Leela staggered out of the TARDIS doors. Somehow she hefted the bulky shape of the Doctor as she carried him to safety. Clouds of dark oily smoke billowed out of the open door. Coughing and retching she slumped to the ground with his body.

They had been travelling to Earth when the Doctor had pressed some of the orange buttons. She hoped he wouldn't press them again anytime soon, she didn't like what they did.

They needed water and she went off in search of a river or a pool.

Fuzzy, his head was fuzzy. Not a woolly fuzziness but the peppermint fuzziness of unconsciousness. "I was wondering what those buttons were for. Quick look around, Doctor? Why not. I wonder where Leela is? Hmm, that girl is always wandering off."

Leela found a river, it was cool and refreshing. Peeling her dress of animal skins off she bathed in it, relaxing and laughing. Sometimes it was nice not to have the responsibilities of a Sevateem warrior anymore.

The TARDIS door was locked and wouldn't open. The Doctor sensed the old girl was in self repair mode and wouldn't let him interrupt. "Charming. Still I almost killed you didn't I? Come to think of it I almost killed me as well. You're slipping, Doctor." He frowned and searched for his jelly babies. "This is turning into rather a bad day all together." None of his many pockets contained a single jelly baby. He was forced to fall back onto the emergency humbugs.

There was a scuffling sound and Leela turned to see a human female stealing her dress. "Hey you, bring that back." Running she quickly caught up and brought the stranger down with a neck lock. "Do not steal from a warrior of the Sevateem."

Leela's words had an immediate effect on the woman. She cowed down and became still.

"What kind or warrior are you? Have you no pride? The youngest woman of my people fight better than you. You are just a thief and not worth my anger." Leela took her knife out of the sheath and waved it in front of the woman. "You do not recognise a weapon?" The woman grasped Leela's arm and led her to her people.

The terrain was rocky and there was very little vegetation. The Doctor carried on, he had once walked across the Sahara with drinking a glass or water. Or was it wishing he was a glass of water? It was a long time ago in any case. There was a definite sense of Deja-vu, it was as if large chunks of southern England had been brought here to provide the landscape.

The village was little more than a collection of various piles of wood and rocks inhabited by the same lethargic people. Leela was now dressed in her skins once more. She had let her guard down once, it would not happen again. The villagers gathered around Leela, touching her arms and her hair. Suddenly there was a loud trumpeting sound and Leela heard what sounded like horses. She ran ahead of the other humans and took cover, her knife drawn ready.

Many ugly hairy creatures began to chase the villagers on their horses, throwing small pebbles at them.

It all seemed funny but Leela saw they were herding the humans towards a pen. She climbed on top of a large boulder and threw herself at the nearest creature, yelling loudly. Leela knocked the creature off it's horse and began to disrupt the herding pattern. She didn't know why she was preventing this exactly but somehow she knew she was doing what the Doctor would have done, only without the humour and scarf.

The Doctor found a rather strange settlement. It was a cross between a series of high-rise caves and something from a seventies television show. "Hmm, I hope they're friendly." Cautiously he strolled boldly into the middle of the settlement. He stopped suddenly and put his arm up. "I have nothing to declare but a fondness for jelly babies."

Within seconds he was in a cell.

"Ogrons, I can't believe I was captured by Ogrons. It's a madhouse, a madhouse! What time is lunch by the way? I'm particularly fond of fresh vegetables in a sauce bernaise and a nice lamb cutlet." He looked at the bowl of slop. "I suppose linguini's out of the question? A tuna casserole would do. It's important to have nutrition you know, can't I just have the bread and water?"

Leela woke up to find herself in the pen along with the others. Memories returned. She had been outflanked and pelted with stones. One of them had managed to knock her unconscious. Over to the left there was a fight between two males for supremacy. Quickly she levelled one of them with a formidable foot to the head before she flattened the second with a right hook and knee to the stomach. Now she was queen of these people, she resolved to free them somehow and then find the Doctor. He needed her otherwise he got into the most terrible trouble.

They hadn't tied his hands together which was lucky and the Doctor used his sonic screwdriver to pick the simple lock. A nail file would probably have done but he liked to show off. "Good job they didn't search me." He headed out of the exit and endeavoured to escape.

Leela was on the verge of anger as the lock refused to budge, when she saw a familiar face. "Doctor." She smiled. "Get me out of here."

It took the Doctor seconds to remove the large wooden stock and free the primitive humans. "I see you've made some new friends."

"They were being oppressed by some hairy aliens. I am their queen."

"Come on, Xena, we're leaving now. It's not our place to interfere in the customs of other worlds."

"That is not what you usually say and my name is Leela."

"I don't say we never get involved? Well then we had better sort all this out."

The Doctor found a Ogron hunter and disarmed him. "Now listen here old chap, this sort of thing just won't be tolerated in a civilised culture. Are you paying attention?"

"Rocks, in your head. Big, good rockiness in your head." The Ogron began to offer the Doctor some of his rocks from his private collection.

"Yes, yes very nice. Pretty colours. I say is this gold? Handy against a Cyberman that. Bring good luck against metal men. You know Leela I don't think he understands a word I'm saying."

"Then it is not just me?" Leela smiled. She liked it when she could make jokes like the Doctor.

"So these people are descendants of a ship that crashed her a long time ago?" Leela was curious about the peoples history. It was so similar to her own people's.

"From what I can gather, yes. The Ogrons delt with them as equals for a time until the ships technology failed and wore out. Then they reverted to savagery. Of course they didn't have a mad computer forcing their evolution but once we get these people to an uninhabited island we can let them evolve at their own pace."

They found the TARDIS eventually. The Doctor spotted a plain white paper bag and several Ogron footprints nearby. "They ate them. Dear Rassilon no, those crazy Ogrons ate all my jelly babies. No, no, no. Damn them all to Shada." He pounded the ground with his fists.

Leela put her hand on the Doctor's shoulder. "Do not worry you can get more jelly babies."

"I can?"

"Yes, you never run out of them."

"I don't? I don't. I have more in the TARDIS, you're a good girl Leela."

"Thank you." Leela wasn't sure if this was a compliment or sarcasm but she took it as praise.

There was a whooshing, popping sound and a wall of fire surrounded the Doctor and Leela.

"You know Leela, I think this is an illusion."

"What kind of magic is this? Show yourselves cowardly ones." Taking her knife out of its sheath Leela waved it about in a defensive manner.

Calmly the Doctor walked through the flames.

"Where are you Doctor?" Leela shouted. The flames died down and she was alone, the Doctor, the TARDIS and the other humans had all vanished.

After many days of searching Leela found herself in the Ogron city. It was as the Doctor described it, very smelly. Quickly she began to gather the equipment she needed, armour, weapons and provisions. She turned to leave the hut only to see the ugly bulk of an Ogron blocking the door.

"Why you here?"

"I need this, a warrior needs such things."

"Warrior needs rocks first. Every Ogron knows that."

Leela pulled a small pebble out of one of the pouches in the armour. "I have a rock."

"That puny ha ha. Come I will get you good rocks then you big warrior yes?"

"Please, lead on." Leela waited until the Ogron had turned his back before she jumped out of the nearest window and escaped on foot. She laughed as she heard the surprised grunts as the Ogron thought she had been taken by it's gods.

The trek into the waste land was difficult but luckily she had found a map in the Ogrons cave. The language was very complex but she managed to understand most of it. She was looking for a place called Many Pointy Rocks, it seemed to be the most important place on the map.

Many Pointy Rocks turned out to be just that. A lot of needle like rocks in a crude circle. She stepped inside the sacred circle and found a platform of metal. Gingerly she stepped on the platform. Green light surrounded her body and she felt tingly. The whole landscape changed and Leela found herself in a huge cave. There were many small metal creatures moving around. They were mainly silver with small blue spots on the lower half of their bodies.

"You will come with me or be exterminated." A creature moved towards her.

"Who are you?"

"Do not ask questions."

Leela followed the funny alien until it put her in a small room.

"Prisoner will remain in here until testing."

The door shut very quickly leaving Leela alone. They hadn't searched her, well how could they with no hands to speak of? They just had that little suction cup.

The testing area was decorated in many shades of steel. They told her to stand on another metal platform but this one surrounded her with a pale blue light. She found herself telling them about her life and her travels with the Doctor.

When she had finished answering all their questions they took her to another cell. Inside this one was the Doctor. "Doctor, I thought you had been eaten by those flames."

"No it was just an illusion. As a matter of fact it was a very powerful transmat beam." He pulled his yo-yo out and performed several complex moves.

"Now you are showing off."

"Shh, it helps me concentrate." After a few more moves he stopped. "Leela, I've got it. We escape."

"That is very clever Doctor, how?"

"Ah, I knew there was a flaw somewhere in the plan. My plan involved us being on the other side of that door. Why are you dressed like an Ogron anyway?"

"I borrowed some of their armour. Do you like it?"

"Well I'm not a fashion critic but I always say you should feel comfortable and that looks about as comfortable as a bed of nails."

They had managed to escape thanks to Leela's knife the stone and a strand of copper wire the Doctor kept for such emergencies. They ran up and down identical seeming corridors looking for the TARDIS.

Unknown to the Doctor and Leela their escape was being monitored by three bored Daleks. The Daleks awarded 6.0, 6.0 and 6.0 for their escape, holding up little cards in the suction cup hands.

The TARDIS was in an unmarked room and the Doctor unlocked the old girl and let Leela inside. Before he could enter the Dalek Supreme entered the main door.

"Doctor, we need your help. The base reactor has gone critical."

"The universe would be better off without a few hundred Daleks."

"If you do not help we will exterminate the human captives."

"I don't trust you. It's not like you to keep prisoners."

"Daleks are not inefficient. We may need slaves and humans are suited for slavery."

"Suited for slavery?" The Doctor couldn't believe his ears. "Slaves revolt, they will over throw you. History is a cycle of slavery and revolts."

"If they try to overthrow the Dalek race they will be exterminated."

"Goodbye." He closed the TARDIS doors before the Dalek Supreme could fire.

"We have to help Doctor, we are responsible for my people. I am their queen after all."

"Yes yes Leela, first things first. I can materialise inside the room where they are being kept and they can all get inside here."

The cloister bell began to chime.

"That changes things a bit. Massive energy release, we have to escape, now." He set the controls and operated the dematerialisation protocols. The TARDIS dematerialised as the planet fell apart.

Leela watched the planet die, it was horrifying and beautiful at the same time. Most of the mass simply burned away into energy while the rest of the debris was flung out at terrific speeds.

"There was a civilisation there Leela now it's all ashes. I should have tried to help."

"You could not have made a difference, there was not enough time. We would have both died down there."

"Not enough time, I wonder...this is a time machine after all."

"What are you planning Doctor?"

"Oh just a little bit of rule-breaking Leela. If we were to travel back in time oh say an hour or three we could prevent that catastrophe."

The TARDIS materialised on a sandy beach. The Doctor popped his head out and looked around. His eyes bulged slightly when he saw a squad of security guards. He popped his head back inside. "This is the right place isn't it?" The readings insisted this was the correct world. "We have a little reception committee outside Leela, remember to smile a lot."

"These are not the people I rescued Doctor," Leela whispered in the Doctor's ear.

"Ah hello. I'm the Doctor and this is my best friend Leela. We come in peace so you can stop pointing those guns at us." The Doctor gave them a toothy smile. "I think we travelled too far into the past Leela," he whispered.

A small balding man step forward. "Welcome to Ogros. I'm Colonel Courtney and I'm in charge of the Terran base Nova." He offered his hand and smiled graciously when the Doctor shook it.

Leela found herself trying on various garments of soft materials. They felt comfortable but were very noisy. In the end she wore a plain grey silk robe over her dress of animal skins. She had to surrender her knife to the security guards but she replaced it with one of their knives which she kept inside one of her boots.

The Doctor helped out around the base casually dropping hints and telling some of his funnier stories to entertain the troops.

During a tour of the Ogron rock museum Leela saw an Ogron female collapse. She was wary at first but soon went over to help. She quickly determined the Ogron was with child. Two human guards led the bewildered Ogron away.

Leela then overheard Commander Courtney talking to his second-in-command. The second-in-command was advocating a policy of culling the Ogron numbers down through poisons. This was appalling. They may be Ogrons but murdering innocent species was not very sociable; these humans were no better than the Horda. She was regretting championing their descendants.

The Doctor finished his instant guide to yogic flying as Leela entered the mess hall. "Ah Leela, was the museum interesting?"

"No it was a lot of very boring rocks, talked about boringly by a very boring man."

"Oh, I was looking forward to it myself."

Leela told the Doctor what she had overheard. "They are without honour Doctor. They are vermin who would stab their elders in the dark rather than make an honest kill and gain honour for their tribe."

"There is no honour in killing Leela."

"How do your people eat then, Doctor?"

"It's a little bland Leela but my people long ago discovered a way of synthesising food."

"What did they do before then? Sit around in their caves starving?"

"I don't like talking about the Old Time very much. My people used to be a viscous nasty race who delighted in making less advanced races perform in vile games to amuse us. They conquered vast tracts of space and ruled them with an iron fist. Compared to the Daleks and Cybermen my people were like pestilence and death itself."

"I am glad you are better than your elders."

"Do you know that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me all day? Humbug?" He offered Leela the bag of sweets.

Soda was bewildered the squishies had examined her in detail and taken several blood samples. Lavadust was sitting with her, making sure his mate and their child came to no harm.

They overheard the second-in-command ordering the base doctor to abort their child. When the base doctor refused the second-in-command shot him. Fearful they ran out of the base towards the squishies metal ship. The ship was old and rusty and they hid in an old room.

The Doctor and Leela ran over to where they heard the shot come from. They found the second-in-command telling a squad of security personnel that a couple of Ogrons had attacked the base doctor for no reason and shot him. They followed the search party, the Doctor felt sure he could talk the security guards out of doing something rash.

The second-in-command found the two Ogrons first. He shot the male in the leg and then chased the female outside. He shot her in the back and emptied the rest of the clip into her belly.

The Doctor gasped at this brutality. Leela grabbed a gun and took aim.

The second-in-command shot the male as he attacked, shooting him in the chest.

Leela fired hitting a knee but she was too late. The second-in-command slipped and fell twenty feet onto the hard surface of the planet.

They slipped away from the gathering crowd and headed back to the TARDIS. The Doctor resolved to jaunt forward in time, still intent on stopping the planet from being destroyed.

The TARDIS materialised on top of a large concrete building that was either a University building or a carpark. Both used similar design elements in the Doctor's opinion.

They found themselves on a plaza minutes later. Both were shocked to see Ogrons being dragged around in chains being forced to learn menial tasks.

"This is not right, not right at all." The Doctor strode over to the nearest jack booted thug and stopped him whipping a small Ogron. "Stop this at once."

"Who the hell are you?"

"I'm the one telling you to stop."

"And I am the one holding the knife." Leela pushed the point of the blade into the flabby skin covering the thug's kidneys.

The thug let the young Ogron go free. There was a lot of murmuring among the other Ogrons.

They found a control centre and Leela deftly kicked it open.

"It wasn't locked."

"You said we should make an entrance."

"Well I was thinking of quoting Oscar Wilde and dropping a few names."

"Oh. You should have said. Who is Oscar Wilde?"

The Controller saw the newcomers on the security video and he ordered that they be removed from the building. It came as a bit of a shock when the Doctor strode in a few seconds later.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor and I wish to make a complaint."

"Guards, get this fool out of my sight."

"I say, I have something important to say. Please stop hurting me. Does no-one want to listen to me?"

Leela was waiting for the Doctor when he was forcefully ejected. "They did not listen to your wisdom?"

"No, they were terribly, terribly rude."

They explored the vastly expanded city, taking in art, culture and a burlesque show. Leela groaned as the Doctor performed the can-can in full costume. They ended their tour by running up and down the streets singing New Ogros, New Ogros. They received some applause and many requests for an encore.

The Doctor decided that Leela should dress in a less conspicuous outfit and made her put on a black polo neck jumper and a beret. They matched the dark cords and brogue shoes.

"I look like you on a good day." Leela did not like this outfit.

"You look like a French philosopher."

"I do not know what philosophy is or how it works. Is it some kind of weapon?"

"It could be if you say it sarcastically. Have a humbug."

The rebellion was forming. The young Ogron the Doctor had protected before had realised that through peaceful means it was possible to stand up to the humans. He made banners and leaflets and planned a street theatre revue. He was putting a quiche into the oven when his greatest idea came to him. A demonstration. Equal rights for Ogrons. The idea rattled around his brain like a fine lump of quartz.

It was late at night now, the Doctor found a group of Ogrons holding up a couple of defamatory banners. He smiled at them as he went to find a sweet shop. The Ogrons followed him into the sweet shop. The owner started to berate the Doctor for bringing his Ogrons into the shop. The Doctor informed the owner that he owned no-one and that slavery was in ill-conceived idea doomed to fail. The owners face went pale as the Doctor paid for two jars of jelly babies. The Ogrons handed the shop owner several leaflets and put up a sign in the window. The Doctor left as the owner tried to contact security.

Inside the TARDIS Leela watched as security forces and Ogrons clashed. She watched with pride as the two armies clashed. She took notes on the blackboard, carefully drawing the pictograms as best she could. She looked up as the Doctor entered.

"Things are heating up nicely out there. The revolution's started."

Inside the command centre the Controller was questioning a female Ogron. "Tell me the location of the rebel base."

"Me not tell poor rocks in head human anything."

"What is the location of the rebel base." The Commander's voice grated and hissed with anger.

Boulder, self appointed leader of the Ogron rebels led the assault on the command centre. They burst into the Commanders office and took him captive. "Today we Ogrons have seized our destiny, our future and our dreams. From this day on we will have our own rocks and our own laws. Humans will serve us like we were made to serve you."

The Commander stared the Ogron in the eyes. "No dictator can hold a world by force of arms, no government can rule by terror and hate. Wait a minute that's why we've lost."

The Ogrons began to cheer as the city burned.

History was being made. The recipe is available on ceefax page 612.

It was several years later when the TARDIS materialised. There had been many drastic events. In a final bid to halt the Ogron revolution the human population had resorted to rubber nuclear missiles but this penultimate deterrent had failed. They had resorted to the ultimate deterrent after that. Seventeen clones of Barbara Streisand were grown and made to sing to the Ogrons over the PA. Unfortunately Ogrons were made of stern stuff and in the end human suicide rates had been the deciding factor allowing a total Ogron victory.

"Things have changed a lot Leela."

"We are still not back where we can save the world."

"Saving the world is easy Leela, we do it once a week remember. Saving the timeline is a much trickier task, especially without Them finding out."

Fiveboulders sat in his wooden hut, he was surrounded by his ministers for Farming, Arming, Religion and Traffic. Together they were responsible for ruling the Ogron community and the supply of good rocks. Today they were receiving reports of two strange humans. They fitted descriptions from the old time, the time of chaos. They were friends of the Ogrons and should be treated with respect and a fine selection of rocks.

"Yes this seems to be a typical grade two civilisation. I'm surprised at how quickly it has collapsed but it's not atypical. I remember a world that went from nanotechnology level to stone age level overnight. All because someone misprogrammed a single nanoprobe."

Deep in the forbidden zone the leader of the human resistance was planning a complex and devious invasion of the Ogron city. "They can take our homes, they can take our land and they can take our supply of chocolate hobnobs. Today we show those Ogrons how we fight. We fight not just for our families and our survival but for our freedom." He bowed as his followers cheered and applauded.

General Bigrock was unhappy with the liberal leadership of Fiveboulders. He advocated war and total naked aggression. The Ogrons should seize their destiny and become a warrior race rather than as an indolent gang of idiots. Well actually they should be an indolent gang of idiots but with him in charge ruling with a hand of stone. His followers were dissatisfied with Fiveboulders and they had amassed a number of weapons for their little coup.

Fiveboulders received the Doctor and Leela in his hut. They shared the rock ceremony and declared a pact of peace.

The Doctor gave a stirring speech about freedom which was cheered enthusiastically.

Leela said they should hunt animals and live off the land. This was also cheered with vigour.

The Doctor offered everyone a jelly baby and he was carried shoulder high around the market place and made an honoury god.

The human resistance gathered all their weapons together and started out on their long trek to the Ogron city. They were boldly going where no human had gone in a long time.

General Bigrock's forces massed up by the river for final preparations. He gave them a weapon each and a sacred rock. They then worked out the final touches to their plans.

The Doctor and Leela gasped when they heard from spies this news. Two massive armies about to fight it out. Fiveboulders was non-committal he would parley with the winners and if they didn't surrender to him he would have to act. The Doctor insisted that Fiveboulders acted.

The battle was a bloody affair. All three sides managed to ambush each other. The Doctor and Leela watched on from the relative safety of the sidelines.

"Who is winning?"

"I think it's an even match so far, quick cover your ears."

The human resistance pulled out their big weapon, the last surviving clone of Barbara Streisand. Her singing caused many Ogrons to lie down and bleed from their ears and noses. The tide was turning but not for long. An Ogron with his ears covered managed to kill the clone and the Ogron armies united. The sheer weight of numbers crushed the human resistance.

Back in the TARDIS the Doctor set the controls for Earth. "I've learned something today, It doesn't pay to mess about with history. The next time I'm confronted with the possibility of travelling back in time to save even a single life I'm going to say to hell with that idea."

"You know best, Doctor."

"I do? Yes I suppose I do. Besides I just can't do another sequel."

Leela laughed and ate a jelly baby. "Will there be peace on Ogros?"

"You've seen the future, it's orange."

The TARDIS dematerialised, off on its way to a more realistic and better written adventure.