PRELUDE

Haana pushed her way forward through the cave; Claire was following a few paces behind with the prezzies and making such an awful noise too. "Ssssh, you'll scare her off."
"I'm being as quiet as I can. When you said it was a surprise part I didn’t think I'd be forced to climb halfway into the side of a hill dressed in my best frock."
"Stop complaining sweetie." Haana hissed firmly but kindly, we're almost there. "I can smell her perfume. That new trendy version of Timeless."
"Who's there?" A voice demanded, full of quiet fury and hidden dangers.
"Only us Doctor, Haana and Claire."
"We've got you stuff." Claire added. "Nice stuff, not cheap tat."
"Leave me alone. Let me pass the day in quiet contemplation and regret the choices I've made in my life."
"Sorry Doctor, we've sort of brought a party mix CD, you'll like it...possibly." Haana moved over to the figure covered in a dark blanket. "Come on Doctor, it's your birthday."
"I know, another year older, another year of my life gone by too quickly." The Doctor sighed. "Life is for the young, I'm too old to matter any more."
"Nonsense Doctor." Claire said quickly. "You were the woman who taught Che Guevara how to stand up for himself, the woman who smoked dope with Jim Morrison, the woman who stage dived a Disaster Area concert..."
"That was all a long time ago Claire dear. I'm an old woman now. I'm 2063 and I feel every second of that time crushing down on me. The ceaseless pressure of all eternity on my shoulders, this jacket doesn't even have padded shoulder either."
"You shouldn't be melancholy on your birthday Doctor." Haana said soothingly. "Besides you only look 39."
"This me is only 7 though."
"Look, just open your prezzies." Claire handed the bundle of presents to the Doctor. "Open this one first."
The Doctor opened the thin bendy one. "What is it?"
Haana put a torch on and pointed it at the image. "It's Claire's tummy."
"You have cancer?" The Doctor asked sympathetically.
"No, I'm pregnant Doctor."
The Doctor jumped to her feet and hugged her knocked up former companion. "Congratulations Claire, I'm sure you'll be a wonderful mother."
"We want you to be the Godmother." Haana said proudly. "I hope you're not feeling too old to take on the job?"
The Doctor shook her head. "No, we've got to look to the future. Time to stop messing about and get back to doing what I do best. This Universe needs looking after and it's about time someone got down to it and did something about it. I like that frock Claire and those shoes."
"She's back." Haana sighed contentedly.
"And about time too." Claire added with a smile.
It should have all been sorted out then, except the Doctor got sidetracked with a new best friend and now it's almost too late to do anything...

RUBY TUESDAY
A bedroom, it could be anywhere but it’s location is inside a transcendental time machine known to some as TARDIS. The walls are vaguely pink with large white roundels recessed into it in a honeycomb pattern. The furniture is eclectic in taste and oddly shaped to most.
The occupant of this room would make most people run away from her screaming in mortal terror but Webbi is getting used to this social exclusion. Being an Eight Legs is difficult at the best of times, the diet, buying fang paste, curling leg hairs in the latest fashions, not to mention meeting boys.
Webbi was lucky to have several good friends, The Doctor who always had time to talk over a fresh cup of tea, also Danny who was quite witty and intelligent for a boy and finally there was her very best friend Lucy. Lucy was a human female the Doctor rescued from the Cybermen. While her body was totally converted into a cybernetic being, her mind remained human as it resisted the control circuits implanted in it.
Webbi wasn’t sure how to bond with Lucy at first but soon they found they had lots in common, they both loved rap music and pressing wild flowers. Webbi helped Lucy out by polishing her faceplate and painting lipstick around the mouth hole as well as eye shadow around the eyeholes. Lucy didn’t need to eat or sleep but still kept a room next to Webbi’s, which everyone helped their robotic friend decorate by removing everything and painting the walls, floor and ceiling silver.
Lucy finished picking her favourite colour silk and showed it to Webbi. “Do you think I’ll look pretty in a dress?” She wasn’t sure about this, but Webbi seemed determined to help her adjust to her new form. Walking and talking were ok now, especially as the Doctor had replaced her old moon boot like footwear with more feminine steel heels.
Webbi began to produce silk en masse when the Doctor and Danny walked into the room.
The Doctor smiled at her two female companions. “I thought you two might be in here. It’s great news; we’ve found a planet with a whole city dedicated just to shopping. The Jade planet of Zo, it sounds most intriguing don’t you think?” She looked at Danny. “Come on then Danny, I’m sure you’ll need new clothes too. Some trousers, shirts and probably shoes too. It still amazes me how you go though so many pairs.”
“I’ve got no idea Doctor.” Danny shrugged and headed back to the football room to continue practicing his penalties.
Lucy looked at the Doctor. “Do they cater for Cyberwomen? These gloves are so last centaury. How are my new hands coming along? I’m really looking forward to having five fingers again.”
The Doctor shook her head. “Not good news yet, I’m low on several key metals. Plus I could do with more wiring, if I’m going to get that thing finished for your…I’ve said too much. It’s a surprise. So why don’t we get ready hmmm? You shouldn’t strain so much when you’re spinning silk Webbi, you’ll pull something in your spinneret’s again.”
Webbi sighed and stopped clenching so much. “I’m just so excited about making this dress for Lucy. She’s going to look so classy.”
The Doctor looked at the mass of silver silk. “A dress? Well it’s not as bad as the make up I guess.”
“What’s wrong with my make up?” Lucy panicked. “Is it too much? Do I look cheap? I just want to be more like I used to be.”
The Doctor dabbed at her companion’s paintwork with the corner of her hankie. “I’m sure Webbi did her best but between her feet, the shape of the paintbrush and the smoothness of your faceplate well lets just say that less is more for you.” Once the paint was removed she deftly redid the paintjob.” There we go, much more subtle and elegant. Have you ever considered platinum plating? I’ve got an electrolysis unit in one of my workshops.”
Lucy shrugged. “I dunno...I’m not sure I’m a platinum girl. As long as it’s not gold.”
“True.” The Doctor nodded. “Anyway, we’re about to land. Come on you two, we should get to the console room. That way we’re closer to all those shopping opportunities this planet promises.”


Danny was kicking the ball around the console room when the Doctor and the others walked in. “That virtual referee sent me off. It’s so unfair. I was not off side.”
The Doctor sighed. “I’m sure the referee isn’t malfunctioning again. Anyway that can wait, we’re about to land in three, two, one.” There was a mild shudder and Danny fell over but Lucy caught him in time.
“Are you damaged Danny?” Lucy asked.
“Nah, what sort of landing was that?”
The Doctor looked at the instruments. “Curious, we seem to have landed on some extraneous organic matter with traces of plant extracts. It’s probably nothing; I guess it just means I’ll have to recalibrate the circuits again. Back to regular materialisations again for a while.”
Lucy worried because the regular method of materialisation interfered with her visual circuits, causing the image from her optics to develop interference lines. “How long will you need for repairs Doctor?”
“Don’t worry Lucy, I’ll carry out the repairs before we leave. I don’t want to lose the only remaining half of a pair of priceless Ming vases.”
Lucy felt guilty about walking into the vase the last time. “I’m sure I can repair the damage.”
The Doctor looked up sharply at her metallic companion. “Oh no, I’m not pulling superglued pieces of pottery off you again. It was worse than that time I caught K-9 trying to make friends with one of her earlier versions by offering to give him a piggyback.”
Danny rolled his eyes and wished that just for once the Doctor wasn’t quite so much a ditsy airhead and more an action grrrl with a good left hook and the willingness to deploy said left hook in dangerous situations. The Doctor he had met last year was not the sort of woman who ran away screaming down corridors at the sight of unarmed security guards in clashing outfits.”
The Doctor opened the TARDIS doors and picked up her outside jacket from the coat rack. “Ok, now remember we’ve got plenty of time so shop around and try to get ourselves a few bargains, ok?”
Lucy nodded. “I’ve just got to get some more plastic tubing, and some hydraulic fluid, oh and batteries for my pet Cybermat I’m building.”
“A Cybermat?” The Doctor asked.
“Oh don’t worry, she’ll be TARDIS trained and everything. I’ll program her not to dispose of waste fluids on the floors too.”
“I should hope so too.” The Doctor smiled. “Now have you all got your credit cards? Danny? Webbi?”
Danny nodded. “Yes, although why I can’t have a proper one is beyond me.”
“You can borrow mine.” Webbi whispered to her only male friend. “Once I’ve found myself a suitable host body of course.”
“Do you need any help obtaining one?” Danny asked as the left the ship and emerged out onto the planet Zo. “We could try the twisted ankle routine again.”
“We were almost arrested last time.” Webbi replied. “Luckily that WPC was a lot more useful and borrowing her body was so helpful after they arrested Lucy for being a Cyberwoman.”
“Lousy prejudiced planet.” Lucy muttered. “Just because their world was invaded seventeen times. The Doctor can’t be everywhere to stop every invasion. Anyway I’m as much a victim as they are and they were still alive and not sporting the latest in the Telos collection of internal circuitry. At least the Doctor explained everything in the end and they had that state banquet and round of medals.”
The Doctor looked around at the olive green grass, the lime green trees, the green stained pygmy flesh and the sharp spears in their hands. Then she gasped in shock and blushed a lot. “Put some clothes on right now young man, you’re in the presence of three women.”
Lucy tried to look away but her curiosity circuit was sending constant messages to her reasoning circuit to have a look.
Webbi closed all seven of her eyes and tried to stand behind Danny.
“Erm, shouldn’t we run away Doctor?” Danny asked. “Before they try and do something with those spears, like kill us.”
The Doctor couldn’t look at her companion. “Erm, that’s a big idea, we should, that is to say, we have to…oh for goodness sake at least turn around man!”
Danny shook the Doctor. “Come on Doctor, do something.”
From out of the clouds a figure appeared. A dark yellow speck against the bottle green sky. It resolved into the shape of a thin man waving a large stick – with a star on the end of it – about a lot. “I am Floyd, the protector of the North. Go now little munchkin types, away with you. Oooh, you’re not so small are you? Go on, these folk are under my protection.”
“Who are you?” Lucy asked. “Is that real polyester?” She felt the fabric of his outfit.
Floyd looked at the new arrivals. “I see that you are all newcomers to our green planet. Welcome one and all, remember to get your coupons for our specials in the sales. Just follow the golden flagstone path.”
“Coupons?” The Doctor’s interest was piqued. “Never mind, you said something about sales.”
“Of course, in the capital city. Of course getting there will be very dangerous and tricky. Especially as you’ve just killed my cousin, Sophia. She wasn’t very nice but she was still my cousin. I guess I’ll have to bury her or something.”
The Doctor stopped listening to the man going on about his dead relative or something when she realised that her left shoe was ruined. The whole of the heel had just snapped off and she’d have to spend at least an hour in the TARDIS shoe cupboard just to sort out the top one hundred choices. Then she spotted the perfect shoes to go with her outfit, all red and sparkly. Quickly she rushed over to them and tried them on, noticing how perfectly they fitted her feet, especially as she was the awkward size of pi.
“What is she doing?” Floyd asked the girl with all the legs. “Why is she looting my dead cousin’s remains?”
Webbi shrugged as best her body would allow. “The Doctor never does anything without a reason. In this case to replace her shoes. They do suit her and they totally go with that jacket.”
“That is true. Ok you go now and I will begin the ceremony. Family only, go away now, please.”
Lucy wondered where Floyd got the shovel from but his gardening prowess could not be questioned. She calculated that they would have to spend at least three hundred currency units to qualify for a free MP3 player that could be installed in her head, behind her faceplate where her emergency beacon should have been fitted but wasn’t due to her still being herself and not a psychotic mass murderer with child-bearing hips.
The Doctor showed her new shoes to Danny. “What do you think? Are these real bobby-dazzlers or what?”
Danny looked at the shoes and saw his face reflected in all the facets. “I dunno...they don’t look very practical, Doctor.”
“Shoes like these aren’t meant to be just practical. They make a statement; they tell everyone I’m a woman not to be messed with. With these shoes on I think I’ll use Ruby Tuesday as an alias instead of Jane Doe.”
“They make you look like a tart, Ruby.” Lucy stated.
“They make me look like a…what?” The Doctor asked.
“A classy tart, you know. Sort of like a tough woman who’s street wise and mean.”
“I’ve never seen even the Cyberleader back pedal that quickly.” The Doctor whispered to Danny.
Webbi looked at the shoes, unafraid to use her eyes now that all the short naked men had gone, taking all the unnecessary nakedness with them. “I like them, they’re very elegant.”
“Whatever.” Danny muttered. “As long as you’re happy with them and don’t complain about them after we’ve walked for less than half a mile.”
Ruby, also known as the Doctor, set off towards the shops, following the Golden Flagstone Path, with her companions following along and not arguing with each other about who made her a cup of tea first. Well that wasn’t what they normally argued about but the Doctor firmly believed that if she did believe that then she didn’t have to worry about what they really were arguing about, unless it was important then she’d have to separate them, with necessary lectures when appropriate.


Webbi liked the fresh air, but she worried about being seen, being pointed at, being screamed at, and then being run away from. She just wanted to be friends and anyway she never killed and ate sentient beings, no matter how hungry. There were always tasty animals about, with nice fresh blood all hot and gushing. Ok so she was feeling hungry now and wondered if the others wouldn’t mind if she stalked some prey for a while. She could even ask Lucy to help her. Of course Lucy would ask questions and it was hard to answer when you were pumping your digestive juices into your food. At least Debbie had just held the things down and complimented her on her speed and quickness of the kill. Lucy was a vegetarian before becoming a Cyberwoman so she tried to persuade her to try vegetarian meals but being a natural carnivore she just couldn’t keep any of it down.
Danny wasn’t sure why they had to walk; at least they could have landed closer or something to this shopping city place. He wasn’t a natural walker on the whole. He liked to run about, especially while playing football. However they had to go at a slowish pace so that Lucy could take pictures of the countryside with her digital camera. He couldn’t understand why Lucy couldn’t use her digital eyes and record the images in her brain; after all she was mostly circuits and hydraulic tubing on the inside. Then again she did like showing the pictures of the places afterwards to Webbi so maybe there was a sort of method in her actions. Then again at least Lucy liked footie and occasionally played the odd game, until she needed to go and cool her parts down or remove mud from the holes in her faceplate then they got clogged up by mud after trying to head the ball one time too many. He wasn’t surprised to see Webbi scuttle off towards what looked like a sheep, he was feeling hungry too but didn’t want to press his luck by tapping the Doctor for a bar of chocolate, until he really had too.
Lucy looked at the scenery, scanning it with her inbuilt radar mapping system to record geologic formation in case they got lost…again. It often happened when the Doctor wasn’t paying attention or had been shopping. Luckily Lucy found her mapping skills invaluable in avoiding wrong roads or the wrong piece of corridor that contained deadly alien creatures. She wasn’t certain why Danny and Webbi got tired very quickly but she remembered tiring easily after walking only short distances when she had been a human woman. One benefit of being mostly mechanical parts was that she no longer got tired, or even rusty as she was galvanised, although joint lubrication was always a constant concern. Seeing Webbi go off towards an animal she realised her dietary challenged friend was hungry so she took a picture of the kill as a reminder of both the life of the little woolly thing and also the savage beauty of a predator slicing her teeth into her victim’s throat.


Emilia looked into her large glass sphere and saw the images of her sister being crushed under the strange blue box one more time. “I shall have my revenge, oh yes. No one kills my sister and steals her red shoes, no matter how well they go with their outfit.” Emilia turned around and looked at Bubbles, her Hench-Ape. “Bubbles, I want you to lead your flying ape army and attack those people. Bring me back those red shoes, now fly, fly my dears, fly!” She turned around and admired her dark green skin in her mirror, especially the large beauty wart on her nose. “No one kills my beloved sister before me!”
Floyd leaned on the wall and rolled his eyes. “Honestly love, you do get carried away with yourself. I’m glad I’m only your cousin because otherwise I couldn’t stand being related to you.”
“Why didn’t you stop that blonde woman stealing my sister’s shoes Floyd?”
“Because they suited her more.” Floyd replied. “Honestly, if you can’t colour co-ordinate you may as well stand around waiting for a whole house to fall on your head.” Floyd looked around the room. “Have you considered giving Changing Rooms a call? They could do wonders with this place. The Borgia look is so out of date it’s practically next door to cave paintings.”
Emilia paused and smiled. “I do like that pretty boy.”
“Don’t we all?” Floyd asked. “He is such a marvel.”
“Enough of this, I’ve got plans to destroy the world and I don’t need you getting in my way.”
Floyd threw up his arms. “I know what you mean love, well I’d better be going. I’ve got a rendezvous and I don’t want to be late.” He waved goodbye to his cousin and vanished in a big puff of light green smoke.
“What a big puff.” Emilia coughed as the light green smoke got up her nose and in her eyes.


Ruby, sometimes still called the Doctor, waited while Danny paused to redo his shoelaces, yet again. “Next time fasten them straight away, it’ll save on new laces. No wonder you get through so many every month. Do you think I’m made of money or something?”
“Well you seem to have an infinite amount of it.” Danny replied.
“Yes, and you seem intent on spending it all too. You’re very high maintenance you know. Even Peri didn’t manage to spend as much as you on shoes and she bought a new pair every second week.”
“Who’s Peri?” Danny asked.
The Doctor, not really known as Ruby as people didn’t seem to like that name, didn’t want to get her young companion interested in those body parts Peri had a large excess of for as long as she could. At least he couldn’t be as bad as one of her former companions when it came to staring intently about eight inches south of your face. “Never mind, now will you keep up?” She also doubted that Danny could drool as much as Haana either.
“I’ll try.” Danny said and wondered just how much weight Lucy could carry.


Bubbles spotted the group of people and pointed at them. “Tuk rand, gute, oook!” He led the formation dive as they all swooped down and readied their weapons to strike.


Webbi looked up and spotted something that was either a restaurant that did home deliveries or it was a flock of winged apes brandishing clubs and knives to attack them with. Either way she felt she had to warn the others. “Look out, incoming!”
Lucy dropped Danny and felt the impact though the sensors in her feet. “Sorry.”
Danny dusted himself down, then looked up and saw the flying apes. “Oh shi…”
The Doctor carefully clamped her hand over her companion’s mouth. “Lets try to reason with them first. They may just be lost and in need of directions.”
“That’s us Doctor.” Webbi replied.
“That’s not true.” Lucy said to Webbi. “I know where we are, although where here is, is a bit more vague. Could draw you a map.”
The Doctor tried to look her most angry and upset as she confronted the lead Ape. “I am known as the Doctor, universally.”
“She’s like the Avon lady, except she kicks the door down and then overthrows your government.” Lucy tried explaining the Doctor with metaphors.
“Mistress want red shoes.” Bubbles pointed at the shoes on the Doctor’s feet.
“These are mine.” The Doctor replied. “I earned them by right of conquest.”
“Then we take them from you same way.”
“Oh, I didn’t think they fancied their chances that much.” The Doctor started fishing around inside her handbag.
“Someone, do something!” Danny tried hiding behind Lucy but found that Webbi was there already.
“I’m hiding here.” Webbi said as Danny tried hiding between her and Lucy.
“I’m younger than you.” Danny pointed their ages out.
“Well I’m too pretty to die.” There was a knife thrown near them and Webbi merged with Danny on reflex.
“What’s going on?” Danni – a hybrid of Danny and Webbi asked. “Why do I have four arms and two legs? At least I’m still a boy, wait a minute, I’m also still a girl.” The masculine and feminine sides of the two both felt relief and panic as they realised that they were all mixed up and different. Webbi soothed the Danny part by replacing his sense of masculinity with a copy of her sense of femininity, she knew it probably was wrong but Danny was rather left out of a lot of things and if her plan worked then Danny would have much more in common with the others, like appreciation of shoes, being female, a fondness for the colour pink and also being able to conceive children. Besides if what to come was what she thought was to come then she may well have just saved her friend’s life. Soon it was as if Danny had always been a girl and Webbi herself blushed at some of the thoughts the adolescent Danni was now having about sex with boys, plural.
The Doctor pulled out the bag of ape repelling powder from her handbag and took some out in her hand. She aimed herself at the cloud of flying apes and blew on the powder until it gusted forward in a rapidly moving cloud, surrounding the apes.
One by one the apes turned around and fled. Bubbles made a defiant gesture to the blonde woman with the big lungs and flew off too.
The Doctor stopped blowing on the powder and put the remaining grains back in the bag. “That wasn’t so difficult. Brains really do overcome brawn.”
Danni pulled on the Doctor’s jacket sleeve. “Erm you couldn’t help separate us, could you? I think Webbi’s putting a crimp on our love life.”
“Great jumping gobstoppers, what have you two done to yourselves this time?” The Doctor found that separating the two was easier that expected. All she had to do was place a bar of chocolate on the left and a small snack sized rabbit creature on the right and the two parts of the duel being separated back into their regularly shaped selves. “Let that be a lesson to you both. Never hide from your fears, confront them and never try to merge again. I’m sure you’ll both remember reasons why.” She was a bit puzzled at why her two legged companion remained looking feminine and pouty but she put it down to Danny’s age.
Danni felt quite her normal self, glad that she was all her own species again. “Certainly. I’ll cower behind you next time Doctor. I can at least try to face my fears with you nearby.” Then she remembered that she should be a male, but she was more than happy as she was and put it down to some lingering thought of Webbi’s from the time she had merged with that man and had doubts about her gender for a week, so she didn’t say anything to anyone, in case they tried to do experiments on her or something. What she really wanted was to get out her boring clothes as she really did look too much like a boy for her own psychological well being.


Emilia screamed in fury as she heard Bubbles’ report. She twisted the ape’s head right off its shoulders and threw it across the room. “Bah, I shall have to intervene in matters myself.” With a wave of her hand all the other apes were turned to dust. Then she picked up a broomstick and flew out of an open window.


They were approaching the city walls and saw huge posters covering them advertising that sales indeed were now on. As they approached a coupon counter the Doctor took out her pocket watch and determined that they had just enough time for a refreshing glass of lemonade and a sandwich each. Or a glass of fresh blood and a maggot cake for Webbi and a glass of oil for Lucy and a top up of her coolant tank to keep her internal mechanisms at peak efficiency.
Danni hoped that Webbi didn’t feel weird and awkward around her, well not as weird and awkward as she did when Webbi was near her. She hoped that Lucy might talk to her for a while, about footie hopefully. It would be so great to get a proper girls team going as girls her own age were more interesting in boys than sports. Not that boys weren’t important, but not as important as a good game of five-a-side. She had tried to talk to her once about the conversion process and she had not slept for a week thinking that Lucy was going to do the same to her so that they had something in common. Perhaps she could ask her about her plans to make herself a pet, it did sound interesting and maybe she’d let her name the thing. Rusty sounded good but that was a guys name and Lucy said that the thing would be female. That was all she needed, another woman around the place. She already had too much competition at the best of times. At least there would be no more reminding about the loo seat or the lino or washing her hands. Now she was actually looking forward to being involved in hair recolouration projects or nail polishing experiments or even as a tailor’s dummy for Webbi’s silk lingerie fittings. Then she spotted a droolsome guy and she was all of a spaz girl with the not breathing and staring and wanting to be kissed sensually on her lips.
Lucy looked around for shops that had the cybernetic woman in mind. She was keen to furnish her room only with things that she really liked, like one of those chairs you got at the dentists, or one of those things with the little clacky balls that used to be popular office toys in the 1980’s on earth. Then she spotted Danny looking at a boy the way she too looked at men, then the swelling bumps under the shirt and the hips that were too wide for any males. She wondered if Danny needed to have a sudden and urgent chat of the woman-to-woman variety.
Danni was working out how much a boob job cost in her head when Lucy grabbed hold of her arm and dragged her into the loo. “Hey, what’s up?”
Lucy looked at Danny. “You’re a girl aren’t you? That merge with Webbi changed you permanently didn’t it? It’s ok to tell me, but I’m right aren’t I?”
“Yes.” Danni replied. “This is the loo I’ll be weeing in from now on. Wasn’t that boy the cutest though?”
“Are you in here Lucy?” The Doctor walked into the ladies to find Lucy comforting Danny. “What’s he doing in here?”
“She’s just a bit upset.” Lucy explained to the Doctor.
The Doctor looked at the soft, feminine features of her best friend’s face. “Oh, it must have been that merger. I’d better have a word with Webbi, in case…well just in case.” She hurried back outside again.
Danni washed her hands and then her face, wondering how pretty she would look with some lipstick, some eye shadow, maybe some blusher and obviously some ear piercings. “Lucy, do you think boys like the way I look? I mean you’ve got to have been as young as I am now. Did you have problems getting a boyfriend?
“I don’t think the Doctor will approve of us getting boyfriends. She’s very choosy about who she allows into the TARDIS. Besides you’ve only just become one of us, you should take your time and anyway you don’t want to be a tramp do you?”
Danni nodded. “You’re right. I guess I just like being the centre of attention for once. So how short a skirt do you think I can get away with?”
Lucy shook her head. Danni was just like her own teenage sister, at least she was as her own sister had been cut up into pieces and stored in stasis to use later as spare parts for when the Cybermen’s organic parts aged too much. “We can get you what you need first. You know if you let your hair grow out you’ll really be a very pretty young lady.”
“Ok, hair extensions it is.” Danni smiled. “You know you’re the coolest big sister I’ve never had Lucy. You really know stuff and you talk to me like I’m not a kid.”
The Doctor returned with Webbi in tow. “Ok, so we’re all the female of our respective species. One Gallifreyan, one Eight Legs, one Earthling and one seventh dimensional being looking at a brochure for nose piercings.”
Danni handed the brochure back to Lucy. “I was only looking, sort of. I think two pairs of silver studs are more than enough for a girl my age. Plus taking in Lucy’s condition silver is the wisest choice all around for jewellery.”
Webbi looked at Danni and realised that she was indeed looking more feminine than only a few minutes ago. “We’ll need to get you some support soon.” She pointed at Danni’s slowly expanding frontiers.
Danni gulped. “I’ve never, I don’t know how, I don’t know about sizes.”
The Doctor took hold of Danni’s hand. “It’s ok. I’ll help you.”
Lucy waited until the others had gone before looking at Webbi. “Did you do that on purpose?”
“Well she was feeling left out.” Webbi replied. “Now that they’re gone we can relax and look around for a bit.”
Lucy wasn’t sure about Webbi’s ethics, or the solution to what she thought of as a problem. However she knew that Webbi was nice and kind and polite and so they decided to get some shopping in while the Doctor got stuck in the young ladies department with Danni.


Emilia zoomed over the city and spotted two of the targets walking into a shopping centre. “I have you now my pretties, time for you to return my red shoes.”
Lucy opened the door and felt the impact of something flying into the bulletproof glass. She turned around and analysed the numerous broken bones the green-skinned woman had suffered. “Oh my, we should get someone to help you.”
Webbi panicked when people rushed towards her, so she found a confused shop assistant and borrowed her body to blend with for a while. At least she could get staff discounts now, which was a good thing as she seemed to be senior staff too, which equalled a bigger percentage off the price of clothes and things. She managed to pull Lucy out of the growing crowd of people. “Come on, the electronics are upstairs.”
Lucy looked at Webbi’s borrowed body, it was a little older than what she normally used but it was healthy and had discount which were both bonuses. “Ok, remember now about the chair, ok?”
“I remember.” Webbi pressed the lift button once they were both inside and felt the slow but steady momentum as they ascended upstairs.


Danni pouted as the Doctor shook her head. “No, you can’t have a mini skirt Danni. Besides with your legs you don’t need one. That dress is quite charming enough and you don’t want to get a reputation do you? Honestly, why don’t I try and reverse this whole situation? You were so much easier to please when you were a boy.”
“I can’t remember ever being one, what’s the point? Whatever Webbi did it’s for life and not just fir Christmas. I have all the memories of her hosts, all their experiences, plus those of Webbi too. Oh Doctor, boys aren’t going to look once at me with this dress on, never mind twice. I should be vibrant and sexy and cute and a bit phwor gorgeous.”
The Doctor refused to yield to teenage angst and hormones. “No means no Danni, now do you want to wear that now or shall I get the nice lady to wrap it up for later?”
“I’ll wear it now.” Danni compromised. “I can wait until you’re out of sight to buy a miniskirt.” She didn’t dare tell the Doctor about her plans to redecorate her room with posters of hunky guys with lots of muscles and hardly any clothes on.
Emilia got to her feet and used her magic powers to heal herself. “You can’t hide from me my pretties. I shall find you and I shall have my precious red shoes.” Across the street she spotted the other two the woman and the b…the girl. At least they’d stopped dressing her like a boy and gotten her into a skirt. She crossed the street, intent on reclaiming what was hers. However a bus travelling at quite high speed collided with her and everything went grey then black.


The Doctor looked out across the street and saw that an OAP had been run over by a bus. “Oh dear. You stay here, I’ll see if I can help.”
Danni jumped up in the air and sorted out enough cash to pay for the miniskirt, while the Doctor’s back was turned. “Just this then.” She smiled sweetly to the cashier. “My Mother is like totally strict and I’m old enough to pay for this out of my pocket money.”
“Sure thing miss.”
Danni was still not used to being called miss, but she was glad that everyone accepted her as a young woman. Now all she needed was make up and some earrings and some nibbles for the pre-redecoration party. She looked out of the window to see the Doctor being attacked by the green skinned old woman. “I’d better go and help, my mother may be a first rate GP but she’s no Ultimate Fighting Champion these days.”
“Get off me!” The Doctor tried a few jabs but they missed.
“Give me those shoes!”
“Get off of her!”
“Get out of here Danni.”
Danni hit the psycho witch with a handy golf club and smiled as the woman flew across the air and hit a water main.
“What did you do that for?” The Doctor demanded. “I had her just where I wanted her.”
“She was going to kill you.” Danni replied.
“Well maybe, but you shouldn’t have hit her that hard.”
“I didn’t know I could. Maybe I have some of Webbi’s strength as well?”
“Maybe.” The Doctor looked across the road and saw huge clouds of billowing black fumes boiling off the woman’s skin.
“I’m melting!” Emilia’s skin burned as the water from the broken hydrant soaked her. “I’m melting!” Then she burst into flames and the ashes mixed with the water to form a mini laharre as it flowed down the street into the nearest drain.
“Unreal!” Danni shouted. “That was really bizarre. Lets buy make up to celebrate me saving your life.”


Lucy and Webbi left the shop with their purchases packed away in a large box on wheels. They spotted the Doctor and Danni standing in the middle of the street having an argument about nail polish.
“Not even some soft pink?” Danni asked.
“Not yet. Transparent or glittery silver and those are my final words on the matter.”
“Ok, ok.” Danni sighed. “But I still get to wear lipstick when we go to important events and occasionally other times too if I keep my room tidy and don’t have boys over for wild parties with alcohol.”
“I’ll think about it.” The Doctor said before spotting Lucy and someone else who was probably Webbi in disguise. “Teenagers. Why did I ever agree to let a teenager travel with me?”
“Because she’s an orphan and you feel some sort of sense of responsibility for forcing her into existence?” Webbi made a wild and totally accurate remark, for a change.
“At least she’s almost seventeen.” The Doctor said, mainly to herself. “Then she can experiment more with make up.”
“You should tell her that Doctor. She needs boundaries and she needs you to make them as clear as possible.” Lucy gave what little wisdom she had into the mix. “Plus you’re going to have to have the talk with her. You’re her mother figure, it’s your responsibility.”
“Do I have to? Oh very well.” The Doctor looked around just in time to see Danni being arrested.
“What has she done wrong now officer?” The Doctor asked the large burly policeman, estimating that she could render him unconscious easily with just one punch.
“I didn’t do anything.” Danni shouted. “This is total fascism, it’s uncalled for and you’re hurting my wrists.” She tried stamping on their feet with her shoes but sensible trainers just did not have the same impact as the heels everyone else was wearing. “Get off me!”
“What are the charges?” The Doctor asked.
“Trumped up!” Danni replied.
“Shaddup you!” The policeman hit the girl with his baton.
“That was uncalled for.” The Doctor snarled. “Release my daughter at once.”
“Daughter?” Lucy and Webbi asked each other at the same time.
Lucy considered doing something but electricity burst through her systems and she fainted.


Webbi woke up to find herself in a large room. It was big and empty, apart from the small heap of friends nearby and the big cloth hanging up on the far wall. She helped them recover and separated them so that someone’s shoe heel were not rammed up someone else’s nose for instance.
“Where am I?” Danni asked.
“Did I drink shandy again?” The Doctor asked. “Either this room is spinning or it’s my brain.”
“Resistance is useless, you will be converted. You will all become…no, I’m not one of you. I’m Lucy, I’m a person. Bad redundant programming. I’ll have to erase that file too. There, now why are you all upside down?”
“It’s your eyes Lucy.” The Doctor said, shining a torch into the eyeholes. “Adjust the rotation of your optics by 180 degrees.”
Lucy did so and everything was right way up with the world again. “That’s better. Now where are we and how do we get me back to my purchases?”
“They even took my things.” Danni pouted. “This is totally bogus. I want my new clothes back!”
“Is there anyone here?” The Doctor stood up and paced around.
“I am here.” A loud voice boomed out into the room. “I am the Sorcerer of Zo. You four are my prisoners. Doctor, you are charged with being less than you can be. You are not living up to your full potential. Danni, despite your recent transformation you still have not realised what you can be. You seek comfort in material possessions, yet you have not used your intellect once. You are accused of not being as smart as you can be. Webbi, you hide away from social interaction, you are afraid to meet people for fear of rejection. You are charged with not being as confident as you can be. Lucy, you still cling to your humanity, despite becoming mostly cybernetic. You deny yourself the opportunity to learn more about those like yourself. You are charged with avoiding your true nature.”
The Doctor put her hands on her hips. “Wait a gosh-darn cotton-picking second…I know that voice.”
“No Doctor, you do not.”
“Yes I jolly well should. That’s my voice.” She wandered over to the large curtain and tugged at the corner of it.
“No, do not look behind the curtain, you are unprepared to face what lurks behind here. You should run away and hide from my power for I am the might Sorcerer of Zo!”
The Doctor took out a hammer from her handbag and pulled the nails out that were holding the curtain in place. “There, now to see what or rather who you really are!” She pulled the curtain aside and looked upon the face of the Sorcerer of Zo.
“Surprise.” The Doctor smiled at herself.
“What are you doing here?” The Doctor demanded.
“It’s all terribly complicated and hard to follow.”
Lucy watched as the Doctor started having a conversation with herself. “This is like something I saw on the TV.”
“The Two Towers?” Danni asked. “I liked Gollum a lot.”
“No, The Prisoner.”
“Oh.”
“I never saw that.”
“I’m too young to have seen that.”
The Doctor glared at herself. “So what is this then? Some sort of dreary second-rate plot where you reveal that you’re the distillation of the dark side of my nature? It’s been done before dear.”
“I am not your dark side, I am you. I am the Doctor.”
“No you’re not. I’m me. I’m sure I’d remember if I wasn’t me.”
“I am you and you are me.”
“And we are all together?”
“Coo Coo cha choo.”
“So what part of us are you then?”
“I am your determination. I am the part of you that your are running away from. I am the part of you that fights the good fight, I am the part of you that monsters are afraid of, I am the part of you…”
“…that has the big mouth?”
“Right. Where as you are the explorer, the social worker, you are the traveller. Both sides of us must be as one. We cannot be the Doctor if we are divided.”
“I have determination.”
“You have a shopping fetish.”
“I have free will.”
“You have an addiction to tea.”
“I am…only half the woman I used to be?”
“We must combine if we are to survive. Unite to survive or fall divided. We need each other if we are to face what is to come.”
“What is to come?”
“Death, death on such a grand scale. We have to fight it, we must fight it.”
“What if it’s not enough?”
“We must try, billions are counting on us.”
“Billions? Who am I to argue with myself?”
“Should we call a psychiatrist?” Webbi asked the others.
“No thank you.” The Doctor replied. “Lets get out of here hmmm?”
“Are you feeling ok Doctor?” Danni asked.
“Yes.” The Doctor looked at her youngest companion. “I’m feeling quite my old self again. Come on, we’ve got work to do.”
“What about shopping?” Webbi asked.
“Clothes?” Danni added.
“What about my purchases?”
The Doctor looked at her three companions. “We’ve got everything we need in the TARDIS. Release that woman’s body back to her own control Webbi, don’t be afraid to let others see the real you. Lucy, you need to let go of what you lost and embrace your cybernetic self. Danni, you need to do a lot of growing up extremely fast. It’s unfair I know but we’re going to be relying on you to be mature and level headed in the days to come.”
“What’s wrong Doctor?” Danni asked. “Something’s up isn’t it?”
The Doctor paused before nodding. “I’ve been such a fool, hoping it would go away. It’s not going to go away though, there’s a storm coming. A dark and terrible storm. You see not every universe is quite like this one. In one of those Universes there is only one species left alive. The most terrifying species you can imagine, they destroy other realities to plunder their resources and consume their inhabitants for food. This Universe is next on their menu and I intend to stop them.”
“The Cybermen?” Lucy asked.
“The Daleks?” Danni guessed.
“Not the Eight Legs?” Webbi pretended to have a guess.
The Doctor nodded. “In their reality the Eight Legs are the Rulers of Time. They created an eternal order of your kind Webbi. Their Great Queen is their source of all Temporal Power, a vast being of awesome power and intellect. She feeds on the life force of those realities she invades. Her billions of children strip whole galaxies barren in moments and then they move on to the next one. I intend to stop them once and for all.”
“Ok, so we kick ass, then can I buy some lipstick?” Danni asked, trying to be all mature and stuff about things.
“I’ll think about it.” The Doctor smiled at her companion. “I’ll think about it.”
“That’s not a no? Hey it’s not a no.” Danni realised that the others had walked off, heading back to the TARDIS, so she ran after them. She felt that she was rapidly becoming more mature and grown up by the minute, although her soft cuddly toy was an essential part of this growth and was thus still needed.

LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS

The kitchen, the centre of social life. The heart of any home and this one was located inside of a rather unusual home to say the least. Its inhabitants were not your normal run-of-the-mill family, rather an eclectic collective of wanderers, explorers, travellers and a teenager without access to a telephone or credit cards. Currently two of the four inhabitants of this strange place are located here, but will be joined by another of their number shortly.
Danni thumped on the door, again. “Come on Doctor, I have to go. Can’t you shave your legs another time?”
The door opened and the Doctor stuck her head out of the gap to look at her youngest travelling companion. “What’s wrong with the loo in your room hmmm?”
“I think I’ve broken it or something. I knew I shouldn’t have had that curry. We’ll have to get a plumber with a gasmask and asbestos gloves or something.” Danni felt unbearable pressure in her bladder. “I’ve got to go Doctor…now.”
The Doctor managed to avoid the stampede and giving her friend some solitude she headed off to make herself a refreshing cup of tea. Finding Webbi and Lucy already there she just needed to reheat the water and put the bag in the cup before waiting for the wonders of herbal infusion to begin.
“Morning Doctor.” Lucy said casually. “Did we keep you awake last night?”
The Doctor mumbled a growl.
“Oh, well if it’s any consolation I’ve told Danni not to use my internal optical disc reader as a CD player again.”
“See that she doesn’t.”
Webbi felt guilty, but also relief. She may have gone overboard with the pouty rebellion but in the long run she knew that she had extended Danni’s survival chances too. In her mind where she couldn’t scratch it, she felt the song, the siren song. She had to make it stop, this was not her way, she wasn’t like the rest of her kind.
Finally the kettle clicked and the Doctor poured the water softly over the bag.
“Digestive biscuit?” Webbi passed the packet over to the Doctor.
The Doctor took one and passed the packet over to Lucy. “How come both David and Claire were not as difficult combined as Danni is?”
“She’s the youngest, she’s trying to be grown up while still wanting all the attention of a girl her age. I had a sister Danni’s exact age and she was just the same.”
“Danni isn’t a human being though. She’s a seventh dimensional construct of one, she may look, act, speak and think as a human but soon enough she’ll be able to move back and forth through time just like one of my own people and even see around corridors which I must admit would be useful sometimes.”
Danni walked into the kitchen. “Thank you for the save Doctor, it was almost embarrassing moment time back there. Speaking of, where do we keep the mops? Just for future reference obviously.”
“They’re in the cupboard next to…is that my lipstick you’re wearing?”
“I only borrowed a little bit. I think it suits me.”
The Doctor looked at Danni’s painted lips. “That’s my jezebel red. I never leant that to anyone before, not even Haana when she had her big dating slump and couldn’t get a date anywhere.”
“I’ve seen that picture of here.” Emma spoke up. “How could she not get a guy?”
“Erm, well…” The Doctor was taken back by the fact that a single, available woman had not actually heard the warnings about her former companion and one time über homosexual dating machine. “You see…”
“Isn’t she the gay one?” Webbi asked.
“Yes, petite woman with jezebel red lipstick never stood a chance with her. Luckily she grew out of that phase, just after that nasty compound fracture of her arm.”
“I’m the first one you’ve lent this too? This is such an honour, thanks Doctor.” Danni didn’t want to press her look and so put back her plan to borrow the Doctor’s actually cool powder blue cardigan to a later date. She was sure that she didn’t want to meet this Haana person, unless she had like really cool shoes to borrow and a long-term girlfriend or something. Feeling suddenly vulnerable she felt the need to obtain some sort of coat, just for psychological reasons. Pink obviously, perhaps with a white fur lined hood and those little mittens with the string attaching them that ran through the sleeves of said coat. She took out her diary and started writing in it about her basic requirements for a successful and happy life. The first word began with boy and ended with friend.


It was calm and quiet as the two front doors of the strange blue box swung inwards. A second later the Doctor emerged, looked around and decided against wearing an overcoat or changing out of her open-toed sandals. “Come along you three, there’s lots of possible adventures to be had. Tangerine trees, marmalade skies and oooh and cellophane flowers of yellow and green towering over our heads, it’s quite pretty really.”
“What’s the point if you already know what’s going to happen?” Danni wanted to spend the day working on her list of potential boyfriends.
“I’m not certain, exactly. Most of the future is pretty easy to guess. Large events have a way of being samey, wait an eternity and you’ll realise the familiar patterns that form the cosmos. The small things, the minutiae, that’s where the real excitement lies. Will the cup of tea be too sugary, will those tights be too sheer, or will it be bluebells instead of daffodils. Random chance only truly works on the small scale, it’s quite exciting really. However sometimes, only sometimes something happens that you cannot guess, cannot plan for. Then it’s wise to carry a pair change of underwear and pray for the best.”
Webbi had a quick look around and spotted a small boat in the distance. “Cool, it’s got oars and things. Hey Emma, lets take a trip down the river.”
Emma looked at the boat, scanning it for damage and relative comfort. “Ok, are you two coming?”
The Doctor looked at the small boat. “Erm no thanks, it doesn’t look big enough for three never mind four.”
“I am not getting near that rust bucket.” Danni added. “Lets go and find some shops Doctor. I want to get souvenirs.”
“Not every planet has gift shops.” The Doctor tried not to get her money spending companion’s hopes up. “Besides won’t it be great just having a walk around this beautiful place? I could spend hours strolling around this planet.”
“Great, as long as we get a pedicure afterwards.” Danni looked around again. “Come on, this way Doctor. I think I can hear shops this way.” She set off towards the suspected location of the shopping centre.
The Doctor was sure that Danni was determined to find danger at the earliest possible instant. She only hoped her long and boring lectures about unexpected teenage pregnancies had sunk into her companion’s boy-crazy brain. The last thing she wanted was to be midwife to a fourth baby. After Haana, Geokai and Penny’s births she was quite looking forward to not being another godparent again, she had even gone as far as to show Danni how a condom machine worked, even though she was quite certain that her pleasure went no further than a fresh cup of tea and didn’t involve ribs of any sort, unless you counted breathing in the rich aroma of her cuppa.


Down by a bridge, next to a fountain Lucy pulled the boat over to the shore. “Lets have a look at that fountain and make some wishes. I’ve got two coins on me, here Webbi, you can go first.”
Webbi studied the two sides of the coin. On one side were the rocking horse-like people of Bandargri and the other side showed their national dish of marshmallow pies, the pink marshmallows not the white. “Ok, I wish for…”
“Don’t tell me!” Lucy shouted. “You can’t tell anyone or it won’t come true.”
“Ok, I’ve never actually heard those rules before but you sound convincing enough.” Webbi tossed the coin into the fountain and made her wish.


Danni spotted the group of cute boys and headed straight over to them. They were all laughing and joking, so she was eager to hear their jokes. “Hi there, what’s so funny?”
Marcus blushed a deep shade of crimson as the very attractive young woman kept looking at him. “Erm we, were saying, that is my friends and I were talking about…”
Danni stopped listening as she started mentally undressing them all. “Uh huh.”
“So I said that’s not possible. Then we laughed and you came over and were all beautiful and pretty and why am I saying this out loud?”
“Wow, what strong arms you have.” Danni felt socially accepted and she tingled inside at being called both beautiful and pretty by the rather cute looking Marcus. “You think I’m pretty? Well I guess I’ll have to give you a kiss to say thank you then.” She was just about to snog his brains out when the Doctor appeared and dragged her away by the collar of her blouse. “Hey! Cute guy, I like him. Let me kiss him. Let go of me!” She tried struggle but she got further and further away from his arms, his lips, his body.
“You’re out of control Danni, plus you’re acting exactly like you shouldn’t.” The Doctor spun her companion around on her heels.
“Hey neat trick.”
“Thank you.” The Doctor put on serious parental scowl. “I’ve got a duty to look after you Danni my girl and by the Hand of Omega I intend to make sure that you neither make a fool of yourself or get pregnant. Women normally learn restraint and feminine mystique over many months of long and painful imitation of older girls. However as you seem determined to make the first move go ahead, get pregnant, get called a slut and a tramp and a cheap tart. So what if you’re an easy lay as long as you screw a dozen guys a week and double at weekends? Never mind the sexually transmitted diseases, just don’t come crying to me when you’ve got AIDS and a baby on the way because I won’t be there to tell you I told you so.” The Doctor turned away and left.
“Ok, my mother’s had her daily seizure.” Danni let Marcus hold her waist, with minimal encouragement. “This is where you kiss me and tell me everything will be ok.”
“I, well, the thing is, oh very well.”
Danni felt the world crumble away from underneath her feet and it seemed like their mouths were fused in a slow but intense kiss of absolute perfection. Her whole body tingled with excitement and happiness at knowing she had found the man she intended to loose her virginity to.
Marcus wondered how quickly he could get rid of the girl so that he could hear the rest of the jokes about his old college professor.
“Do you live near here?” Danni asked. “Is your bedroom really big?” She was already planning their family, a boy then a girl, then another boy and finally twin girls so she could have two kids to fuss over and adore while her husband had a part time job that paid for everything they needed plus a boob job for herself and possible nose job for her eldest daughter if she needed one, and he’d still have energy to spend all night on the nest too. “Do you come from a large family Marcus?” She was already planning what shorts to buy for Marcus Jr before he replied.
“Erm, yes, two brothers and two sisters.”
The Doctor shook her head and walked away. “Shameless, absolutely shameless. I might as well have been talking to a brick wall with the hots for another brick wall. Then again a brick wall would be more yielding than that tangle of teenage mood swings and pubescent hormones. Even Haana was more reasonable at times.”

Webbi waved to the smiling people as she and Lucy made their way back through the trees. “It’s a pity about the boat, I quite liked it as a mode of transport.”
“Me too.” Lucy let out a digitised sigh. “At least we can try and get one of those newspaper taxis over there to get us back to the TARDIS.”
“Cool.” Webbi agreed and tried to hail one of them, before getting confused about which leg to use and falling over.
“Are you hurt?” Lucy asked as she helped Webbi regain her footing. “That looks like a nasty dent on your body.”
“I’ll be ok.” Webbi replied. “Just a little scratch really. I’ll get the Doctor to rub something on it later while she gently scolds me and we share a how cup of tea. Do you know I quite like it, with beetles instead of sugar obviously and ant blood instead of milk.”
“At least you’ve got that much in common with her. I always feel a complete outsider just because I prefer espresso machine oil. It really hits the spots inside.”
“As long as you’re happy I’ll clink mugs with you anytime.” Webbi looked around. “Great, there’s a taxi coming over our way. Quick, show them your components Lucy.”
“I’m not flashing my insides at anyone, phwor! What a beauty.” Lucy looked over at the stunning beauty of the fifty Chippendales. “If only I had a bottle of baby oil, I’d rub it all over them.”
“I’ve never found muscular men very attractive, I always tend to see them as food. I prefer my guys skinny with cute bums. Anyway we have to get back to the TARDIS, not gawp at eye candy.”
“You’re right of course.” Lucy replied. “Besides we have to set an example to Danni as her pseudo big sister role models. She is turning into a bit of a man-eater though.”
“That’s not my influence.” Webbi said quickly. She had never consumed the flesh of any sentient being, it was all distasteful really, and she liked to think she was more evolved and just nicer all round than her billion other sisters who did do that sort of thing.
Lucy silently cursed her poor choice of words, especially as Webbi was very sensitive about such things. “No, I mean. Oh I’ll explain in the taxi. Come on, don’t catch your feet in the door.” She helped her multiple legged best friend climb into the taxi. She sat down next to Webbi and rested her weary coolant tubes. “Ok, one question. Why did you make Danni so femme?”
Webbi knew that she’d been rumbled. “Ok, but you have to promise not to tell anyone else, especially the Doctor.”
“Cross my motherboard.” Lucy said.
“Ok, you know my people are going to invade this Universe and consume everyone? Well they’ll consume the males first, it’s because in our culture males are good for nothing except breeding with and looking at. That’s one of the reasons I left, I want to be somewhere where I’d be the centre of everyone’s attention. Ok so I haven’t found it yet but I’m still looking. At least as a young woman Danni has a much better chance of survival if things go wrong.”
“But you changed Danni before the Doctor discovered what was going on.”
“I’ve known for a while now. I’ve heard the Song of the Temporal Queen in the back of my mind. I didn’t know what it was until I merged with Danni and as she exists in seven dimensions I learned the awful truth. Well I had to do something and she likes being a really girlie girl, just as I do.”
“Thanks true.” Lucy agreed. “Except that you’re mentally stable and Danni’s going to end up pregnant and catch some icky disease.”
“I think she may have picked up too much of my species mating drive. I can cope with it, after all we’re supposed to eat the male after, well after. However I’m opposed to that on principle, so I tend to go without in my normal form. However if I borrow a body I’m ok.”
“And Danni has your memories?”
“Yes, and the memories of each and every host body. I can’t hold all that in my mind, but her mind is almost infinite and I really do not want to go back in there again. I’m still trying to repress the off-side rule.”
“So the Eight Legs would swarm through this Universe if everyone was unprepared?” Lucy computed one and one and came up with pi. “I may have an idea, but I’ve got to leave here. I need to be somewhere else, across the Universe, turn left and then a right.”
Webbi was intrigued. “What are you going to do?”
Lucy began scraping the nail polish off of the tips of her gloved hands. “I’m going home.”


The Doctor sat alone in the kitchen, hoping that the girls would return soon. She made herself another cup of tea and looked down at it. “At least you’ll never leave me, at least until you’ve passed my kidneys. Why do you all leave me? Like ships in the night, avuncular ships in need of mutual companionship. Oh who was she kidding? She was like a mother hen to them, fussing over their needs and educational development. They were the children she never had since her son all those years ago. She wondered where she had gone wrong with Danni. She had been such a nice boy until becoming a boy crazy young lady. She could just blame Webbi but it was the accidental merger, Webbi’s psyche altering Danny’s form and mind at the basic level. Webbi’s personality had made Danny believe she was a girl so he became one. That was the trouble with seventh dimensional beings; they could become anything and anyone if they willed it. She just hoped that Danni didn’t get herself into real trouble, although that young chap did look the sensible sort. Hopefully he’d stand by her. The Doctor drained her tea just as Webbi scuttled into the room.
“Oh, you’re here. I’ve got news.”
“Good or bad?”
“Can you put the cup down please?”
“That bad?”
“Worse.”
“Where’s Lucy?”
“That’s the thing, she’s had an idea.”
“And you let her go off on her own?”
“Well I can’t go where she’s going. What with me being a pretty and polite and loveable organic being.”
“Where is she going?” The Doctor asked slowly and less than friendly.
“She said she was going home.”
“That doesn’t make sense, this is her home now. Unless, oh dear. She’ll get caught for sure.”
“What did she mean Doctor?”
The Doctor didn’t reply, instead she made two cups of tea. One of which contained beetles. “And then there were two. I’m not having a very good day with you girls am I?” She took out her TARDIS remote control and dematerialised the ship into the vortex.
“Where’s Danni?” Webbi asked. “Is she in her room?”
“I’m afraid Danni won’t be travelling with us anymore. She’s met a nice young man. She was determined; she’s already started picking baby names. It’s what she wants Webbi.”
“I don’t care what she wants, what she needs is a good dose of common sense and some strong female morality. I think we should go and drag her back here if necessary.”
“If we did that then we wouldn’t be helping.” The Doctor handed her companion her cup of tea. “If we want her to come back to us we have to give her space to think.”
“It’s all my fault isn’t it Doctor?” Webbi asked.
“Not entirely. You didn’t know that your personality would affect Danni that much. Seventh dimensional beings are very open to suggestibility. That was how I caused Danny to separate from the group conscience originally. I wanted a friend at the time, someone to mother and look after and protect. Then he picked up some of your thoughts and your species strong mating instinct. It couldn’t be helped. It wasn’t as if you forcibly pushed your will on hers, swamping it completely.”
“Erm, well, you see, the thing is…”
“I think a long lecture is in order young lady.”
“They’ll devour all the males first!” Webbi replied quickly. “I didn’t want him to die, I saved Danni’s life. They’ll just enslave a proportion of the surviving females to work in the hatcheries and later snacking. At least she’ll have a chance now.”
The Doctor nodded. “I believe you did what you thought was right. How long have you known?”
“Only since the merger, Danni can see across the boundaries between Universes. She doesn’t know that she can yet, I caught a glimpse and it confirmed what I’ve been suspecting for a while. My sisters from that other reality and pushing on the fabric of this reality. They’ll breach it soon, that’s why Lucy left. Whatever she’s planning, she thinks it’ll stop them.”
“I’m not so sure that it will.”
“The Temporal Queen’s song echoes around my mind, it’s very powerful. I can resist though, I’m my own eight-legs. I can determine my own fate.”
The Doctor nodded. “You’re stronger than you realise Webbi, you’re an individual, a rebel. It takes real courage and conviction of character to escape from your own people and go on the run in an old time machine.”
“It does?”
The Doctor nodded. “I wasn’t just talking about yourself. I know what it’s like to want to make your own way in the cosmos, to throw off the constraints and expectations of your people. Enough of this wallowing in our own miseries. Why don’t I take you to the eye of Orion hmmm? We can work on our suntans and you can have fun exploring old ruins and built a sandcastle on the beach. Plus the high bombardment of positive ions really has a way of uplifting the soul.”
Webbi finished off her cup of tea. “Ok, I’ll go and find my buckets and spades.”
The Doctor took a last sip of tea and suddenly the room lurched to the right and the tea went all down the front of her new blouse. “Great, just great.”
“What’s going on?” Webbi dashed back into the kitchen. “Are you having a wet t-shirt competition?”
“No, we’d better get to the console room and find out what’s going on.” The Doctor pocketed her remote control unit and let the way down corridors and through rooms until they entered the large carpeted console room. “Ah ha. Yes, well that explains a lot.”
“What is it?” Webbi asked.
“We’re stuck.” The Doctor replied.
“Where?”
“Nowhere. We’ve been dragged into a null-space bubble outside of the Universe. It looks like your sisters from that other reality are outside waiting for us.”
“Oh heck.” Webbi panicked. “They’ll cocoon you and try to force me to consume you alive.”
“I always wondered how I’d die. I never thought it would be this way, oh well lets get this over with.” The Doctor opened the TARDIS doors and stepped outside. “Hello, how do you do? I’m the Doctor and this is my best friend, Webbi.”
“Sister.” The Eight Legs greeted their fellow Time Lady.
“Hi, this is my companion, she’s my property so don’t eat her or you’ll have me to deal with.”
“This creature has power. It must be destroyed.”
“I am the Doctor. I expect you’ve never heard of me. I am the defender of Gallifrey, the keeper of the legacy of Rassilon, protector of the peoples of my Universe and upholder of the laws of Time.”
“Ensnare this prattling creature.”
Webbi felt helpless at the Doctor’s body was cocooned by silken threads that shot across the empty space faster than her eyes could see. “Oh my. Be gentle with her, she’s my friend.”
“Sister, you will come with us.”
“Erm, not until I know my friend is safe.”
“That creature means nothing to you now. You will join us and help us consume your Universe. The Temporal Queen sees all and knows that you will join us. She also knows that your pet will not leave this place alive.”
Webbi began to plan dozens of really cool and amazing escape ideas as she pretended to go along with things for now.


They were on a train in a station and Danni snuggled up next to Marcus. “You’re the best ever. I love you.”
Marcus held Danni in his arms. “I’m still not sure about you having surgery, I love you just the way you are.”
“You’ll love me more afterwards then.” Danni kissed Marcus softly. “Let’s make love again.” She ignored the plasticine porter with the weird looking glass tie as he put their suitcases in the luggage rack above her head.
“Perhaps we should wait until my parents have left?” Marcus suggested.
“They both understand...they want me to have your children. Your mother suggested that we get down to it as soon as possible and your father gave me drugs to put in your glass of water so that you’ll be up all night.”
“We’ll leave now son.” Marcus’ father said proudly.
“Good luck dear. Get pregnant soon.” Marcus’ mother kissed Danni’s cheeks.
“I intend to.” Danni replied to her soon to be mother-in-law and kissed her back.
“I’m living in a nightmare.” Marcus waved to his parents who stood on the platform outside the window.
“More like a dream world. Now get undressed and prove to me that you’re my man.”


Lucy lay on the adjustment table. Two Cybermen were upgrading her body, fitting new parts so that she matched the latest model. She had to admit it all looked more naturalistic and took her natural feminine physique into consideration more. Plus the red discs covering her optical sensors also functioned as holographic display screens, although they seemed more like kaleidoscopes at the moment, and her memory banks were updated to contain information about the latest disposition of the Cyber fleet.
She didn’t download her knowledge of the Doctor or the TARDIS, but she did transmit the information about the threat the eight-legs posed to the Universe and how they would destroy the Cyber race. Finally she had more than two fingers on each hand, although she still didn’t have the four that she would have wished for had there been a choice in the matter.
Then her faceplate was removed again and something extended deep behind it, right into the middle of her head. She realised that they had finally installed a unique beacon inside of her, so that her location could be tracked at all times and orders uploaded directly into her brain. Once her mission was completed she hoped to have it removed. Then her faceplate was refitted and she could see again.
She felt orders enter her mind and she automatically began to follow them. Too late she realised that her mind had been bypassed, she was a prisoner inside her own body, she was now just another Cyberwoman to all intents. Lucy tried overriding the instructions but she joined up with the rest of her unit and found herself stalking across a battlefield shooting humans dead with the gun in her new hands. Inside she screamed a million times. It had all gone horribly, horribly wrong…

SILICONE ON SAPPHIRE

Sunshine flooded through the window onto her face. Danni muttered in her sleep and woke up with a start. “I had this awful dream, my breasts were being hacked at by surgeons without any anaesthetic.”
Nurse Bradley looked across and saw that it was bed three. “She’s awake, get the surgeon, get the surgeon!”
“Why can’t I see very well?” Danni asked, noticing that the bed covers partially blocked her view. She lifted them away only to discover the same problem with her nightie. “What is going on?” Then a nurse appeared and stopped her taking off her nightie.
“Just lie back and relax miss.”
Danni lay back on the bed. “Where am I?”
“You’re back on the ward, after your operation.”
“I knew that tummy ache was more than indigestion. It was my appendix, wasn’t it?”
“I’ll let the surgeon explain.” Nurse Bradley saw the thin, gaunt figure of the surgeon approaching the bed.
“Now then, I don’t appreciate this. I am a skilled plastic surgeon. I reshape, I re-sculpt, I re-imagine. I do not appreciate being made a laughing stock. This is the last time, you shape shifters make me sick. Last week I reshaped a nose seventeen times before I was told it was an April Fools day joke.”
“I’m not a shape shifter.” Danni replied. “I’m a human being, more or less. Are these my new boobs?”
“They’re nothing to do with me. Seconds after drawing the cutting lines and applying the iodine they just swelled up to that size all by themselves. Of course I wasn’t aware of that and so I tried implanting you anyway. That was when you screamed and almost came out of the anaesthetic.”
“I did come out of the anaesthetic. It wasn’t a dream. Bloody hell, I thought it was a nightmare, I thought you were trying to cut them off.”
“You won’t sue will you?”
“My name isn’t Sue, it’s Danni. Who is this Sue person? If I meet her do you want me to tell her you’re looking for her?”
“Are you ok?”
“I’m fine, apart from the mental anguish and flashbacks that is. So if I’m ready can I go now? I do have a boyfriend waiting to see these and examine them closely. He’s lovely you know, I’m almost pregnant with his child.”
“You’re pregnant? You shouldn’t have anaesthetic when you’re pregnant. They’ll have me struck off for sure this time.”
Danni hugged the crying surgeon until he composed himself. “Well I’d better be going, I’m hoping these will spur him into better and longer moments.”
“Erm, sure. Do you know how to make a complaint, say for malpractice or negligence?”
“I’m not taking my negligee off!” Danni replied. “You’ve looked at them enough I reckon. Now if you don’t mind I want to take a shower and get dressed. Then I’ll buy myself a bra that fits; I mean they’re all too small now. I’ll donate them to a charity to help underdeveloped women I guess.”
“Whatever, I wish you a full and complete recovery.”
“Thanks. One thing though, there’s a small teddy bear in the gift shop, if I give you the money could you be a dear and buy it for me? I do so miss being held in Marcus’ strong arms and I do need something to fill in for him.”
“I’ll buy it for you myself, it’s the least I can do.” He was sure he had just saved the hospital a massive lawsuit and co-incidentally his own job, respect from his peers and professional reputation. He even bought the airhead bimbo a bunch of flowers too.


The Doctor struggled against her sticky bonds. She tried moving her arms and legs this way and that but found movement very tricky. “At least they let you rest up in that nice hammock.” The Doctor tried to be cheery and keep Webbi’s spirits up.
“They seem to treat me like the Queen.” Webbi observed. “You don’t think they want to promote me to the job full time, do you?”
“I think they want you to prove where your loyalties lie Webbi. I think you were right; I’m on the menu…your menu. I’d recommend the ribs myself, lots of vigorous walking makes for strong rib muscles, and thighs. Lot of meat there, not much fat anywhere on me where you wouldn’t normally expect some.”
“Don’t talk like that Doctor.” Webbi replied.
“I’m sure you’ll be very humane.”
“I can’t, you’re my friend.”
“You have to Webbi, they’ll kill you. Better that only one of us dies. Bite my throat, sever the blood vessels leading to my brain.”
“I’m not going to kill you Doctor. We’ll escape; we’ll fight our way back to the TARDIS and escape. Ok, run away as fast as we can, but we’ll be together, best friends, you and me from here to where we left the TARDIS.”
“With these shoes on?” The Doctor laughed. “No, you’ll just have to kill me Webbi. It’s the best way, it’s the only way.”
“No. I refuse. I have my principals Doctor, I’m not going to kill and eat any sentient being, besides I’ve still got some of that spicy worm curry left in the freezer. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll escape, find the TARDIS myself and find a way of bringing it here to you. You’re obviously delirious, humanoid flesh after Easter indeed. Not even my sisters are that uncouth.”
“I’m trying to save your life Webbi.” The Doctor hissed. “You have to pretend to have eaten me, then I’ll sneak around in some sort of obvious manner and find out how to defeat them and save the Universe in time for cups of tea and digestive biscuits.”
“You mean plan g?” Webbi asked.
“Yes, plan g.”
“No good, besides your perfume is too obvious.”
“Drat my excellent taste in perfume. Ok, I’ll get out of here and we’ll just have to make a run for it.” The Doctor flexed and popped out of the cocoon in under a second. “The old magic still works, I must remember to pop by and give Harry Houdini a big wet kiss.”
“Erm, sure, whatever.” Webbi replied. “Now how do we get out of here?”
The Doctor smiled and began to undress. “I’m glad you mentioned that.”


Lucy felt pain, indescribable pain, as she couldn’t stop her finger squeezing the trigger of the gun in her hands. Again and again she fired and saw people falling down dead or badly wounded thanks to her inability to override the controls in her head. She wanted to remove her faceplate and pull out all the bad wiring inside of her head.
Then something hit her leg; it destroyed it completely at the knee. Her self-preservation protocol activated and she crawled back towards the repair base for a refit. Above her stood two Cybermen.
“This one will do, poor bitch.”
“Get the faceplate off.”
Lucy found herself all blind and dumb but she could still hear.
“Bloody hell, I’ve never seen one of those before.”
“Looks different to most of the stuff they put in our heads. Take it out.”
Lucy felt a great relief as suddenly she regained control of her own arms and legs again.
“We should put the thing down, I don’t like the way it’s thrashing around and making all those hand signals.”
“Those aren’t ordinary hand signals, they’re sign language. Don’t kill me, I don’t want to die. That’s very unusual, it’s almost like she’s one of us again.”
“It could be a trap, that cunning slag might be trying to pretend to be our friend before shooting us both in the back.”
“She’s saying something again. I’m not a nasty person, I’m a kind woman who likes little animals and my favourite colour is sunrise yellow.”
“Put the faceplate back on it, let it talk to us. I don’t like all those hand signals.”
Lucy looked up at her potential savours. “Thank you, that thing they put in my head took control of my body. One second I’m downloading information to redirect the Cyber fleet into a massive suicide attack and the next I’m not in control of myself and I’m shooting people and I…and I wanted to die. I hate upsetting my friends, never mind killing people and stuff. Go on, kill me. I deserve to be left here forgotten and surrounded by those who are just as much a victim as I am. I hate being like this, I tried to adapt but they just took control of me like that and I could fight back. I want to destroy the Cybermen once and for all and at least I’ll die knowing that I’ve probably succeeded.”
“You want us to kill you?”
“Of course not, I don’t want to die. I just deserve to after all I’ve done.”
“Come on, help her up. We’ll help you get your leg repaired.”
“Who are you two?” Lucy asked.
“We’re sort of an unofficial resistance. People like yourself, converted to some degree or other by the Cybermen. Most of us don’t get past the initial stages, arms, legs, innards, but you’re the most completely converted person I’ve ever seen. Literally there are only scraps of organic components left, your head is totally synthetic, not even a single brain cell left.”
“You make it sound so glamorous, it’s not. How do you think I feel having to look at this face every morning as I do my makeup?”
“Make up?”
Lucy looked at the expressionless image of her saviours. “Yes, some eye shadow and a bit of lipstick and usually nail varnish but not always. I took it all off before I allowing myself to infiltrate their ranks, it would look a bit odd…unless they’re producing Cyber Street Walkers now. Not that I ever looked slutty, at least I did when I wanted to. Why am I saying this to guys?”
“Well I believe she’s really a woman.”
“Me too. Come on, we’d better get your leg sorted out.”
“Thanks, you’re both such nice guys. I’d kiss you both but it’d look strange and we’d all end up in a crusher or something.”


Danni relaxed and sunk deeply into Marcus’ waiting arms. “I’m so glad to be with you again.” She felt so safe and secure with his strong brown arms around her, protecting her.
Marcus looked at Danni’s enlarged bits. “Shouldn’t you be in the hospital for another week, so you can heal?”
Danni shook her head. “I’m all healed up already. I’ve got automatic boobies apparently. They just grew to this size on their own. Now why don’t we go somewhere where you can get a better look at them? I’ve very keen to help you examine them all over.”
Marcus couldn’t be quite sure about Danni, she was like a big unsolvable puzzle of conflicting ideas and statements and desires. However he also wanted to spend the rest of his life trying to understand her better, which was why he had investigated rings and precious stones. “Danni, there’s something I want to ask you. We’ve been together now for two days now and I already know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Would you do me the enormous honour of marrying me?” He took out the ring and held it in front of her.
Danni looked at the ring, all demure and gold with a big sapphire in the middle surrounded by diamonds. It was the prettiest ring ever as the blue really went with her eyes. She already knew what her answer would be. “Yes, of course I would love to be your girl for ever and ever.” She let him put the ring on her finger and admired how perfect and beautiful it would look. “I’m the happiest girl in the whole wide world.”
Marcus smiled and kissed his girlfriend. “You just wait until tonight, I’ve invited all my friends and family around to celebrate. I hope you’ll cook something extra special for us all.”
Danni was almost as bad as the Doctor’s friend Penny when it came to matters of the kitchen. However she hoped that with a lot of enthusiasm and luck she might be able to simply be really bad. Worst-case scenario – she was arrested and imprisoned for poisoning everyone. “Erm, sure, why not? I suppose I’ll have to get in the kitchen anyway. Of course I can always find ways of making things more interesting…”
“I’d advise you wear sensible shoes, the tiles are dangerous if you spill anything wet on them.”
“Well I don’t want you hurting yourself?” Danni leaned over and kissed her fiancé again. Off in the distance no one noticed the man trying to pole-vault over a river.
Marcus managed to keep the car on the road despite his fiancée’s energy and the number of idiots on the road. He over took the oversized shopping trolley full of people and dodged past an alligator and an Astin Martin with built in rocket launchers. “Bloody idiot, who the hell opens fire on a helicopter from a car? No sense of reality.”
“I know what you mean.” Danni turned the in-car CD player on and put in a Garbage CD and selected Road age before playing the track. “At least you’ve got a great sound system, we’ll have to test the suspension later on though.”
“How do you mean?” Marcus asked. “I only bought the car seven months ago, everything passed the yearly safety review.”
“I think we should carry out our own personal test. You do want to test this chassis to the limit too, don’t you? I’ve got back you know, you like my juicy double that don’t you?”
“Girl, I have no idea what the hell you’re on about.” Marcus kissed Danni’s hand. “I just know that I love each and every particle of your being, I love the whole package: mind, body and spirit.”
“Uh huh.” Danni was beginning to think she’d have to draw him diagrams. “So what shall I cook tonight? Spaghetti Hoops on toast? What about all different kinds of jam on toast?”
Marcus laughed. “It’s a good thing I like toast isn’t it?”


Webbi backed away from the naked figure of the Doctor. “No, no way. I’m not that sort of girl.”
The Doctor walked over to her companion. “Come on Webbi, you have to try it once in your life.”
“Stop trying to queer me up!” Webbi shouted.
“I’m not, goodness gracious me no. I’m completely avuncular, I’ve got the test results somewhere. Now let me merge with you or we’ll both end up in serious trouble.”
“I don’t even know if it’ll work Doctor.” Webbi replied.
“We have to try.” The Doctor took another step forward. “They’re not going to let me out of here regardless, not if I’m looking like this anyway. It just goes to show how poor their aesthetic values are but there you go. You can’t be alien without being different as my father used to say. Right before that nasty revolution business as I recall. At least he prepared for the situation and so must we. If I merge with you then we can walk out of here on all eight of our legs, we’ll just say that you consumed my body and we’ll find the TARDIS and we can separate and I can buy a whole new outfit.”
Webbi felt panic, fear and uncertainty jumping around inside herself, she wanted to run away, far away. Reverse bonding was theoretically possible, but unpractised by her sisters because they automatically assumed they were far superior and thus didn’t want any humans contaminating their bodies and minds. However the Doctor was her bestest ever friend and so she had to put her fears about hurting her to one side. If the Doctor was willing to risk injury and this was the only way to help then she had to go through with it. “Ok, lie down, I’ll try and draw you up into my body.
The Doctor lay down. “Hurry up dear, this floor is rather uncomfortable.”
Webbi rushed over to where the Doctor lay and their bodies touched. She concentrated, drawing her friend up into the safety of her form. She felt herself growing as their mass added. She felt the strange mind of the Doctor’s next to her own and then she felt tired and sleepy.
The Doctor extended one leg, then another and another and another. “Well it seems to have worked Webbi. Webbi?”
Webbi stirred and tried sharing her eyes with the Doctor. “It took a lot out of me, we’ll have to feed otherwise the separation could kill us both and you could be stuck in this body for a very long time.”
“There’s lots of food in the TARDIS.”
“Can’t you smell that tasty odour? That’s raw fly eggs, ripe ones too. The maggoty taste is just superb.”
“Erm I was thinking of something a little less moving and wriggly.”
“I’m sorry but you insisted Doctor, we have to eat and that’s the sort of feed my body needs. It’s very yummy however, you’ll be tasting it with my mouth so you’ll appreciate the rich flavours. I can’t eat normal food when I borrow other bodies, they taste awful because they’re not designed to like that diet.”
“I guess we should get going then. So how do we walk with eight legs? Won’t we fall over?”
“Just relax, I’m used to walking in my own body. You can deal with any of my sisters we meet, if they get pushy just be arrogant and if they get aggressive remember to bite them before they bite you.”
“It’s a pity your species isn’t built for Venusian Karate. Eight legs would be very useful if we had to make a fight of it.”
“I hope you don’t object to hitting below the belt?”
“I have eight knees now Webbi, it’s quadrupled my offensive abilities.”
“Ok, now how do you feel about trying to run as fast as you can?”
“Erm, I’m not sure.”
“Because I’m too tired.” Webbi succumbed again to the sleepiness.
“Great, I’m sharing a body with a narcoleptic.” The Doctor managed to work the legs out and began exploring, following her nose towards the scent of the food she needed to consume to potentially save her friend’s life.


“How is your leg now?”
Lucy tested it again. “The stabilisation is better, still some stiffness in the knee though.”
“I’ll see if I can do anything about that.”
“No, it’s ok. Let it be. We’ve got to get away from here before the Cybermen notice that we’re normal.”
“Halt, you are rejects, stand still while I destroy you.”
“Not bloody likely mate.” Lucy did a cartwheel out of the way and circled around on the lone Cyberman, limbs flailing madly. She struck the thing hard and knocked the gun out of its hands. “Ok, grab the gun and shoot it!”
“Take that!”
Lucy looked over at the mass of burning circuits that could so easily have been her if she had succumbed to the conversion process fully. She was glad that she hadn’t totally become an evil monster, she got to her feet and noticed that her knee was better. “Cool, no more limping.”
“Where there’s one of them there’s another and another.”
“True, but there’s three of us and we easily out thought it, I reckon that we could take on a Cyberman each if we have to.” Lucy tried to throw the smouldering heap of spare parts out of the shuttlecraft but suddenly its hand tore off her faceplate and it pushed a control unit inside of her head. Lucy put her faceplate back on and took hold of the spare gun. Then she gunned down her rescuers in cold blood. Inside her head the malfunctioning control unit began to overhead.


The Doctor eagerly fed on the surprisingly delicious eggs, noting that Webbi had been right about the taste and her perception of that taste. “Wake up Webbi, there’s someone coming.”
Webbi wanted another hour in bed with her favourite soft toy.

Lucy kicked the door to Cyber control open and she opened fire at everything. Cybermen fell where they stood, unable to react to the one of their own was acting in perfect accordance to its orders. Lucy’s faceplate was billowing smoke from all three holes and also around the edges before the control unit inside was expelled forwards forcibly. Blinded Lucy began searching around the floor for a faceplate before finding one. She put it on and looked around at the devastation. The room was filled with burning bodies, nothing had survived. With unchecked access to the Cyber Planner she reconfirmed her earlier instructions for the whole Cyber fleet to engage the invading Eight Legs at the weakest point in the dimensional barrier. It was a strange little blue/green/white world called Earth. Lucy threw her gun away and left the control room, heading back to the shuttle so that she could travel separately to this planet earth to help it’s inhabitants fight the coming invaders, both of them. She just hoped that the sight of a seven-foot robot woman, wearing make up, wasn’t too much of a shock to the people of Earth.


Danni relaxed at home, her new home. Even though they weren’t married and stuff yet, half of it had been signed over in her name. She didn’t want Marcus for the money however, she loved him because he had a great body and was good in bed and he made her laugh and would comfort her when she got upset about finding a dead eight legs in the bath. She was nearly sure that she could be pregnant, she was looking forward to seeing the little pink strip form in the tiny plastic window showing that she was indeed up the duff. She lay back on the sofa and waited in the nude for Marcus to return and this time they’d do it in the upstairs bathroom. Outside a woman approached the house…
“I like big butts and I cannot lie. You other queers can't deny that when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face…” She opened the door and went inside “…'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed deep in the jeans she's wearing.” She noticed the scantily clad woman with the huge hooters looking all sexy and totally gorgeous. “I'm hooked and I can't stop staring, oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha…and take your picture.” She stopped singing and started drooling.
“Who the hell are you?” Danni asked. “My boyfriend will be back any minute now, we’re trying for a baby you know.”
“I’m Haana. Sorry to hear you’ve got Heterosexuality. It’s ok though, I can convert you!” She started to undress too. “Lesson one, look at my body, totally desire it. I totally desire yours, all pretty and girly.”
Danni backed away from the strange, thin girl. “I’m not that sort of girl. I’m normal, I love guys.”
“Relax honey, just sit those cute buns down on the couch next to me and we’ll make sweet love.”
“No frigging way.” Danni looked around for something heavy to defend herself with.”


“She’s in there!” Geokai dashed across the street towards the house making the blip, blip sound of the location tracker.
“I hope we’re not too late!”


Webbi felt better, so much more refreshed and with it. She saw that she was surrounded by a group of her sisters and the Doctor was not doing a good job of talking her way past them.
“You the filthy mammal lover!”
“You make me sick, you stink of four legs.”
“Get stuffed.” Webbi took control of her own mouth back. “When you’ve got your own devoted snack on legs willing to follow you around then you’ll know true power. Anyway I was hungry so I ate her. I lay still while she voluntarily pierced my fangs into her body. That sort of control is way beyond you wannabe’s. Now get out of my way, I’m enjoying a nice stroll and I don’t want to see weak-minded scum like you again today.”
“Hmph.”
The Doctor watched as the others turned and left.
Webbi spotted the TARDIS and rushed over towards it. She took the key out of her left spinneret and unlocked the door. Once inside she closed the doors and locked them. Then she rested on the floor and laughed. “That was close.”
“We’re not out of it yet.” The Doctor reminded Webbi. “I would like a body of my own again, much as I didn’t mind sharing I much prefer having two of almost everything.”


Danni struggled but Haana had surprising strength for her size. “Let me go, no, leave me alone, no, don’t…leave me be.”
Haana kissed Danni, pressing her lips against Danni’s yummy face. “Mmmm, you’re so great, so cute.”
Geokai kicked the door open. “She’s in here Leokai.”
Leokai followed her sister into the room. “Oh no, we’re too late. You take care of Haana, I’ll stay with the woman.”
Geokai hauled Haana up to her feet and punched her friend as hard as she could in the stomach, then kneed her in the face. “This is for your own good Haana. I know you’re upset but this is wrong.” She put the temporal sender on Haana’s prone figure and activated it, sending her gay friend back to Gallifrey. The she activated her own device and followed her.
Leokai helped the heavily endowed woman to her feet. “It’s ok, she’s gone. I’m so sorry. Can I call some one for you? Rape crisis help line? I’ve got a number here for a good one. Here, lets get you into a nice warm bubble bath and you can wash away some of those nasty sensations. If you want to talk about it, I’m more qualified than any psychiatrist on this or indeed most planets.” She spotted the picture of the woman and some bloke. “Is this your bloke? You’re so lucky, I can never meet guys. Everyone thinks I’m, well that I’m like Haana, but I’m not. For one I’m mentally stable and two I really do want to find a guy to share the rest of eternity with.”
“You’ll find someone.”
“Does he have any brothers?”
“Yes, two.”
“Well I’m well in then. I’m called Leokai by the way.”
“Danni. He’s called Marcus.”
“He’s seriously cute, you make a lovely couple.” Leokai put the picture back down and let Danni wear her jacket.
“Thanks, he just asked me to marry him this morning. What a day, huh?”
“I’m sorry we didn’t get here quicker.” Leokai saw that Danni was ready to cry now so she let her put her arms around her and let it all out. “There, there. Let it out, let it all out.”


The Doctor checked to make sure she only had two of everything before going to her room to have a shower, followed by a leisurely trawl through her wardrobes and finally a much needed cup of tea.


Webbi made her way back to her room for some much-needed alone time with her favourite soft toy.


Danni finally felt tangible enough to pull herself together and stop soaking the peculiar blonde woman’s blouse with her tears. “Where’s Marcus? He should be here soon.”
Leokai shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe he’s stuck in traffic?”
“Maybe, he’s the best thing in my life. Meeting him was the best thing ever since I started travelling with the Doctor.”
Leokai’s jaw dropped open and the crazy fan-girl instinct took over the controls of her brain. “Which one was it? I bet it was the seriously gorgeous one with the sultry smile and come to the Zero Room eyes.”
“Erm no, she’s a woman.”
“Ah, the tasteful one with the left hook. I met her once or twice, and then there was that evil trap business. However my sister managed to take her toothbrush which really is naughty, teeth are very important.”
“That was before I met her. Is your sister the kleptomaniac?”
“Ah yes, my poor star struck sister. Not really, well not often anyway. Certainly nothing that could be proven in a court of law.”
Danni sensed something about Leokai, a certain similarity with the Doctor, plus she had two hearts. “You’re one of the Doctor’s people, aren’t you?”
“Yes, I’m from the planet Gallifrey. It’s in the constellation of Kasterborous, but you need to know the Minyan sky to locate it. I was a fully qualified Time Lady, until they caught me and there was that unfortunate trial business. That’s why I don’t have my own TARDIS anymore, I really miss Saturn too, he was...well we share a bond that goes beyond most people’s understanding. Haana has one, I’ll have to find the thing and take it back. I’m not trying to defend her or anything but there’s a reason we were sent to track her down and stop her. Well Geokai was, I sort of just accidentally happened to borrow this Time Ring. Haana saw something she shouldn’t; there was a tear in the fabric between realities. We repaired it thankfully but I think it may have unhinged her mind too much. It’s sad too, I used to copy her physics homework, she was quite brilliant, a total genius in many ways.”
“What did she see?” Danni asked. She had an uncertain feeling that she already knew the answer, but also knew that she wouldn’t know what it was until hearing what it was.
“Haana screamed something about their being billions upon billions of creatures trying to break through into our Universe. Large creatures with big teeth and lots of legs.”
Danni took out a picture of herself and Webbi. “Did they look anything like Webbi? Obviously minus the cute bows on her legs and the copy of Hot Male Arachnids which she’s got tucked under her left front middle knee.”
“I’m sure that’s as good an image as Haana described.” Leokai looked at Danni. “What species is Webbi, if I may ask?”
“She’s an Eight Legs, some sort of radiation mutant caused by weird blue crystals on the planet Metebelis 3. The Doctor rescued her, apparently Webbi is a visionary among her people. She’s civilised and nice and I miss her lots and lots. I want her and Lucy to be my Bridesmaids and the Doctor can give me away.”
“I’m sure you’ll be a very beautiful bride. I’ll still be on the shelf even if I regenerated into some sort of bimbo sex-bomb tantric love temptress, like my sister did.”
“Don’t put yourself down Leokai, just because she’s got a boyfriend already.”
“And a daughter. I really do want to start a family of my own, being imprisoned does make you re-evaluate your life. That and learn a few self-defence techniques. I’ll show you a few if you like.”
“Maybe later?” Danni tried to cheer Leokai up. “You’ll find Mr Right soon and he’ll love you and take care of you. Maybe you just need to try wearing make up? Guys like a bit of eye shadow on a hot girl, and some lipstick too. Tell you what, we’ll go up to the bedroom and I’ll give you a complete make over. You’ll be like wow and guys will realise just how pretty you really are.”
Leokai looked out of the window and saw the rather large horde of big multi-legged creatures heading their way. “Erm, ok. Bit of a crisis, we’ve got to run for it. No time to explain why.” Leokai grabbed hold of Danni’s hand and ran out of the house, in the direction of Haana’s abandoned TT capsule, Leslie.
“What the hell? It’s like lots and lots of Webbi’s.”
“Shut up and run!” Leokai increased her pace.
Danni somehow found the stamina to keep up with Leokai, even out pacing her and in the end she was the one who was leading the way, dragging her blonde friend in her wake.
“What’s going on?” Leokai knew that no human, female or male, could run as fast as Danni was right now. Then they were standing outside the disguised, and overtly homosexual, time machine. It was disguised as a large statue of two women sharing an intimate embrace on a podium. Opening the door on the podium Leokai quickly got Danni inside and locked the door with barely a second or two to spare to look at the queer art and shake her head.
“Hey, this place isn’t that different from the Doctor’s TARDIS.”
“Well this is a slightly more modern version, it has a faster dematerialisation circuit – the mark IV – and unfortunately also adopts some of the more blatant personality traits of it’s owner. The number of time’s we’ve materialised inside a public toilet is beyond belief. Even Claire is getting suspicious.”
“Who’s Claire?” All these girls’ names were confusing Danni.
“She’s Haana’s wife. She’s nice. They had a super wedding, I even wore a dress.” Leokai set the controls for Earth. “I think I’ll have to drop you off at Earth, I know a couple of people there who’ll look after you, help you deal with things. Death is such a difficult concept for my people to accept as we can live forever, baring accidents and the like.”
“Death?” Danni felt numb and powerless. “Marcus? Is he?”
“I don’t see how anyone can survive that.” Leokai put a hand on Danni’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry for your losses.”
Then it hit her mind like one of those big metal balls the use to knock buildings down. A massive burst of raw emotion and feelings burst inside her head all at once.


The Doctor emerged from her room feeling like a new woman, or at least a thoroughly scrubbed and immaculately dressed woman. She made her way to the kitchen, strolling along corridors, taking her time to enjoy the simple act of walking with two legs instead of eight. Even the click-click of her heels was reassuringly nice. Then she was knocked sideways by the blast wave of emotions. “Danni?” She felt her former companion’s pain in every synapse of her mind. Forgoing the tea for now rushed into the console room and programmed the controls to take her to the source of the psychic emissions, Earth.
Webbi found the Doctor in the console room and handed her the TARDIS remote control that she had found lodged inside her right spinneret about an hour ago. “It’s Danni, isn’t it? She’s getting stronger and stronger.”
“Yes.” The Doctor replied. “We’ve got to find her, before it’s too late. Before her mind opens too far and all possibilities are lost. I sensed another mind too, faint, almost unrecognisable. Leokai!”
“Trouble?”
“More like a pain in the neck. She’s not evil the way her father was, mostly...well not true evil in the classic sense. She was a politician, Vice-President in fact. There was some sort of coup and she was framed as a traitor and expelled. Then she returned in secret after faking her own death and executed all of the real conspirators by manipulating the mastermind behind it all. I was very impressed by the way she used my father’s trap, some sort of homage I think. Then after that she started becoming unhinged, exploring the darker side of her psyche and losing herself to her own worst instincts. Whole planets suffered, the death toll may never be known.”
“Ouch.”
“Indeed. On top of that she tended to indulge her companion, some sort of succubus who tried to tempt her into becoming a servant of the Black Guardian. It all came out at the trial in the end. Luckily Romana knew all about second chances and so there was only a lengthy prison sentence. Still, if she’s escaped…it could get nasty.” She rechecked the controls after all that exposition to bring Webbi up to date on Gallifreyan politics. Then she headed back to the kitchen, chatting to Webbi about the texture and taste of beetles.


The Temporal Queen felt the raw emotion, although she was far too vast to enter the new feeding ground yet, her daughters were already feeding on the local inhabitants of the nearest planets. Soon she would be able to push her vast maw into that world and feast on the very planets and stars themselves. She was incalculably massive, easily larger than this Universe.
She had outgrown her own a billion years ago and now she feasted on others so that she could lay new eggs and birth the next generation of daughters to control all of time and space to enable the collapse of the dimensional barriers that allowed her to feast on each and every Universe at the rate of one every seven hundred million years or so, which really wasn’t very long when she thought about it.
She sensed the echo of herself in this new reality, a miserable and weak thing, all vanity and no sense of purpose. What sort of name was Webbi anyway? The Temporal Queen pushed ever harder, determined to consume the world her alternative self was travelling to. She caught a fragment of thought from her other self and put a name to it…Earth.

HELTER SKELTER

Penny wondered how long her new houseguests were staying, especially when one of them had the sort of body that made her wonder if Jean-Marc looked at it and the other was a self-confessed mass murderer in an expensive Italian trouser suit and even more expensive accessories. What was worse was Leokai kept going on about how much she wanted to make up for all her past mistakes when all she wanted to do was keep an eye on Danni whenever she was within 200 feet of her husband.
On top of that she was nearly sure that Danni was having sex with the neighbour’s son, she had heard noises but there was never any proof. At least they were only staying until they determined which part of the planet was under threat the most, then they’d leave, hopefully. Penny was tempted to see if she could blow air all the way through Danni’s ears, as the preening bimbo only seemed to care about her looks and crying a lot about her dead fiancée.


Across the planet’s surface Lucy was finding things were a little bit harder going than she had planned for. “Stop firing at me!” She screamed as gold bullets were fired at her.
“Keep firing!”
“I’m a friend of the Doctor’s!” Lucy hoped that these Earthlings had heard of the Doctor, as everyone else in the Universe seemed to know her.”
“Hold your fire.”
“Thank goodness.” Lucy sighed with relief. “Do you welcome all friends this way, or is this just for my benefit?”
“I don’t think she’s a real Cyberman, sir.”
“I’ve never seen one wearing lipstick either, Major Sanford.”
“I’m Lucy; I’m here to warn you about the danger to your planet. Does anyone have a mirror? I want to see if you’ve dented my head.”


Webbi found that tennis was a very difficult game to play, although using four rackets at once did make up for some of her natural inability to actually play the game. It didn’t help that the Doctor was hitting the balls faster than she could see them; she was convinced that she was using some sort of special Time Lady powers to cheat, although she couldn’t prove it without a random drugs test.
The Doctor served up another Ace, slamming it past her opponent at only seven hundred thousand miles a second. On top of that she did look all professional with her headband and white cotton skirt and plain white top with the really subtle question marks on the trim. “Come on Webbi, keep you eye on the ball. Even Adric could have picked that shot up.”
“It exploded when it hit the wall, stop hitting them so hard.”
“This is exactly the same as Wimbledon. Can I help it if I’m so talented and a natural? At least I’ve finally been able to wear my outfit for a game. It’s all political, too many corporations vying for control and not enough room for the people with the real talent.”
“Uh, huh.” Webbi replied and walked back towards the door. “I have no talent at this game, I’m going for a shower and then I’ll be perming my leg hairs.”
The Doctor dropped her racket. “I know I’m a bit insensitive at times Webbi, but I can tell you’re upset about something.”


Danni put her cards down on the table. “I win, I’ve got three cards all the same and that means I win. Yay me.”
Jean-Marc shook his head and put Danni’s strange winning streak down to beginners luck. “Perhaps I should teach you another game? One that you may not have so much luck with?”
“I like this game; it’s much easier to remember the rules to.”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t like another try at bamalama fizzfadge?”
“No thank you.”
“What about hoover, or eight men down?”
“No, they were both very strange too.”
“I know.” Jean-Marc smiled. “What about a game of Go Johnny Go-Go?”
Penny nodded. “Yes, the rules are very simple.”
“Erm, ok.” Danni was sure that the two oldies were trying to keep her mind off the cute and sexy stud in tight jeans next door, but she humoured them. They were old and would go to bed early, and then she could sneak out. Her only problem was Leokai, but as she seemed more interested in the curtains than boys it was same to assume that she could distract the alien woman with something bright and shiny.
Geokai looked out across the ocean, watching the waves rolling gently inwards to the shore. She sighed and wondered how soon she could lose some Christmas weight and wear a bikini with confidence.


The Brigadier looked at the tall Cybermen and noticed one or two strange quirks with it. For one it was shaped more like a woman, second it was carrying a handbag and thirdly its face seemed to have make-up applied to it. “I am Brigadier-General Lethbridge-Stewart. Please put the bag down and surrender.”
Lucy dropped her handbag and put her arms up in the air. “Ok, I came in peace anyway. These bullet holes had better panel-beat out or there will be sulking.”
“She means that too, Alistair.”
“Doctor?” For not the first time the Brigadier was surprised to see the slender figure of the Doctor. “I should have known that you’d turn up sooner or later. Is she one of yours?”
“Of course, Lucy come and say hello to one of my oldest and best friends.”
Lucy ran over as fast as her heels would allow and hugged the Doctor. “I was so afraid, I thought I’d never see you again Doctor.”
The Brigadier rolled his eyes at the sight. “A Cyberman with emotions, I never thought I’d see the day.”
“I’m a Cyberwoman, or are you blind? I mean the large metallic breastplate does have cleavage you know.”
“You’ll have to forgive Alistair; he’s still convinced it’s 1969.”
“I’m not so backwards as all that, rather I’ve never come across…I mean we’ve never had women…”
The Doctor shook her head. “I’m sure I can explain it better later on. Now where did Webbi get too?”
“I’m here.” A female sergeant replied. “I just had to borrow a body to wear.”
“Good grief. Release my NCO’s body at once.”
“Webbi is from Metabelis 3; her natural form will cause some distress. Also she’s quite shy at times too.”
“You mean she has…eight…?”
The Doctor nodded.
“Oh, well, carry on Sergeant…”
“Pepper, Sergeant Webbi Pepper.”
The Brigadier shook his head.
“Have you been at my record collection again young woman?” The Doctor asked sternly.
Webbi shook her head. “No, no way. It’s really old and there are too many vinyl records. Besides you still have that gramophone and I bought you that MP3 player for your birthday too. If you didn’t like it you could have just said, I have the receipt and the carrier bag.”
“Erm, I, well never mind now. I’m sure I’ll use it later on. Now then how did you get here Lucy? I’m sure you’ve got a nice interesting story to tell me, hmmm?”
“I had to tell her Lucy.” Webbi said quickly, so that Lucy didn’t purger herself in the Doctor’s impromptu court of law. “She’s even worse when she wins at tennis though. She was cheating too, I just don’t know how.”
“Getting away with it is one of the basic forces of the Universe. It’s how you can cheat fate, swindle destiny and confuse chance. After all if something’s already happened the Universe acts to keep things that way.”
“That’s not what you said when Danni ate the last digestive biscuit.” Webbi was quick to point out the planet-sized hole in the Doctor’s defence.
“That’s true, but don’t think you can get out of a long and well-practiced lecture by using facts to distract me.”
“I can if I get away with it.”
The Doctor was impressed by Webbi’s development and hoped that Lucy might not have made a massive mess of things to compensate. “Good, you’re learning. Now Lucy, about this Cyber Fleet you’ve sent this way…”
“Oh, that.” Lucy replied chirpily. “They won’t actually pass Earth; they’ll engage the enemy on the far side of the sun.”
“You’re sure your calculations were precise?” The Doctor asked.
Lucy held up her new hands “I’ve got four fingers and a thumb on each hand now.”
The Doctor carefully examined Lucy’s new hands, noting the carefully applied nail varnish. “Very nice, I like that shade of red too.”
Webbi didn’t hear the Doctor’s next words however as a loud screaming roar inside her head nearly caused her to pass out. “They’re here!”
The Brigadier caught the weight of the possessed NCO. “Are you hurt…Miss?”
“Oh my head.” Webbi groaned as her vision blurred like a badly tuned in TV and resolved itself into the face of an old guy with a moustache.
“It’s ok Webbi.” The Doctor fanned cool air onto her companion’s face.


It was nighttime and so far her plan was working perfectly. The oldies were asleep upstairs and the really oldie was sitting on the beach playing with her new silver harmonica. Danni crept quietly out of the house and across the sand to next door and the promise of hunky goodness in tight jeans. She tapped lightly on the door and saw the yummy figure of his body through the glass door. When it opened she smiled at his perfect features and followed him inside. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
“Don’t mind me; I’m just borrowing a cup of tea.” Leokai switched the kettle on and began to make herself a cuppa.
“Leokai?” Danni’s heart skipped massive beats, or played hopscotch or something with an irregular sense of timing.
“You were expecting someone else?”
Danni glared at Leokai. “I wasn’t expecting anyone at all. We want to be alone.”
“What for?” Leokai asked. “Three’s fun, two’s just dull. Besides if you have sexual intercourse with him you’ll be arrested for statutory rape of a minor.”
“You’re not sixteen?” Danni started to panic and stuff.
“I’m almost sixteen, next week I’ll be only three months away from my birthday.”
“But we said tonight…”
The kettle clicked and Leokai poured the water into her cup. “I think my work here is done.” She stirred the tea and put the used bag into the bin. “Come along Danni, we don’t want this young man to be late for school tomorrow, he may have a test or something.”
Danni threw her hands in the air. “What is wrong with me? I meet the guy of my dreams, fall badly in love and spiders ate him. Then I meet a nice cute guy and he lies to me just to get me into bed. What is wrong with the Universe? Is it because I’m not bright and intelligent? Just because I’m content to explore who I am a little bit I keep getting kicked in the teeth or assaulted by lesbians.”
“We’ll be leaving now.” Leokai finished off her tea and helped Danni outside into the cool night air. “It’s ok, nothing happened. Why don’t we have a nice long walk and just talk? There’s nothing wrong with just talking is there? It’s what women do, we talk and blame men for all our problems, and then we feel better about ourselves and eat lots of chocolate. My sister explained it all to me the day after I became her sister.”
“You used to be a guy too?” Danni grasped onto the slim hope that someone could finally understand everything she had been going through.
“Yes, you were one too? What are the chances of that? Me being right here, right now to help you come to terms with your confused emotions. I mean the odds are billions and billions to one against, unless you already know what’s happens and you shape events so that they all flow together into one grand super-plan.”
“I guess there is a God after all.” Danni blew her nose on her hankie.
“If there is I bet she wears heels and a crushed green velvet suit.” Leokai looked off across the waves once more. “I hate being used, manipulated, and played like a pawn in a game of chess.”
“But that’s what you do to isn’t it?”
“Why do you think I don’t like it? Never mind, something’s up. I can feel it in my water. Either that or I need to go behind that sand dune quickly.”
Danni relaxed and lay back on the cold night sand. She let her feet and legs and body and arms and face unwind and loosen up and then she closed her eyes and allowed her mind to wander. Spiders, everywhere, eating, consuming Cybermen, they never had a chance. They would come to earth next, devour it too. They all had one thought in their minds, the song of the Temporal Queen resounded in her mind, they were after her, and they wanted her to control her powers. If she were forced to join them they would use her to take away all hope of victory, forever. “NO!” Danni sat upright and screamed.
Leokai’s voice carried well in the still night air. “I’m a bit busy right now; I’ll be there as soon as I can. Why can’t people have hysterical fits when I’m not using the ladies sand dune?”


The Doctor looked at the display screen. “Is this the best resolution you can get? I thought I sorted the Hubble telescope out for you, installing all those upgrades wasn’t easy, especially after the mess the original repair crew made.”
“Lemme see, lemme see.” Webbi tried to see but all she could see was the backs of people’s heads and she gave up and went over to see if Lucy could pick up any soap operas with her built-in communication devices.
The Doctor hit the top of the monitor and suddenly the image resolved itself into a much sharper image. “Ah that’s better, yes it’s quite obvious that those Cybermen were overrun in seconds, they never stood a chance. Hmmm, yes, I wonder Alistair, do you suppose…no I don’t suppose you do. I thought I had an idea but it wouldn’t work and if it did it would also turn the planet inside out.”
“Well we can’t have that, can we?”
“That’s what I said to myself. What we really need is some sort of planetary defence shield.”
“Those things are on the other side of the sun Doctor, well almost anyway. We needn’t worry about them Doctor.”
“Not this second, no. However they’re in Earth’s orbit, all they have to do is wait for their meal to be delivered. Somehow I don’t like the idea of being some sort of galactic pizza delivery woman.”
“So we need to build something to protect Earth then Doctor?”
“Possibly, however they’ll be here too. The others still on the other side of the fabric that separates them from us. Once they break in again they can come here instantly. What we need is a plan…I wonder…I wonder…”
“Well it’s nice to see that you’ve thought things through Doctor.”
“Leave Lucy’s insides alone Webbi hmmm, there’s a good girl.” The Doctor paused to stop Webbi trying to retune Lucy’s internal systems to pick up Channel 5.


Danni looked at Leokai. “It’s started, all I can sense is death, death, death. So many deaths, it’s awful, I hate it, I hate it, make it stop, I hate it.”
Leokai saw the light it Danni’s eyes was so dim and distant now. Obviously the young woman was massively affected by what she was experiencing but she didn’t know what to do, if she could do anything at all. “Why don’t we go for another walk? Perhaps to Leslie? Maybe the Zero Room will be soothing and calming? I’m sure I could do with a few hours in there myself. I’ll show you how to levitate; it’s really neat and simple to do.”
“The Doctor never mentioned a room like that in the TARDIS.”
Leokai started to explain the exciting events to Danni. “Well apparently she lost it in some sort of ploy of my fathers; she had to jettison the room to provide energy to escape from the creation of this galaxy. I’ve got the sticker book of all the Doctor’s adventures, I completed mine first before Geokai did.”
“The creation of this Galaxy?” Danni paused as these events popped into her memory. “I remember, somehow I was there. How can I be there though? I’m only seventeen and a half. I think there’s something wrong with me Leokai.”
“Yes, or something very right perhaps?” Leokai realised that Danni was beginning to remember what she really was. She’d have to be careful, she’d have to find the Doctor before she started asking the really difficult questions.


Between three separate and distinct piles of UNIT equipment, spare parts from the TARDIS and the scavenged Cyber shuttle the Doctor started to assemble something. “Yes, it’s all looking quite good. Pass me the Ganymede driver please Webbi.”
Webbi picked up the tool and handed it to the Doctor. “What exactly are we building? I mean so far, to the untrained eye at least, it kind of looks like a lot of stuff just stuck together at random.”
“A lot of stuff just stuck together?” The Doctor paused for a second. “This is a prototype quantum shield generator. I don’t think getting the aesthetics sorted out first is top priority somehow. Pass me a couple of Mergin nuts please, better bolt this down otherwise we’ll all get exposed to a lethal dose of Cadmium II.”
Lucy picked up the discarded remains of a damaged Cybermat; she gave it the once over and found it could easily be repaired. “Hey, I’m certain I can repair this, it’ll be so cool.”
“Not just now, hmmm Lucy?” The Doctor replied. “We are trying to save the world over here. You could lend a hand or hands even.”
The Brigadier wandered back over. “Is there anything I can do Doctor?”
“Apart from standing around and ordering me lots of expensive item? Not a lot I’m afraid.”
“I mean is there anything UNIT can do? We should mobilise all our global defence satellites, co-ordinate our troops into a world-wide unilateral strike force…just in case.”
“Yes…just in case.”
“I don’t have to go somewhere else do I?” Webbi asked.
The last thing he needed was an untrained civilian within a thousand miles of a war zone, even if she was inside the body of one of his trusted NCO’s. “No, I’m sure that the Doctor needs you here.”
“Okay. I’m totally the help fix the strange gadget girl.”
“Indeed, now if you’ll excuse me miss, Doctor.” The Brigadier walked over to where Lucy the Cyberwoman was standing about, with a strange silver thing in her hands.
Lucy wasn’t sure but she thought she had just turned the deactivated Cybermat into some sort of miniature suction device, which would be very handy for cleaning up people’s houses. She was compiling her patent submission when the old man with the facial hair and green clothes approached her. “I could make tens of currency units and buy the Doctor a medium sized box of teabags.”
“Excuse me, Lucy isn’t it? I was wondering about what you said before. About helping Earth? I’m putting together a taskforce and I could always do with an extra pair of hands for the actual fighting business.”
“You think because I look like a Cyberwoman I think like one too? I’m not some amoral sociopath with no emotions and even less fashion sense. However you are right about needing help, I’ll stay here and protect the Doctor. Mass slaughter is really not my thing and I’ve killed too many people already in my life just to stay alive.”
“Very well, now about…” The Brigadier’s words were cut off when a second time machine materialised, right next to the Doctor’s TARDIS.
“That wasn’t a bad landing, if I do say so myself.” Leokai emerged from Leslie, closely followed by Danni. “I’m sure the Doctor is around here somewhere.”
“There she is.” Danni pointed towards the piles of junk.
“I’ll go over there then, stay out of her way. I don’t think she’ll like seeing me one bit.”
“Normally I’d just give you a stern lecture and return you to your parole officer.” The Doctor said to the younger Time Lady. “However you’ve caught me in the middle of six things and you’ve returned Danni, and she seems to have grown a bit too.”
“That’s how she looked when I rescued her. There were millions of these huge spiders…”
“We prefer the term Eight Legs.”
“Ok…and they ate the planet. Wait a minute, you’re one of them!” Leokai tried to lunge at the dazed looking human woman. “You’re a spy!”
“She’s my friend; she’s more progressive than other members of her species.”
“If you say so, all I can say is that I saw what others of her kind did.” Leokai looked at the Doctor. “We should confer.”
The Doctor nodded. “Contact.”
“Contact.”
“Yes, very difficult to contain.”
“That won’t hold them forever.”
“I know, but it could be long enough.”
“It won’t work; you have the solution you need.”
“I can’t!” The Doctor slapped Leokai’s face.
“You have to, it’s the only way.” Leokai turned her other cheek, waiting for another slap.
“There has to be another way, I’ll make one if I have to.” The Doctor pointed across at the portable stove. “The kettle’s just boiled if you want to help yourself, I’ll have a word with…I’ll talk…it can’t be the only way.”
Leokai walked over to the kettle and poured steaming hot water into a cup and added a teabag. “Do you want a cup too?” She asked the old looking guy with the hair on his top lip. She was sure that she was at least three times as old as him, if not more.
“I was just wondering, are you one of the Doctor’s people?”
Leokai nodded. “Yes.”
“Not another one of her, are you? You never can tell these days?”
“No.” Leokai replied. “I’m just a fan of hers. I have all the souvenir plates you know.”
“I see.” The Brigadier wondered just what use the woman could be.
“Of course my father was her best enemy. What kind of nickname is Master anyway? At least I did manage to take over three thousand and eighty two galaxies before they put me on trial of meddling. Meddling, I ask you. There I was doing a great job of ruling the known Universe and they put me on trial for meddling! Five years imprisonment! Can you believe that?”
“I’m not sure I believe any of it.” Alarm bells and klaxons and hooters sounded inside of his head and the Brigadier suddenly wondered just how dangerous this woman really was. To have actually managed to effectively taken control of everything in the Universe, it was a lot of paperwork to be sure.
“Believe all of it.” The Doctor said sharply. “Leokai only avoided the death penalty on a technicality.”
“The technicality being that I had written permission from each and every planet to run their affairs. I mean it took me ten years just to sign and put my seal on them. Plus they all made a profit too, the Thjdghd’s even tried to invade Gallifrey to rescue me and return me power. I’ve put all that behind me now, been there, done that, and got the criminal record to prove it. I sort of just got dragged into this mess, I was visiting my sister and she had to go and find Haana and then we found her and I comforted Danni afterwards. Then the spi…Eight Legs came and we visited Penny and Jean-Marc then Danni felt weird and started to remember things she had repressed and we came here to find the Doctor and let her deal with that collection of issues. Now I just want to help save Earth and do some shopping before going back and getting another two years for breaching the conditions of my early release.”
“If we survive, I’ll put in a good word for you Leokai.”
“You know what needs to be done Doctor, I can’t, I mustn’t there may be no recovery if I give into it.”
“I’m sure you can help Alistair with a few basic sums.” The Doctor was sure that Alistair wanted more, probably involving rockets but they were so old fashioned and boring compared to sunflowers and seashells.
“Erm. Ok then. Just don’t keep looking over my shoulder; I’m not going to go all-evil on you when you’re not looking. I’m better now; I’ve got certificates to prove it. Many, many certificates.”


Penny sat next to Jean-Marc and snuggled up next to him. “I’m glad Leokai and Danni have gone. The house is all nice and quiet finally.”
“I guess. That young man from next door was here a few minutes ago, asking where Danni was. I had to tell him that they were circus people, off to another town after spending the night here with friends. He took it badly but in the long run it is best I think.”
“It was nice though, having a youngster in the house?”
“I guess. I’m just not sure we could come with another visit.”
“What if it was one of our own?”
“I think we’d have done a better job raising her if she was our daughter.”
“Well in eighteen years time we can look back and see?”
“Now you’re starting to sound like the Doctor. The only way we could tell was if we had a child of our own.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to hint at.” Penny smiled. “We’re going to have a baby. I’m pregnant. I guess that’s why I’ve been throwing up every morning for the last week.”
“I’m going to be a father; someone will call me papa and want me to tell them stories.” Jean-Marc jumped to his feet. “I’ve got to tell everyone we know; I’ve got to learn not to jump up so quickly, ok I will sit down now.”
Penny rested her husband’s head against her stomach. “Ok, papa, why don’t you start telling us a story now?”


It began with a hole in the moon, a vast rent that tore the ancient celestial body asunder. Through it poured billions upon billions of creatures, each indistinct from another due to the sheer volume of numbers. The cloud approached closer and closer to the shining blue world with its bands of white clouds and patches of green and yellows lands below.


All eyes, real, electronic and borrowed looked up at the sky as it began to grow red and darken. There should be stars, like you would see during an eclipse but their faint light was obscured too.
“I can feel their thoughts.” Webbi complained and tried to remember her ideals and aspirations.
“We’re here for you.” Lucy took hold of her friend’s hand and patted it.
“Too many of them!” Danni screamed and fell to the ground. “Can’t think, shut up, shut up, shut up!”
The Doctor knelt down by her companion’s head and lifted it up onto her lap. “Concentrate on the sound of my voice Danni, focus only on my voice.”
“Talk about egomaniac.” Webbi joked to one of the cute UNIT soldiers.
“Listen to me Danielle Latimer, hear me, hear only me, there are no other sounds, no other thoughts, hear my words, hear my thoughts. You’re strong Danni, you can do it, just listen to me, always listen to your Doctor.”
“See what I mean?” Webbi added while wondering how fresh her breath was.
Danni hear the Doctor’s voice over the screaming. “Doctor? Where are you?”
“I’m right here Danni, I’m right by your side. Just relax and ignore everything else but the sound of my voice.”
“I’m trying, but I can’t do it.”
“Yes you can.” The Doctor’s voice was firmer now, harsher, less friendly. “Do as I say Danni, you will do this.”
“Leave me alone!” Danni shouted as loud as she could, in every direction possible to a seventh dimensional being.
“Blimey.” Webbi paused to re-brush her hair and put her beret back on right. “She’s got some lung power.”
Danni sat up. “Hey it worked, thanks Doctor.”
“Anytime.” The Doctor slumped forward.
“Temporal shock.” Leokai made a quick diagnosis as she walked past. “Give her a few minutes and have a cup of tea ready when she comes round. Gave me a bit of a start too I can tell you.” She wandered off again to not build weapons of mass destruction for moustache face. She did wonder however about the legitimacy of building weapons of large destruction, but then again considering what they were about to face Leokai was sure it was justifiable and anyway they had specifically asked for her help.
Lucy helped pick the Doctor up as she recovered. “Are you ok?”
“I think so Mike, now where’s Jo at with my hot coco?”
Webbi looked at the Doctor and wondered what was wrong with her. “How many fingers am I holding up?”
“Three of course. Honestly Sergeant Benton, don’t you have better things to do with your time than ask me silly questions?”
Danni sat up, and waited for help standing but it didn’t come, as everyone else seemed to be too engrossed with the Doctor, as usual, to give her a hand. Then seventeen soldiers came into view and all but pulled her arms out of their sockets. “Geez, at least guys still notice me, even if it’s just my t…”
“Danni.” The Doctor turned and looked at her upset and pissed off friend. “How’s the voices now?”
“Better.” She smiled. “Thanks for helping me.”


The air burned as the first were sacrificed, as were the second and third but the third survived as they used their sisters as heat shields. However they too would die from their injuries. Those that followed, the massed hordes passed though the atmosphere relatively safe and only lightly injured.


“They’re getting closer.” Webbi said, trying not to alarm people unnecessarily in case they shot her out of panic or fear or both.
“Stop them, we must.” The Doctor remembered some wise words from an old friend.
“Don’t you start that!” Leokai warned. “I had to chase that little green sod twice round that swamp before he’d stop trying to hump my leg.”
“Yes, I saw his interview footage. Most disturbing. Especially the part where you defeated him in a light sabre duel.”
“He started it, I was just defending myself. I took his precious force, shined it up real nice, turned it sideways and stuck it straight up his…”
“Really not needing a mental picture.” Danni interrupted the two bickering Time Ladies. “Haven’t we got a job to do? Or are we going to insult each other and maybe pull hair? Because I’ve got a few choice words to say to both of you. On top of that I’m the undefeated hair pulling champion of the world.”
“She started it.” Leokai complained. “Always thinking she knows best and impersonating people.”
“At least I’m not an unreasonable mass-murderer.”
“Genocide is more your style as I recall.” Leokai pointed out. “I was a duly appointed corrections officer carrying out my job. It was never deliberate.”
“How dare you, anyway fifty or sixty times is hardly a lot. And it was mostly by accident, mostly.”
“Yes, well this time it’s not an accident, is it? We’re deliberately destroying a whole culture, a whole species. Can I help it if I get a little peaky? I don’t want to hurt anyone else, I’m hurting inside, and I hate myself.”
“I know you are Leokai, and it’s good that you feel that. Knowing it and experiencing it is all part of being alive. You can pretend to be civilised, above mundane things, even think you’re a god but we’re not. We’re living people, and sometimes its kill or be killed. It’s not nice, it’s not easy, it’s not supposed to be. Sometimes it’s damnably hard and wrong and painful, but it’s only wrong if you enjoy it. We’re here to save this entire world, this blessed plot, this sceptred orb, this island…Earth.”
“Nice speech.” Lucy said to the Doctor. “Now do you want to tell it to them?” She pointed to the advancing horde. “Flamethrowers!”
“Flamethrowers?” The Doctor asked Lucy. “Since when did you like anything above room temperature?”
“Since Webbi told me that her species has a massive phobia of fire.”
The Doctor looked at Webbi. “Why did you tell her that?”
Webbi sighed. “To save my people, my real people. These are like a bizarro version of my sisters. Sure they’re mean and petty and jealous but we’re not psycho. Besides do you think this lot would give a second thought about a bunch of failed wannabe’s? No, by stopping them now I’m saving my people. It’s the right thing to do.”
“Aren’t you afraid of fire?”
“Well of course, but as long as you’re here I don’t feel as afraid as I should be.”
The Brigadier observed the situation carefully. “Rifle units, bunch of uglies on the right, five rounds rapid! Machine guns, take the left flank, open fire.”


Danni felt the fundamental shift in life. “Death, so much pain. It weakens us...it decays the causal variant. Too much at once, must stop it.” She closed her eyes and concentrated. It was like the whole battlefield came into view at once. “Wow, I can see everything Doctor. Doctor?” She spotted her friend far below and tried to wave but she was now without form or substance. She simply was.


Webbi picked up a gun; it felt so light in her hands.
“Put it down.” The Doctor snapped at her companion. “Guns are not the answer. You don’t even know what the question is, so how can you know what the right solution to your question can be?”
“I know what the question is. How much better can I help if I didn’t stand around here doing nothing?”
“You can start by making me a cup of tea.”
“That’s not the answer.”
“Yes it is...it’s just not the answer you want to hear.”
“Maybe, but what if I run out of questions?”
“The day you run out of questions is the day you no longer need to keep running away from yourself.”
“I’m not running. I’m standing right here having an inane conversation. This body is a warrior’s body, it’s trained for this.”
“Your heart is not a warrior’s heart. You’re a seeker, a pursuer of truth. Let it go Webbi; stop running away from your fear. The others will accept you for who you really are. I’ve shared your body remember? I know what you’re capable of, you just need to trust yourself.”
Webbi relaxed and allowed herself to separate. “Ok, but if they shoot me it’s all your fault.”
“Cool bows.” Leokai said as she looked at the pink silk bows on Webbi’s true legs. “I like them.”
“You do?” Webbi blushed. “I make them myself.”
“Spider silk is the strongest and most durable.” Leokai saw the Doctor and Webbi look at her like she was guilty of stuff she’d never done. “What did I say?”
“She prefers the term Eight Legs.” The Doctor hissed.
“So? I’ve been called a lot worse in my time and her shell is way thicker than my skin. If it makes you feel any better I apologise, but only for being honest. It really is the toughest silk you can get.”

Danni looked down and saw the almost limitless horde creeping closer, crawling over the bodies of their fallen sisters. She looked past them, to the hole in the sky that was a hole into another Universe. She could see the vast form of a leg trying to push its way through, struggling to make the hole bigger and bigger. She felt the disturbance in the dimensional barrier, a lack of energy caused by her departure. With a gasp Danni realised that the Doctor had weakened reality when she took a part of it and gave it form and function with her wants and needs. Danni had been created by accident, a happy accident yes, but the cost of that action would be incalculable if she didn’t stop it. If she didn’t sacrifice her individual existence to serve the greater need of the peoples of this Universe. All in all she’d miss some stuff, clothes, shopping, Webbi, Lucy and of course the Doctor. She concentrated for a moment and then she wasn’t.


The Doctor looked up and shook her head. “Silly girl.” She had to stop Danni from carrying out her insane plan, in case she succeeded.


Leokai opened fire with the pulse cannons; fizzing blue bolts of pure energy flew across at the mass of hungry creatures at only the speed of light. “Ok, these work. You two, aim with these controls and fire with those.” She looked at the old guy with the caterpillar under his nose. “Ok, now you’ve got all these working, good job I anticipated that shield thing not being ready in time?”
“I’m not sure that the Doctor ever intended to have it ready miss Leokai, I rather think she was testing your resolve.”
“Really? Well I came, I saw and I was invited to help. Could you say that to my parole officer, only not so badly? I’m going to be in so much trouble for this days work. Please, just call me Leokai.”
“You know, it’s really difficult sometimes to reconcile you with your father. Then you open your mouth and you’re just as self-aggrandising as he ever could be. No wonder the Doctor once considered him her best friend. They were always far too alike for my own good.”
“Ah, but I’ve never had a beard.” Leokai replied. “Not even when I was a guy. My sister however had a collection of twenty fake ones.”
The Brigadier looked past the immaculately dressed Time Lady to see that his forces seemed to have turned the tide of war. “If you’ll excuse me


She concentrated, flexing all of her temporal synapses in just the right way. She opened her eyes and saw space. White space, the empty echoes between molecules. The Doctor looked around and saw her companion. “Danni?” The Doctor felt light headed. “What did you do to yourself this time?”
“Don’t follow me Doctor. I have to sort this mess out on my own.”
“Saving the universe is my responcibility. You should leave this to the experts.”
“You’re hardly an expert at this Doctor.”
“I am an expert at everything.” The Doctor smiled. “Now stand aside.” She took off her jacket and rolled up her blouse sleeves. “Yes, this shouldn’t be too hard.”
“No, Doctor. You’ll be destroyed. You’re not stable in as many dimensions as I am.” Danni tried to catch up with her best ever friend.
The Doctor aimed her sonic screwdriver at the breach. “One last time old thing. Don’t fail me now.” She activated it.
Danni tried to pull the Doctor out of the way as the dimensional gash became totally unstable and imploded. “Nooooo!”
“It worked.” The Doctor kissed the top of the sonic screwdriver. “You beauty.” Then she died.


“What is it?” Webbi asked as she poured three cups of tea. One for herself and the other two for the Doctor. “Where did you go?”
“Keep firing!” The Brigadier commanded. “Their numbers are dwindling.”
“The song in my head, it’s stopped.” Webbi almost dropped her cup. “The Temporal Queen, she’s been stopped.”
“Did you do this, miss?”
“I’m not that good, I can barely keep this tea stuff down. Now add some worms and we’re talking tolerable. Add beetles and then you may have something. Saving the world though? You’ve so got the wrong woman.”
“The Doctor?” The Brigadier mused, just before stray gunfire tore into Webbi, crumpling her face and taking off her legs.


Lucy put down her flamethrower and took out her compact to check for any heat damage to her head and face.


The Brigadier looked down into the huge pit. “Is there anything special you want to say about Webbi? Any religious observations that her people have?”
“Not really. They died, we didn’t. That’s the end of that. I’m certainly not going to be morose, no matter how brave or fearless or noble she was. She loved having a good time and I intend to drink a lot of engine oil in her memory. I wonder where Danni is? I want to go back to the TARDIS now Doctor. Doctor?”


Alistair addressed his troops, those who could hear him anyway. “Don’t let people forget what we did here today. Earth must unite and become as one. Together we faced a menace greater than our individual strengths, but together we combined our strength into a larger strength. Peace and unity, those are the things you might want to mention to those of us elsewhere.”
“I must go.” Lucy added. “I’ve got a systems check to do and my right elbow is seizing up badly.” She then turned and left.
“What about you miss…Leokai?”
“She left, before.” Lucy said as she headed to the TARDIS. “She won’t get into too much trouble. In fact they’re reducing the length of her parole. Something about her serving the greater good by being prepared to sacrifice her individual freedom. I wish they wouldn’t text messages straight into my mind.”
“She could do a great deal of good here.” The Brigadier mused. “It would be nice to have a scientific advisor who actually knew more that I do.”
There was a vworping of reality and Leokai reappeared, standing next to a tall silver column. “Exiled? They can’t exile me on one miserable little planet! I’m reformed, I’m better, and I’m being too loud.” She tried Saturn’s door but it was locked. “I’m really stuck here if I don’t have the key.”
“Quite.” The Brigadier observed. “Some days you really do get what you need.”
“Stuck here on one planet?” Leokai asked. “Wait!” Leokai made a dash for the Doctor’s TARDIS but she ran into a force field. “Ow, that hurt. This is bogus.” Leokai muttered. “I can’t live on just one planet. I have to explore, I need my freedom.”
“Come along Leokai, I’m sure you’ll find the lab at UNIT HQ suitable to your needs.”
Leokai put her hands in her pocket and grumbled loudly. “I want proper equipment old man and space to store Saturn. Once I make a new key I’m out of here.”
“I think you’ll find it a little harder than that. And call me Alistair, I think this is the beginning of a long friendship.”
“Can we not have anything spoken by Bogart? Something’s should remain classics. I may not escape today or tomorrow…and now I’m doing it.”


Across the Universe, somewhere near the Kneecap of Orion, A figure lay on a beach. She wore a funeral shroud very well but it was so not her colour.
Danni stood silently. “Goodbye, Doctor.”
The features of the blonde woman began to shimmer and shift.
“This isn’t right. Wow, what a babe.” Danni gasped. “No way. How?”
“Put the kettle on Zoe, when you’ve got a moment, and get the really nice biscuits out of my secret tin.” With a start the Doctor sat up, quite a bit larger and more masculine than before. He opened his eyes, old eyes in a young face. “Rassilon?” His voice was younger and less confident sounding. Something to grow into with time, perhaps?
“Who?”
“I know perfectly well who I am young lady, what is your name?” The Doctor stood up. “Must find some clothing.”
Danni blushed bright scarlet. “Wrap that shroud around your waist. I’m not staying, anyway. Especially as I fancy the Doctor…eeuw.” Danni slid back out of reality, before sending the Doctor something more immediately useful. Something box-like, in a fetching blue colour. Along the way Danni’s mind merged with that of her people, absorbed back into the group conciouness. However a purpose remained and it directed its attention back towards a dying soverign.



The Temporal Queen screamed as her daughters began to consume her living flesh. They couldn’t contain her power of course and one by one they exploded in green and black flames.
“You shouldn’t mess with me.” The voice that was the Universe remembered being a confused and frightened teenager. “I know the person that monsters are afraid of and I’m not scared of you any more.” Then memories faded as its nemesis faded and it was as still and calm as a pond, until the next time someone threw a large rock into it…


The Doctor smiled as he ran one hand over the surface of the TARDIS. “Hello, old friend.” He opened the door and went inside. A few seconds later the TARDIS dematerialised.


The Brigadier and Leokai stood and waved as Paul and his band started to play the last song of the night. “It won’t be as hard as you think. You’ll manage. You may even come to enjoy it.”
“I can only hope. I like the white album best.” Leokai decided.
The Brigadier rolled his eyes. “The Doctor helped Paul and John write most of it. Now be quiet, I want to hear the song. Splendid chaps, all of them.”