The courtiers stood and saluted as their Emperor entered. He greeted his new arrival with a rare smile and took his new bride's hand. "Welcome my dear." Emperor Ming's bald head caught the light as they headed towards the throne room.

"I do hope our alliance will prove most fruitful." The bride tried to look radiant but came off like a wolf in silk. Servalan was not someone you trusted glibly.

"Well there's no doubt about it. Servalan has made an alliance with Mongo." Avon strutted around the Scorpio's command deck.

"After all this time why does the Mongon Empire restore diplomatic ties?" Vila asked the question that was on everybody's lips.

"If you ask me they deserve each other." Tarrant smiled.

"So why did they send us a wide-band transmission inviting us to the wedding?" Dayna knew it had to be a trap.

"Apologies mistress but such deliberations are beyond my simple programming."

"Yes I'm sure they are, Slave." Avon patted the computer to show no hard feelings before taking his seat. "Well I think we should drop by and give them our present. It's only fair after all."

"Yes, I can think of a few choice items like the business end of our weapons."

"I didn't know you had such mettle in you, Vila. Stick to being a clumsy idiot and we'll both feel much better."

"Thanks Avon. It's nice to know you're appreciated."

They rested on a small outcrop overlooking the palace. Soolin had travelled ahead to meet their contact, Gordon, and they had scouted out the best attack positions. Their contact was reasonably good looking but he was spoken for so she did not pursue. "There, that's it. We go through that access port." She passed the binoculars over and pointed in the general area.

"Yes, it's perfect. Once your friends arrive we can proceed."

"Look Romana, a wedding."

"Ooh Doctor, let me go and get my hat from the TARDIS."

"Hurry up then, we don't want to miss the beginning."

Romana emerged from the TARDIS ten seconds later in a completely different outfit with her hat. "Sorry I was so long but the hat didn't go with those trousers."

"Well as long as you're ready now. Maybe I should change as well. Hmmm no, you can't improve on a really well made outfit."

They went arm in arm to where everyone else was gathered.

Scorpio edged slowly into orbit behind a large communication satellite.

"Orac, keep the ship in safe orbit." Avon placed a maximum stun clip into his gun.

"I have far more important things to do than pilot Scorpio." Orac was in another of its moods.

'Orac you can either monitor Scorpio or let Slave do it."

"The computer system you call Slave is more than adequate to cope with such a simple task."

"Slave gets confused if he has to deal with more than one task. I'm sure that logic will be evident as you're burning up in the atmosphere."

"Oh very well, I shall monitor Scorpio's guidance systems. Now please let me get on with my duties."

"Once you've teleported us down to the rendezvous."

"Well, what are you waiting for? I haven't got all day."

Avon and Vila exchanged looks of amazement.

"They should be here by now." Gordon sighed.

"They'll be here." Soolin rechecked her gun. "They would not run out on us. Stopping this alliance is our number one priority."

"I couldn't agree more." Avon was standing behind them.

"Avon, we have to hurry. Servalan is in there already."

"You know Soolin I've half a mind to let them get married before we blow the place up. That way the treaty will be official and worthless. The look on Servalan's face would be too much for any of us to miss. Where's Tarrant?"

She dressed in purest white, with pale gold trim. The dress was perfect, naturally, but who would give her away? Her parents were long dead, she had turned them in herself for speaking treason.

"Hello Sleer." Tarrant was leaning against the doorframe. "Why don't you tell these minions to go? You look perfectly stunning already."

"Tarrant, you're the last person I'd expect to see here. No, correction - Blake would be. Last I heard he died under interrogation, such a pity as well."

"Roj Blake is yesterday's zero Servalan. You need a hero, not a mad dictator with no hair."

"Oh Tarrant you'll have to do better than that. I can smell your jealousy from here. It's bad luck to see the bride before her wedding anyway."

"That's only for the groom, I'm here to give you away. I want to make sure that you go through with it."

"Afraid I'll eat him afterwards and seize Mongo for myself?"

"Something like that. They say poisonous spiders do that to their mates. Yet I'm still here. Why's that do you suppose?"

"What is that fool doing?" Avon snarled.

"He's betrayed us. I will kill him now." Soolin pulled out her gun and loaded it with a high explosive clip.

"How can we be sure either way? We know how they feel about each other."

"Vila if you're trying to make me kill you keep it up."

"All I'm saying Avon is that he could be there to kill her himself."

"Yes it could be but it's not quite Tarrant's style is it?"

"You said he was a lady killer."

"Vila, shut up."

"Charming."

"Doctor you must try these canopes, they're divine!" Romana passed the Doctor the plate.

"Hmmm, try these ham and Pease pudding bread buns." He passed his best friend the plate of sandwiches.

Ming waited; she was taking her time. He wanted to get this strange ritual out of the way. Why on Mongo she wanted a human ceremony was beyond him. The traditional Mongon ceremony only took two minutes and left more time for the celebrations afterward.

"We go now." Avon led the others towards the access port. It was small and secure. Fortunately Vila was able to defeat it in seconds.

"Ha beat you." Vila put his tools away. "And you call me an idiot."

"I never doubted your consummate skill for a second Vila."

"Thank you Avon, I think. Was that an insult Dayna?"

Servalan took Tarrant's arm. "I have thirty security guards among the guests. One false move and I'm sure they would be delighted with some impromptu target practice."

The access tube was cramped and foetid. No-one had aired it out for what seemed centuries.

"Romana."

"What is it Doctor?"

"Have you put a gun in my back?"

"No Doctor. Do you want me to?"

"Oh." He put his arms slowly in the air.

"Is this a game, Doctor?"

"Why not ask whoever has the gun pressed into my back."

"Okay." Romana turned around to see three black garbed thug types with guns. "Is this a game?" The guards pointed their guns at her. "I don't think it is a game, Doctor."

"That's what I was afraid of."

"Keep going." Avon urged. "The quicker you get to the other door the quicker you breathe fresh air."

"They're playing your music Sleer." Tarrant heard the muted strains of the Federation anthem. "It's rather dull isn't it? I'd have thought you would prefer something with a little more joy to it."

"This is simply an act of duty on my part Tarrant. A sacrifice I make for the good of the Federation."

"And as his widow you inherit your own private Empire?"

"Why Tarrant I hadn't thought of that. Yes I shall have my own private Empire." Servalan laughed.

"Do you know what we do to spies?" The guard glared at the Doctor and Romana menacingly.

"How many guesses do we get?"

"One."

"Is that each or just between us?"

"Just one guess."

"Well I think you give us a hearty meal, give us a pat on the back and let us go."

"Oh, I wanted to say that, Doctor."

"Be my guest, Romana."

"Well I think you give us a hearty meal, give us a pat on the back and let us go."

"That was terribly impressive, Romana. Remind me to give you a gold star later on."

"Thank you Doctor, and can we have tea and crumpets too?"

"Well it wasn't that impressive but considering the circumstances I don't see why not."

"You're both mad." The guard took a step backwards.

"Mad? Do you think I'm mad Doctor?"

"Well Romana I'd say slightly eccentric at most."

"Where's he going do you suppose?"

"I don't know but we can't wait for him to return if we want to see that wedding." The Doctor picked his scarf up and wound it around his neck.

"I do love weddings, the way they pour water on the babies head."

"That's baptisms. Weddings are when two people decide to live together or something. It's usually an excuse to dress up."

"Oh I do love weddings, the way people dress up in their finest clothes."

The other end of the access tube was blocked off. Dayna and Soolin had tried blasting it but it was too thick. The metal to one side started to glow red and then white.

"Dale? You made it."

"Oh Flash I wasn't sure if you would could get support. Zarkoff and Barrin are waiting for us in the gallery."

"We have to hurry and set the explosive charges."

"Yes, lead the way Dale."

"Flash what are you saying? Explosives? That's not what we agreed."

"There's no time to explain, help us or keep out of the way. This alliance must not be allowed to happen." Avon stalked off followed by Soolin and Dayna.

"Once Avon's made his mind up there's no use arguing. Besides he is right. The Federation and the Mongon Empire would be too powerful to stop." Vila ran to catch up with the others.

The marriage officiate began the ceremony. "We are gathered here today to join two people in the ancient and sacred union of marriage. Their union has inspired a new era of peaceful domination and power."

Romana and the Doctor ate their jelly babies as quietly as they could.

"Do you Ming the Merciless take Commissioner Sleer to be your lawful wedded spouse?"

Ming raised a single eyebrow. "I do."

"Sleer? I know that name. Think Doctor, think. I know that name. Ha, of course former president Servalan."

"Do you know her Doctor?" Romana asked.

"Know her? Of course I do. I've defeated the most evil tyrants history has to offer. She's the full ten straight jackets and then some. Even old Ming there is only an eight."

"Why only an eight? He looks pretty balmy to me."

"He keeps a pet cat. Anyone who keeps cats can't be that bad."

The officiate continued. "Do you commissioner Sleer take his supreme majesty Ming the Merciless to be your lawful wedded spouse?"

"Yes I do."

"Who gives Commissioner Sleer to be wed?"

Tarrant stepped forwards and bowed. "I do your reverence."

"Don't overdo it, cretin." Servalan whispered.

Avon and Flash ran ahead to scout for guards. To be more accurate Avon used Flash as a human shield while he did the scouting.

Soolin dragged Vila and Dale behind while Dayna covered the rear.

They found Zarkoff and Barrin in the antechamber.

"So this is the resistance?" Avon sneered. "Four of you against an empire?"

"King Vulcan had a prior engagement. Someone he had to shout at I believe."

"Good. Much as we need reinforcements he would be very hard to disguise from the description Orac gave us."

"Where's this Orac of yours?"

"Orac is no good in combat situations unless you wanted to talk your opponent to death."

Vila pulled out a hip-flask. "Hey Orac's all right Avon. He's monitoring their security database isn't he?"

"Yes and that's a lot more than you."

"At least I'm not treating with the enemy like Tarrant is. When I see him I'll ... well I'll tell him what I think of him."

"Yes the damage to his ego would be refreshing."

"Give me that." Dayna grabbed Vila's hip-flask and poured the contents onto the floor. "Stay alert Vila, we need to count on one another if we stand any chance of pulling this off."

"All right, you made your point but did you have to pour it all out?"

"I now pronounce you Emperor and Empress." The wedding was completed. Only one thing left to do. "You may kiss the bride." Ming grasped Servalan to him and kissed his new Empress.

Tarrant started to slink away slowly, it was over. He felt more than a little jealous of Ming but didn't envy him at all. He knew Servalan and her appetites.

"Avon to Scorpio, start attack run chi delta epsilon.

Orac's voice echoed in the room. "Oh very well but such a foolish strategy is pointless."

"It's a diversion Orac to keep them off their guard while we place the explosives."

"Going somewhere Tarrant?" Servalan held a gun to Tarrant's head.

"I guess not." He raised his hands.

"I can't let you go without making a speech at the reception."

"At least you're not going to kill me yet."

"I may let you live if your words of praise are sycophantic enough."

"I'll try and manage something."

The Scorpio powered low over the capital drawing a barrage of laser fire before pulling up and away.

"That's our diversion. Hurry." Avon and his associates began to place the mines at strategic points and arm them ready for detonation. "Make one mistake in arming them and none of us need ever worry about being captured." Soon all the charges were set and they left as quickly as possible.

The Doctor sampled the delights of the soup. "Well as war and soups go I'd say this was adequate. Nothing flashy but at least it has an honest edge to it."

Romana risked everything on the sugared slice of grapefruit. "Yuck. Over sweetened and trite. Not so much a masterpiece as a piece of badly done graffiti."

Servalan saw the uninvited guests but did nothing, their witticisms of the food were unerringly accurate. She liked them for their entertainment value if nothing else.

"Check detonators." Avon checked his detonator, it was working perfectly.

"Don't I get a detonator?" Vila asked.

"No Vila you do not."

"I've handled explosives before. It's a necessary part of my trade on occasions."

"You were in demolitions?" Dale asked.

"No I was, am a thief. How else do you get into steel safes with retinal scanners?"

"Vila, we need you as a look out." Dayna handed him a gun.

"At least one of you appreciates my many talents."

"Why don't you demonstrate your best talent." Avon laughed.

"What's that?"

"Leave the room."

Tarrant woke up to find himself inside a large cage. It was in some kind of cargo hold. He checked his wrist but the transporter bracelet was gone.

Servalan showed off her new bracelet to Ming. "It was a gift from an old friend."

"Now." Avon almost shouted.

The explosive charges detonated in a flash of white-hot fury. The intense pressure and heat expanded outwards and upwards in a huge fiery ball.

"...then I said to Einstein: have you ever considered gravity from the sun can bend the lightbeams it emits?"

"What did he say to that?"

"Nothing, he just tried to hit me with an oar. Romana, do you hear that?"

"Sounds like a series of explosive detonations. Shall we run?"

"Run!"

The two time travellers ran as fast as they could out of the banquet room.

"I wonder where they are going?" Servalan pondered. She was about to get a guard to shoot them when the room exploded in front of her.

Tarrant managed to use the chair in his cell to force open the lock. Grabbing a guards uniform he rushed towards the main chamber. There was still time, there had to be enough time. He saw the ruination and smoking ruins. "Not the way I'd have done it but good enough." Servalan was dead, she had to be. "One for you Deeta."

Avon and the others materialised on the flight deck of Scorpio.

"This is amazing." Flash and Dale exclaimed.

"What kind of propulsion does she have?" Zarkov asked.

"What weapons does she have?" Barrin asked. "We could need them."

"No time for questions. Orac plot us a course out of here."

"Tarrant isn't back yet Avon."

"That's his own fault Vila. If he had stuck with us then he would be here now. He knew the risks and he left us."

There was a sort of wheesy/groaning sound and a blue box materialised on the flight deck. A single figure emerged. It was Tarrant.

"We thought you had betrayed us to Servalan."

"No, I just wanted to make sure she married that madman."

"Why?"

"The rest of her life spent with him would make her miserable."

"So you risked all our lives for revenge? I should put you off the ship now."

"Come on Avon, you need me. As much as I need you."

"A flimsy argument and one that can wait until we are back on Xenon. Now take the controls and get us away from here."

The blue box dematerialised. Inside the Doctor and Romana started to play hopscotch.

"Well we got him back to his people."

"Yes Doctor, another good deed for the day."

On Mongo a hand emerged from the rubble, it was slender and feminine. It wore a transporter bracelet.

"Next time...Tarrant...I will...kill you...myself." Her voice was weak and vague.