These are some random thought's I have from time to time.
Some of these are observations of mine,
and some are things I've seen or read somewhere.
Some of this is funny,and some of this is just off-THE-wall!

What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
How come there aren't 'B' batteries?
If knees were backward, what would chairs look like?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in telescopes
so they can see things on the ground in close-up?
If you take the wings off of a fly, does it become a walk?
Why is your index finger the same size as your nostrils?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
How do you remove a club soda stain?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'?
Why is it that when we ship something by truck, it's called a shipment but if we send something by ship, it's called cargo?
If it's 0 degrees today, and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, ...how cold will it be?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
How do you know when yogurt goes bad?
Is a metaphor like a simile?
If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail at 1000's of timesper minute, then why do they give them to a little old man on a bike to deliver?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Why are hemorrhoids called 'hemorrhoids' instead of 'asteroids'?
If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from??
If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, who's the idiot that said 'Quit while you're ahead'?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why do doctors call what they do practice?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
What are Preparation A thru Preparation G?
If atheists say there is no God, who do they think pops up the next Kleenex in the box?

A few other sayings!

1. Well, aren't we just a ray of @#$%-ing sunshine?
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
4. Do I look like a @#$%-ing people person?
5. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
6. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
7. You! Off my planet!!
8. Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
9. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
10. I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
11. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
12. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
13. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
14. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
15. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
16. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
17. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
18. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
19. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
20. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
21. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
22. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
23. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
24. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
25. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
26. Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 2?
27. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
28. Just smile and say "Yes, Mistress."
29. Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
30. Earth is full. Go home.
31. Is it time for your medication or mine?
32. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
33. I plead contemporary insanity.
34. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
35. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
36. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
37. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of @#$%.
40. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a @#$%.
41. How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?
42. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
43. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
44. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
45. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.
46. Are you coming on to me or having a seizure?
47. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

Chatter's jargon

Who came up with all of this.
And who's to say their right.
Maybe I'll start a whole new alphabet of symbols
and go on a chat room and use them,
and when people ask me what the hell I'm talking about
I'll tell them,I'm chatting and these are the universal symbols
and give them one of these for good measure.

§¢ÿ¶½¿®(what a dumbass you are!)


*poof*- has left the chat
^5 - High 5
20 - Location
73 - Best Regards
88 - Love and Kisses
100 - Nature Calls/Pit Stop
404 - I have no clue (what you get when you enter a wrong URL)
12345 - Talk About School
A/S/L? - Age/Sex/Location?
ADN - Any Day Now
AFAIK - As Far As I Know
AFK - Away From Keyboard
ASAP - As Soon As Possible
B4N - Bye For Now
BAS - Big A** Smile
BBL - Be Back Later
BBN - Bye Bye Now
BBS - Be Back Soon
BEG - Big Evil Grin
BF - Boyfriend
BIBO - Beer In, Beer Out
BL - Belly Laugh
BMGWL - Busting My Gut With Laughter
BRB - Be Right Back
BTDT - Been There, Done That
BTW - By The Way
BWL - Bursting With Laughter
C&G - Chuckle and Grin
CICO - Coffee In, Coffee Out
CID - Crying In Disgrace
CNP... - Continued (in my) Next Post
CP - Chat Post(a chat message)
CRBT - Crying Real Big Tears
CSG - Chuckle Snicker Grin
CU - See You
CYA - See You (Seeya)
CYAL8R - See You Later (Seeyalata)
DLTBBB - Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite
DOM - Dirty Old Man
DOS - Dozing Off Soon
DTRT - Do The Right Thing
DWB - Don't Write Back
DWPKOTL - Deep Wet Passionate Kissed On The Lips
EG - Evil Grin
EMSG - Email Message
ES - Enough Said
F2F - Face To Face
FC - Fingers Crossed
FTBOMH - From The Bottom Of My Heart
FOZ - From Autralia (aka OZ)
FOCL - Falls Off Chair Laughing
FUBAR - Fouled Up Beyond All Recognition
FYI - For Your Information
FWIW - For What It's Worth
G - Grin
GAL - Get A Life
GF - Girlfriend
GFN - Gone For Now
GGP - Gotta Go Pee
GL - Good Luck
GM - Good Morning
GMAB - Give Me A Break
GMBO - Giggling My Butt Off
GMTA - Great Minds Think Alike
GN - Good Night
GNSTDLTBBB - Good Night, Sleep Tight, Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite
GTG - Got To Go
GTSY - Glad To See You
H&K - Hug and Kiss
HABU - Have A Better 'Un
HAGN - Have A Good Night
HAGU - Have A Good 'Un
HAND - Have A Nice Day
HHIS - Hanging Head in Shame
HI - Laughter
HIG - How's It Going
HT - Hi There
HUB - Head Up Butt
IAE - In Any Event
IC - I See
IGP - I Gotta Pee
ILY - I Love You
IMNSHO - In My Not So Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IMCO - In My Considered Opinion
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMS - I'm Sorry
IOW - In Other Words
IRL - In Real Life
ITIGBS - I Think I'm Gonna Be Sick
IWALU - I Will Always Love You
J4G - Just For Grins
JAM - Just A Minute
JK - Just Kidding
JMO - Just My Opinion
JTLYK - Just To Let You Know
KISS - Keep It Simple, Stupid
KIT - Keep In Touch
KOC - Kiss On Cheek
KOL - Kiss On Lips
KOTC - Kiss On The Cheek
KWIM - Know What I Mean
L - Laugh
L8R - Later
L8R G8R - Later 'Gator
LHM - Lord Help Me
LHO - Laughing Head Off
LHU - Lord Help Us
LMAO - Laughing My A$$ Off
LMSO - Laughing My Socks Off
LOL - Laugh Out Loud
LSHMBB - Laughing So Hard My Belly is Bouncing
LSHMBH - Laughing So Hard My Belly Hurts
LSHTTARDML - Laughing So The Tears Are Running Down My Leg
LTNS - Long Time No See
LTS - Laughing To Self
LUWAMH - Love You With All My Heart
LY - Love Ya
LY4E - Love You Forever
MTF - More To Follow
NRN - No Reply Necessary
NADT - Not A Darn Thing
NVNG - Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained
OIC - Oh, I See
OL - Old Lady (significant other)
OM - Old Man (significant other)
OMG - Oh My God
OTOH - On The Other Hand
OTTOMH - Off The Top of My Head
PAW - Parents Are Watching
PDS - Please Don't Shoot
PITA - Pain In The A$$
PM - Private Message
PMFJI - Pardon Me For Jumping In
PML - Pissing Myself Laughing
PMP - Peed My Pants
PPL - People
POAHF - Put On A Happy Face
S - Smile
QSL - Reply
QSO - Conversation
QT - Cutie
RL - Real Life
ROFL - Rolling On Floor Laughing
ROFLAPMP - ROFL And Peeing My Pants
ROFLMAO - ROFL My A** Off
ROFLMAOAY - ROFLMAO At You
ROFLMAOPMP - ROFLMAO Peeing My Pants
ROFLMAOWTIME - ROFLMAO With Tears In My Eyes
ROFLUTS - ROFL Unable to Speak
RME - Rolling My Eyes
ROTFL - Rolls On The Floor Laughing
RT - Real Time
RTFM - Read The F****** Manual!
SETE - Smiling Ear To Ear
SHID - Slaps Head In Disgust
SNERT - Snot-Nosed Egotistical Rude Teenager
S^ - S'UP - What's Up?
SNAFU - Situation Normal; All Fouled UP
SO - Significant Other
SOT - Short Of Time
SOTMG - Short Of Time Must Go
STO - Sticking Out Tongue
SUAKM - Shut Up and Kiss Me
SWAK - Sealed With A Kiss
SWAG - Scientific Wild A** Guess
SWL - Screaming with Laughter
SYS - See You Soon
SYT - Sweet Young Thing
TA - Thanks Again
TCOY - Take Care Of Yourself
TIA - Thanks In Advance
TILII - Tell It Like It Is
TNT - Till Next Time
TNX - Thanks
TOY - Thinking Of You
TTFN - Ta Ta For Now
TTYL - Talk To You Later
TY - Thank You
WAG - Wild A** Guess
WAYD - What Are You Doing
WB - Welcome Back
WBS - Write Back Soon
WEG - Wicked Evil Grin
WKF - Well Known Fact
WTG - Way To Go
WTH - What/Who The Heck (or H**, or sub an 'F' for the 'H')
YBS - You'll Be Sorry
YG - Young Gentleman
YL - Young Lady
YM - Young Man
YW - You're Welcome

Emoticons Symbols

:-| Ambivalent
o:-) Angelic
>:-( Angry
|-I Asleep
(::()::) Bandaide
:-{} Blowing a Kiss
\-o Bored
:-c Bummed Out
|C| Can of Coke
|P| Can of Pepsi
:( ) Can't Stop Talking
:*) Clowning
:' Crying
:'-) Crying with Joy
:'-( Crying Sadly
:-9 Delicious, Yummy
:-> Devilish
;-> Devilish Wink
:P Disgusted (sticking out tongue)
:*) Drunk
:-6 Exhausted, Wiped Out
:( Frown
\~/ Full Glass
\_/ Glass (drink)
^5 High Five
(((((name)))) Hug (cyber hug)
(( )):** Hugs and Kisses
:-I Indifferent
:-)*(-: Kiss
:-# Lips are Sealed
:~/ Mixed Up
:-O Mouth Open (Surprised)
(_) Mug (coffee, beer)
@[_]~~ Mug of HOT Coffee or Tea
**** Popcorn
&&&& Pretzels
@--)--)(-- Rose
---/--@ Rose
:-@ Screaming
:O Shocked
:) Smile
^ Thumbs Up
:-& Tongue Tied
:-\ Undecided
;) Wink
|-O Yawning

The Junk Box!
Shan's Place!