"Are you sure you know where we are, Doctor?" Peri felt ridiculous dressed in the awful outfit the Doctor had told her to wear. The corset was too tight and she could barely breathe. There were more layers of undergarments than were strictly necessary and these boots were even worse than they looked.

"Oh do stop going on, Peri. This is Elizabethan England, a golden age of art and poetry."

"But this dress is killing me, Doctor."

"Nonsense it's the finest garment in the land money can buy. Now where have they moved the street to?"

"We're lost you mean?"

"Not so, Peri. As the fortunes of London can and went so the location of the most desirable streets ebbed and flowed like a tide of wealth. Rather than change all their addresses they took the street names with them. I never did find out if it was due to vanity or stupidity."

"Well why not ask at this house for directions then?"

"Ask for directions? Ask for directions??!! Some days you really do try my patience Peri. I'm a Time Lord, I have an innate sense of where I am at all times."

"If these streets move as you say they do then perhaps it's the street's fault and not yours?" At times like this it was best just to calm him down and correct him later. "I'll ask if you don't want to."

"No, it's quite alright. I think any talking is best left to one who speaks the native language, don't you?"

"I speak English, Doctor."

"Only just." The Doctor rapped on the door. A small man with a large beard and a peculiar odour opened it.

"Yes?"

"Ah good day I was wondering if you could tell me where High Street is?"

"No." He closed the door.

The Doctor knocked again.

"Yes?"

"Ah now do you know someone who knows where High Street is?"

"No." He closed the door again.

"This is getting tedious. You try, Peri."

Peri knocked gently on the door.

"Yes, m'lady?"

"Hello, could you please announce us to your master?"

"Certainly, who are you?"

"I am Lady Perpugillium and this is The Doctor."

The small man led them up the wooden stairs and into a large room where there was a man seated in a bath.

"Baldrick how many times have I told you not to admit strangers when I'm in the bath?"

"Dunno my Lord, I can't count past four. May I present Lady Peppermintium and a dictator."

"That's Lady Perpugillium and The Doctor."

"My lord my I present then name what she just said."

"Baldrick, go away and throw yourself in the river or something."

"Yes my lord, straight away my lord."

"That's horrid." Peri stated.

"Oh not really, it's the only time he comes anywhere near real water. Well as close as it will allow him."

Queen Elizabeth threw Lord Melchett a suspicious look. "Why do you have a ferret on your face?"

"That's my beard, Majesty."

"No, not your beard, that ferret."

"Oh this? This is just the latest fashion among the noblemen of your court."

"Edmund doesn't wear a ferret Melchie, does he Nursie?"

"I should certainly think not. Strange sort of thing to put under your feet if you ask me.

"May I venture that Lord Blackadder is not as fashionable as he pretends to be."

There is a polite knock at the door and Edmund Blackadder entered, accompanied by his two guests: the Doctor and Peri.

"Ah Lord Blackadder, I see you're not wearing your ferret?"

"Oh Melchie, you are pathetically sad. The ferret was last week, this week we all have them inside our codpieces."

"Isn't that terribly dangerous?" Queenie asked concerned.

"Not for someone as tough as myself."

Lord Melchett winced as the ferret bites something delicate. "Are you sure this is the latest fashion, Blackadder?"

"Well it was this morning. It's just after three now so it's probably changed again. Still that's the fickle nature of fashion for you. Talking of fashion, may I introduce an idiot in the most absurd outfit in the whole of Christendom? He likes to be called Doctor. His most charming companion is the Lady Perpugillium. I say charming because that's how she looks. However when she talks, the word that springs to mind is annoying."

"Hey, my voice is not annoying."

"It's normally polite to bow in the presence of your Queen you know."

"Yeah well you're not my Queen, I'm an American."

"Guards! Guards! Seize this Catholic traitor and have her head bally well knocked off or something right now."

"Your Majesty I most protest. My companion Lady Perpugillium is a well known and well liked person but she suffers from a rare disease that makes her lie and utter falsehoods at the most inopportune times."

"That's alright then, we can soon cure that, when her head is knocked off her shoulders."

Peri was more or less pushed out onto a large wooden stage. There was the traditional guy with the axe. He looked rather wet; in fact she was sure he was soaked to the bone.

The Doctor managed to trip over a loose nail and somehow fell on his feet with Peri safe in his arms. "Have you ever thought of going on a diet?" He asked her as he lowered her to the ground.

"That's rich coming from someone who claims to have beaten Henry the Eighth at eating."

"No time to argue now Peri, back to the TARDIS."

Blackadder watched on as the two strangers ran for their lives. "Well there's something you don't see every week. Two people running about and having strange adventures while risking life and limb. If there were any money in it Percy I'd be the first to write about it."

"Yes Edmund. Or you could get that young William Shakespeare to have a go. He liked my idea for oh what was it now?"

"Ronaldo and Genevieve?"

"Yes that's the one. I wonder if it's any good?"

"Coming from you Percy, probably not." Blackadder shook his head and went back inside. Perhaps he could persuade the Queen to execute Melchett instead. It was worth a go just to see the look on his face.

Inside the TARDIS the Doctor just managed to close the doors in time.

Peri slumped down into the nearby chair and threw her shoes at the Doctor. "Never, ever again. The next time you want to drop in an old friend any place where they have a man with an axe just don't wake me up and say I'll enjoy it, okay?"

"Well I have been meaning to drop in on my old friend Richard IV, but perhaps that can wait. Now I think a quick trip to somewhere exotic with a large beach and palm trees would cool off certain people's anxieties, perhaps?"

Peri smiled. Somehow he could make her furious but then he could be kinder than anyone she knew. Perhaps it would last, but she doubted it.