Gunfire erupted in the quiet streets of Holmberg. They were quickly followed by the screams of pain as swift retribution was dealt out. Many locals thought it was another gang hit but what most of them didn't realise was it was the men with the guns that were doing the screaming. They had hit the wrong target; it was a fatal mistake. A protracted fatal mistake for all but one and he was about to wish he hadn't survived the initial onslaught. Half an hour later the emergency services would be puzzled by the creativity of the attacks. Was it possible for someone to be impaled on a lamppost?

"Doctor, if I was to ask where the drinks cabinet was would you think that I was a stereotypical two dimensional caricature?" Benny held her hipflask upside down to emphasise its lack of contents. She tried shaking it a few times but still nothing happened.

"I thought we'd try a nice refreshing detoxifying holiday in the Betsy Rover clinic. It's in Holmberg, the capital city of the Denjaro province on Earth, in thirty five thirty five." The Doctor started to juggle his wooden clubs.

Benny blinked, the Doctor was juggling Newcastle Brown Ale bottles! She blinked again and they were just gaudy coloured clubs. "I think I need my eyes tested, I'm hallucinating. The time rotor's starting to look a bit like a pint of Guinness."

Restal wandered through the corridors of the detox clinic. They had to have some soma hidden around here somewhere...they had to. The thought of it's cool green coloration was all that kept him going these last few days. It was all Avon's fault of course, fancy saying he no longer needed a drunk onboard Scorpio! "I only drink to be sociable. It's not as if it's addictive anyway." Stop feeling sorry for yourself he told himself, get through this and you can buy a bottle to cheer me up with. "I'll drink to that," he replied to himself. Vila Restal shuffled off down the next corridor still in pursuit of his Holy Grail.

"Tell me the location of the Firegem." Deaths Head held the badly bleeding man upside down by one ankle over a convenient bed of nails.

Guerra squirmed in the painful grip of the homicidal killer. "I dunno what you mean but you're going to pay, big time."

"I love it when you all say that." Without another word Deaths Head dropped the man headfirst onto the bed of nails.

"Now I know I'm seeing things." Vila gawped at the strange blue box that had materialised into existence in front of his very eyes. His amazement grew when two people emerged from the box. "Hello, you are real aren't you? Only I think I've started seeing things and I'd like to be certain if you're real or not. Vila's the name, Vila Restal. I do hope I'm not talking to the wall again. Last time they sedated me; said I was mad. Mad, me? At least I'm assuming you're real, you are real aren't you?"

"How do you do? I'm the Doctor and I'm real as far as I know." The Time Lord looked at the small slightly balding man in front of him and smiled. "So where do we register, my friend and I wish to book in for the detox course."

"Hey you want to detox, I'd much rather have brandy. You don't have any brandy on you by any chance? I'm Benny by the way."

"Hello Benny, I'm sorry I don't have anything. They don't allow it here for some reason. I tried being reasonable but they refuse to negotiate or take bribes. What kind of person isn't corruptible?"

"Only him." Benny jerked her thumb at the Doctor. "He's a natural born do-gooder. So why don't we try and escape while he's signing me in?" She pulled out a ring of lock-picks from her jacket pocket. "It has Jo Grant on the nametag. I'm not very good with them myself but we can try."

Vila took the ring of lock-picks and kissed each and everyone. "Oh this is good news. You don't know how long it's been since I last picked a lock!" He tried one out on the nearest door. It turned out to be full of cleaning ammonium. "I wondered what they were adding to the water. Are we going to escape or what?"

"Yes, you're nominated as leader of the escape committee. All those in favour say aye. Aye." Benny raised her hand in the air. "All those against say nay. The Aye's have it. Congratulations, now get me to a bar immediately." She took off down the corridor with Vila following closely behind her.

The Doctor was searching the other corridor for his companion and the nice young man they had met. He found himself confronted by a large seven-foot tall mechanical killing machine wearing a green velvet cloak. "Oh it's you. How have you been?"

"Not bad Doctor, people trying to kill me, blow me up or dump me into the nearest convenient star. Same old, same old. So what about you then? How's it hanging?"

"Daleks, Hoothi, Zeglons, Raston Window Cleaning Robot. It never changes except in the weird places." The Doctor watched as a lime jelly walked past pushing a bowl of fingers on a metal trolley. He tipped his hat to the jelly. "Good afternoon nurse." At least sometimes there was some old-fashioned normality in among the maelstrom of chaos.

Squad leader Tharrn examined the small green stone in his hand. It was an unremarkable stone, although many other species coveted it's aesthetic properties, it was a poor laser-focusing device. However it was harder than a Sontaran diamond and so it's application in the hands of an artificifer would be of great value to the glorious Sontaran race. A blade encrusted with this material would prove worthy in the fury of battle. However it was time for his energy burn and so he rested the green stone on his deck and inserted the jack plug into his probic vent. Energy flooded his being and he fell into a relaxed dream of glory and honour.

The escape was swift and successful as the half empty tavern could attest to and we're not talking about how many people were inside either. Vila had cornered the spirits while Benny was now on first name terms with the cider and real ale taps.

"The sching about schider is that you have to remember to breathe every now and then. I know it getsch in the way but itsch important to remember." They clinked glasses together once more. "Cheersch."

Vila wondered why he was lumbered with Dayna and Soolin onboard the Scorpio when there were women like Benny who would be much better in a pub-crawl situation. Real women who like a drop of the real stuff he reminded himself. "I think this is the last bottle of Soma, oh well it was nice knowing it." He cracked the seal and poured himself a large measure. "She made the ultimate sacrifice so that I might drink."

"It's a good thing we found this plasche, I'm schuprised though. I thought it would be open by now." Benny finished off her pint and started to refill the glass. She had gone nearly a month without alcohol. She had suspected the sudden number of visits to Islamic countries during that period was more than coincidence. Unfortunately she didn't have any evidence and they had defeated a pan dimensional mud beast seven times so the Doctor may have covered his tracks when she wasn't looking.

The Doctor and Deaths Head made their way through the hospital looking for Benny and Vila. They weren't having much success unfortunately even the almost detoxified patients had relapses when they saw Death's Head. The Doctor tried another of his magic routines but it went largely ignored except for the three rabbits who made their way towards the ground level to eat plants.

"We've searched the entire base Doctor." The big guy put the bed he was searching under back down on the ground. "They must be outside."

"Escape is impossible, at least that's what Matron told us remember?"

"Just a small hole in the wall would do it. They'd hardly know it was there." Unshouldering his laser rifle Deaths Head took aim at the nearest wall and fired.

When the smoke cleared the Doctor examined the hole. "Excuse me ladies." He had discovered that the wall didn't lead to the outside but rather the ladies sauna. "This wall I think please." He aimed Deaths Heads rifle at a different wall.

Tharrn was disturbed by two large energy weapon blasts. "Fuller-Tquinnna mark two, under-slung grenade launcher and telescopic sights." He reeled off the exact weapon specifications on reflex. "A fine weapon, too fine for a non-Sontaran to possess." His mission may be covert, and he was ordered not to reveal his location to the enemy, but Tharrn felt that acquiring this weapon was of greater importance.

"Theresch no more boosch?" Benny tried to count the number of empty miniatures bottles but she was unable to get past zero. "Thisch isch bad."

Vila opened one eye and closed it again. "The room is still spinning. Take it away and get me a new one."

"My legsch don't work." Benny tried to stand up but failed miserably. "I can't get my legsch to work."

"They's your arms, your legs are the walking things you've tied to the large beer crate." Vila wished the room would stop spinning around soon as it was rather disconcerting.

"Ah ha, I think they went this way." The Doctor pointed the way with his umbrella. They made their way down the street until they came across a closed public house with its front door suspiciously open. "I do hope they...can walk." The Doctor found his lost companion in a rather drunken state.

"Doctor, juscht in time for a little sching schong. Vila pasched out but thatsch ok cosch you're my bescht friend ever." Benny tried to get up and hug the Doctor. "My legsch schtill don't work." A shadow passed in front of her and she looked up to see the huge frame of Deaths Head. "Wotcha big guy, give us a kiss." It was at this point that Benny's stomach rebelled almost at the same time as her brain.

"She's passed out Doctor." Deaths Head liked to think he was observant.

"Yes I can see that, you take care of that one and I'll carry this one back to the clinic." Gently the Doctor hefted Benny's limp weight onto his shoulders.

Tharrn followed the scent of cordite from the brief gusts of wind in the city. It led to a curious place. It appeared to be a field hospital but the soldiers weren't wounded. He briefly considered it to be a civilian establishment. The weaker races were known to have civilian populations but why would anyone waste medical resources on non-combatants? He resolved the situation in the best way he could by priming three thermion grenades and throwing them inside the building. The glorious sight of the bodies burning would bring the aliens some honour they probably did not deserve.

Carefully he made his way using his scanner to follow the faint energy signature of the fantastic weapon. It led towards the upper magnetic dipole of the planet to a large building of little militaristic value. Tharrn heard voices inside; surely one of these is the quarry he hunted? Although he had made little noise before now he was positively silent as he looked inside the open doorway. He spied the weapon slung over the back of a large robot. There was also several smaller creatures in the room but they were secondary to his concern, at least until the female called him mister potatohead.

"In the name of the glorious Sontaran Empire I demand that you hand me that magnificent weapon." Tharrn held out his hand expectantly.

Deaths Head turned to examine the Sontaran. "Oh it's one of them. I'll just be a few seconds Doctor."

Tharrn could not believe his look, it was the one called Doctor! For many years Doctor was one of his peoples' only living enemies, apart from the Rutans but they would be dealt with shortly. "Doctor, your head will bring me much glory."

"Not today thank you." The Time Lord pulled his companion behind the bar. "No don't drink that Benny, it's bleach!" He grabbed the bottle away from Benny before she could remove the lid.

"Schorry Doctor, I thought it schaid Brandy."

Tharrn fired first and sneered as he knew how accurate his aim was, unfortunately he didn't know how effective Deaths Heads body was at not being damaged by weaponry and the energy bolt reflected away taking part of the roof with it.

Deaths Head fired and turned the proud Sontaran officer into a few smoking pieces of green coloured flesh. "Now that's what I call effective!"

"Oh my god he's killed Mr. Potatohead!" Benny's cherished childhood memories would now be forever tinged with sadness. "You bas..." she was cut off in mid-curse by the Doctor's hand over her mouth.

"Well done." The Doctor congratulated the tall cyborg for saving their lives. "I think this is yours." The Time Lord bent down to retrieve a green coloured mineral stone from the remains of the Sontaran. "I don't think he'll be needing it anymore."

"The Firegem. Many thanks Doctor. Now I can save Harina Prime. It's some sort of plug to prevent their ocean from draining into their planets crust."

"Harina Prime? But that was destroyed three years ago, relative time."

"Oh well, it's too late to worry about it now." Casually he crushed the gem in his large first. "They said to destroy it if it was too late to save them. Don't see why myself, it looked like it would have come in handy for something."

"Well then we had better get these two to that clinic before their livers develop language skills. Come on Benny, we're going to take you to the nice clinic."

"Can't you take me to the pub inschtead?" If you've seen what I've just seen you'd need a stiff drink and I'll have two. Oh hi Deaths Head, it's your round."

"And you got drunk?" Avon stared at Vila in disbelief. "We sent you there to sober up."

"It was for your own good as well as ours Vila." Dayna felt a little let down by Vilas story.

"Hey I was just being sociable. I only drink to be sociable, don't I Orac?"

"That at least is true." Orac chimed into the conversation. "Vila is the most sociable member of Scorpio's crew."

Avon laughed at this joke. "Just try and contain your sociability a little in future Vila, okay?"