• 1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

• 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

• 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

• 4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

• 5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

• 6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

• 7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

• 8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

• 9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

• 10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

• 11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".

• 12. Play with the automatic doors.

• 13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

• 14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crud, anyway?"

• 15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

• 16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

• 17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

• 18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

• 19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow! Magic!"

• 20. Put M&M's on layaway.

• 21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

• 22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

• 23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

• 24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

• 25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

• 26. TP as much of the store as possible.

• 27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

• 28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

• 29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

• 30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

• 31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

• 32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

• 33. Take bets on the battle described above.

• 34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

• 35.While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

• 36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

• 37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

• 38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

• 39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

• 40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

• 41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

• 42. Two words: "Marco Polo."

• 43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

• 44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

• 45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

• 46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

• 47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

• 48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

• 49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

• 50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

*BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.