I couldn't last night either

Or the nigth before that

When my eyes close I hear the conversations

That never existed except in my head.

Words I never said and

I blink my eyes to rid the memory unmade

But even when I am awake I am dreaming

I wish there were some voice to

Drown out my dreams to keep me from

Remembering whatever wants me to remember it.

 

The floor is cold on my feet and I can't sleep

I pull fast the dark, warm blanket and

Close my eyes again only to stir with pressing

Knowledge of a nightmare or dream so vivid

I might touch it and

And hear the emptiness of a message

Lost in the darkness wodering what I

Was trying to tell myself.

 

I still can't sleep

I remember tender touches, lonely mornings,

Lonely afternoons, dusty kisses,

Hot tears slipping down a turned

Untouched cheek

Arguments that never  existed

Questionss unanswered because

They were never asked,

Dialogue that was never meant to be.

Time forever always full

But emptier still in longer hours.

 

I dream now when I am awake

Finding tangibility in phantoms

Knowing that this insomnia

Is some manifestation that

Mimics my regret, unfathomable

Transparent so what good is dreaming

Of  reality unspoken.

 

I can't sleep tonight!