Skinny Archive

Sept 10, 2003

Welcome my brothers and sisters,

Time for the Reverend to do a little bit of preaching about life and the state of affairs in the world.  I've been a little nihilistic as of late and I think it is starting to wear on my nerves.  A priori, I had quite a few personal issues with the way I viewed the world and the people in it. I was filled with an undue amount of hatred towards just about everyone and everything.  In short, I was a bigot--in fact, I was a raging bigot.  Perhaps it was my Catholic upbringing that instilled this intolerance, since as we all know Catholics love their intolerance.  In reality, it turns out that the only person I really hated was myself and I was just taking out my pent-up rage on anyone and everyone.  However, a number of years ago, I decided to put all of that behind me and turned over a new leaf.  I realized that hating people wasn't getting me anywhere and, in fact, it was draining my emotional well-being.  Since then, I have given up all my prejudices and decided to embrace my fellow man (or woman) without regards to their race, creed or sexual orientation.  Now I know I do a lot of religion-bashing on my page, but I assure you I'm simply slamming the creed, not the people.  Anyway, letting go of all the hatred really changed my life.  I felt that it made me a better person and I also seemed to be a lot happier as well.  Getting rid of the hate works wonders, trust me, I know--although losing your religion doesn't hurt either.  Recently though, I've noticed myself becoming quite consumed with anger and indignation, but it's not any specific person or group that is stoking my ire.  Actually, I can trace it all back to my obsession with the news.  That's right, I admit it, I'm a news junkie and I need help.  I scan a number of different online news sources, then I check the 24 hour news channels, which are conveniently programmed as my favorites thereby allowing me to channel flip till my heart's content.  This constant rigamarole serves as my daily ritual, in fact, I obsessively do this several times a day--while playing with my balls, of course.  Then if there's nothing on in the wee hours, I incessantly flip through the news channels until I must force myself to go to bed.  My name is Reverend James, I'm a news addict and this debilitating illness is ruining my life.  However, for only pennies a day, you can help sponsor a recovering news addict.  You will receive a photo of your news addict and a letter explaining what your news addict is doing with the money you are sending them.  Blatant lack of segue...I finally have come to the conclusion that this news obsession is where all my new found hatred and rage is stemming from.  When people use the cliché, "Ignorance is bliss," they truly mean it.  Nevertheless, in order to be blissful you must remain ignorant and there my friends is the rub.  No matter how fucking hard I try I can't remain ignorant--how can you stop wanting to know?  That's one of the reasons why I abandoned religion.  They just didn't answer any of my questions logically, so I drifted off into apostasy.  Some people may be content in their ignorance but I said, and still say, fuck them, my brain just won't allow it.  Now here I am, wanting to learn everything I can wrap my mind around.  I read as many books on as many subjects as I can: theology, philosophy, politics, physics, etc.  Of course, I also like to expand my imagination with a little fiction to escape from reality.  I watch the news to be apprised of the current events in our world and here I am getting angrier and angrier at this sad state of affairs.  This time it isn't a bigoted, hateful anger but a justified, righteous one; although I'm unsure just where to direct it. Lately, I tend to level my outspoken passion at the right wing conservatives.  The only problem with that direction is that you can't always pick them out of a crowd.  Is it just a coincidence that my news addiction and this recently developed rage came about when Bush hornswoggled his way into office?  **Sniff, sniff**  I smell a conspiracy.  Perhaps a vast right-wing one?  I won't just point my finger at this administration though.  Let's point a finger at the Alabamans, Alabamenese, whatever you call those fucking crackers!  The 10 Commandments do not belong in the rotunda of a public courthouse, dummy!  This is the United States of America, or at least I thought it was, and last time I checked we had a little thing called the "Separation of Church and State."  Now I know that some of the fundamentalist Christians will wax philosophical on how our country was founded on Judeo-Christian beliefs, while in all actuality our country was founded on a more apathetic level.  Our forefathers did not care to put religion into our Constitution because that is a personal, private matter for those who choose to believe and government does not, and should not, have a say in the matter.  Plus, anyone who has ever bothered to look at the 10 Commandments will notice that only TWO of the commandments can even be construed as laws--thou shalt not kill and thou shalt not steal!  The rest of the commandments are from an archaic religious text and have no bearing on the American judicial system whatsoever.   Quit your fucking bellyaching!  These protesters were prostrating themselves on the ground and actually crying when the monument was being moved.  Am I the only person that noticed that this was just a rock?  Sorry for the sidetrack, but it needed to be said.  Anyway, back to the topic, my anger.  Don't you love how it always comes back to me?  I'm such a narcissistic sycophant.  How am I to satiate my anger when it is directed at half the population of our country?  I abhorred being angry before and it completely ate away at me.  I'm afraid it's going to do the same again this time, no matter how justified it is.  So I figured I'd vent a little and rant a lot, you know, relieve some of the pressure while I search for a cure.  But before I go, maybe I can check just one more online news page...just one more.

Wallowing in the know

The Reverend James

June 25, 2003

Greetings all,

My mind has been practically buzzing with all that's going on in the world and my life recently, which made it rather hard to narrow this skinny down to just one topic.  So prepare yourself for a patented "RevRant"...hope you don't mind.  I arrived at our fair city's police station this past week to bail someone out; no need to go into specifics about the who or the why, let's just call them "Bad With Relationships."  Little did I know, I was stepping directly into the belly of utter incompetence the moment I set foot in the lobby.  First of all, what's with all the fucking obese cops? I shit you not, every cop I saw was fat ass and, not just overweight like so many of us fine Americans, I'm talking can't see your own dick fat; their guns were made of chocolate and shot Pez candy fat.  I could make a donut joke, but I will avoid that trite cliché for my own mental well-being.  Anyway, I proceeded in my attempt to post bond for "Bad With Relationships" and this collection of assholes ran the joint like they worked for the state or something.  I swear I could yank any run-of-the-mill McDonald's crew off the late-night counter and they would have ran this place 3 times quicker and more efficiently than these badge-wearing pachyderms!  I walk up to the window and tell the guy I'm here to post bond, to which he says, "You have to go to the next window."  So I go to the next window, where I proceed to wait in line for twenty minutes before I finally get in front of the window.  I tell this man that I'm here to post bond, to which he actually says, "You have to go to the other window," pointing at the window I was just sent from.  Obviously this isn't sitting very well with me, so I tell him, "That guy just sent me over here to you and now you're trying to send me back?!  If you people worked for me, I would have fired your asses last week!"  They confer with each other, using the half a brain they seem to share and come to the consensus that yes, I do have to go back to the original window.  Well, I'm again back in line waiting for another ten minutes for the original dumbass' window to come available.  When my turn at the window comes, this guy, by some unseen magical force, has been endowed with the ability to help me--which he hadn't been able to do only a scant half-hour earlier.  He informed me that "Bad With Relationships" would be released within 45 minutes, which actually turned out to be an hour and a half and also involved me driving to the correctional center to pick "Bad With Relationships" up.  I ask you all this: If our fast food restaurants are more well managed than our police departments, then what does that say about our safety?  Does it make you want to call the police when you're in trouble?  Does it make you feel protected?  Perhaps if we took the cops (who make $40,000/ yr. + here in our city) and the fast food employees (who are, of course, making minimum wage or a miniscule more) and made them trade jobs, then our law enforcement would be run more efficiently.  Also, it would keep me away from fast food since I don't want to end up being "as fat as a cop."  Okay, enough of my personal gripes, let's move on to some bigger and bolder topics.  How about my old buddy Dubya Bush?  I haven't ragged on him for a minute.  What blows my mind is that this hayseed has a 68% approval rating.  Wh-Wh-What?!  Almost three quarters of our country are behind this failed abortion.  Primarily, this man is a proven liar.  He blatantly lies to you at every turn and you keep approving of him; letting him know that you're accepting of all his lies, that's just beautiful.  Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking, "But Rev., all politicians lie."  Well, of course I know that, but this administration is fucking horrendous at it.  Sure, I'll buy your lie if it's a good one, but Bush's lies aren't even believable, yet they've captured the majority of our fucking country hook, line and sinker.  They send out Ari Fleischer to spin his way through some incompetent story that his bosses probably threw at him two minutes prior to the press conference and he's told to deny, deny, deny.  They don't even tell him to make it plausible or even coherent; you've all heard his famous 'Smoking Gun' speeches, right?  "The problem with guns that are hidden is you can't see their smoke," said White House spokesman Ari Fleischer in January 2003. I would have quit too, if I were him, obviously he has a future in cryptic messages. ( I'll miss you Ari and all the good times we had.)  We pride ourselves here in America for being so superior to, so much more advanced, so much smarter than the rest of the world, yet our masses believe the complete bullshit that Bush spews at them wholeheartedly without question.  Look at the invasion into Iraq; you all know he lied or "exaggerated" the intelligence in order to necessitate an urgency for action, so quit beating around the bush. (Pardon the pun) But Reverend, we just haven't found them yet.  But Reverend, Iraq was an immediate threat to our safety.  Shut up, even the C.I. fuckin' A. said they didn't give him that intelligence, so open your fucking eyes, don't buy into the spin and wake up!  Your president lied to start a war preemptively, occupy a country and take over its oil reserves.  Our troops and their innocent civilians are still dying everyday, even though this war was "declared" over.  And it's all because our president and his good friend Mr. Blair are fucking crooked, under the table dealing, oil and war mongering, big brothery fucking liars!  Does it make you feel proud that this is our president? Wave those flags high, folks because our leader started an unnecessary war and you know damn well it was based upon lies.  Now that seems to lead us to the upcoming elections.  I'm almost certain that the good ol' sister-fucking cretins in our country will reelect (and by elect, I mean he'll actually receive the most votes this time) Bush in 2004.  The majority of the people in this country can't even name a Democratic presidential nominee, so how on earth do the Democrats think they'll win?!  If Bush can paint the country in lies and the people still gobble it up, then there is no chance for a spineless, wishy-washy Democrat to get into office.  The Dems are Bush's bitch and they know it.  Shit, Joe Lieberman is Bush, or as I like to call him "Bush Lite," so it would be all the same bullshit and rhetoric if he were elected to office.  Oh, don't worry, if you think the crackers in this country will vote for a Jew, or any other minority for that matter, you're obviously living in some alternate reality on the Sci-Fi Channel.  Now of course I don't condone that line of thinking but I mean, come on, we've all watched the Fox News Channel before, right?  Speaking of news, can you believe some of the judicial nominees that Bush has been trying to pass off on the Supreme and US District Courts?!  I was always under the impression that one of the major qualifications for our judges was an ability to be impartial...unbiased...objective.  Call it what you will, but these right-wing Bush droppings are severely lacking in everything but crazy.  One of the approved appointments, self-proclaimed "Pro-Life Leader" Michael McConnell, is a hardcore religious fundamentalist just like Ashcroft.  The New York Times Magazine on Jan. 30, 2000, reported McConnell as saying that religion cannot be separated from other areas of life. "Many people think that it's possible to have an entirely secular education and any religious training can be on the side. I don't believe that religion is something which is a separable aspect of life," he said.  McConnell is a member of the Christian Legal Society, a board member of the right-wing Federalist Society and an advisor of the Becket Fund – all groups seeking a radical abandonment of the Supreme Court's church-state separation doctrine.  Information and quotes courtesy of Americans United  To top this all off, this man said, unbelievably by the way, that women can relieve the pain of menstruation cramps by reading Scriptures. Excuse me, but what did you say?  Oh yes, you heard me correctly.  Why bother with Motrin and those other female problem relievers when you can pick up a Bible and let the healing powers of Psalms soothe away the pain and bloating?  Did I mention that the Bible costs about twice to three times as much as an over-the-counter medication and all proceeds go to covering up for boy-fuckers?  How can you lose?!  I'm sorry, but if you think the Bible is a pain reliever then I believe that should automatically disqualify you from a position on the bench.  In fact, I think we should burn him at the stake like a witch and give him a taste of his own medicine.  But let's not leave out Bush's other cronies: "Judges like Charles Pickering and Priscilla Owen who have long records of opposition to Roe v. Wade, have sought to restrict laws barring sexual discrimination, have supported a ban on interracial marriage and have worked to narrow laws on gender discrimination.  Or Judges like James Leon Holmes, who dismissed arguments for the availability of abortion for rape victims claiming that conceptions from rape occur with approximately the same frequency as snowfall in Miami.  Each year in America, over 30,000 women become pregnant as a result of rape or incest; snow falls in Miami roughly once every 100 years," said Senator John Kerry; courtesy of his letter to MoveOn.org members on June 17th, 2003.  Speaking of conservatives and fundamentalists, that brings me finally to religion.  Catholics really need to pull their heads out of their asses on this one and get a clue about what's going on.  How can you imbeciles follow the rules of a religion when your leaders don't even follow the rules?!  I mean shit, they are still FUCKING little boys!!  I thought your people were supposed to be doing something about that?!  I guess we just didn't know that "zero tolerance" means to ignore it and hope it goes away.  Well, I could of told you that was a bad idea.  How can you Catholics not feel repentant that your leaders molest, no, fuck children?!  Now I'm an agnostic, and if a group of agnostics got busted for fiddling children day in and day out; I think I would feel ashamed and it would make me reevaluate my choice in religions.  I just saw three of their leaders on the news in the past week regarding sexual abuse scandals, not to mention the bishop from Arizona that killed someone in a hit-and-run car accident.  It must just be me, but I don't think that any of those offenses are very "Christian."  You've got to love the downfall of an organization such as the Catholic Church, perhaps it's payback for the Crusades; the burning of the Great Library in Alexandria; the burning of innocents as witches in the Middle Ages; the backing of slavery; the aid given to the Nazi party; the mistreatment of women, Jews, gays, minorities--well, you get the picture.  Anyway, it's 2003 and it's time to let that archaic shit die already.  Name me one other thing, besides the Bible, that they believed in 2000 years ago and is still believed today.  Is the earth flat?  Does the sun revolve around the Earth?  Is an eclipse when a dragon eats the sun?  Are woman property like cattle?  Do you relieve a headache by drilling a hole in your head for a good bleeding?  The answer is a resounding no.  So let's drop the whole "Bible is the absolute word of God and therefore must be taken literally" facade and quit trying to put "Creation Myth" (or "Intelligent Design," if you're a pretentious religious sneak trying to pass it by some unsuspecting people) into science classes.  Enough already!  It's not fucking science.  There are no supporting facts to base your theory upon, unlike other more respectable theorems.  It's just a myth, you cult following mongoloids, so get used to it!  Well, I think I've ranted enough now.  I apologize for the lack of continuity here; I know it doesn't stick to just one topic, but I simply felt like complaining.  It's practically the only thing I can do anymore, besides write to my congressmen and senators.  Since I live in conservative, Republican Nebraska though, they can't stand my leftist opinions.  The letters I receive back from them always start out with either "I respectfully disagree" or " I value your opinion but...."  This webpage, as always, is my only soapbox--the last bastion of free speech!  I hope you can all enjoy it but if you can't, then donate your DNA so that you can be cloned...and then you can go fuck yourself!

An insensitive, iconoclastic prick

The Reverend James

May 20, 2003

                                                             prop·a·gan·da n.

The systematic propagation of a doctrine, or cause, or of information reflecting the views and interests of those advocating such a doctrine or cause.

Greetings friends,

I wanted to throw together a little skinny on a topic I was discussing with the wife the other day.  It seemed to trigger an ardent discussion, in which we both appeared to be on the same side but for some reason it still became heated.  Personally, I blame the communication problems between the sexes, but I'm sure she would blame something else;  proving my point, of course!  The discussion was dealing with propaganda and a recent mailing we received from the PETA organization.  Now I know I usually attack the far right on my web page but today, for a change of pace, I think I'll take a crack at the far left because we have our extreme fundamentalists too--PETA being one of the biggest.  Nowadays everything is propaganda, including my web site, but I'm talking about extreme propaganda or as I like to call it "shock propaganda."  The only other group whose propaganda can compare to PETA's is the crazy pro-lifers with their giant posters of aborted fetuses. (Sorry, I had to take at least a small swipe at the right.)  Let me give you a little background information, so you can follow along.  My wife and I have been trying to cut down on the red meat in our diet, not because we're going vegetarian but because we feel a need to eat less of it.  So we requested some free vegetarian recipes and in return received an agenda pushing pamphlet from our friends at PETA.  It was a fantastic display of propaganda; from cows with broken legs who were skinned alive to chickens crammed so tightly into cages it deformed their legs, from pigs who have metal hooks jabbed into their eyes and rectums to the study proving that fish really do feel pain.  On top of that, the opening page shows you pictures of famous people that are vegetarian--since we all know that the masses are such automatons that their daily decisions are based upon what the Hollywood stars are doing.  And it's all so beautifully designed to shove an opinion into your head.  So our debate became about whether or not PETA's propaganda is equal to the propaganda I read on some of my more left wing web pages. (Sidenote: You can find many of these pages on my "Links" page.)  I said that they were radically different, while my wife contended that they were really the same.  We came to the conclusion that we were both right, in the fact that they are the same because they are both propaganda, but that they are different because of the varying degrees of severity.  Thus the exchange ended because we both seemed to be arguing the exact same point.  Propaganda is everywhere, and I mean everywhere!  TV shows, movies, commercials, newspapers, the news--especially the news--churches, billboards, even on T-shirts.  When you look at it from the basic definition of the word, you see that every idea that follows an opinion can be dictated as propaganda.  "So, Rev, are you saying that if it's a fact then it's not propaganda?"  It's not quite that simple.  Unfortunately, in this day and age special interest groups have a way of bending the facts to fit into their agenda and then they just discard those facts which don't fit.  Literally, you can go anywhere and always find "facts" or "studies" or "research" that support both sides of an issue.  The only point I'm trying to make is watch where you're getting your information from and really think things through because chances are your opinions might not be your own.  Now, back to PETA. (Sidenote: If you are an animal rights activist, I urge you to stop reading the rest of this.)  I think  that you are all way off base living in some happy dream land.  I will never fully stop eating meat,  regardless of the shit you spew at me, like "I won't eat anything with a face!" Let me start by giving you a special Rev. history lesson:  We are the dominant species on this planet and one of the main reasons we are is because we are omnivores, which gives us an evolutionary edge over the other animals.  Omnivores are able to survive in severe conditions because of the broader spectrum of their food choices.  It's one of the things that got us to the top spot in the food chain.  Also, we have been domesticating and breeding animals as food for millennia, so where the fuck do you get off questioning thousands of years of human evolution?!  It's utterly absurd.  We can't even learn to treat our own species humanely and you're worrying about a fucking chicken?!  You people would step over a homeless man lying in a pool of his own urine and choking on vomit, just to slap a hamburger out of my hand.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm completely opposed to treating animals inhumanely such as hunting for sport and cosmetic testing.  Those things are just needless and barbaric.  However,  hunters who fully use the meat and skins of the animals or farmers who breed animals for food should be left alone.  Do you really think we would have survived as a species without meat?  I would put all my money on NO.  I don't see anyone faulting the tiger or the bear for eating  meat, so why should you fault your own species?  It's the circle of life--didn't you watch the Lion King?  Would Disney lie to you?  (That was sarcasm, by the way.)  Well, I've decided that I'm going to start my own organization and we want to "SAVE THE PLANTS."  You heard me correctly, not PLANET, but PLANTS.  No one ever worries about saving the plants; it's always "Let's save the animals!  Let's save the cute kitties and puppies."  I've stood silent for too long, plants have rights too!  You PETA people can't go around just pulling them out of their comfortable homes in the ground, all willy nilly, and then slice them or julienne them--it's murder, I tell you, murder.  So join the Rev and PARP (People Against Raping Plants) to stamp out the genocide of our beloved plant brothers and sisters.  You see, if you're going to save the animals then it's only fair that you should worry about the plants too.  We are omnivores.  We eat both vegetable and animal products, so it's prejudiced to give a shit about only one of them.  I guess we can always eat Soylent Green. MMMMMMMM!  Soylent Green, it's what's for dinner.  As always, this is only my opinion and you know what they say, opinions are like assholes..... I just had to spit out my little anti-PETA diatribe. (Or propaganda, if you will.)

Hoping my thoughts are my own,

The Reverend James

April 15, 2003

Howdy ya'll!

Sorry, I thought I would put on my best "cracker" accent to talk about the war.  I find that the American people tend to take you more seriously when you sound like a redneck cracker.  "We's outs to bomb them Iraqi's straight to hell cuz they's evil and if you dun't like it, well than you can get the fuck outta my cuntry.  While yur at it crank up the new pro-war song by (insert generic country singer's name here.)  Go Bush!"  Wow, I see how the American public would want to follow you blindly when you talk like that.  Anyway, I'm writing this skinny to talk about the war and its aftermath, not to talk like a cowfucker.  As we all know, we have now liberated Iraq and it seems to be going swimmingly, especially the looting, starvation, loss of clean water and medical supplies.  Primarily, I thought our main reason for going into Iraq was because Saddam had WMD and was a threat to our nation.  When did that all change and why isn't anyone saying anything about it?!  Obviously, Iraq was not quite the threat that our administration made them out to be; you could see that by the way our military swept through their country like a three legged man in an ass-kicking contest!  We have now invaded a country that didn't attack us first, however the rules have changed, and now we've done it to liberate them.  Oh yes, the liberation.  It's going so well, as soon as that statue came down Iraq was a veritable Utopia!  Iraq is now free of its oppressive regime that the US put into power, gave weapons to and supported for decades.  The people love it!  "Thank you America," they scream.  "Thank you for attacking us and killing thousands of our civilians!  Thank you for securing all of our oil wells post haste, but not any of our cities or our natural history museum, for that matter.  We would much rather have American run oil wells than 5000 years of our history intact."  By the way, if you think the majority of the Iraqi people want us in their country just because the Fox News Channel showed a few hundred Iraqis celebrating, than you are an unthinking automaton that can't tell the difference between propaganda and truth!   There are over 22 million people populating Iraq and for them to show us less than 1% of their population happy with our occupation, this hardly constitutes a "majority."  You know why Fox News is #1 in the ratings?  Well, I'll fill you in.  It's because they are pro-war and they don't ask the tough questions.  People want happy, pro-America, homogenized news and oh that's just what they are getting from Fox.  Fair and balanced, my ass!  Although, not that any of the other news channels are much better.  Iraq's news ratings have already started to wane, so what's next on the agenda?  Well, the Bush "regime" already has its mind on someone new, like Syria perhaps.  It's too early in the war planning to tell exactly who we will attack preemptively first, but keep your fingers crossed Syria, it could be you if you want it badly enough!  I can see the wheels turning in the Fox Channel's mind already; their next reality show idea, "Who Wants to Be Preemptively Attacked, I Mean, Liberated?"  Are any of you worried that we didn't finish things in Afghanistan, that we haven't found Osama, or Saddam for that matter, and now El Presidente is getting ready to start yet another war?!  Will you support this one?  Do they have WMD too? Maybe they are just like all the ones we've found in Iraq.  Oh, that's right, we didn't find any WMD in Iraq.  Even Hans Blix, the chief UN weapons inspector, is now saying that Iraq was probably telling the truth about not having WMD.  Well, that doesn't matter to Bush and his puppet masters; they'll just threaten Syria, you know to change the subject.  Magicians call it slight of hand.  Answer me this, do you think Syria is a threat to our well being?  Do they have an oppressive despot like Iraq, Iran, North Korea, Egypt, Sudan, or maybe like our allies, Pakistan and Saudi Arabia?  Why will we attack one leader that kills his own people, but then fully support another one who is equally despotic?  That seems, oh what's the word, WRONG to me.  Maybe I'm behind the times.  This world supposedly changed after September 11th, did I?  Am I stuck in this hole of wanting peace and prosperity for America?  I think we should be diplomatic and talk out our problems; trade with people, not bomb them.  I don't want my son to think that violence and killing will solve any problems.  Is that philosophy outdated?  Should I give up my civil rights, so my fearless leader can take care of me and keep me safe?  Someone preemptively attacked us on September 11th, horrifically killing 3000 of our people.  Our leader and his administration disgraced their memory by doing the same thing to another country.  Am I the only one who sees that connection?  Al-Queda attacked us without provocation and then we turn around and attack Iraq (who wasn't involved in 9/11, by the way) also without provocation.  Doesn't that lower us to their level?  I don't think that's a place we want to be.  We killed thousands of their civilians and endangered the lives of tens of thousands of American soldiers, just to get one man out of power.  Do you think the Iraqi's call us terrorists?  Can you answer any of these questions; do you want to?  Because until people start asking these tough questions or finding the answers to them, we will continue to "liberate" other countries preemptively.  Let's put it this way--say you're sitting in your house minding your own business, when a cop busts into your house and shoots you.  Then the cop starts to go through your stuff to see if you had anything illegal.  Does that seem right to any of you?  America has taken on the roll of the cop, with the motto of "Shoot first, answer questions later," and that sickens me.  This is my country.  I am a citizen and I don't like to be represented in that way, by a man that didn't even get elected.  Sorry to beat a dead horse on the whole election thing, but if you forget it happened than it will happen again.  But I digress, because you will never hear my opinion on the news and it won't get carried by the newspapers.  Only on the internet, the last bastion of free speech, will people like me be heard.  Well, at least until Ashcroft gets his hands on it.  I tell you that man won't be happy until every last shred of privacy is eliminated.  However, there is still hope for the Bushies to silence people like me.  You see, Bush was appointed President by God.  We knew it had to be a miracle he was elected, right?  We will most likely burn in hell for our opinions because "I reckon God dun't like a bunch of evil peaceluvers talkin' wrong 'bout his president." (Again, with my cracker accent.)  I am not the majority.  My opinion is frowned upon.  I am a freak.  My ideals are backward.  I'm a traitor, a treasonous bastard.  I am an American who believes in freedom and peace!

If it walks like a duck,

quacks like a duck,

and looks like a duck,

than it probably has WMD and we should preemptively attack it!

The Reverend James

March 20, 2003

Greetings and Salutations fellow citizens!

I know it has been a long time since my last skinny, but I have been so flabbergasted with the stupidity and arrogance of the "King of the United States" to write anything.  I can hear what you're all thinking, "Oh, here comes the Rev. with some hardcore bitching about the president or the war or the economy."  True, I could probably write a 10 page skinny in 8 point typeface on that whole business, but you all already know where I stand.  I won't bore you with rehashing all my old viewpoints and political slaps.  To me it seems like we are on the brink of the big daddy, numero uno guerra, World War III.  We all know what that means folks, oh ya, nukes baby!  In my opinion, it's only a matter of time until someone drops one and I have a feeling it will be us, but who knows anymore, maybe it will be Belgium.  All it takes is one misunderstanding and we will be standing nipple deep in nuclear winter.  Welcome to the United States of ashy skies and poisoned water!  This political pissing contest could turn into the biggest death toll ever and I myself don't want to be party to it.  So just for the record, "Don't do this shit in my name you warmongering, money hungry, oil crazy,  elitist assholes!!"  I know I said I wouldn't bitch about it, but I just wanted everyone to see in print that I'm strongly opposed to this war.  That way if they do destroy everything at least I'll know I wasn't involved.  I'll let King George go meet whatever god he believes in with that on his head.  And even though we are now at war, it doesn't mean that I have to stand behind the president.  He was an idiot before the war, he's an idiot now and he'll still be an idiot when it's all said and done.  This doesn't make me "anti-American" or "treasonous," and fuck anyone who says it does!  With that out of the way, I will move on to another topic I wish to discuss with everyone, well more of a task really.  In this time of uncertainty, I ask only two things:  One: RELAX!!!  All the worrying and fretting isn't going to help anyone or anything.  Oh, and guess what?  Duct tape won't save your ass either.  If they do decide to turn a blind eye to the whole "mutually assured destruction," just sit back, have a drink and enjoy the ride out.  And you can be secure in the fact that it wasn't you who did it.  Two:  Read a fucking book for Christ's sake!  I believe almost all of the world's problems could be solved if everyone just stopped, took a deep breath and sat down with a good book, any book.  I can't tell you how many people I know that actually look me right in the eye and say, "I don't read" or "Reading sucks" or "Reading is boring."  I'm sorry people, but that scares the fuck out of me!  Not Iraq, not Al Qaeda, not the economy, but ignorance and lack of education.  To borrow a phrase from Schoolhouse Rock, "Knowledge is power."   I feel that one of the biggest problems with our society today is the fact that not enough people are reading.  I'm not talking Cosmo or the National Enquirer or instruction manuals, but actual stories in actual books!  So please, I implore all of you, and you know who you are, pick up any book and start reading it.  I am officially starting a new campaign, Read Books for Peace.  If everyone is reading then that leaves no free time for fighting, plus you are learning at the same time.  See how that works out?!  Now if I might make a few recommendations, let's start with the Christians.  Why don't you actually sit down and read the Bible?  It has some good stories, lots of morals and virtues.  And on top of that, your religion is based on it, so you should try reading it sometime.  Better yet, why don't you read the Quran or the Tao Te Ching and learn a little something about someone else's beliefs for a change.  It might even make you more tolerant to others, perhaps you might start believing that people of other faiths can make it into heaven too.  Blasphemy!  But that goes the same for the Muslims too.  Now if you're a liberal, like myself, I'll suggest a couple of books I've read recently: Stupid White Men, by Michael Moore or When You Ride Alone, You Ride With Bin Laden, by Bill Maher.  If you're on the conservative side (although I doubt any of you would take the time to read my page) you might enjoy Slander, by Ann Coulter or Let Freedom Ring, by Sean Hannity.  I hear there's plenty of ranting in there about "why the liberals hate America" and "why you're siding with the terrorists if you're against the war."  If you're more in touch with the Green Party ticket, my buddy just finished reading Crashing the Party, by Ralph Nader and he said it was a pretty good read.  If you want something more end of the worldish to get you in the mood for war, may I suggest Earth Abides, by George R. Stewart?  This was suggested to me a while back and I found it to be an intriguing book.  Right now I'm reading Swan Song, by Robert R. McCammon.  It's about nuclear war and the aftermath, so it fits right in to what's happening in our world today.  I'm not finished yet, but it's shaping up to be a good one.  Another interesting book you might want to check out, especially with the new Patriot Act and forthcoming Patriot II Act in the works, which are the acts where all the ignorant sheep gave up their privacy for a bullshit sense of security; try 1984, by George Orwell.  I bet quite a lot of that book will start to sound very familiar.  Big Brother Ashcroft is watching.  While you're at it, grab Orwell's Animal Farm.  It is a great satire of Stalinism and the Russian Revolution.  I think most of its ideas are still quite relevant today.  If you are in the mood for more classics, you might want to try The Count of Monte Cristo, by Alexandré Dumas; A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens; Paradise Lost, by John Milton; To Kill A Mockingbird, by Harper Lee.  And for those of you who think you could run this war better than the president, pick up a copy of The Art of War, by Sun Tzu or The Prince, by Nicolo Machiavelli.  For the kids, I just read Abarat, by Clive Barker.  It's a beautiful book with fantastic artwork.  Or you could stick to the Harry Potter series, by J.K. Rowling, which are always enjoyable.  I also suggest these books to any adult as well.  While I'm at it, don't forget that every household should have copies of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, by J.R.R. Tolkien.  And remember books don't always have to tell you a story, sometimes they can teach you something instead.  Try to learn about philosophies, religions, theories, computers or even how to remodel your bathroom.  No bookshelf is complete without A Brief History in Time or The Universe in a Nutshell, both by the brilliant Stephen Hawking.  Anyway, I've tossed out a few suggestions, but you don't have to rely on me.  Go out and find your own book and, for god's sake, read it!  Please, I implore you all, read a book.  I don't care if you do it at work, on the shitter, in bed, or maybe, and I know this is tough, turn off the TV and read for a while. The war will still be going on when you get done.  Besides, didn't you ever hear someone say, "The book was better than the movie?"  Well, they say that because it's usually true.  So, your new task is to hit the bookstores.  Barnes and Noble has a great bargain books section or you can try Borders.  I'm also a huge fan of the book exchange stores, where the books go from 25 cents to about 4 bucks.  That's a small price to pay for a little knowledge or a good story.  Even if you can't save the world by doing it, at least maybe you can save yourself.  Spread the word, Read for Peace.

The More You Know

The Reverend James

January 7, 2003

Happy New Year to the lot of you!

Well, I know this new year hasn't started out all that great; what with the impending war, our economy in shambles and one of the biggest dickweed presidents I've seen in my young life.  So instead of my usual dose of bitching and complaining, I thought I would lighten up this skinny with a little game I like to call The Reverend's Top Five.  It's an easy game, you see, where I list off my top five picks in just about every interesting category I can think up.  All series, trilogies, and sequels will count as one, unless otherwise specified.  Also my top five choices are in random order; all top five selections are equal.  Alright, if you're all ready, I give you The Reverend's Top Five.

Top 5 Movies

Star Wars (all of 'em)

A Clockwork Orange

The Godfather (1 & 2)

Pulp Fiction

Scarface

Top 5 Actors

Jack Nicholson

Clint Eastwood

John Malkovich

Al Pacino

Robert DeNiro

Top 5 Actresses

Kathy Bates

Jodie Foster

Michelle Pfeiffer

CCH Pounder

Francis McDormand

Top 5 Directors

Stanley Kubrick

Martin Scorsese

Kevin Smith

Oliver Stone

Quentin Tarantino

Top 5 Movie Villains

Hannibal Lecter

Darth Vader

The Joker

Mr. Blonde

Norman Bates

Top 5 Movie Monsters

Jason Voorhees

Leatherface

Michael Myers

Freddy Krueger

Pinhead

Top 5 Comedies

Clerks

Mallrats

Caddyshack

Ghostbusters

South Park : Bigger, Longer and Uncut

Top 5 Comedians

Bill Hicks

George Carlin

Dave Chapelle

Chris Rock

Dennis Miller

Top 5 Least Favorite Entertainers

Julia Roberts

*NSync (or any boy band for that matter)

Lars Ulrich

Hugh Grant

Julia Roberts (one more time for good measure)

Top 5 TV Shows

Seinfeld

Cheers

The Simpsons

The X-Files

Married With Children

Top 5 Talk Show Hosts

Johnny Carson

David Letterman

Jon Stewart

Conan O'Brien

Bill Maher

Top 5 Books

Imajica, Clive Barker

The Dark Tower (series) Stephen King

The Universe in a Nutshell, Stephen Hawking

The Art of War, Sun Tzu

The Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien

Top 5 Comic Book Heroes

Superman

Batman

Wolverine

The Tick

Spiderman

Top 5 Comic Book Villains

Lobo

The Joker

Doomsday

Apokolips

Lex Luthor

Top 5 Songs

House of the Rising Sun, The Animals

Folsom Prison Blues, Johnny Cash

Date Rape, Sublime

Junkhead, Alice In Chains

We've got a Bigger Problem Now, Dead Kennedys

Top 5 Albums

Dirt, Alice In Chains

Unplugged, Nirvana

Sublime, Sublime

Tenacious D, Tenacious D

Vulgar Display of Power, Pantera

Top 5 Bands (Modern)

Alice In Chains

System of a Down

Nirvana

NOFX

Descendents

Top 5 Bands (Classic)

Beatles

Led Zeppelin

Pink Floyd

The Doors

The Who

Top 5 Lead Singers

Layne Staley, Alice In Chains

Serj Tankian, System of a Down

Jack Black, Tenacious D

Bradley Nowell, Sublime

Jello Biafra, Dead Kennedys

Top 5 Guitarists

Jimi Hendrix

Eric Clapton

BB King

Jimmy Page

Stevie Ray Vaughn

Top 5 Musical Genres

Rock

Rap

Blues

Classical

Reggae

Top 5 Soundtracks

Reservoir Dogs

Pulp Fiction

A Clockwork Orange

Nightmare Before Christmas

The Wizard of Oz

Top 5 Rappers

Dr. Dre

Run DMC

Snoop Dogg

Eminem

Ice Cube

Top 5 Hottest Women

Krista Allen

Jessica Alba

Gina Gershon

Tyra Banks

Alley Baggett

Top 5 Hottest Guys (If I was Gay)

George Clooney

Chris Cornell

Johnny Depp

Brad Pitt

Jason Lee

Top Five Body Parts

Eyes

Breasts

Butts

Legs

Penis (just my own, of course)

Top 5 Muppets

Kermit

Rolf the Dog

Grover

Miss Piggy

Ernie

Top 5 Cartoons

Transformers

GI Joe

The Simpsons

Looney Tunes

South Park

Top 5 Cartoon Characters

Daffy Duck

Homer Simpson

Thundar the Barbarian

Eric Cartman

Scooby Doo

Top 5 Video Games (Classic)

Super Mario Bros. (series)

Zelda (series)

Mike Tyson's Punch-Out

Galaga

Space Invaders

Top 5 Video Games (Modern)

Grand Theft Auto (3 & Vice City)

Tony Hawk (series)

Twisted Metal (2 & Black)

Final Fantasy (VII-X)

Tekken (3 & Tag)

Top 5 Board Games

Trivial Pursuit

Monopoly

Stratego

Chess

Clue

Top 5 Accents

Scottish

Irish

Cockney

Italian

Spanish

Top 5 Philosophers

Aristotle

Plato

Jesus

Neitzche

Lao Tzu

Top 5 Dead People

Charles Darwin

William Shakespeare

Galileo Galilei

Albert Einstein

Leonardo da Vinci

Top 5 Most Admired People

Stephen Hawking

Siddartha Gautama "Buddha"

Jesus Christ

Freiderick Neitchze

Charles Darwin

Top 5 Presidents of the United States

Bill Clinton

Abraham Lincoln

John F. Kennedy

Thomas Jefferson

Franklin D. Roosevelt

Top 5 Serial Killers

Charles Manson

Ed Gein

Richard "Iceman" Kuklinski

John Wayne Gacy

Jeffrey Dahmer

Top 5 Boxers

Roy Jones Jr.

Kostya Tszyu

Marco Antonio Barrera

Wladimir Klitchko

Arturo Gatti

Top 5 Wrestlers

HHH

Scott Hall

Undertaker

The Rock

Hulk Hogan

Top 5 Sports

Boxing

Football

Baseball

Basketball

Racquetball

Top 5 Cars

Dodge Viper

Chevrolet Chevelle SS

Dodge Charger

Jaguar S-Type

Ford GT-40

Top 5 Most Liked Animals

Snakes

Ferrets

Dogs

Bears

Monkeys

Top 5 Least Liked Animals

Cats

Guinea Pigs

Cows

Rats

Sheep

Top 5 Favorite Foods

Pizza

Steak

Chicken

BBQ Ribs

Gyros

Top 5 Least Favorite Foods

Liver

Brussel Sprouts

Asparagus

Gizzards

Fish

Top 5 Fruits

Strawberries

Bananas

Apples

Grapes

Oranges

Top 5 Vegetables

Broccoli

Corn

Potatoes

Onions

Peas

Top 5 Fast Food Joints

Burger King

Little King

Panera Bread

Arby's

Long John Silver's

Top 5 Kinds of Food

Chinese

Thai

Italian

German

Mexican

Top 5 Breakfast Cereals

Fruity & Cocoa Pebbles

Honey Bunches of Oats

Life

Corn Pops

Captain Crunch

Top 5 Candy Bars

Snickers

100 Grand

Whatchamacallit

Baby Ruth

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

Top 5 Beers

Boulevard Wheat

Newcastle Brown

Guinness

Rolling Rock

Fat Tire

Top 5 Scents

1. Patchouli

2. Vanilla

3. Sandalwood

4. Green Tea

5. Fresh linen

Top 5 Numbers

3

13

7

11

30

Top 5 Colors

Green

Blue

Black

White

Red

Top 5 Months

April

May

June

July

August

Top 5 Holidays

4th of July

Thanksgiving

New Year's

Memorial Day

Halloween

Top 5 Words

Tits

Fuck

Flabbergasted

Juxtapose

Molecular

Top 5 Diseases

Smallpox

AIDS

Malaria

Bubonic Plague

Ebola Virus

Now, I think that's a good start!  Remember these are all just according to MY opinion and I'm sure some of you will disagree with me.  If you have any categories or choices that I may have omitted, please send them on in.  One last thing, these "top fives" are also subject to change at anytime, depending on my mood.  Have a Happy 2003!

Always topping the list,

The Reverend James

December 5, 2002

"Welcome my son,  welcome to the machine..."

Hello loyal readers!  There are so many things going on in our world right now, that I'm not even sure which one I should bitch about in this skinny.  Is it just me or is everything falling to shit around here?  Personally, I haven't lived through a "falling to shit" period yet, I mean seriously, what the fuck has happened to our world?!  We have uptight, white bread conservatives in charge of the well being of our nation and you can see where that would be a scary, scary piece of business.  Not only do these people want all your money, but now they want all your rights as well.  This isn't what I was promised as a child.  Where are the floating cars, conveyer belt sidewalks, robot maids?  Those damn Jetsons lied to me!  Shit, the Flintstones had it better than we do and they lived in the goddamn Stone Age.  What happened to all of our leaders?  What happened to people that we could look up to and respect?  It's hard not to be jaded about the current state of affairs in the world when there are no heroes anymore.  Just look at the latest revelation about how the firemen on 9-11 were stealing jeans and looting while the towers burned.  What?  Did I hear this right, the "heroes" of September 11th were looting?!  You have got to be fucking kidding me.  I am so utterly disgusted by the planet as a whole lately, it's unbelievable.  And the sad thing is no one can do anything about it, not one thing.  What can we do, vote? No, that's a fucking joke.  Look how that turns out: There are always votes not counted, people turned away from the polls and whatever other shady practices our politicians can think of to get their puppet of choice into office.  I know they like to tell you that every vote matters but, news flash people, it doesn't.  This country was sold down the river a long time ago.  Ask the tobacco and oil companies who has been running this country for the past forty years and I bet they won't say the president.  Back to my previous thought, where have all of the leaders gone?  Where are the Ghandis, the Martin Luther Kings and the Jesus Christs?  Do we just not make them that way anymore or do we kill them when they open their mouth too wide or too often?  I like to have my opinion heard, but all I have is this scant web site as a forum.  Where does an average Joe, like me, have his voice heard?  Where are my points of view in this world?  Who in Washington is representing me and my contrary opinions?  I know I can't be the only person that feels this way.  Why does it seem that only two kinds of people get their say in this country, conservative Republicans and conservative Democrats?  Has it really come to that?  Or is it just me?  I'm so tired of not having anything substantial to believe in.  I used to have religion, but that abandoned me as soon as I learned to think for myself.  Not that it mattered much because most religions are just as, if not more, crooked and ignorant as any other organization on this planet.  Our government and its politicians give me absolutely nothing to believe in, since they are already bought and paid for before they even get into office.  Fuck it, I'm tired of not having anything to believe in, so I feel it's time for me to stop being an atheist and start believing in a god.  Not just any god though, but a god of my own creation.  Oh and he's way more omnipotent than any other god out there, I'll tell you what.  Gee Oh Dee is superior to the other deities because he was created in my image, not vice versa, and he rules mankind with my opinions and beliefs.  You Christians, Muslims and Jews have had the playing field for far too long and now it's time for my god to take over.  Gee Oh Dee is omniscient and omnipresent just like all your other divine beings.  Oh, but my god is way cooler.  First of all, my god didn't create man.  Gee Oh Dee is not an egotist; he knows that man evolved on this planet millions of years ago and he doesn't take credit for things he didn't do, like some other gods, but I won't name names.  He's not ignorant either; he knows the Earth is more than 6000 years old.  My god also threw out the medieval ideas of heaven and hell, as he was tired of people using it to threaten.  Many apologies to all of you who were self righteous enough to get into heaven, but my god just foreclosed on it.  As far as hell goes, Gee Oh Dee has turned it into a sunny seaside resort. "Have earthly worries got you down?  Take a 10 day cruise to beautiful, tropical Hell.  There's scuba diving, yachting, hang gliding and all the foo-foo drinks you can handle."  Lucifer does still run the place, but he's is much more pleasant now that the afterlife is under new management.  He's traded his hoofs and horns in for something a little more modern; think of him more like Mr. Rourke from Fantasy Island.  It is almost 2003, did you think he would just walk around on cloven hoofs forever?  And since heaven's mortgage has been foreclosed, Gee Oh Dee has decided to build low income housing there for the destitute.  Don't worry about the upkeep either;  he is a god for Christ's sake. (Pardon the pun.)  The yards are always mowed and there's always a fresh coat of paint on the buildings.  See my god is way better, since he looks out for the poor and disenfranchised.  "Three out of four humans prefer Gee Oh Dee over the leading brand of deity."  

My god has also decreed upon me his "Five Suggestions."  He doesn't need ten, that's just being arrogant.   And Gee Oh Dee doesn't call them commandments; that's so eight days ago.

Suggestion One

Do not take the life of your fellow human being. (Killing)

Suggestion Two

Do not take what does not belong to you. (Stealing)

Suggestion Three

Men and women are created equally and should be treated as such. (Equality)

Suggestion Four

Do not persecute others for their beliefs or differences. (Tolerance)

Suggestion Five

Do as you want, as long as it hurts no one. (Freedom)

See, five basic ideas that can revolutionize the whole commandment industry.  I know the first two have been done before, but hey if it ain't broke...  My god's suggestions pretty much sum up how people should live their lives, in order to obtain peace and harmony.  Gee Oh Dee also professes unconditional love for everyone.  Now I know a lot of other gods claim they do as well, but in reality they don't.  These other divinities would damn you for believing in any other gods besides them or for not believing in them at all, but not my god.  Gee Oh Dee loves and provides for you regardless, even if you don't believe in him.  (I have been using the pronoun "he" or "him" simply because it's easier for me, but really Gee Oh Dee is androgynous.)  So from this day forth, my god will rule eternally.  If any other godheads think they can step up and take my god's place, I'd like to see them try it.  Bring it on, Yahweh!  Come get some, Allah!  Can you hang, Brahma?  Gee Oh Dee has come to revamp the whole supreme being enterprise.  Are you also tired of not having someone to believe in?  Well than, join my god.  He is there for you, he loves you and he doesn't impose his agenda upon you.  He lets you be who you want to be, not who he wants you to be.  Believing in a god has never been easier folks.  Come on in, the water's fine.  Gee Oh Dee in 2003, a god for the future!

God's Prophet for the ages,

The Reverend James

October 20, 2002

Guten Tag meine Freunde,

Let me start this skinny by letting everyone know that I have been trying for the past year to acquire weapons of mass destruction, specifically nuclear weapons.  I now have one warhead that I'm currently keeping in my closet. (Kiss my ass, Iraq and N. Korea!)  My team of engineers estimates that we will have three more warheads before year's end, which is one for each of my other closets.  I am a force to be reckoned with, however I will not use my newly acquired power for ill.  I plan to take over the world with sheer wit,  not force.  So instead of me killing innocent civilians, I offer you this solution, which should end things peacefully.  I am going to give you all a list of people I think should kill themselves,   take one for the team if you will, by lip locking the business end of a shotgun.  First, and foremost, on the list would have to be Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson.  You ignorant, bigoted assholes have gone on for far too long!  Your constant foot-in-mouth comments about the Muslims, the atheists and agnostics, homosexuals and the ACLU need to stop.  You are ruining our country by spreading your holier than thou agenda and religious propaganda, so please for the love of your lord: One of you needs to shoot the other one, than shoot himself.  I don't care who goes first, just get it done.   Secondly is that weasely little prick Ari Fleischer.  Yes, I know he's "just the messenger" but he seems to have no morals, remorse or guilty conscience for continuously lying to the face of America--you know, boss' orders.  Please Ari,  next time bend the cattle of this country over and dry fuck them straight in the ass.  That way they'll all know they're getting fucked and you won't have to beat around the bush about it. (Pardon the pun)  Bottle of sleeping pills and some scotch for you, prick.  Next on my list would be Joan Rivers.  "Celebrities" need to die too.  I offer no explanation for Joan, everyone knows why she needs to go.  I think she should shoot herself right there on the red carpet, that way it will help hide the blood spatter.  Saddam and George W. are next on the agenda.  I'm willing to let you two decide which one will die.  May I suggest the Iocaine Powder game from the Princess Bride?  Inconceivable!  My next suggestion for suicide would have to be Sean Hannity, from Hannity and Colmes.  Why don't you go as far to the right as you can, jump off the edge and plummet to your death?  Knee-jerk conservative asshole!  Julia Roberts has to be next.  I know what the women are saying, "But I love Julia, she's such a good actress."  Wrong!  She sucks, her movies suck and she needs to hang herself from the rafters of her Hollywood sized ego.   If I have to see the trailer for one more Julia Roberts "feel good" movie, I just might hang myself.  Now for your consideration, The Rolling Stones. Please fellas, overdose on drugs like you were supposed to 20 years ago. If I have to sit through another rendition of "Satisfaction," I can't be held accountable for my actions.   Dick Cheney,  come on down.  Can you spend a few more years trading handjobs with Saddam for oil?  Everyone knows your dealings with Iraq and Haliburton.  Do the honorable thing!  Instead of sucking Saddam's cock, try sucking the barrel of a .45 caliber pistol, you shady bastard.  Rolling right along.  I think all pop stars including all the boy bands and those American Idol assholes, need to get a Jonestown party going. They can all sing their shitty little jingles to each other until their ears bleed and then help themselves to some special Kool-Aid.  From a helicopter, the death site will look like a pink and purple sequined nightmare.  Oh, the horror!  Joseph Leiberman is next in line.  This whiny, little censorship and faith-based funding bitch needs to climb into a warm tub and slice his wrists vertically, better yet, why not just slice all the veins you can reach?  I was wondering Joe, can you get tea-bagged by the president anymore?  Didn't that asshole fuck you out of a vice-presidency?  Get some nuts, pussy!  Tom Daschle, Dick Gephardt and Al Gore, what the hell let's throw Tipper in there too.  You three, time's up, for being complete weaklings and letting the conservative right walk all over you. Oh, and Tipper, for the whole PMRC and music censorship fiasco.  Come on Tip, FREEDOM... it's what's for dinner!  For you four, may I suggest a twist on the prisoner's dilemma?  You are all in separate rooms and have no communication with one another.  There is a button on the wall of each of your rooms.  If none of you push the button, you will all go free.  If some of  you push the button, you play sort of a Russian Roulette with a 75% chance of survival,  while the ones that didn't push the button will be killed immediately. Do you press the button and take the 75% chance of survival, while assuming the guilt of indirectly leading to the deaths of the others?  Or do you resist your fear and not press the button, hoping that no one else's fear gets the better of them?  Oh, how will it turn out?!  That's up to the lot of you. We'll find out what you're really made of.  Dr. Phil, I think you should check out as well.  Nothing personal Doc, I just get tired of seeing you "fixing" all those ignorant cracker's relationships.  Plus, I don't trust any doctor that only goes by his first name.  Maybe leave the car running in the garage Phil, nice and peaceful that way.  Any famous people that do commercials, a nice dirt nap is in order.  You should all drink a nice, delicious, nutritious, wholesome glass of arsenic-laced iced tea.  I could have chosen to lace it with hemlock, but that's more for intelligent philosophers not media whores.  Prostituting yourself for a product when you're already filthy rich, for shame!  Speaking of Jay Leno, your turn, please kill yourself.  Your show is just a clichéd, trite pile of horseshit repackaged and force fed to the people of America .  You should be ashamed to pass off your schtick as comedy and to think that at one time you used to be one of the best  stand-up comedians.  Go to sleep sheep of America, Jay Leno is on to entertain you.  Kill yourself Jay, slice your own throat, but make sure you get the carotid arteries and the jugular veins--we don't want to take any chances.  Seriously!  Let us not forget my ol' buddy, the Pope.  Why don't you let more priests fuck little boys?  Who needs a zero-tolerance policy for child molesters anyway, you shaking, incompetent fuck?  You need to put your boy's club (pardon the pun) in check.  Impale your self on your holy scepter, so the children of the Catholic Church can get a good night's sleep for a change.  I used to kind of like Greta Van Sustern, but anymore I think she is just another sucker of the collective media cock.  So I'm sorry Greta, but I think you need to insert a shotgun into the good side of your mouth and put us all out of our misery.  I could go on for days, but I think this is a good start.  Let me give a little shout out to anyone I missed and I did miss a lot.  Anyone out there who is fucking up everyone else's buzz,  kill yourself please!  Do us a favor and just do it.  I know who you are, you know who you are...just get it done.

A Do-it-Yourselfer,

The Reverend James  

September 18,  2002

Rape Me...Rape Me, my friend...

The song drones on my clock radio as Kurt Cobain's searing voice rouses me from a dream of my father.  You see, I was born the same day Kurt died.  My father always said, "Maybe you got a little part of him when you were born."  I guess that's why I always liked Nirvana, even though they were before my time.  I always thought I really did have a piece of him inside me...somewhere.  Not the musical genius part, I think more like the tortured soul part.  Their music always brings back memories of my dad.  He's been gone ten years now.  Like a lot of the people, he came down with the sickness after the big war and just kind of withered away and died.  I don't believe that was the kind of death meant for my dad.  He just never seemed the "waste away" type.  I always thought he was one of those guys, like you see on the news: MAN DIES SAVING FAMILY or MAN DIES FIGHTING FOR CAUSE.  Maybe I just wanted him to be that guy or maybe I thought he deserved it.  In any case, that's not how it went down.

I guess it all started when I was a young kid.  The first real big news story I could remember was the attack on the US on September 11.  I remember that we watched the events from that day on TV in my third grade class.  I didn't really understand why it was such a big deal at the time, I mean, I was only eight.  All I knew was a lot of people I didn't know died and then everyone bought a flag.  My mom said the first real big news story she remembered was when a space ship blew up with a teacher on it.  She said they put it on the TV at her school when she was a girl.  I guess every kid has their first big news story: My grandpa's was President Kennedy's assassination and my great grandpa's was Pearl Harbor.

The 9/11 attack might be the story I remember, but it's the war that no one could forget.  The president talked about nuclear weapons, said that Iraq had nuclear weapons and that we needed to go to war to stop those evil men from attacking us first.  Well, we did just that.  We went in to Iraq forcefully and thousands of people died, theirs and ours.  Everyone said it was the right thing to do.  They said we needed to oust their leader so the world could be safe and free.  And that is where they failed.  Hell, Iraq didn't even have nuclear weapons.  But what they did do though is hit us where it hurt the most, in our water and food supplies.  The contaminates in the water made it undrinkable, causing people to become violently ill and many died from it, including my dad.  They let loose bacteria that fed upon our plants and grains, which devastated our farming industry.  Now all of our food is grown genetically under lights in labs at "undisclosed locations."  We've since made chemicals to kill the deadly bacteria, but I don't think it will matter much in my lifetime.  But no matter, I've grown accustomed to eating my food out of a vacuum sealed bag and drinking my water out of a plastic bottle.

Life isn't like it used to be back when I was a kid, even

though I'm barely a man now.  I don't leave my apartment much anymore, since most times there is either a terror alert or high pollution alert.  And I don't talk to people too much, well not real people anyway, just faces on a screen.  But chatting on the computer isn't like talking to real people, since you never really talk, it's always chit chat: What movies do you like?  What songs do you listen too?  Nothing substantial, nothing real.  Curfew is 9pm anyway, so I pretty much just sit at home watching holovision or playing VR.  The only time I go out is to visit my mother.  She hasn't been the same since dad died.  She walks around the house depressed most days, angry others or just sits glued to the

HV, losing herself in fantasy.  I can't blame her though because in my life I've learned that fantasy is always better than reality.  I even work from my place, running a virtual sex site on the world wide web.  Any celebrity you want to get with, anytime, for a mere $19.95.  It's not the best job for a man barely out of his teens, but it's not the worst thing I could do either.  There has never been a depression in the porn industry, you know.  Sex always sells, even nowadays.  Like I said before, fantasy, on the most part, is better than reality.

Today is like most others, except that the sun is out and shining in through my window.  It's a rare occurrence when the sun is out and shining, we don't get to see it too much anymore.  It's still there of course, but there's usually a haze over it most of the time, especially when we have a high pollution alert.  Sometimes it seems like dusk for days and days.  We only get full on sunshine about once a month, like the full moon.  As a child I always took it for granted, I guess I never thought that the sun wouldn't be shining on us someday.  I haven't had a sunburn in eight years.  I haven't seen a flower, or smelled one for that matter, in just as long.  I live in a concrete graveyard, where the sky is dark and the people are too.  

I should probably get up, maybe take a walk and stop by and see mom.  I miss her smile and her laugh, because I haven't heard it in so long.  I think that's why I visit her so often, because it makes me remember when she did.  And it helps me remember when I did.  First though, I think I'll grab a few more minutes of sleep and maybe dream.  My dreams are the only place I smile anymore, the only place that makes me feel happy.  I think it's because my dad still visits me there.  He stops in just to say hi and I love you, son.  You know, fantasy is always better than reality...at least nowadays.

This could be your son America,

The Reverend James

August 8, 2002

Greetings friends,

In this month's skinny, the Reverend sits down for an interview with the man the world has been waiting over two thousand years to hear from....

 It's a Tuesday night  at a local tavern.  When I arrive, I find him at a poorly lit table all the way in the back.  He waves me over.  "What are you drinking?" he asks.  "I'll have whatever you're having," I say.  He tells the waitress to bring another Guinness and then to keep 'em coming.  The place is empty, except for a few regulars who are too busy flirting with the attractive female barkeep to pay us any mind.  I pull out my pen and a notepad to begin the interview of a lifetime, with the one and only Jesus H. Christ.

Rev: So, you're a Guinness man, huh?

Jesus: (Taking a large swill from his mug)  Yeah, I picked up a flavor for it about a hundred years ago in Ireland. And before you even ask, I take no sides in that fiasco.  Nor have I ever told anyone to build or use a bomb.

Rev: Then you stay out of the whole Catholic/ Protestant he said, she said?

Jesus: I try to stay out of most things lately, as they just don't interest me so much anymore.  I tried to get everyone to love one another, but I guess the world thought I was before my time.  Instead they decided to use my name to kill, control people or sell things to them.  That's when I kind of checked myself out of the whole helping mankind business.  Oh, and the nailed to a cross thing didn't help either, but that was a long time ago and I'm not one to hold grudges.

Rev:  Well, you're a bigger man than I.  I tell you what, if they nailed me to something, heads would roll!

Jesus: (Grins) Oh, believe me, I was tempted.  Judas turned me in for a lousy thirty pieces of silver; he could have held out for at least a hundred, at least!  I mean you're kidding me... the son of God for thirty pieces of silver?!  Then there was my buddy Peter, if you can call him that.  That asshole denies me, not once, not twice but three times--come on!  And don't get me started on the people.  Can you believe they let a murderer go over me?  By the way Barabas, if you're reading this, I said they would pick you so pay up the ten bucks.  (Flashes a scrawled IOU on old parchment)

Rev:  What about Mary the Magdalene?  She never crossed you, did she?

Jesus: No, Mary was a real cool chick, very laid back and down to earth.  She put up with a lot of crap just to hang out with me.  Everyone called her a messiah groupie, but she wasn't one.  She was just groovy girl who liked to sit around and wax philosophical with me.  Oh, and while I'm on the subject, all you people need to stop calling her a whore.  I don't know where that rumor started, but it doesn't say she was a whore in the bible and that's where most people get their gossip from.

Rev: Gossip, from the bible?

Jesus: Oh absolutely, that book is the equivalent of a supermarket tabloid! Some of it is close to the truth, but I'd say 95% of it is just hearsay trash.  You ever play the game "Telephone?"  That's exactly what it's like!  It's just what a bunch of people heard second and third hand that I supposedly said or did, not what I actually said or did.

Rev:  People are curious--what do you think of the way things are going in the world right now?

Jesus:  Well, where to begin? (Pauses as the waitress brings the next round) First, I think the Middle East needs to settle down.  Seriously Middle East, just relax, have a joint and a smile and shut the fuck up!  Quit fighting over what you think is holy land, trust me, it's not.  Allah is my uncle and he is so pissed right now!  Him and my dad have been thinking of just completely wiping that whole area out and using it as an endangered species reserve.  They think the world would benefit considerably from more animals and less self righteous, bickering humans.  Although, they are still up in the air on that one.  

Rev: What about the economy here in America? Any thoughts on that?

Jesus:  Not really.  I don't pay much attention to money, you know, the whole den of thieves thing and all.  I was talking to Gabriel though and it turns out he lost a fortune in WorldCom!  Vishnu told him he shouldn't have put all his eggs in one basket; you have to diversify your portfolio, he said.  But archangels never listen,  they think they know everything.  Well, now he's learned his lesson--never underestimate human greed.

Rev:  What about Bush Jr.?  Do you think he is performing well in office?

Jesus:  (Rolls his eyes)  Not really, and he's quite the name dropper too.  He is always bringing me into everything!  And my hand to my dad, I've never met the man.  I did hang out with Colin Powell once or twice though.  Good guy!  We got drunk on cheap wine one night and he jumped up on a table and starting singing YMCA by the Village People, you know, with the hand motions and everything.  I thought I was going to pee myself from laughing so hard. (Lets out a loud guffaw)  Good times, good times.  As for the other guys, I've never met them.  I do know Cheney owes my dad some money, so he stops his heart every time he's late on his payments.  Not to kill him, just to scare him.  As they say, dead men don't pay debts.  The one I always try to avoid is that Ashcroft asshole.  Can you believe that guy?  He's always talking about me like he knows me.  So if you're reading this Ashcroft, stop calling me!  I don't hang out with squares who think dancing is a sin.  Trust me, it's not, look it up if you don't believe me.  And one more thing, stop telling everyone you speak for me, because you don't.

Rev: Who does speak for you?

Jesus:  Well, I don't have anyone speak for me directly.  But the person who has been kind of teaching my schtick lately, you know the whole love one another thing, that would have to be the Dalai Lama.  He's a delightful guy and people should really listen to him more often.  We pretty much share the same outlook on life, which is: Do what you want, but don't hurt anyone in the process.

Rev:  What about the Catholic priest scandal?

Jesus:  I think you can guess my stance on that.  It doesn't take a quantum physicist to understand you got to leave the kids alone! (Making a casual waving gesture)  Move on, I'm sick of that question.  Those Catholics are a little goofy for my flavor anyway.  All the guilt and pedophilia, it's like a child predator paradise.

Rev:  How about the words "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance?  Do you have any thoughts on that?

Jesus: No, I could give two craps.  I pledge allegiance to no one, so you all can bicker about it if you choose, but I wish you'd just leave me out of it.  No pun intended.  Anyway, are we about ready to wrap this up?  I have to meet my date in an hour.

Rev: Who's the lucky lady?

Jesus:  Angelina Jolie.  She just split up with Billy Bob, so she's back on the market.  Boy, she is fine, in that freaky, kinky way.  (Whistles)  And those lips, I mean Jesus Christ...  Sorry, didn't mean to take my name in vain, but you've gotta admit if I land that one....  All I can say is: Good times, good times.

Rev: Jesus, are there any last words you want to say to the people before you go?

Jesus: Yeah.  First and foremost, can't we all just get along?  Religion doesn't matter, color doesn't matter, sex doesn't matter--you see where I'm going with this one.  Secondly, stop using me for your own agenda.  Lastly, legalize marijuana.  The bullshit has gone on long enough.  (Chuckles) You didn't expect that last one, did you?  Seriously though, legalize it, my dad made it for a reason.

Rev: Well, thanks for sitting down with me, Jesus.  I've had a great time and I'm sure our readers have as well.  I hope we can do this again sometime soon.

Jesus: Anytime, RJ.  Just hit me up on my pager, you know the number.

If you would like to see Jesus Christ in person, he will be appearing in a cracked window in New Jersey on August 3.  He will also be appearing in a tortilla shell in Mexico City from August 15-19.  Then on September 8, he will be doing a book signing at the Mall of America for his new book, My dad can beat up your dad.  Available from Random House in hardcover and paperback.

Another big thanks to Jesus for  taking the time to speak with me!

The Reverend James

July 3, 2002

Welcome aboard, my fellow social misfits...

Today is the Reverend James' web pages' one year anniversary.

Hold your applause, please, you're making me blush.  I started this site right around the fourth of July last year. (Feel free to check the skinny archive, if you're feeling a little nostalgic.)  I write "The Monthly Skinny" and host this site in the hopes that I might make people stop and think.  That's all I ask--keep an open mind, stand up and take notice of what is going on in the world around you.  Maybe, I might even change someone's mind or their view on society, politics or whatever else I'm ranting about at the time.    I think if I can reach just one person then perhaps that person will spread the knowledge with others and so on and so forth--just one big domino effect.  Now, I know my opinions are not the "norm" in this country, since I hear that from every ignorant sheep that grazes through my path.  However, I like to think that by writing these editorials maybe I can make a difference, even if it is just a little difference, at least it's a start.  So for this past year, I have been ranting and raving about all the things that I think are wrong or that just plain piss me off, but this skinny, however, will not be used for that.  I mean I could bitch about how the crooked corporations have been cooking their books and fixing the stock market, so that they can cheat honest Americans out of more of their hard earned money.  Or how about the school voucher system, which was upheld by the Supreme Court, that takes away public tax dollars allocated for the public schools.  Maybe I should talk about my favorite: The "under god" phraseology in the Pledge of Allegiance and the many reasons that we should revert the pledge back to its original form.  (Or you could just reread my skinny from  March 1st, if you were so inclined.)  I could use this skinny to talk about that or a number of things, but because this is my web pages' one year anniversary I'm dedicating this skinny to...yours truly.  So fuck all those country ruining, money hoarding, religion forcing assholes!!  All praise the Reverend for making it a whole year on the web!  I know this skinny isn't as interesting as many of my others, but I can't point out the world's shortcomings day in and day out if I don't take a little time to kiss my own ass. And what a sweet ass it is Rev., no really stop, you're making me blush again...Oh, I'm too good to me!  So for this holiday week, when you are celebrating the birth of our country, think of me. Moreover, think of how good our country still is despite all of its flaws.  Where else would I have the right to speak my mind publicly every day, if I so choose?  Whether I am slamming the president, disgracing the church or patting myself on the back, I am free to do so--and you are too.  In my opinion, freedom is the most important thing in our society and the freedom of speech is my lifeblood.  So your mission for this 4th of July is to start your own web page (Trust me, it's not hard.  If I can do it, a shaved chimp could!) and spread your opinions and thoughts to anyone that will listen or read.  Even if 100 people ignore you, there is always a chance that one person might listen and that one person might someday change the world.  So, Happy Birthday America! And Happy Birthday to my web page!  I have finally joined cyberspace for good, so may whatever god you believe in have mercy on your souls....

"Heresy is only another word for freedom of thought."

- Graham Greene

"Restriction of free thought and free speech is the most dangerous of all subversions. It is the one un-American act that could most easily defeat us."

- Justice William O. Douglas

Thought is like a virus, spread it!

The Reverend James

June 1, 2002

Skinny 1

Hello again, my fellow thinkers...

I wasn't quite sure what to write this skinny about, because I am slowly becoming too jaded about everything in this world.  I am sure you all noticed my conspiracy skinny last month, when I said that I believed Bush and his cronies (or "Bushies" as they are being called) knew about September 11th before it happened.  Well imagine my surprise, when they came clean and told all of us citizens that they did have foreknowledge of the attacks and just didn't bother to do anything about it.  I hate to say I told you so but...I FUCKING KNEW IT!!  These are the people who are in charge of our security and who are there to keep us protected from our enemies, however, it seems their main priority is how to keep their approval rating up.  Now they have also decided to finally subpoena the White House in the Enron scandal.  Well whoop-dee fucking do!  I think they should subpoena this whole crooked organization for everything that they have done since they were "elected" into office.  And what really makes me absolutely disgusted is that the American people really don't seem to care that their government has been bending them over and ass fucking them all in the name of patriotism!  Well, guess what, Mr. President?  You have made a mockery of what it means to be called a "good American".  Why do you think that every other country in this world despises us?!  Even our allies seem to condemn us, every chance they get.  And I agree with them!  I love my country, this is my home, and all you warmongering criminals are doing is fucking it up with your world killing oil war.  I for one would gladly go without the oil, get rid of my cars (I hate driving anyway) and go live in a tent, if it meant getting you criminals out of power. (And by criminals, I generally mean politicians.)  Your crimes go unabated, unchecked and unchallenged. All you have to do is throw out some bullshit propaganda that the ignorant sheep of our country (and they happen to be the majority) eat up like it was handed down directly from god.  Mr. Bush, you are not a god, although I know you claim to work for him.  I firmly believe that if there was a god he would float his ass down from heaven and bitch slap you, like the weasely little bastard you are.  Unless god was a woman, then she would perpetually kick you in the balls!  I guess I just needed to rant a little bit and get that all off my chest. Aaaaahh!  I haven't done some honest to goodness, heartfelt bitching in a while.  No facts, no articles, just a little piece of the Reverend to brighten up your day.   I also wanted to put into words some of the betrayal and outright dishonesty I feel is coming down from our government.  So for those of you that read my page and agree with me, maybe you can take a few extra minutes to talk to the "Don't question the President" drones that you know and maybe, just maybe, show them the light.  Show them how they are really being treated by their government.  Convince them that disagreeing with the president does not equate to being a bad American.  In fact, in my eyes, it makes them a good American.  Love the country,  hate the leaders--because they could give a damn about you. (Unless you are helping them raise their approval rating, of course.) Govern yourself, you are the only person honest enough to do it...

My life, My laws.

The Reverend James

Skinny 2

And more....

I have had enough of all this bullshit!  First, let me start by saying what the fuck were the FBI and the CIA doing for the past five fucking years?!  How could they have possibly missed September11th??  What are these dumb sonofabitches getting paid for?  Shit, I could have figured out they were going to attack us and I have had no formal training whatsoever.  You are seriously trying to tell me that Middle Eastern men coming to American flight schools and learning how to fly planes, but NOT land them, isn't suspicious.  Well then, what the hell is?!  Did these terrorists literally need to walk in to FBI headquarters in Quantico and say "Hello Agent Dumb Ass, I am a Saudi dissident with a dirty nuke strapped to my ass.  You wouldn't mind if I took a plane to Manhattan, would you?"  Would that send up a red flag  or would it only warrant further investigation?  Now President Bush is saying that conducting investigations, into what was known and when, would just prevent these people from further stopping terrorists.  Excuse me Mr. Bush,  if they would have done their jobs correctly and efficiently in the first place then perhaps September 11th would not have become a reality!  Seriously, what in the blue hell are you people doing?!  (Besides sitting back, collecting fat paychecks and even fatter pensions.)  Do the American people really think you are protecting them?  Better yet, do YOU feel you are doing the absolute best job you can do to protect your citizens?  This administration and "friends" smells as fishy as Charlie Tuna's asshole.  Am I the only one that sees it?  I must be though, because every time I watch the news the President's approval rating is still through the roof!  Please tell me how that can be?  Is he just herding cattle, I mean, Jesus wept!  Just because you read it in the paper, doesn't make it so!  Just because you see it on TV, doesn't make it so!  When will people begin to think and choose for themselves, rather than being force-fed these preprocessed sound bytes like drooling idiots?  (No offense to the actual drooling idiots out there, of course.) What is our world coming to? And speaking of unbelievable mind-numbing garbage, can you believe that the American bishops need to hold yet another meeting on whether or not they will ask the pope to "immediately" defrock priests caught molesting children.  Why is this still an issue?!  YES, you "immediately" defrock priests who are child molesters, you ignorant, soul soliciting assholes!  You know how I would rectify this situation post haste?  I would tie these boy-touching, socially inept perverts to a table and cut their fucking balls off...Period!  I don't see how this could warrant so much discussion.  Priests that help with the poor--GOOD.  Priests that molest children--BAD.  Now why don't you get your archaic heads out of your holier than thou asses and fix this.  If you keep putting this off then you are going to end up as "The Molester religion," and who's gonna donate their money to that?  Your decisions so far have been absolutely ludicrous!  Priest molests more than one child--CRIME.  Priest molests "only" one child--THERAPY.  Riddle me this Catholics, if this is the standard which should be applied to molesting, then why is this not applied to other sex offenders?  Exactly, because it's wrong!!  Whether you're rich, poor, black, white, Catholic, etc.  These priests should be wearing orange jumpsuits right next to R. Kelly on Child Porn Row.  But perhaps something good can come of all this.  Maybe the religious right will lose their "burning hellfire and damnation" hold over everyone, which in turn might finally free up some minds to think again...if they can even remember how.  More thinking people--GOOD.   Religious brainwashing--BAD.  See, I just solved the whole priestly pedophilia problem in just one skinny.  I should be pope!

Well, I've said my piece and had my shots, so I will leave you all with just one last thought.  When the leaders of our world turn this planet into a post apocalyptic nightmare, I'm taking over!

Supreme ruler of Earth

The Reverend James

April 20, 2002

Skinny 1

Hello, my friends, Hello...  

Now let me start by saying that this will probably not be the nicest, most diplomatic way to go about things, but please hear me out.  This fighting over "The Holy Land" has been happening for thousands of years now, be it over one thing or another...the Israeli occupation, the Palestinian suicide bombings (sorry Mr. President, I mean "homicide bombings.") are just the most recent in a long line of hostilities.  I, for one, am a trifle disgusted by it.  To begin with, the Israelis have a right to exist, period.  In addition, the Palestinians have a right to exist, period.   Now if all of you selfish, feuding fucks can't figure out how to coexist peacefully, oh I'll tell you how the problem should be solved.  Foremost, you receive a one month advance warning: All Israelis and Arabs must leave the country post haste.  Gather your belongings and get the fuck out before things get rough!   When the warning expires, anyone left in the country is done for.  Sorry, but we warned you.  Then we proceed to carpet bomb the entire Holy Land; Gaza Strip , West Bank, Israel, the temples and mosques and even the birthplace of Jesus Christ. Everything!  There will be nothing left, except the rubble.  Subsequently, we will assess the populations of each side and split the land justly. At this time, you can all return to your evenly divided countries and there shouldn't be anything to fight over because you all have the same thing...RUBBLE!  Now since you have wasted the world's time for so many years, your truly fitting punishment will be to rebuild both of your countries from the ground up.   Oh, and if I forgot to mention, Arafat and Sharon will be shackled to one another and forced to spend the rest of their lives working on a chain gang, rebuilding all the towns for the people whose lives they fucked up with their incessant, egotistical warring.  Since I dislike you both equally, it is only reasonable to treat you both equally.  And one last tidbit for you, there are no second chances and no second warnings.  We will turn your collective homeland into a smoldering, lifeless pockmark on our planet, with you evolutionary retards still in it. Sorry, one chance and no do-overs!  Right about now is where you're all thinking, "Reverend, isn't that a little too extreme?"  Yes, it is very extreme but desperate times call for desperate measures.  And if we don't do something to end this endless battle in the Middle East, then it will eventually end up in our country soon enough.  September 11th was an unparalleled tragedy and if these jackasses are allowed to continue with their complete disregard for human life, then there is limitless ruin lying in wait for the fate of the world.  In conclusion, make peace with one another or....or....OR ELSE!

Solving the world's problems, one at a time.

The Reverend James

Skinny 2

"Welcome my friends, to the show that never ends.  I'm so glad you could  attend.  Come inside, come inside..."   

Your friendly neighborhood Reverend has been enjoying the lovely heat wave that has blown through the heartland recently.  So I figured I'd throw out another skinny to cool you all down.  I have not received as many letters lately to the site so I hope this will stir you up a bit. Conspiracy theorists, listen up because you may find this interesting!  There are a few recent articles and happenings which have pissed me off. (More than usual.)  So I figured I would take this opportunity to comment on them, for your reading pleasure, and hopefully incite a little discussion 'round here.  The first article "Vreeland Talks"  kicked me square in the nuts.  It is about a navy officer, and covert operative, who is currently in prison in Canada on what seems to be shady charges.  But what really gets to me is that this man tried to warn the US and Canada about September 11 before the attack happened and he was ignored.  Ignored?!?!  Yes, that's right, ignored.  Of course, you would have to question Mr. Vreeland's credibility, being imprisoned and all.  However, just the fact that a warning of the terrorist's attacks went unheard should cast a shadow of suspicion over the whole presidential administration.  Now, let's take a look at the bigger picture here.  President Bush (the current one, although it is feasible to confuse the two) was "elected" into office under some dubious circumstances, especially with the whole Florida voting fiasco.  When he was inaugurated, his approval rating was rather low.  And what could help boost a weak approval rating??  Oh, I don't know...how about a good old-fashioned, patriotic WAR!  It would have been in his absolute best political interest to ignore the warning of the attack.  "Let one happen and stop the rest," would make him look like a hero.  Then he could lead our country into war; who doesn't like a war time president?  Of course, no one would dare to criticize the president's actions either, or risk being branded a supporter of terrorism.  The war would also be beneficial in taking the American people's minds off the slowly recessing economy crumbling around them.  But that's right, they said it wasn't a recession.  And the interest rates must not have been cut in half either.  And the unemployment rate must not have been at a ten year high, the highest since 1990-91, when Bush Sr. was in office.  The timing of it all just seems a little too convenient for me.  Of course this is only speculation, a gut feeling if you will, which I have come to trust over the years.  In all seriousness, doesn't this theory seem plausible...if not probable.  Just look at his current approval rating, although it has declined somewhat, the majority of the American public doesn't seem to question him at all.  The current administration says that if you question its motives then you are unpatriotic and a bad, bad American.  And what's even worse, is that people buy into that bullshit.  That scares the fuck right out of me!  I am sure that some of you will disagree with my points, but that's just fine, I love when people disagree with me.  Just know that there has never been an "honest" politician, so how can you assume our president is genuine, especially when he spends most of his time in other people's pockets?!  

I have one more little thing I'd like to point out.  You might have heard about the coup d'etat that happened in Venezuela over this past week.  They overthrew head of state Hugo Chavez and appointed interim leader Pedro Carmona, who tried to suppress the Parliament and removed all elected officials from their posts.  The people of Venezuela lead protests after Chavez's abrupt ousting, until less than three days later when Chavez was returned to his presidential position and Carmona was subsequently arrested by supporters of Chavez.  Good for the people!!  See what a little revolution can do?!  Now to my point,  I recently became privy to the fact that the US had their big toe right in this whole mess.  Check out these articles for further details: Article 1    Article 2 . Some of our officials had been meeting with Venezuelan military leaders for the past few months, talking about removing Chavez from office.  Of course our government officials did not come right out and endorse a coup, but the Venezuelan military sure took the hint.  Now everyone is trying to distance themselves from the whole situation.  Some US officials are withholding their names from the quotes listed in the above article.  I wonder why?  Can you guess what America's interest behind removing Chavez from office might have been?  Take three guesses and the first two don't count.  That's right...OIL, OIL and more OIL!  It always seems to come back to that full circle.   Whether it's this coup d'etat in Venezuela,  our problems with Afghanistan and/or Iraq, the Persian Gulf War or our alliances with the Saudis.  I believe that now is the time to divert the money we spend on war into new energy technologies, that will help get us off this quickly depleting resource.  Oil--America's drug of choice. Where do terrorists get their money from?  Well if you drive an SUV, it could be from you!!  

Sitting on the grassy knoll...

The Reverend James

March 21, 2002

Hello folks,

Well, it's time for a new skinny and I'll give you one guess what this one will be about...knowing my history, it's an easy guess.  Yep, that's right folks, the Catholic church.  Where to begin, where to begin?  Let us start with the priest in Boston; this fuck stick molested what: 150, 180 rough estimate.  How do you get away with molesting that many kids without getting caught?!  I know how--the powers that be cover it up--how very Christian of them.  Ever since this priest was busted, molesters have been falling out of the woodwork.  Join the Catholic church where you can find Jesus, get your sins forgiven and maybe if you're lucky you get your penis fiddled with.  Welcome to the Catholic church 2002!  Now, as you all know, I was Catholic for some period of time.  I happened to be one of the lucky ones who never got molested, even as an altar boy.  Now I can remember the time I was smacked around by a priest but, lucky me huh, I only got beat.  However, I can remember the priest coming around while everyone was sitting at their desk, maybe looking over your shoulder and rubbing their crotch against you.  That's classic priest foreplay, but it is not quite molesting.  Now the Pope has finally spoken up, saying that this is a "grave scandal" and that it casts a "shadow of suspicion" over all priests.  Way to be on the ball with that one,  Pope!  You know what I think casts a "shadow of suspicion?"  The Vatican has been covering up these kinds of cases for years and now, just now, the Pope speaks up when they finally have him cornered.  Again, how Christian of you.  Hey Pope, was it not just 2 years ago that you asked the people of the world to forgive the sins of the church; for all your offenses like the Crusades, Spanish Inquisition and collaborating with the Nazis?  Did you forget to mention the rape and child molestation...because it is hardly a new thing.  If I recall correctly,  in my lifetime alone, I have seen hundreds of priests busted for child molestation.  Where do you think all the priest/altar boy jokes come from?  So, I feel the attention the media and the general public are giving this issue is long overdue.  I find it very convenient, however, that the Catholic Church is addressing this only now that their own followers are outraged.  Why didn't you acknowledge these indecencies during the past 200 years, while it has been prevalent in our country?  Because the church didn't want to tarnish it's hallowed reputation, that's why!  Who cares about all the young boys whose lives you have ruined?!  The most important thing is that you spread the word of God...one underage penis at a time, I suppose.  Oh, I could rant about the church all day, but I digress. (Okay, not really.) Now they are talking about stopping celibacy in the church.  Is that the reason priests are molesting children?  Because they can't fuck?!  You have got to be kidding me!  A pedophile is still a pedophile whether you are married or not.  During a recent discussion with a fellow Reverend, he made this valid point:  If they start letting priests marry, then what will future generations think? Right, then you would be telling your great-grandkids, "Back in my day, all the priests were forced to stay celibate but that made them molest children so we decided to let them start fucking adults instead."  I believe this may prove that holier than thou doesn't count, when it comes to child molestation.  Maybe they will end up going the way of the Hare Krishna--to the airports.  It's easier to keep the reprobates away from your kids if they are handing out pamphlets, shaking tambourines and ringing bells.  

In conclusion, I have one statement: You churchies are leveling the playing field for us.  Thank You!

Keeping the "faith"

The Reverend James

March 1,2002

Hello, Hello, Hello

It's you're favorite reverend, back with a little history lesson for you.  I've noticed in the news that people are bent out of shape about not forcing the pledge of allegiance in schools.  Let's be clear however, you're not forcing the pledge, you're forcing a perverted Christian version of it.  If you check you're history books you'll see that the original Pledge, which was composed by Francis Bellamy, read: "I pledge allegiance to my Flag, and the Republic for which it stands, one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all."  As you all know that wasn't good enough for the powers that be so In 1923, at the first National Flag Conference, the words "the Flag of the United States" were inserted. Congress did not officially recognize any version of the Pledge until 1942, and the following year, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that youngsters could not be compelled to recite it. That decision in WEST VIRGINIA BOARD OF EDUCATION v. BARNETTE, 319 U.S. 624 (1943), was heard on behalf of parents and students belonging to the Jehovah's Witnesses sect, who argued that their religious faith prohibited them from saluting the symbols of a worldly government. Justice Jackson declared: "If there is any fixed star in our constitutional constellation, it is that no official, high or petty, can prescribe what shall be orthodox in politics, nationalism, religion, or other matters of opinion or force citizens to confess by word or act therein. If there are any circumstances which permit an exception, they do not now occur to us."  Well that's interesting isn't it, but wait it doesn't stop there oh no. Now it's the Christians turn to add their little bit to our pledge.

   During the decade of the 1950s, the nation was caught up in the "Red Scare" and the hunt for traitors and Soviet Spies. Congressional committees, state legislative panels and other bodies grilled citizens about their political and religious beliefs. Public profession of religious faith soon became a litmus test for patriotism. On August 21, 1952, the Supreme Council of the (Roman Catholic) Knights of Columbus adopted a resolution at its annual convention urging the inclusion of a "God" acknowledgment in the Pledge. Several other organizations urged similar action, and in Congress, Rep. Louis C. Rabaut of Michigan presented changes in a proposed Public Law to mandate the "under God" phraseology. President Eisenhower signed the measure on Flag Day, June 14, 1954 Two months later, Eisenhower applauded the efforts of the Knights of Columbus and wrote: "We are particularly thankful to you for your part in the movement to have the words 'under God' added to our Pledge of Allegiance. These words will remind Americans that despite our great physical strength we must remain humble. They will help us to keep constantly in our minds and hearts the spiritual and moral principles which along give dignity to man..." That same month, the Illinois American Legion Convention passed a resolution saluting the Catholic group for its initiative. Other changes were taking place on the political landscape, though, to further meld religious belief and national identity. These included the move in 1956 to adopt "In God We Trust" as the national motto, replacing the secular and more inclusive phrase "E Pluribus Unum," or "Out of many, one." President Eisenhower instituted the practice of holding an annual "National Prayer Breakfast" in the White House. And the religious "So help me God" slogan was added to the oath taken by Federal judges and other officials.  

   So as you can see they excluded millions of people from the pledge just within the past 50 years. Not to mention ruining something beautiful a man wrote about the love he had for his nation. How would you feel if you wrote something pledging your love and allegiance to your country only to have someone twist it and rewrite it to fit their agenda.  I think it's time we give Francis Bellamy the recognition and respect he deserves and return his pledge to it's original form.  

"I pledge allegiance to my Flag, and the Republic for which it stands, one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all."

The Reverend James

February 5, 2002

My Fellow Americans,

I have a few things to say in this month's skinny, as a whole ass load of stuff has been pissing me off.  First of all, I have not yet commented on the State of the Union. Did anyone watch that bullshit?!  Did you notice he never once mentioned Enron?!  That's because his forked tongue caught on their key ring when they were pulling him out of the corporate pocket.  How do you like this, "As we gather tonight, our nation is at war, our economy is in recession and the civilized world faces unprecedented dangers. Yet the state of our union has never been stronger. "  What, did I hear that correctly,  our union has never been stronger??  When last I checked being faced with unprecedented dangers, a war and a failing economy, does not a strong union make.  Just because we understand we are participating in a war, does not give the government the right to bend us over and prison rape us.  Not to mention Enron robbing citizens of their pensions and 401k plans, while Bush and Cheney were turning a blind eye towards the disintegration of these people's life savings.  Speaking of Cheney, why does that weak hearted old man think he has the right to keep his dealings with Enron secret?  He is an elected official put into office for the people and by the people, or so they say.  Speaking of "the people", I have also become a little disenchanted with the Americans who give these jackasses an 84% approval rating.  Who the hell are they polling anyway...Texas?  Christians?  Morons?  I think the American public must be high.  And if they are not...maybe they should be!  

During the Super Bowl, you may have noticed the highly expensive commercials aired by the White House.  You know the ones...with the kids who have done illegal drugs and how they sponsored terrorism because of their drug use.  "I'm Bobby and I've been a crack smoker for the last 10 years.  My drug habit has funded the purchasing of arms, the kidnapping of officials and the murder of children.  If you purchase illegal drugs, then you may sponsor terrorism." (scary commercial voice)  How dare they accuse the great unwashed masses of this impropriety?!  Drugs are only illegal because our government prohibits them, for our own good of course.  Who are they to decide what we can or cannot do with our own bodies?  Don't they know that when you prohibit something you open up a black market and then people fight and slaughter one another.  Perhaps, instead of accusing the public of sponsoring terrorism, you should remember that you trained and armed all the terrorists. So that seems to make you liable, huh?!  By all means though, blame everyone but yourselves since that's the American way. Oh and thanks to Kelley for giving me fuel for my mad ravings!.  

I am questioning myself, however, because I do agree with their treatment of the POWs at Camp X-ray.  I feel we are treating them extremely well.  We are treating  these POWs better than we treat our own prisoners and I don't think that is very fair.  We are at war with them and they were trying to kill us so why should they get better meals, better provisions and better treatment than American prisoners in American prisons?!  Although, when Rumsfeld got mad at reporters for calling their prisons "cages," I just had to laugh. Hey Donald, what would you call them?  Containment units?  Lock boxes? Let's be real.  I think the prisoners are being treated well but let's not get bent out of shape over semantics.  Call them what you like, whatever gets you through the night, but let's not beat around the bush (pardon the pun) four walls of fencing meant to lock someone inside is called a cage.  Now just because you are using it for people instead of animals does not change it's meaning.  

That's about all I have for you right now folks.  Don't forget to say your prayers, take your vitamins and grab your booties cuz' it's cold outside.

Always pointing out the obvious,

The Reverend James

January 8 2002

Happy New Year!

The first skinny of 2002 and I am going to start off with a little bitching about the soul soliciting that happens online.  I figured I would share with everyone some of the recent e-mails I have received during the past week.  I hope you all "enjoy" them as much as I have....

First, I would like to share a happy little piece of Christian propaganda called Pass the Pumpkin.

God's Pumpkin

A lady recently being baptized was asked by a coworker

what it was like to be a Christian.

She replied 'It's like being a Pumpkin'... God picks you from

the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off that you

may have gotten from the other pumpkins. Then he cuts the

top off and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the

seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc. Then He carves you a new

smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all

the world to see.

This was passed on to me from another pumpkin...

Now it's your turn to pass it on to a pumpkin !!

AMEN >^,,^<

Now I don't know about you, but there has never been a time in my life where I felt like a fucking pumpkin.  When I was a Christian, I can remember feeling guilty, ashamed, misunderstood, neglected, talked down to, shunned and even a little stupid; but not once, NOT ONCE, did I feel like a fucking pumpkin!

Next, I would like to share with you my personal favorite, which I believe was sent just to make me angry.

There was an atheist couple who had a child. The couple never told their

daughter anything about the Lord. One night when the little girl was 5

years old, the parents fought with each other and the dad shot the Mom,

right in front of the child. Then, the dad shot  himself. The

little girl watched it all. She then was sent to a foster home. The

foster mother was a Christian and took the child to church. On the first

day of Sunday School, the foster mother told the teacher that the girl

had never heard of Jesus, and to have patience with her. The teacher

held up a picture of Jesus and said, "Does anyone know who this is?" The

little girl said, "I do, that's the man who was holding me the night my

parents died."

Makes me feel good to be an atheist, folks!

Is it just me or is it strange how Jesus walked his way on to a crime scene?  What were the police doing letting this stranger hold this girl while her parents lay bleeding inside her house? "Bob, what's that guy doing with his hands all over the daughter of the victims?" "Oh, that's just Jesus Bill.  He always shows up at crime scenes wanting to hold somebody, so we just let him, keeps him out of the way of forensics."  That's the cops for ya.  Oh and it just happened to be the Atheists shooting each other, because we all know that Christians wouldn't resort to violence since they are better than that.  Killing is wrong! (Except in the name of god, of course!)

Why do us Atheists always get a bad rap?! What did we ever do to anyone?  We don't fly planes into buildings, we don't kill abortion doctors, we don't alienate people for their beliefs, etc. Why all this animosity towards Atheists?  Just let us be!

Lastly, I thought I would share this next little religious e-mail I also received.  This one made me feel all warm inside.

A priest in a small village was fond of chickens. Out in back of the church

he had 1 cock rooster and 10 hens. One Saturday night, his cock rooster

went missing. It was just around the time that there were some cock

fights taking place in town. The priest decided to address the mystery of

his missing rooster at the next congregation. So, at the congregation

the priest asked, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.

"No, no, I mean, has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.

"No, No', said the priest, " That's not what I meant!  I mean, has

anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the woman

stood up. "No, no..I mean.....has anybody seen my cock?"

All the nuns stood up!!!!

Ahhh, now that's how you finish off a skinny folks, with a nice Christian cock joke.  Wishing you all a religion-free New Year!

Stop Religious spam!

The Reverend James

December 21 2001

Salutations all!

This week I thought I would share an article about the late, great Robert Ingersoll.  I hope it gives you all something to think about this holiday season.

WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

One hundred and one years ago, Robert Ingersoll, America’s greatest orator, and best known agnostic, penned the following wish list for Christmas:

"If I had the power to produce exactly what I want for next Christmas, I would have all the kings and emperors resign and allow the people to govern themselves."

"I would have all the nobility crop their titles and give their lands back to the people. I would have the Pope throw away his tiara, take off his sacred vestments, and admit that he is not acting for God—is not infallible—but is just an ordinary Italian. I would have all the cardinals, archbishops, bishops, priests and clergymen admit that they know nothing about theology, nothing about hell or heaven, nothing about the destiny of the human race, nothing about devils or ghosts, gods or angels. I would have them tell all their 'flocks' to think for themselves, to be manly men and womanly women, and to do all in their power to increase the sum of human happiness."

"I would have all the professors in colleges, all the teachers in schools of every kind, including those in Sunday schools, agree that they would teach only what they know, that they would not palm off guesses as demonstrated truths."

"I would like to see all the politicians changed to statesmen, -- to men who long to make their country great and free, -- to men who care more for public good than private gain--men who long to be of use."

"I would like to see all the editors of papers and magazines agree to print the truth and nothing but the truth, to avoid all slander and misrepresentation, and to let the private affairs of the people alone. I would like to see drunkenness and prohibition both abolished."

"I would like to see corporal punishment done away with in every home, in every school, in every asylum, reformatory, and prison. Cruelty hardens and degrades, kindness reforms and ennobles."

"I would like to see the millionaires unite and form a trust for the public good."

"I would like to see a fair division of profits between capital and labor, so that the toiler could save enough to mingle a little June with the December of his life."

"I would like to see an international court established in which to settle disputes between nations, so that armies could be disbanded and the great navies allowed to rust and rot in perfect peace. I would like to see the whole world free--free from injustice--free from superstition."

"This will do for next Christmas. The following Christmas, I may want more."

It was his last Christmas. When Robert Ingersoll wrote the above, at age of 65, he had less than a year to live. Twenty five years earlier he had given up his brilliant legal and political career because it had become an impediment to his pursuit of happiness. He decided to make a living out of giving, and summed up his philosophy in his Christmas wish, which was published by papers across the land.

His legal briefs rest undisturbed, the rustle of his writs are heard no more, and even his arguments before the United States Supreme Court are not remembered, but The Works of Robert Ingersoll live on. For over a century his writings have been published and republished. Thirty years before his death, he was the Attorney General of Illinois. He was asked to hide his agnosticism and he would be given the governorship. He refused. He wanted to speak his mind. And so he did. Time and time again the clergy had him investigated and could only find a generous family man, devoted to wife and children, who traveled the country with him, as he gave speeches and triumphed in debate. Yes he liked his lager and cigars and he could shoot a good stick at pool, but they could not find the evil they sought. They could only find a manlier man than themselves, who proclaimed the religion of humanity and proposed that we let the gods run the heavens without our assistance.

John Patrick Michael Murphy

copyright 1998

Happy Holidays!

The Reverend James

November 30, 2001

Greetings all!            

I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving.  Sorry my "weekly skinny" has not been so "weekly" as of late, not much pissing me off until now.  I was watching the local news broadcast this evening and was shocked to hear them blatantly favor religion over the ACLU.  So shocked, and outraged, that I proceeded to write them a letter. (Which I have posted below for your reading enjoyment.)

I am writing you minutes after viewing religious propaganda on what should be an unbiased news program.  I found that your segment on the ten commandments vilified the ACLU.  Your program made them look like a group of tyrants trying to tear down a "monument", when in all actuality, that "monument" should not even be there. I feel, as do many others, that statue blurs the line between the separation of church and state. Remember Fox 42, not everyone is a Christian and the ACLU is there only to ensure everyone (not one person excluded) is treated with equal rights.  Then you proceed to follow the segment with another piece that portrays the ACLU poorly.  Their lawsuit against a Norfolk school, a public school mind you, for forcing prayer into the graduation ceremony was viable proof of their commitment to equality.  That school has violated a law and even if "only one family" complains, they still have the right to be heard.  Lastly, the segments end with a blatant advertisement for a book about God. Shame on you Fox 42! I thought the news was required to be objective, not subjective.  KPTM Fox 42 is no longer "my station" for the news.  I guess waiting until ten o'clock for my daily news is not so bad after all.

Rev. James

If my letter has incensed you as well and you would like to submit one of your own, follow this link.      Fox 42 Feedback

In other ignorant news, I recently read an article about Bush wanting to nominate biblical law activist and religious extremist J. Robert Brame III to serve as a member of the National Labor Relations Board.  You can find out more by clicking on the link below.  I would love to hear your comments on this one.         More shit pissing me off

I am back and I am angry,

The Rev. James

November 13, 2001

Greetings citizens!

I thought I would give you all a quick skinny on some shit that has been pissing me off.  After the September 11 attacks, I thought it was great that the American people got together and stood united as a nation.  However my good feelings towards my fellow Americans have been slowly dying off. It is really sad to watch a country freak out about anthrax, like they personally are being targeted by Al Queda.  I assure you that Osama Bin Laden is not after Mrs. Sally Joe Soccer Mom from Rancho Cucamonga, California.  So please people settle down!  We all banded together after the tragedy, but now that it has passed it is back to business as usual here in the good ol' USA....as everyone starts to hoard all the antibiotics, making it harder for people that really need them to get their hands on it.  Then people who really ARE sick, not just sick with paranoia, are forced to face the facts that they might not get the antibiotics they need.  Oh the American greed machine runs rampant!  So long to patriotism, as we have now moved on to whoring the American flag to sell everything under the sun.  From cars, to clothes, to hamburgers.  I know what you are going to say, "This helps to boost America's economy."  Yes I suppose it does, but at what expense?!  Our dignity?  Our pride?  When we all stood firm as a country of fellow humans, not separated by race or religion or sex, to give money and blood and supplies to the victims of September 11  I thought we were on the right track.  I have been let down.  Not only did those fierce flag wavers sell out their patriotism they first chance they had,  but they also alienated every non-Christian in the process.   God bless America, but not your god-our god, your god doesn't belong here.  I am sorry if I seem a bit unpatriotic, I assure you that is not the case.  I just think it is sad to watch our nation rise so high, then come crashing right back down. Please America, I beg you: Stop whoring your flag, stop letting paranoia rule your life and above all respect your fellow countrymen (and women) even if they have different beliefs.

Not waving a flag,

Not worshipping your god,

Not giving in to paranoia,

but still proud

and still an American.

The Reverend James

October 8, 2001

Hello my friends,

In this week's skinny, I thought we could take a little time out and play a quick game of make believe.  I have had some intriguing thoughts lately and figured I would throw them out for your reading pleasure.  Feel free to pick through them, analyze them, quote them to your friends in an effort to be cool like the Rev.  I believe we might be able to utilize this newfound patriotism, resulting from the September 11 tragedy, as a catalyst for the beginning of a world government.  I feel this is the next logical step we have to take.  Our world right now is almost completely united except for a few Middle Eastern countries and even in those we have the support of their rebel factions.  Now I know what you are all thinking,  "But Rev. aren't you a self-proclaimed anarchist?"  Yes that is true, I am an anarchist at heart but follow me on this one.  We all know I will never see unbridled anarchy and lawlessness in my lifetime so then it is about time we stop all the fighting and make one worldwide government.  I will just continue to hold the anarchy in my heart.  Now in order to commence this worldwide government, the foremost priority would be to invite one of the other top "superpowers"--Russia.  It would be an obvious waste not to partner up with our Russkie comrades especially considering that, more often than not, we are generally not on the same side.  Maybe it could also help both of our economies to flourish, because they both could benefit greatly from that.  Britain has a fantastic prime minister in Tony Blair.  He is articulate, intelligent as well as resourceful and I would trade in Bush for Blair in two shakes of a lamb's ass! In his emotionally charged and powerful speech October 2, 2001 Blair stated, "Whatever the dangers of the action we take, the dangers of inaction are far, far greater."  He also issued the ultimatum, "Surrender the terrorists, or surrender power." [courtesy of CBS News]  And to think that our leader can barely utter a sentence without s-s-stuttering!  Britain has also been dying to become a superpower once more so it is definitely high time we join up with them again and give them back a taste of what they used to have.  Do away with the whole monarchy business!  In fact Europe as a whole would make an excellent companion in this new political unit.  Asia, however, could be a little harder to convince.  Perhaps if we had a leader, besides Bush, who possessed intelligence and diplomacy (definitely not Bush) we might be able to arrive at a mutually beneficial agreement.  I am sure Asia would appreciate the opportunity to get in on the business end of this global alliance. They would need to curtail most of their human rights violations, but then again the US needs to do the same as well.  It is also prime time for Canada and Mexico to merge with the US and become just North America or how about Mexamericanada or even Canamerico?!  We can sort out the names later.  With North America as a united country, it would then seem plausible that we could convince Central America to join likewise.  We haven't heard from them recently so why wouldn't they be up for a little change? That just leaves South America and most of Africa.  I don't see a problem with swaying South America to this all-inclusive, worldwide union as long as we can stop this ignorant, money wasting war on drugs that we have been tearing their countries apart with and let them handle their own business. That leaves Africa--what could we do to persuade all of Africa to join our international government? I got it, how about topsoil?  We ship tons and tons of topsoil right here from the fertile heartland, if need be. Now I have never been to Africa but from what I have been taught and seen from afar, they seem to be starving there because it is obviously next to impossible to cultivate a barren desert.  Topsoil everywhere for the Africans, that is what I say!  If they get their hands on some ripe sweet corn, I bet they would come around to our side post haste. Oh, did I forget the Aussies?  No, of course not.  We don't even need to influence them because as long as Australia has surf, sun and fun; then you know they are down with us.  So to sum it up: It is time we become one people, one race--the human race.  We must stop warring, hating, and persecuting.  When we do, look how much money we could save once the billions are not going towards the defense budget.  We could feed all our hungry, give shelter to all our homeless, find cures for diseases and explore inner and outer space together.  But most importantly, we could all live in peace.

Rev. James  (first president of the world??....we'll see)

Sept 18, 2001

Hello fellow Americans,

I am back with a few choice thoughts I would like to share, as usual.  I, like many of you, have been absolutely sickened by the terrorist attack on America that took place one week ago today.  In these days that have followed,  I have been able to reflect and do some serious thinking on the subject.  The horror of it all didn't completely hit home with me until last night, as I was watching David Letterman's first show back on the air.  His first guest was Dan Rather and I have watched this man report the news from as far back as I can remember.  He has always been, to me at least, one of the most collected news anchors who is known for his composure and strength in times of crisis.  And last evening, as I sat in disbelief, I  witnessed him break down on national television.  I think that is what pushed me over the edge and almost completely overwhelmed me.  I thought if this man, who reports on crisis and tragedies for a living, can't contain his emotions then how can I contain mine?! Or should I contain mine?!  There are many, many things that bother me about this whole incident. First and foremost, those bastards attacked us in a such an uncivilized manner!! They hijacked American aircraft filled with American civilians and aimed them at American buildings filled with more American civilians and destroyed them all!  I will not, however, join the country in calling them "cowardly."  I think the more precise words we should use are: Misled, ignorant,  deluded, fanatical, reprehensible or hateful.  Cowards don't fly airplanes into buildings; religious zealots do!

Which brings me around to another topic: (You knew it was coming!) Religious zealots.

Those bottom-feeding  proletariats who attacked us were religious zealots; they did all this in the name of their god (or Allah, it is all the same pious bullshit to me.) and what scares  me the most is that many of our American people are now answering back to the attack with the same kind of religious fervor.  Religious fanaticism needs to stop!  Billy Graham, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and the like have even went so far as to blame the ACLU, feminism, gays, and anti-Christian organizations for the attack.  How dare those self serving, greedy, soul soliciting fucks do that to our country!  Using religion to try to rally America is only lowering us down to the level of the people that attacked us. This should not be turned into a holy war.  I believe the American people can do substantially better than that in this time of crisis.  Why must we separate our citizens in a time like this?  I myself am an atheist and sometimes feel left out, almost like my sadness is not part of the nations' grief because my beliefs are different.  All I hear on the news is God this, pray for this, may God punish and so forth.  I feel all that talk is leading us down the wrong path and that is not what we need at a time like this--a time like no other in our history.  I, for one, am tired of the ignorant excluding groups of people [like the Muslims, Arabs, atheists, feminists, ACLU and others that believe in freedom] from mourning the loss of their fellow citizens.  I may not like our government, our politicians or even our religions but I do love our country, my home.

My heart is with all my fellow Americans especially in New York and DC in this time of sorrow.

The Rev. James

Sept 11, 2001

A moment of silence....

Sept 4,2001

Welcome Citizens,

This week I'm going to bust this skinny on something a little personal.  Let me break down the story for you.  This past weekend I was attending my sister's wedding.   I had imbibed my share (and maybe other people's shares as well) of beverages from the alcoholic persuasion.  Upon returning home I pull into the driveway not noticing anything strange. The Madmonk, also in the entourage for the evening, parked his car on the street and noticed our other car had it's window smashed out.  You can only imagine the scene: Me drunk as I could possibly be without being a danger to myself and threatening the lives of the bastards that broke the window.  I was in the middle of the street screaming obscenities to anyone that would listen.  If those bastards are gonna have the balls to break our window out, then I thought they should at least have the balls to stick around and wait for me to see it. No such luck.  I know what you're all thinking, it's just a car window, but you must realize no one has ever had the balls to fuck with the Rev's property before. So in this weeks skinny I thought I would issue a warning.  If any punk piece of shit fucks with my car again, I will hunt you down and kill your mother, father, siblings, grandparents and even your dog.  It was also my wife's car, that she loves very much, so I must throw down the gauntlet.  Our poor little car never did anything to anybody and you sons a bitches are gonna violate it like that?! I hope that you never have to feel the Reverend's wrath because, I assure you, it will be a dark day.  So if any of my loyal readers see anyone, and I mean ANYONE, busting car windows then just assume they are the same hooligans that defaced the Rev's personal property.  And when you do find them,  you all have my permission to cripple their candy asses with extreme prejudice! There, now that I have gotten that off my chest, I wish you all a pleasant and crime free week.

Leader of the militia

The Reverend James

August 28, 2001

Greetings friends,

I apologize for missing my chance to rant last week but the reverend has actually been working a real job and I took a week off to collect myself.  However, I am back this week to preach to the masses once again.  I thought I might give my opinion on this whole Gary Condit-Chandra Levy business (not that you haven't heard about this every night for the past four months.)  I am sure that most of you watched his interview with Connie Chung on ABC, giving the network the highest rated show for the week.  I tuned in myself to see Condit tell Connie Chung absolutely nothing the other night and I will have to take his back on that one.  Sure this bastard is a grade-A, choice cut, American made sleazeball; that is a given, but shouldn't this man have the same right to privacy as everyone else?! (For more on the privacy issue, see the last skinny.)  The police have said on several occasions that he is not a suspect.  As far as whether or not Condit has impeded the police investigation, the answer seems to still be up in the air.  On one side, I feel he should not have to watch while his personal affairs are made public, nor be grilled about the most intimate details regarding it. Now that is just one side. On the other side, this shady son of a bitch should be a man and tell his constituents the truth! Obviously this is not the only girl he had been seeing on the side.  As a congressman, the people he represents need to be able to trust him and when he is so tight-lipped and secretive then he will have to deal with the consequences.  I know that not answering a question is not an admission of guilt but it is not a beacon of innocence either.  And it really says a lot when your fellow Democrats can not even lend their support.  Just like when Governor Gray Davis, who has been friends with Condit since the early 80's, said he was “disheartened that Congressman Condit did not speak out more quickly or more fully” regarding the disappearance of former intern Chandra Levy.  And this in turn spurred Condit's two children to tender their joint letter of resignation to Governor Davis, for whom they worked, saying  “The Condits are a proud and loyal family, not only in the good times but also during the darkest hours.... Continued employment with the governor's office would undercut that standard.”  So at least he can count on his family to stand by his side, even though his political party is doing whatever it can to distance itself from him. To an extent I can see where he is coming from, since the media has turned this story into an absolute circus (as I jump on the bandwagon, of course) by reporting every day that Chandra Levy still has not been found. Well, thanks for the update Sherlock Holmes!  I believe that we are intelligent enough to know that when, and if, they find her we will all know it.  If Condit really did have something to do with her disappearance, then I assure you that she will never be found. If a congressman is going to the trouble of making someone disappear, chances are he would not hire Mr. Crackhead from the local tavern to do the job.  He is a congressman for Christ sake, the man has connections and could easily find a discreet professional to solve his problems.  And what about the possibility that Chandra left of her own accord, perhaps for her own safety or with a large payoff?  So many unanswered questions....but we should be used to that by now in this society.  In the meantime let us all enjoy this media frenzy because the only person who knows what really happened to Chandra Levy IS Chandra Levy and she doesn't seem to be getting as much airtime.

The dealer of the bitter pills to swallow

The Reverend James

August 21, 2001

Reverend James takes a sabbatical this week....

August 14, 2001

Greetings Citizens!

This week the topic is privacy, or the lack there of, as I feel my privacy is being invaded more and more on a daily basis.  For example, what about the appearance of surveillance equipment in the workplace to monitor employees?  I personally would not work for someone who felt the need to scrutinize my every move.  If I do my job properly then why should you be able to invade my privacy without reasonable cause?  As I was watching television last night, they were speaking about companies and owners monitoring the computers of their employees and the ethical questions it raises.  I consider this action inappropriate, especially if the workers are performing the duties which they were hired for. Talk about playing God!  Humans are not omniscient beings nor should they try to pass themselves off as such. Of course there are always miscreants to be found in any workplace: Breaking company policies, stealing office supplies and sometimes just plain slacking off.  But why does the majority have to suffer for the wrong doings of a marginal few? And if the videotape revealed your most diligent worker taking home a few paper clips, what would you really do with that evidence? Would firing them be worth the few cents the paper clips cost or is it more beneficial to sweep it all under the rug based on the revenue they generate for your company?

 Now they even have cameras posted at the intersections that take a picture of you, in the midst of whatever law you are breaking, and then mail you a ticket.  I thought this was part of the job description for our police officers?!  Not anymore it seems.  I suppose when you have wireless services similar to Air IQ and also the GPS systems in vehicles which can monitor speed, that leaves our law enforcement with nothing but too much time on their hands.  "We are quickly moving to the point where law enforcement and the private sector will be able to identify us no matter where we go, no matter how anonymous we think we are.  Not only is it going to rob us of our anonymity, but it's going to be used as a tool of law enforcement to round up 'the usual suspects' and to hassle people on the streets," said Barry Steinhardt, the ACLU's associate director.  Sounds just like when they used the new facial-recognition technology at the Super Bowl and found 19 matches yet, strangely enough, they did not arrest anyone.  I find it very unsettling that our privacy is being assaulted everyday, everywhere and no one seems concerned. They even appear to enjoy that false sense of security and, yes folks, it is a false sense of security. If someone was going to commit a crime they would, camera or not. The camera just ensures they will be wearing a mask or dark glasses or a wide-brimmed hat when they do it.  Criminals learn different ways to get around the long arm of law, just as quickly as newer deterrents are put into place. Turn on your local news just about any night of the week and you will see some camera at a convenience store or bank which captured someone on video robbing the place.  Did the camera deter those thieves? Obviously not.  It just gives the general populous something interesting to watch on COPS and Fox's Scariest Police Videos. In my opinion, I would rather have my privacy then a home movie of the idiot that robbed the local gas station.  I believe society really needs to reexamine the whole "putting cameras everywhere" phenomenon, before it turns into some Orwellian nightmare where big brother watches your every move.  Sure it is easy for someone to control you when they constantly know where you are and what you are doing.  Most of the time you are not even aware of being watched, but you are, all over the place.  Cameras capture you on tape several times a day: At the convenience store, the grocery store, on the road, at work, at the ATM, in some parking lots/garages and of course the helicopters (Eye in the Sky and all.)  And the cameras are not the only invasion of your privacy, what about your medical records being released to outside parties?  What about personal information hacked from your computer or tapped from your telephone?  For every calling and mailing list your name is put on, that is just another chunk of your privacy given away.  So go to sleep America,  your government is watching over you. Your government loves you and needs to know everything about you, just so it can look out for you.  Do as we say and we keep the crime away, so go to sleep America.  But just remember, the next time you pick your nose or scratch your ass that someone, somewhere is watching.

"The makers of our Constitution...sought to protect Americans in their beliefs, their thoughts, their emotions and their sensations. They conferred as against the Government, the right to be let alone -- the most comprehensive of the rights of man and the right most valued by civilized men."

-- U.S. Supreme Court Justice Louis D. Brandeis, dissenting in Olmstead v. United States (1928)

Maybe I'm just paranoid......but what if I'm not?!

The Reverend James

August 7,2001

Hello friends,

This week I thought I would wax intellectual on the faith-based initiative proposed by, my friend and yours, George W. Bush. I am sure you already know how I stand on it but you are going to have to listen to me rant about it anyway. Those money hungry, tax evading, soul soliciting bastards have gone too far if they think they can cross the line between church and state.  The churches say they just want to help people but yet they also want to discriminate in their hiring processes, which doesn't seem very religious or helpful to me.  The current Watts-Hall bill, which  concerns "Charitable Choice," has been passed by the House and is awaiting determination by the Senate.  This bill is the epitome of intolerance!  It has clauses which permit all publicly funded religious programs the right to discriminate against potential employees and applicants based on marital status, pregnancy, race and sexual orientation, etc.  It also allows them to promote this prejudice in lieu of the State and Federal laws and regulations which negate it.  Furthermore this bill tolerates proselytization, the coercion of a person to religious worship, as long as the government employee who is engaging in this practice is paid by private funding.  This means that an unwed mother, going to a government-funded battered women's shelter for aid, can be pressured by one of the volunteers to engage in his/her religious activities without recourse....just as long as the government is not paying their salary.  But the Watts-Hall bill is not finished there.  What about the provision for the religious programs to bring lawsuits against city, county and state governments if they feel they were denied funding based on "religious character?"  So, they can dish it out but they can't take it?!  I believe the appropriate phrase here is, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  Now our "great leader" is trying to tell us that not only are these organizations exempt from paying taxes like the rest of us but that our government will give them funding as well.  What, did I hear that correctly, you don't have to pay taxes and you get government money?!  Oh, and you are also afforded the right to discriminate against any person as you see fit without penalty?!  This is America 2001 folks, where God needs your tax money.  Didn't the founding fathers of our country insist on the separation of church and state?  If you want money from the government, pay taxes then.  When religion governed the world, they called it the dark ages.  Kiss your freedom goodbye!  Now I know what some of you will say, that this is just a little government funding for religion and it is hardly letting religion take over the country. True, but it does sort of blur the line we had set in place, don't you think?  And where does it stop?  If this bill fully passes what is to stop the next one from passing and the one after that, until all of us freethinkers are left out and persecuted for our beliefs--not that we aren't already.  Is it just me or do religious groups get an unfair advantage under this administration?  I thought this country was supposed to represent the people.  Where is my atheist president, or my Buddhist president, or my humanist president??  Oh that's right, they never get invited to the debates and elections. And when someone with beliefs outside of the box runs for political office, what happens? No one knows about it since they are not afforded the same type of national media coverage because they are not affiliated with the major political parties. And they don't seem to consider any opinions throughout the country, unless the Christians are involved.  So let's all support government funding for the already tax-exempt Christian greed machine!  When we as taxpayers are asked to finance these religious institutions, which we may or may not hold any belief in, it is no different than forcing us all to put our hard-earned dollars on the collection plates for these materialistic reprobates! What will it hurt, besides the beliefs of people like myself who still hold a minute bit of hope for this country?! Welcome to America citizens, land of the free but home of the Christians.

Pay your tithe, sheep! Baa Baa.....

With diminishing patriotism

The Reverend James

July 31, 2001

Hello Friends,

This week I will comment on a subject that has been in the news quite often recently--stem cell research and human cloning.  Foremost,  I would like to make it known that I am 100% in support of stem cell research and human cloning.  Stem cell research utilizes the stem cells from aborted fetuses and leftover embryos, from in vitro procedures, to generate the building blocks necessary in producing virtually every cell type.  Researchers have already been working with these cells and their possible effects on diabetes, spinal cord injuries, cancer, heart disease, Parkinson's, Alzheimer's and a laundry list of other maladies which at this time are incurable.  I feel that the religious right goes entirely overboard in trying to stop this medical advancement from coming to fruition.  I know they have been making every endeavor to fight it but abortion is legal in this country, as well it should be.  The right would rather just pitch these aborted fetuses and not allow us to benefit from them at all because they think it is immoral.  To quote comedian David Cross, "I'm not for skinning babies alive, that would be wrong." But these are aborted fetuses that we are speaking of, so why are we unable to harvest the stem cells from them?  Is it because the bible says so?  I personally do not believe in the bible but I have read through it a number of times and I do not recall the passage where Jesus said, "Thou shall not use aborted fetuses for stem cell research or thou shall not have eternal life with my father in heaven."  So why all the hassle? Your bible does not say it is wicked and immoral, so why do you? God forbid, pardon the expression, we actually help people by finding cures for diseases.  Blasphemer, helping people with medical science is trafficking with the devil; so you must be a witch and should be burned or drowned!  They might as well just express it in that manner because that's the way I hear it.  Anyway, I have slammed the right enough for their archaic opinions on stem cell research, so let us move on to one of my favorites--human cloning.  Now most people know the Rev. is a Darwinist to the core so I think human cloning might be the next step on the evolutionary scale, survival of the fittest you know.  And what could be more fit to inherit the earth than a race of genetically altered super humans, who are faster, smarter and healthier, etc.?  Sure countless years down the line, when we are all many centuries gone, they would probably wipe out or enslave our species of humans.   But, from a Darwinistic point of view, isn't that what is supposed to happen in survival of the fittest?  We ought to make genetically modified organisms (GMO's) to survive on this planet, that we have made an absolute mess of, and we need to do it quicker than just spreading out the gene pool since we are running out of space for that.  I think the only thing that holds back science is religion and it needs to stop post haste!  Cloning is the next scientific breakthrough and we can not ban it because by doing that you send it underground and you end up with mad scientists cloning people in hidden labs with no regulations.  Just like when you ban abortion you send it to the back alleys, where doctors use coat hangers.  It's all relative.  I suppose it might be all the sci-fi I have absorbed throughout my life, but I believe genetic engineering is going to make things on this planet a lot more interesting in years to come.  If it were up to me, I would ban religion and let science run rampant....but it's not up to me (yet!)

Still waiting for my cloned body

The Reverend James

July 24, 2001

Hello Fellow Citizens!

I'm gonna drop the skinny this week on racism, as loosely suggested by one of my readers.  Now my thoughts on racism have changed throughout the years.   In my angry teenage years I was quite racist.  I went to a Catholic school my entire life so I had intolerance beat into my head on a daily basis combined with the ignorance of my schoolmates, who were more racist then I could ever be.  It was not until I graduated and shied away from the negative influence that I started to mend my ways.  I realized that the reason I did not like other races was because I really did not know anything about them and they kind of worried me. This is the reason why most people hate--out of fear.  I found my life was so much simpler and less stressful without the hate.  It is so much easier to like someone then to hate them.  But as with everyone,  I don't care what race, I still deal with my ingrained prejudices from time to time. Sometimes I don't even know I'm doing it.  It is hard to unlearn something but I try day by day.  Now that I've given you the lowdown on the Rev., let us get into some of the other topics of racism.  Racial profiling, this practice of substituting skin color for evidence as a grounds for suspicion by law enforcement officials, is obscene. You know how the Rev. stands on law enforcement as it is. I do not think you have the right to police your own species, but racial profiling is finding someone guilty and pulling them over because of their skin color, not because a crime was committed.  Can anyone say un-American?!  Actually, if you look at the history of our country, you could say it was pretty damn American.  I think some major reconstruction needs to be done to our police system.  They are more dangerous and racist now then I think they have ever been. They scare me more then any "gang" out there and I am white.  So just imagine how a black or Hispanic, etc. man or woman would feel!  What about affirmative action?  I am not sure how I stand on that one.  Sure affirmative action gives people of color the chance to be a major percentage of the work force, but then in my opinion it seems to make them look like a token, a quota.  I think, but I am not trying to speak for,  most people of color would like to be given the chance to get the job on their own merits and not because some corporate idiot had to hire some people from this race or another. This can take some of the pride out of the job, but then again it is not always so easy for people of color to get a job based on their qualifications because some people would rather not give them the opportunity at all.  So I will stay up in the air for a while on affirmative action, if you all don't mind.  Anyway, to sum it up: getting along = Good; racism = Bad.  If you are going to dislike people, dislike them all equally.  Judge people on their actions and not their race.  Here is a little tip from the Rev....If you are racist and full of hate, try redirecting it on a little group I think deserves it more,  the ignorant and stupid.  Intelligence, or lack there of, knows no boundary of color.

To quote Bill and Ted,  "Be excellent to each other."

The Reverend James

July 17, 2001

Hello again everyone!

In the skinny this week, I figured I would give my thoughts on some questions posed to me in the very first letter to my site. What do I think of specialized groups to contain forms of expression, such as the P.T.C., the Christian Coalition, and the losing (?) side of the 2000 ballot [Tipper Gore and Joseph Leiberman], among others? Well, I think censorship is one of the most evil things in our society today. How can someone say that they know better than you what you should or should not be seeing? It is absolutely un-American and I think they should be given fifteen lashes for their indiscretion! Take the Columbine incident, for example. The events of that day were an absolute atrocity and it scares me to think of my own child in school and what could happen to him. But to blame Marilyn Manson, rock music and/or video games for the cause of these violent outbreaks is utterly preposterous. Violence is a part of our society. It always has been and it always will be and censoring things is not going to bring it to an end. I think what happened at Columbine and the other schools is, for the most part, the result of a deficiency in parental attention. To blame something else would be avoiding the consequences of negligent parenting . Which Marilyn Manson albums were the Ku Klux Klan listening to when they hung blacks from trees at the turn of this century? Which video games were the Christians playing when they slaughtered millions in the Crusades? Did Hitler watch Jackass on MTV? Where did Ted Bundy get his Sony Playstation from? Oh, that's right, those things were not yet conceived and people were still murdering one another. I say, before some oblivious parent wants something censored because their monster of a child is mutilating small animals, maybe they should take a step back and look at the way they educate their child. We should explain to our child(ren) that TV, movies, music and video games are not real. That they are all forms of expression and entertainment that should not be taken seriously. Instead of censoring everything you feel is offensive, maybe you should try changing the channel and not making the decisions for others. If you think that your child(ren) are inclined to violence because of what they see on television then maybe you should try hugging and loving them more often and see if that helps! The only way to stop violent behavior in our children is to not treat them and others with violence. Children learn by example and we need to make sure it is a moral one. Stop censorship because our children need forms of expression too.

Until next time

The Reverend James

July 10, 2001

Howdy folks!

This week I thought I would delve into the topic of brainwashing.  Now not just the cult brainwashing we are all used to but also the brainwashing done by society as a whole everyday.  I am talking about the news media, advertising, government and religious propaganda, etc. etc. etc.  Half the time I don't even know if the thoughts in my head are my own or if they were beat in there by the commercials, billboards, news reports and so on.  Now I know this is supposed to be a free country, and I preach it everyday, but I'm a big believer in the libertarian point of view "you are free as long as you don't hurt other people."   I think brainwashing by using proven techniques (i.e. subliminal messaging in advertising, forced opinions by the news) to hypnotize, is hurting people or at least hindering their right to form their own opinions.  I know that television is a big proponent of brainwashing so it hurts me to condemn it, me being a big fan of TV and all.  So I will just say this about television, don't believe everything you see.  The TV is for entertainment purposes only!  It should not influence your opinions on important issues.  Next time you are sitting around watching a little bit of the old boob tube, take note of all the forms of brainwashing they use.   Make sure you count all the big breasted women, muscular men and other little things used in the commercials that inflate your ego to lure you into believing that this product/service will make you more attractive/wealthy/desirable, etc.  Or how about when the news tells you what you should/shouldn't be watching/buying or when they influence who you vote for or even tell you how to raise your children.  Remember that all these forms of media are owned by a corporation and that they don't care about you; they only care about your money!  I know it seems hard not to be influenced by a lot of these things, even I find it difficult at times, but if you are  more aware of their propaganda then you are more apt not to fall prey to it. Fight corporate brainwashing and think for yourselves!

My thoughts are my own (I hope)

The Reverend James

July 3, 2001

Since it is the 4th of July this week, I thought I would get into the spirit of the holiday and talk about fireworks.  Now I don't know about other places, but in our city fireworks are illegal and that's the rub.  I don't understand how we can be a city in this country (a free country, mind you) and not be allowed to shoot off fireworks on our nation's independence day?!  Didn't our forefathers strive hard for our freedom?  Isn't that what they came to America for?  You'd think our government would be happy that we were celebrating our American freedom on this, our nation's holiest of holies, the 4th of July. In fact, to me, this holiday screams freedom...or at least it should.  Sure, fireworks can be dangerous in the hands of some.  And every year some moron kid, whose parents could care less what he/she is doing, blows off part of his/her finger or hand.  But the question is: Should we be penalized, on one of my favorite holidays, for someone else being a littler lower on the Darwinian scale?  To quote George Carlin, " The kid that swallows the most marbles doesn't grow up to have kids of his own."  Now I know some of you are thinking " Come on man, it's just fireworks."  But what will it be next?  If some kid burns himself on the turkey at Thanksgiving, we don't ban turkey.  If the Xmas tree falls over on a kid at Xmas, we don't ban trees do we?  Then why should they ban fireworks on the 4th of July?  I say, if fireworks are banned in your city, stand up for your rights and light them off anyway!  Pay the fine, if you have to.  At least you know the money was spent wisely, to celebrate your freedom, and that seems like a small price to me!

Until next time

Rev. James