CHAPTER
THIRTEEN: HORSE PLAY
It was
decided a few days later that Rei needed a horse. The decision itself came from
a very long, thought-out process of determination, mainly through conversation.
"Morning,
Rei," Talien greeted his apprentice from horseback, "Want to go
riding with us?"
Rei shook
his head. "I don't have a horse," he replied.
"Oh..."
Talien commented... "Then we'll have to get you one."
And so the
matter was sealed.
***
Rei,
however, hadn't really given the issue much thought. After all, Talien had
ridden off before really stating anything besides that one comment, so Rei
simply shrugged and went back to whatever it was that he was doing- which, in
this case, was learning how to consistently flick a certain wood-handled
stiletto knife open and shut. Overall, he was finally beginning to get the hang
of the danged thing. What did it was when Damodred idly stated that she would
sit there and show Rei how to properly snap the knife open and shut until he
actually started doing it on his own. She had approached him about it at the
beginning of the evening, and finally left some time after four AM. Even Rei
began to notice how tired she was getting- it wasn't normal for Damodred to
break up in the middle of her sentences or close her eyes while teaching anything.
After she left, staggering and muttering about killing him, Rei decided that
he'd make it up to her by finally getting the thing right. He finally got it
right three minutes before he himself dropped off to sleep, and in the morning
Rei hadn't forgotten how to do it yet. The exact art just took a little more
fine-tuning, to lessen the amount of wrist movement, but he had finally won. He
also didn't see Damodred until late evening, when she returned from riding with
Talien. She reigned in her horse directly next to him, slowed down, and
condescendingly pat him on the head, ruffling his hair.
"Congratulations,
we're getting a horse for you," She commented, making sure that Rei's hair
fell into his eyes. "We'll be heading to Lon Lon Ranch tomorrow." She
smirked. "Just promise not to break anything, okay?"
Rei nodded
and brushed the hair out of his eyes. "I've been practicing with the
knife," he intoned.
"Oh?"
she replied, still on horseback, "Any progress?"
Rei nodded,
and instantly flicked the knife open, doing slightly better than he did while
practicing earlier that day.
"Impressive,"
She said, raising an eyebrow, "...That is, if it hadn't taken you three
days to complete."
Rei
blushed.
Damodred
shrugged. "P'eh, we'll make a man out of you yet." She spurred her
horse on towards the stables. "Remember, tomorrow at seven, we're heading
to Lon Lon Ranch for you. Do try to get some sleep first- choosing a horse is
very difficult if you don't think straight."
Rei nodded
as she rode on, and it finally hit home. He was going to get a horse.
***
The first
problem with not owning a horse, of course, is the issue of traveling. Of
course. This, of course, is a good reason to own a horse, of course. Mind you,
when that ranch happens to be a very long distance from where you live, the
issue of traveling can ruin your day. Of course.
After all,
a horse is a horse, of course.
"Wait
a second," Rei started. Talien turned toward him.
"Hm?"
he replied.
"If
both of you are coming," he said, motioning over to Damodred, "Then
how am I going to get to Lon Lon Ranch?"
"You
know, he's right," Talien commented, "We can't exactly carry
him..."
"Good
point," Damodred interjected.
"Well,
since we're obviously a horse short," Talien went on, "You're going
to have to hitch a ride with one of the two of us."
Rei nodded.
"Which of you guys will I be riding with?"
Damodred
mounted her horse. "The smaller of the two. Also, the one with the
stronger horse," she commented, before patting her horse on the back of
the neck and smiling at it. "Isn't that right, Aenslaed?"
Aenslaed
snorted contentedly.
Under five
minutes later, they were about ready to go.
"Now,
Rei, before we set out, there are two things that you have to remember,"
Damodred said over her shoulder to him. "The first is, you'll probably
have to hold onto my waist to keep steady. If your hands move any noticeable
distance either up or down, I will have you strangled, skinned, burned, and
then beaten. Does that work?"
Rei nodded.
He had never even thought of the subject, anyway. Just touching her sides made
him feel nervous.
"What's
the second one?" he asked.
"Don't
fall off," she intoned. "If you do, I'm not going back to catch you. By
the time that I'd notice it, it'd be too late, anyway."
Rei raised
an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mea-"
He was cut
off when Aenslaed began his trip by galloping at an incredibly high speed, and
vaulting over the nearest fence.
And
somehow, miraculously, Rei stayed on.
***
A few hours
and many miles later, Damodred and Rei arrived at Lon Lon Ranch, somewhat ahead
of Talien. Rei's eyes were bloodshot, his hair was all over the place, and his
teeth were still tightly grit together, like rusted machinery.
"You
can let go now," Damodred commented, glancing over her shoulder. Rei
didn't respond.
She reached
behind and poked him in the ribs. Rei let out a little yelp and fell off the
side of the horse. Aenslaed looked down at him and snorted. Damodred smirked
and dismounted.
"We're
here. You can get up now," She commented wryly while taking her horse's
reigns. "Talien should be here in a minute or two. We didn't leave him
that far behind with that last jump."
Rei didn't
respond. She knelt down to his level.
"Are
you in this much shock because I was riding my horse like a maniac, or because
you got to put your hands around my waist for a good two hours?"
Rei leapt
back to his feet with the same enthusiasm that he would have had had he just
discovered that a troop of marauding scorpions was setting up camp in his bed.
"Jumps...
death... running horse..." he managed to stammer out, attempting to
straighten himself up.
Damodred
shook her head and casually tripped him with her arm. She stood up as he went
sprawling. Talien came riding in at that point. The older man casually reigned
in his horse, dismounted, and walked over to the others. He glanced down at
Rei's fallen form.
"What
in all the world did you do to him?" he asked.
"Oh,
nothing," she commented very casually, "I just took him for a fun
ride across the countryside, that's all."
A small
voice, sounding very much like Rei's, but a lot more strained and muffled
emitted from his mouth. "That woman is death," it said.
Talien
smiled and helped Rei up, brushing some of the dust off him.
They stood
there for a few more moments before the main gate to the ranch opened, and a
rather attractive red-haired Hylian girl stepped out, no older than twenty or
so.
Malon,
daughter of Talon bowed at the three visitors, and in a warm country accent
greeted them.
"Welcome
to Lon Lon Ranch," she said.
***
There was a
brief silence after the girl had greeted the three of them. Rei would have
bowed, offered a hand, and introduced himself, but he was waiting for Talien to
respond first. Talien seemed to be doing the same thing, as well.
Rei finally
offered her his hand, giving a slight bow.
"My
name's Rei Elanis, Miss..."
"Malon
is just fine," she replied, taking his hand in a soft handshake and
smiling. Rei returned the expression. There was something about Malon's smile
that was contagious- it seemed filled to the brim with that strange kind of
sweet comfort found only in the backwoods of the country, where small farms
could be seen in their little carved-out spots throughout the forest.
Talien took
a step forward and offered a formal bow.
"I am
Talien Minosa, Ms. Malon. It is a pleasure to meet you."
Damodred
gave a minor nod, and made no motion to take the girl's hand. "Damodred
will be fine."
Malon
nodded, still smiling. "I think I've met you before, Mr... Minosa?"
"We're
here to get Rei a horse," He replied, putting a hand on Rei's shoulder.
Malon
nodded again. "Then you came to the right place," she said, looking
over to Rei. He eyes were a sparkling blue, giving an incredibly friendly and
naive look.
"Then
you've come to the right place," she said in an enthusiastic tone,
"Lon Lon's the best ranch in Hyrule, or so they say! We even served the
Hero of Time once... C'mon!" And with that, Malon promptly took Rei's hand
and quickly dragged the rest of him past the gate and into the ranch itself.
Damodred
shrugged and glanced over to Talien.
"Hyper
little girl, isn't she?"
"I
think she's all right," he replied with a grin.
A few
seconds passed. "Perhaps we should go in," Damodred commented wryly,
stroking Aenslaed's mane again.
"I was
waiting for you to say that," Talien commented. By the time that they had
made it into the ranch, Malon was already sending Rei on a crash-course in
horsemanship.
***
"Howdy,
folks!" a large, booming voice greeted Talien and Damodred as they entered
Lon Lon ranch. The voice was attached to a large, booming man of about fifty
who was standing by the gate at the time. Talien smiled, and the man grinned
back, offering a hand.
"My
name is Talien Minosa," he said, clasping the hand in his own. "And
you must be Talon, correct?"
"That's
right, Mr. Minosa!" Talon responded, shaking the other's hand vigorously.
"And does your lady friend there have a name?"
"Damodred,"
she responded flatly. "It's Southern."
"We
have a Southerner here, too! that's great! Word of Lon Lon Ranch must be
spreadin' around, then!" The jolly man exclaimed, offering her a hand, as
well. Damodred kept her arms folded.
"If
that's the case, then we're all doomed," came a voice from inside the
barn. A tall, gaunt man stepped out, bearing a slight resemblance to Talon.
They both wore the same mustache, anyway.
"After
one look at this dump of a place, an nation would declare war on Hyrule."
Talon
stopped for a moment, then gave a confused laugh.
"That's
Ingo for ya," he responded, shrugging. "I guess every farm's gotta
have a cynic!"
"I'd
be an optimist if you paid me more," Ingo retorted as he went back inside
the barn. "Besides that, I'd better get back to feeding the cows. Poor
things would starve if not for some good workers around here."
Talien
raised an eyebrow. "Is he always like that?" he asked.
"Ayup.
never been different," Talon responded, shaking his head. "Except for
that one little stretch about five years, that is. Ingo's a good guy deep down,
he's just-"
"-Disgruntled."
Damodred finished the sentence for him.
"Yeah.
That's it- he's Disgruntled!"
"I
said that already."
Talon
blinked a few times at her, before turning to Talien. "Is she always...
Anyway, you two are welcome to stay here as long as you need, and feel free to
buy some of Lon Lon's famous milk while you're at it!"
"Thank
you, sir," Talien responded, "Now, where do we put our horses?"
Talon
responded by whistling, bringing Ingo out on cue.
"Ingo,
could ya corral these horses for our guests?"
"Yes,
sir," he responded, gravely, reaching out for the reigns to either horse.
"Speaking
of corralling, Mr. Talon," Talien started, "We came in with someone-
a young man, roughly twenty or so. have you seen him anywhere?"
Talon
nodded. "So that's where the lad came from! I believe my lovely daughter's
giving him the tour of the ranch right now! She's probably got him on a horse
or two by this time."
"Thank
you," he responded, nodding.
"In
the meantime, would you folks like to come in? We were just making dinner, and
all!"
"Thank
you," Talien answered, "But I wouldn't want to be a burden."
"Nah,
you won't be. We love guests here, anyway!" Talon replied, tweaking his
mustache before letting out a hearty laugh.
"I'll
bet you do," Damodred commented, looking around at the modest farmhouse
and barn, totally overshadowed by the corral in the center of the ranch.
***
Rei had
never been much for horseback riding. However, the equestrian residents of Lon
Lon Ranch seemed to have it in for the guy. Most often, the horse would simply
make a beeline for the nearest solid object, and try to plow Rei into it. Once
in a while, the chosen steed would decide to buck him off, or just roll around
in the grass for a bit. On the upside, Malon... was the upside.
"Are
you okay?" She asked, slowly helping Rei to his feet. Rei nodded.
"Yeah...
fine... didn't break anything yet."
Malon
smiled at him, then finished helping Rei to his feet.
"I
don't think the horses here like you much," She commented, glancing at the
current offender. The horse snorted, and shook its head. "And that one's
just a yearling, too."
"Must
have been a bad year," Rei muttered, feeling the pain of having been
smashed, thrown, crushed, or otherwise immolated by horses for the last few
hours.
"You
don't look all right," Malon said, offering Rei a sympathetic smile.
"You wanna go back in now?" she asked with that simple country charm.
"Dad's putting on dinner about now. It should be ready, I think."
Rei smiled.
Dinner sounded good right about now.
Dinner
itself consisted of home-cooked chicken and potatoes, garnished with a very
loud and obnoxious ranch owner named Talon. Overall, Talon wasn't the most
obnoxious of hosts. It was the constant hints and references about marrying
Malon off to the nearest male that proved annoying after a while.
"And
just when I thought I could hear the wedding bells, that Link guy just up and
disappears! They said he went into the past, or something," Talon finished
his more recent tale, deboning some chicken. Malon blushed slightly.
"Dad,
you're exaggerating again."
Talon just
smiled back at her and ruffled her hair. "Ingo agrees with me, too! And to
get that old coot to agree with me, now that takes some skill..."
"Skill,
or luck," came Ingo's now-familiar voice from the next room.
"Although I'd choose neither." The Hylian had a peculiar habit of
appearing on cue to interject a sarcastic comment one moment, and then
completely disappear the next.
"Bah,"
Talon said, waving him off, "He's always like that. You'd think we were
brothers, or something."
Malon gave
a slightly embarrassed smile, and turned to Rei. "Would you like some more
corn, Rei?"
Rei smiled,
and nodded. "Thank you," he said.
Talon
looked at both of them, and gave a big, fatherly grin. "You wanna marry
her? I asked Link that, too."
Silence.
Dead
silence.
Talien and
Damodred had been relatively mute the whole meal. How they were paralyzed, too.
Both Rei and Malon's faces registered complete and total horror. Talon laughed
and gave everyone a big grin.
"Just
kidding!"
***
Rei was
still visibly shaken after the meal. So much so, that he had decided to take a
walk around the ranch later on, in the vague hopes that he'd find out that the
meal was just a warped dream. The fresh air was nice, discounting the horse
manure permeating it. Either way, he found the walk quite refreshing, as
evening turned to night.
Malon
caught up with him. "Hey, sorry about my dad back there," she
started, "He's just gotten obsessive with marrying me off ever since he
stopped sleeping in all the time. I guess it just means that he cares, after
all." She gave a nervous shrug. Rei smiled back.
"It's
okay, really... he's just a dad."
Malon
shrugged again. "I guess I should be used to it by now. He's been that way
since mom died."
"Hmm?"
"My
mother died when I was about ten or so." She said, looking down at the
ground. "Dad's been trying to marry me off since."
"I'm
really sorry," Rei replied quietly.
"Don't
worry about it. that was twelve years ago," she replied. "Anyway,
we've got to get you a horse. You and your friends are welcome to stay the
night if you want. it's getting a little late to do any riding today."
Rei nodded.
"Tomorrow, then?"
She smiled
back at him. "It sounds good to me. We should get your friends' help, too.
Do they know anything about horses?" She asked.
Rei
shrugged. "I'm sure they know something. Both of them seem to be experts
in everything."
Malon
chuckled at that. "They look like it. You've got some interesting people
hanging around ya."
Rei nodded
a few times. "You have no idea. Have you tried talking with Damodred
yet?"
Malon shook
her head. "No, can't say that I have. She seems interesting, though. How
long have you known her?" Malon asked, looking up at him.
Rei thought
for a moment. "I've known them both for.. A month? Two months? I never
really thought about it."
Malon
raised an eyebrow.
"My
hometown was burned down," Rei explained, "And those two rescued me.
I joined the Sheikah a little while after that."
Malon
nodded. "Okay. They're good friends, then?"
"Pretty
much like family now." He smiled.
"So
Talien keeps trying to marry you off every other day?"
They both
laughed for a while.
The next
morning brought the conclusion to the matter.
Malon lead
Rei to a stall off in the corner while she explained everything.
"A
little while ago, we managed to breed Epona with one of the local stallions,"
She started, "The problem was, the foal's sire is probably the dumbest
horse that I've ever seen. It takes after its father more than anything."
Malon
smiled as she opened the stall door in the stable. "Come on, Stupid. Come
on out!"
"Stupid?"
Rei asked, raising an eyebrow.
"That's
his name," she answered, as an averaged-sized reddish-brown horse came
strolling into view. From a distance, Stupid the horse looked like a
magnificent steed. It was when you got up close that you noticed the abnormally
goofy, blank expression on its face. Rei could already tell that Stupid
deserved his name.
"We
tried to sell him at first, but Stupid really doesn't act his pedigree."
Rei gave a
nervous smile. "How so?"
Malon
tugged on Stupid's reigns, attempting to move him more out in the open. The
horse just looked at her blankly, and started grazing. She moved behind Stupid,
and tried nudging it from behind,
instead. The horse just sat there.
"I
think you get the picture," Malon explained with a smile. "He's not
likely to try to buck you off, if anything..."
Rei laughed
softly. Malon managed to force Stupid to move the last few inches out of his
stable.
"Try
riding him." She said, still smiling.
Rei mounted
the horse with considerable ease- Stupid just stayed there.
Three hours
later, Stupid was still there.
***
"Stupid...
Go.. Giddyap... DO SOMETHING!" Rei shouted, his patience wearing thin.
"Please?"
Malon was
sitting in the grass a little ways off, watching him.
"Well,
what did you expect from a horse with the name 'Stupid?"
Rei sighed.
"Well... you're right. He's not trying to buck me off."
Stupid
looked up for a moment, then went back to grazing.
"Should
I try playing the ocarina for him?" Rei suggested, half-jokingly.
"Only
worked with the mother," Malon replied, sitting back a little.
Rei slumped
forward on the horse. "What am I supposed to do? Say 'Walkies,' or
something?"
The horse
bolted, Rei in tow. Malon leapt to her feet as Stupid the Horse began breaking
records for speed and technique, running around the ranch and leaping over
everything- fences, jumps, and other horses- that happened to be in its way. A
desperate screaming sound came from its rider.
"I
can't believe it," Malon commented, watching the chaos. "He actually
did it."
Stupid took
a turn a tad too sharply, and Rei was flung from the horse. There was a dull
thudding sound as he hit the side of the barn.
It was official. Rei Elanis had found his horse.