, 1996.
-
- The United States has got some of the dumbest people in the world. I want you to know
that we know that.
- Ted Turner
, media mogul, author, actor, and baseball team owner, addressing
international journalists, 1996.
-
- In the movie I'm single. It can be pretty rough, women thinking I'm single. I get kissed
all the time.
- Fred Tuttle
, Vermont dairy farmer, after starring in a pseudo-documentary in which
he ran for US Congress just to collect the salary, 1996.
- Rust, Gash, Toxin, Gangrene, Roach, Frostbite, Asphyxia, Bruise, Plague, Mildew.
- Urban Decay
, makeup brand color names, 1996.
-
- I've been wondering: What does it mean? Is it derogatory?
- Joanne Waugh
, referring to the term 'Soccer Mom', used in the US elections, 1996.
-
- In science we are really good at disproving things and are very poor at proving things.
Theories like the Theory of Relativity go on and on because no one can think of anything
better.
- Richard Zayre
, Professor at Stanford University, August 6, 1996
-
- Smack your child every day. If you don't know why -- he does.
- Joey Adams
-
- Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties.
- Aesop
-
- Never judge a work of art by its defects.
- Washington Allston
-
- Remember: It is 10 times harder to command the ear than to catch the eye.
- Duncan Maxwell Anderson
-
- Don't just stand there -- do something.
- Anonymous
-
- When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum.
- Anonymous
-
- Always imitate the behavior of winners when you lose.
- Anonymous
-
- If you can't win, make the fellow ahead of you break the record.
- Anonymous
-
- Take care that the face that looks out from the mirror in the morning is a pleasant
face. You may not see it again during the day, but others will.
- Anonymous
-
- If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not
raise your price.
- Anonymous
-
- Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you.
- Yassir Arafat
-
- Don't condescend to unskilled labor. Try it for half a day first.
- Brooks Atkinson
-
- If you don't run your own life, somebody else will.
- John Atkinson
-
- Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you
together, but do so with all your heart.
- Marcus Aurelius
-
- The art of living is more like that of wrestling than of dancing; the main thing is to
stand firm and be ready for an unseen attack.
- Marcus Aurelius
-
- Choose the life that is most useful, and habit will make it the most agreeable.
- Francis Bacon
-
- Never practice two vices at once.
- Tallulah Bankhead
-
- Avoid contradicting in general, especially people you love.
- Maurice Baring
-
- When you see a snake, never mind where he came from.
- W.G. Benham
-
- Always behave as if nothing had happened, no matter what has happened.
- Arnold Bennett
-
- Call no man foe but never love a stranger.
- Stella Benson
-
- If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance.
- Al Bernstein
-
- Think twice before you speak to a friend in need.
- Ambrose Bierce
-
- Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
- Ambrose Bierce
-
- Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you
want to.
- Josh Billings
-
- Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
- Josh Billings
-
- Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into.
- Josh Billings
-
- Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
- Erma Bombeck
-
- The best way to keep one's word is not to give it.
- Napoleon Bonaparte
-
- If you look at life one way, there is always cause for alarm.
- Elizabeth Bowen
-
- Never use intuition.
- Omar Bradley
-
- Always behave like a duck -- keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the
devil underneath.
- Jacob Braude
-
- If you can't return a favor, pass it on.
- Louise Brown
-
- If people turn to look at you on the street, you are not well dressed.
- Beau Brummel
-
- Truth is always exciting. Speak it, then. Life is boring without it.
- Pearl S. Buck
-
- Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade.
- Leo F. Buscaglia
-
- Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.
- Anthony Burgess
-
- Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow. Delay may give clearer light as to
what is best to be done.
- Aaron Burr
-
- To make pleasures pleasant, shorten them.
- Charles Buxton
-
- You cannot acquire experience by making experiments. You cannot create experience. You
must undergo it.
- Albert Camus.
-
- Don't wait for the last judgment. It takes place every day.
- Albert Camus
-
- You can get a lot more done with a kind word and a gun, than with a kind word alone.
- Al Capone
-
- Don't be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you
conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones
will tend to take care of themselves.
- Dale Carnegie
-
- If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's
the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep.
- Dale Carnegie
-
- When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make a lemonade.
- Dale Carnegie
-
- Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop.
- Lewis Carrol
, from Alice in Wonderland
-
- Never stand begging for what you have the power to earn.
- Miguel de Cervantes
-
- In action, be primitive; in foresight, a strategist.
- Rene Char
-
- Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.
- Lord Chesterfield
-
- You must look into people, as well as at them.
- Lord Chesterfield
-
- Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness;
no laziness; no procrastination: never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
- Lord Chesterfield
-
- Whenever a man seeks your advice he generally seeks your praise.
- Lord Chesterfield
-
- The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G. K. Chesterton
-
- Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.
- Winston Churchill
-
- If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile
driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time--a
tremendous whack.
- Winston Churchill
-
- Never trust a man who speaks well of everybody.
- John Churton Collins
-
- Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.
- James Bryant Conant
-
- Never get angry. Never make a threat. Reason with People
- Don Corleone
from The Godfather by Mario Puzo
-
- Sunburn is very becoming -- but only when it is even -- one must be careful not to look
like a mixed grill.
- Noel Coward
-
- Keeping your clothes well pressed will keep you from looking hard pressed.
- Coleman Cox
-
- There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your
kids to do it.
- Monta Crane
-
- The real world is not easy to live in. It is rough; it is slippery. Without the most
clear-eyed adjustments we fall and get crushed. A man must stay sober: not always, but
most of the time.
- Clarence Day
-
- Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many, not on your past
misfortunes, of which all men have some.
- Charles Dickens
-
- Keep up appearances whatever you do.
- Charles Dickens
-
- Don't bite the hand that has your allowance in it.
- Paul Dickson
-
- Never take anything for granted.
- Benjamin Disraeli
-
- Never complain and never explain.
- Benjamin Disraeli
-
- Trust Everybody, but cut the cards.
- Finley Peter Dunne
-
- Win any way as long as you can get away with it. Nice guys finish last.
- Leo Durocher
-
- If you would thoroughly know anything, teach it to others.
- Tryon Edwards
-
- If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.
- Albert Einstein
-
- Big Ideas are so hard to recognize, so fragile, so easy to kill. Don't forget that, all
of you who don't have them.
- John Elliot, Jr.
-
- Hitch your wagon to a star.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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- First, learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.
- Epictetus
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- Slight not what's near, when aiming at what's far.
- Euripides