That would be nice wouldn't it? We could just find a gene that causes people to hate each other for no good reason. Of course rather than use this amazing discovery to cure homophobia, racism and fear of feminism, the scientists will probably start geneticly enginering women who look like Pamela Anderson who find men with math skills devistaingly attractive.
Anyway, as long as I can remember it has been a fact of life that guys who were good at sports were my enemy. The sky is always blue, stuff always falls towards the ground and guys named Chet in shoulder pads are meant to be hated.
Where did it start? I think my first bad experience with jocks came in sixth grade. My math teacher was a woman named Mrs. Bowman. Mrs. Bowman offered "homework coupons" to her most "special" students. In case you never had anything like this, a homework coupon was similar to the "Get Out Of Jail Free" cards in Monopoly. You could put off an assignment until the last minute, pull out this coupon and get that grade taken off your average faster than ants on a sugar.The other teachers gave these out too, but they reserved them for things like making a 100 on a test or staying after to help clean up the class. Mrs. Bowman gave the coupons to the guys on the pee-wee football team whenever they won a game.
Needless to say, I felt a little peeved that I spent my weekend doing homework while people who were spending their time playing were being given a means to a higher grade.
A lot of my reasons for disliking jocks come from the fact that they get special treatment or rewards. I mean, take a look at how much your average professional athlete makes. Even a rookie football player can earn more money in his first year than your average factory worker, high-school teacher, police officer or fill-in-the-blank hard-working average Joe or Judy American will see in a lifetime. Who wouldn't be upset about that?
College athletes get their entire education paid for thanks to scholarships based on how well they can throw or hit a ball. They also get to take dumbed-down classes so they can be sure of passing and being eligible for the big game.
Why there once was even a time when a college-bound athlete would choose their college based on which one would give them the best car.
I myself have felt the "power of the purse-strings" as it relates to jocks. Two years ago my high school drama club was selling space in our playbills and a nice certificate of sponsorship for donations. Everybody in the club was going to every store in Victoria to ask if they'd be interested in making a contribution. One of the stores I went to sold sporting goods. I spoke with the manager and was informed that they had plenty of money, but they were saving it all as a donation for the football team. Of course, the football team "desperately needed" as much money as possible and could not afford a ten dollar donation to the drama club.
I couldn't believe it then and I still can't now. The organization which drains the most money from school districts around the country, the only organization that can afford to send it's players to their games in chartered buses to all the "away" games and this man has the nerve to say he can't afford to give me ten dollars so that the actors can afford a new makeup kit?
Athletes get all the glory too. Did you watch the news last night? What was about 1/3 of the news about? Sports. Now I have nothing against reporting on sports, but sometimes many worthwhile things are ignored in favor of interviewing an athlete over how he feels about losing a game. Last year, two of my closest friends, Jeremy White and Arnold Hayden represented Victoria High in Cross-Examination Debate at the State Competition. Getting to state in any activity requires a Herculean effort, and debate is one of the toughest. Yet when I watched the news and read the paper for the next few days I saw nothing about what these two fine men had accomplished. What I did see was an interview with the basketball coach on how he felt about the teams chances in the next game.
And I get it even worse now that I live in a small town. It was front page news when the local high school became first in district... for the first time in three years.
I remember them asking players for their opinions. One said "It's good. It feels really good." Another said "It's nice. It feels nice."
One of the bright ones even managed to say "It's great! This is really great!"
Funny thing.. Did you know steroids shrink two parts of the body? The brain and the penis. I've always felt that if there's at least one God, than he is one twisted cut-up. This is one of the best bits of proof I have seen about that. After all, wasn't it these guys small brains and insecurity about their dicks that got them taking steroids in the first place?
Ah well. It's not really the media's fault. They're just stuck in a bad location. There's really only three things to do in small towns in Texas on Friday Night. Get drunk, screw and go watch a football game. Actually, that pretty much describes the big cities too, but at least there are better nightclubs to get drunk in and you have a better choice of people to fuck.
And speaking of screwing, not only do jocks get all the glory. They also get all the girls. Now I'm not saying that all women would do anything to date a guy on the football team. I know many women who consider stuff like that irrelevant and a few who are turned off by them. But there are just as many, if not more women who flock to athletes. I know this from personal experience.
My Freshman year in high-school, I was dating a girl named "Kelly" (not her real name). Kelly was wonderful, simply put. She was smart, funny and attractive and she thought that she was lucky to have me. Things couldn't have been better, until "Bud" came along. Bud was a football player and he didn't see any reason why a girl like Kelly should be interested in a "freak" like me. So, he just started trying to impress Kelly. He must have done a good job because our "love that would never die" was on life support a month later. Another month, and the plug was pulled when Kelly dumped me.
"Women love a man in uniform". I know... it's a trite saying. But it is accurate. Every football player, soccer player, any other sport player had a steady girlfriend or three. Hell, even my friends in ROTC had steady girlfriends through out high school. About the only place that rule doesn't apply is Marching Band. Then again, it is hard for even the most handsome to look cool in a uniform that makes you look like El Presidente For Life of a small South American republic. Or a military man from a Marx Brother's movie. And let's not forget those lovely Q-Tip hats.
Actually, let's forget those.. I still have nightmares about them.
Actually, now I wish they do find a gene that causes this. That way I can have something to defend my prejudices other than my own lamer jokes and imagination. After all, I don't have the Bible to fall back on. Well, there is David and Goliath... now if only I can convince people that Goliath was a Javeline thrower....
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