Nightmare of the Nestene

Fred Randall closed the newspaper, folded it neatly and placed it on his desk. The report on his company, Polyethylene Plastics, was very well written. He slumped back in his seat and opened one of the drawers of his desk. Pulling out a two ounce Cuban cigar he lit it and savoured its smoky flavour.

"Mr Randall, Major Carstairs is here to see you now." The high-pitched voice of his American secretary, Sylvia Brown, filled the office.

Leaning forward he pressed the small button on his desk and asked her to show the Major in. The Major was his only appointment for the day and later on he planned to go down to the golf club for a relaxing round with Arthur Tunbridge.

"Mr Randall." The bearded Major smiled as they shook hands. He spoke with a slight foreign lilt to an otherwise perfectly cultured English voice. Strong, powerful and dominant. "So good of you to see me at such short notice."

"My pleasure Major," Fred Randall replied. "Won't you sit down? Can I offer you a drink? We have an excellent brandy if I do say so myself."

"Another time perhaps?" the Major responded. "I need a clear head this afternoon for the races. Now let's get down to why I'm here. My associates need a lot of plastic and they have asked me to represent their interests. I believe you have the necessary facilities to mass produce the new polymers my associates need."

"Ah yes, we are the largest company in Great Britain and we're expanding all the time."

The Major smiled. "My associates can never have enough plastic Mr Randall. Now listen to the sound of my voice..."

The Doctor knocked on the door but there was no reply. He tried the handle and it opened. "Hello Brigadier?" he called out but there was no reply. Then he heard a noise in the filing room. He opened the door to find Sarah Jane Smith examining several files. "You know I don't think Alistair's going to appreciate you looking at those reports."

Sarah jumped in shock. "You almost gave me a heart attack Doctor. Look at this." She handed the report to the Doctor. "Jeremy told me that Clarinda thinks they need investigating. I'm surprised to discover UNIT has records on them."

The Doctor flipped through the report. "There's nothing much in here to warrant investigation. Strange it has a triple A classification."

"Triple A?" Sarah asked, picking up on the note in the Doctor's voice. "What does that mean?"

"Suspected Auton activity. The report indicates that there's none however. That's the last thing we need: another batch of Autons going around London attacking people."

"What's an Auton, Doctor?" Sarah asked.

"Think of a killer shop dummy and you're not far wrong," the Doctor explained as he replaced the file. "I wonder why your friend Jeremy suspects them?"

"All I could make out was that the workers at Polyethylene Plastics vanished for days at a time and when they turned up they weren't the same. I don't know whether it's Jeremy's imagination again or there's something serious going on."

The Doctor closed the filing cabinet. "Care for a Sunday drive in Bessie?" he asked, throwing his long scarf over his shoulder.

"It's Thursday Doctor," Sarah responded.

The Doctor looked concerned. "Care for a Thursday drive in Bessie?" he asked, a broad grin on his face.

Romana was busy polishing the TARDIS console with a feather duster when it started to bleep. At first she thought she'd caught a button and frantically she did what the Doctor usually did, she pressed other buttons at random. K-9 trundled into the room and she knelt down to ask his advice. "What shall I do?" she asked.

"It is a simple signal Mistress," K-9 informed. "It indicates that someone is using a time machine."

"Another TARDIS?" she wondered.

"No Mistress, someone has built a time machine."

"Who would do that? I'd better go and ask the Doctor; he's very clever."

"The Mistress is more correct 97% of the time," K-9 replied loyally.

"Thank you K-9." Romana kissed the metal dog on his snout. She stood up and exited the Console room, in search of the Doctor.

Two figures darted over the dewy grass. One of them tripped over the others long scarf and swore loudly until a hand over her mouth silenced her. The Doctor and Sarah sneaked past the single guard quickly, thankful for budget cuts.

The coast was clear and they strode idly down the corridors until they came to a door and they went inside.

"Doctor?"

"Yes Sarah?"

"There's someone else in here."

"Is there really?"

"Will you stop repeating yourself Doctor?"

"Sorry."

"I think I've found the light switch," Romana announced, illuminating the room.

The Doctor stared at his other self for a second then broke out into a toothy grin.

"Doctor what's going on?" Sarah asked her Doctor.

"This shouldn't happen," Romana stated. "You should remember meeting yourself like this."

"I've never been here before in my life," the slightly older Doctor stated. "Nice to see you again Sarah by the way."

"Thanks." Sarah was confused.

"I think you've made everything surreal for Sarah now," the younger Doctor observed.

Romana greeted Sarah. "Hi, I'm Romana, I'm sorry about this mix up. The Doctor's been under a great deal of stress lately. I had to regenerate just to stop being irritated by him."

"You're a Time Lord too?" Sarah asked. "Like the Doctor?"

"I'm only 123 but yes I'm a member of the two hearts club. I prefer to think of myself as a Time Lady by the way." Romana shook Sarah's hand. "Tell me is your Doctor always this shouty?"

"Well he was quite nice before he changed but I like this one too. He's like a big cuddly Old English Sheepdog."

"Do you know what's causing the time disruption by any chance?" Romana asked.

"We're here following up a possible lead about Autons," Sarah compared notes with the nice Time Lady. "It seems that a Major Carstairs ordered a lot of plastic last week."

The Doctor and the Doctor were too busy practising their three-leaf clover yo-yo trick to notice the three Autons sneaking up behind them and clubbing them unconscious.

Romana pulled Sarah to safety in the nick of time when the Autons opened fire on where they had just been standing. "Come on," she said dragging Sarah behind her by the hand. "We should be safe in here."

The Doctor woke up and scratched his mop of curly hair. "I wonder what hit me Doctor?" he said out loud.

"I'm not sure Doctor," the Doctor replied. "I was hoping this was a dream of sorts."

"Would you like a jelly baby Doctor?"

"Thank you Doctor, you're very kind."

Major Carstairs inspected the fruits of his hard work, a large orange space hopper. Suddenly O'Really, the head of product development, burst in.

"Now look here, you've taken up all the production lines. Mr Randall senior won't like that."

Major Carstairs looked at the tall Irishman and smiled at the fellow. "Take a look at this, it's the latest thing." He handed the space hopper to O'Really.

"Why it's a strange looking thing so t'is," O'Really stated before trying it out. "It doesn't bounce much now though does it?" Suddenly he fell into the space hopper and it stretched over his figure, trapping him inside.

"Now it's full of hot air," Carstairs exclaimed as Randall walked back in. "Ah be so good as to inform your charming secretary that Mr O'Really has gone on an extended vacation."

"Where shall I say he's gone to?" Randall queried.

"Oh I don't know." Carstairs waved his hand in the air dismissively. "Java or somewhere like that, it's not important."

Romana and Sarah Jane Smith ended up hiding inside one of the cubicles of the ladies as the Autons searched the premises.

"I never thought it would come to this," Sarah complained. "Hiding in the loo from killer shop window dummies."

"Shhh," Romana urged as another Auton searched the room badly.

"I like your shoes," Sarah complimented the smartly dressed Time Lady.

"I love the way you have your hair," Romana returned the praise. "I think we should get out of here now."

"I hope Sarah will be all right. Is yours a sensible girl too?" the Doctor asked his future self.

"Oh Romana's quite bright usually. Bit lacking in the common sense department though, luckily she has me to guide her."

"Oh well that's good then." The Doctor picked up the telephone next to him before the ringing brought anyone. "Hello? No. No. No I don't need insurance thank you although the free gift sounds tempting." He hung the phone up. "That was Omega, he was trying to sell me an insurance policy."

"Really Doctor?" the future Doctor asked. "I don't remember that. Dolly mixture Doctor?"

"Capital idea Doctor."

Sarah and Romana found themselves ambushed by a platoon of Autons and ended up chained to tables where complicated machinery(tm) took their measurements for their space age material outfits.

"Let me go," Sarah demanded.

"Oh that's very good," Romana encouraged. "My turn now is it?" She took in a deep breath and shouted, "LET ME GO!"

Sarah's ears popped and her hearing went all fuzzy. "A little quieter next time perhaps?" she offered her honest opinion. "I think you may have damaged my eardrums."

The Doctor and the Doctor found the Auton's lair. Sarah and Romana were held captive in the middle of the room dressed in silly silver outfits. "I say Doctor, I've seen more Bacofoil on a roast turkey."

"Help," Sarah and Romana shouted upon seeing the Doctors.

Making a lasso out of his scarf the Doctor swung down like Tarzan straight into the waiting arms of an Auton and he was captured.

The older Doctor took the stairs down and turned off the Auton's machinery with the convenient on/off switch on the wall. "Now I'm remembering things," he exclaimed, staring straight into the camera.

Sarah made her move, she kicked an Auton in the shin as hard as possible but nothing happened. "Oh," she sighed in doomed resignation of her fate.

"Too late, Doctor." Major Carstairs made his entrance. "Now we shall engage in a long and pointless duel." He threw an epee to the Doctor.

"I could always defeat you in a duel Master," the Doctor revealed Major Carstair's real identity.

"So you recognise my new appearance?" the Master asked.

"That beard and those eyes? Any year of the decade, shall we finish this once and for all?" The Doctor advanced, his strike blocked just in time by the Master.

Backwards and forwards they attacked, defended and attacked again. Romana unwrapped her Big Mac and took a nibble of it. "Mmmm, this is good. Tasty."

Sarah took a fry and dipped it in the BBQ sauce before nibbling happily on it. "There's nothing better than a spot of entertainment while you eat. You don't have a bottle of inexpensive white wine in the other pocket do you?"

Romana fished about inside the drinks pocket. "No wine I'm afraid but I've got something better." She pulled out a pot of freshly brewed tea then two cups and saucers followed by a jug of milk and a smaller jug of cream. "Shall I be mother? The Doctor seems incapacitated at the moment."

"Tea, delicious," Sarah agreed, as she tasted the tea.

"I'd quite like a cup," the incapacitated, younger Doctor asked politely.

"Sorry Doctor, I've only got the two cups on me," Romana stated before ducking as the Master's blade sliced nearby.

"Sorry," the Master apologised, before lunging furiously at the Doctor with his weapon. (Had this been a Thirteenth Doctor story there would have been much raising of eyebrows at that statement!)

"So what do you think about my Doctor?" Sarah enquired. "Yours seems quite strange to me."

"I know what you mean. Yours looks similar but it's got those subtle differences that really stand out once you notice them."

Finally the Doctor bested the Master and disarmed him. "I've beaten you Master, release my chum Sarah, my other me and his chum Romana."

"Curses," the Master cursed. "I had planned a revenge so deadly for you and it would have been the deadliest vengeance imaginable. I was going to invade the Earth with a billion Auton traffic cones! The M25 will be created ten years earlier!"

The sheer evilness of the Master's plan caused Sarah to hiccup slightly on her fry. She was forced to take another sip of tea to steady her nerves and Romana comforted her, as she worked through the trauma.

The Autons melted themselves into puddles before pouring themselves back into the vat. There would be a next time they thought as the mental control of the Nestene left them.

The factory workers that had been Autonised also collapsed and the real workers, imprisoned in an old part of the factory were finally released to be reunited with their families.

The Brigadier found the Doctor sitting in his chair and Miss Smith rearranging the furniture when he finally got back to his office. "Doctor, you're sitting in my chair."

The Doctor folded the broadsheet up to reveal that he had also been eating the Brigadier's porridge. He handed the paper to the Brigadier.

"Noxious gas leak at Polyethylene Plastics. Workers hallucinated walking shop window dummies? I take it you stopped the Autons Doctor?"

"You could say that," the Doctor stated enigmatically. "Nice chap. Helped out with a spot of bother with the Master. Sarah's written a wonderful article, don't you think?"

The Brigadier's eyes went wide with amazement. "The Master? Did you capture him?"

"He got away. The UNIT van that collected him turned out to be his TARDIS and he escaped. I don't think he's gone far though, as the osmosis polarity conducer fell off." The Doctor held up the vehicle exhaust shaped device.

Sarah smiled and took a picture of the Brigadier. "D-Notice indeed. You just wait until my memoirs mate."

Romana opened her eyes when the Doctor instructed her and she saw that he had bought her a new pale blue dress. "Oh Doctor, it's wonderful." She held the soft fabric against her figure. "Look K-9, isn't it just the best dress in the Universe?" She hoped the little computer would like it.

"The material becomes your ocular coloration Mistress," K-9 observed.

Romana gasped at the compliment. "Oh thank you K-9, you're the best friend a girl could have." Tears of joy trickled down her cheeks and she hugged the Doctor.

"Well it's not every day you turn 128 is it?" the Doctor replied.

"My birthday, you remembered I'm 123?" Romana hugged the Doctor again. "You're the best friend a girl could ever have Doctor."