The recorder turned out to be smaller than I expected, it fits snugly into my palm. I thought it would be a large box affair like my Uncle Henry's has, I guess technology must have moved on a bit huh? It's a bit cold at first because it's metal but it soon warms up in my hand. I pause to polish off a slice of toast and a drop of butter falls off onto my blouse. Damn I just got this last month. I try to rub it in but it makes it worse. No worries though, the TARDIS can shift any stain I can inflict on my clothes.
"Hello. If you're reading this then this is me talking, yeah Claire Mason talking to you." Was that okay? I rewind it and replay it. I sound awful but what the hell, this recorder is from forty years in my future. I decide to continue recording. "A lot of stuff has happened, I'm not sure about how to deal with all of it but they say talking helps. The Doctor has locked herself inside the bowels of the TARDIS and I could really use her advice right now. Yesterday we were pulled into an artificial reality construct. I have no idea what that means but these Cybermen used it to try and capture us. They somehow injected me with something that made me feel faint. I can't remember much after that. My next coherent memory is waking up in bed with this other woman claiming we were lovers. The Cybermen had somehow affected my memory and reasoning because I was really attracted to her. I've always been plagued with thoughts about my sexuality, I mean I'm attracted to men like women are supposed to be but there have been times when I've found myself feeling the same about other women."
I pause to collect my thoughts. Have I said what I felt? Have I felt what I've said? I think so. I pause to have a sip of coke before I continue. "Well we did the deed and just as we were getting dressed afterwards the Doctor was thrown through the bedroom wall by a giant metal robot man. This was the first time I had seen a Cyberman and it was frightening. If it was not for the fact that it had started to strangle Madeline, my lover, I would have probably curled up into a ball and screamed. I tried kicking it but all I got was a bruised foot. Then the Doctor managed to use a frying pan to dent its ugly head in. It was too late to save Maddy and as I looked at the monster that killed her the Doctor told me it had once been my dearest beloved brother."
I stop recording as warm tears stream down my cheeks again. We were twins, we were meant to be together, well as long as we could stand each other. I laugh as I remember the time he hid my favourite doll when we were four. He had hidden it in the garage and Mum made him go to bed without any supper. Despite his horrid behaviour I snuck him a slice of bread. He apologised and actually meant it. I dab at my eyes with a bit of loo roll and manage to ruin my heavy mascara even further. I laugh again, this time at how bad my karma really must be. Come on girl, I tell myself, get a grip.
"We escaped the Cybermen's trap and made it back to the TARDIS. The Doctor tried to cheer me up but eventually she just went and locked herself away somewhere inside the TARDIS. I tried looking but all the corridors look the same and I nearly lost my way a couple of times. The Doctor claims the walls are clearly marked but in ink invisible to human eyes." Likely story Doctor; more likely you just don't like people poking around looking for anything incriminating.
"Well now we're here at the nub of it all, me. I feel so confused my mind is being pulled in different directions but in my heart I guess I know how I feel." Is it possible to feel the same about men and women? Can I be the same person? Can they both love me the same way? "I guess it's something I'll just have to deal with over time. They say experience is what counts." The recorder stops at the press of a button and I sigh softly. Is it true? I ask myself, I guess there is only one thing to do and get on with my life, I can't hide from it forever. "Goodbye David." There I've said it. It doesn't feel easier but I feel like I have the strength to carry on.
The door is still locked. "Come on Doctor," I shout, "you can't hide in there forever." I try the door again but it is still locked. "You can't hide from yourself either. There are worlds out there who need you. Countless billions who need you and damn it, I need you." This is no good, she's too stubborn so I turn to leave. "To hell with you then." I hear a sound, a pure note of music and the door opens, it's the Doctor.
"Well since you asked nicely here I am."
She walks past me, she's wearing a flattering suit and for some reason she has tied her hair back in a pony tail. "What's with the new look?" I ask in my best fake concerned voice. "I'm not sure about the sun glasses though."
"There are worlds out there with cities built on mud and people made of hair. Somewhere there is tyranny and other places have evil dictators. Come on Claire, lets go to work."
I try not to giggle as she's obviously been watching Reservoir Dogs again. Trust her to find a way of cheering me up I reflect while slipping the recording device into a pocket.