THE LETTER
By Teresa
For Diena Taylor
This story is in response to the way Lucas and Bridger's relationship fell apart in the third season. We thought that a lot of the things that Bridger said to Lucas in third season, and the way he responded to him generally would have been quite hurtful for Lucas. But during the season neither of them looked like they had any intention of healing the rift between them. I thought that it was more likely that Lucas would be the one to do something about it because he is generally the one who makes the moves with his father and he is the one most in need of a relationship like the one they had.
I couldnt see Lucas calling Bridger up on the vidlink or confronting him whilst he was there. So I chose another means for them to sort things out between them.
Disclaimer: I do not own SeaQuest or it's characters
Lucas twisted his neck to the side, hearing it crack slightly, and then went back to typing his message.
"It's been so great talking to you again. There's really no one else I can talk about this with."
He waited a few moments for her to respond.
"I guess because everyone else has been through the same crap as you and you're all dealing with your own stuff now."
Lucas nodded and felt tears prickle his eyes. Talking to Julianna again was more than a relief, it gave him hope and a small hint of joy.
"Well it sounds like he doesn't know how much he's hurt you," she typed.
Lucas's fingers flicked across the keys, "I'm not really sure that he'd care, Julianna." Lucas pursued his lips and scowled.
"I feel like such an idiot for thinking that he was someone who cared about me in the first place."
"No, Lucas, I think he does care about you. But it's all very sudden for him. He _can't_ play the role that he used to play. And you did say that he lost his own son in combat. He's probably always worrying about you."
"But it's not about him," Lucas returned.
"Well, you need to tell him that. Ask him to think about it from your point of view."
Lucas's expression sunk, "I wouldn't know what to say." He wiped a tear away from his eye.
"Then write him a letter. That way you can think about what you want to say and get every thing down, carefully transcribed."
Lucas thought about that. He guessed that was probably a good idea. At least then he didnt have to face the humiliation of Bridger finding out about how he felt.
Lucas saw the screen flash and clicked on the message, "You should end it by telling him that he can respond by letter or give you a call, whatever he feels comfortable doing."
"Would you help me write it?" Lucas asked.
"Sure," she commented, adding a smiley face.
Lucas took a deep breath and opened up another document. He began to type:
'Dear Captain.'
He backspaced and re-addressed it, 'Dear Bridger.'
He sighed, "How do I address it?"
There were a few moments before she responded, "How have you always addressed him?"
"I guess I normally call him 'Captain Bridger' but that doesnt seem appropriate."
"Well it is," she told him, "Don't make this any different. You're not wanting to change the relationship."
Lucas nodded the went back to the letter:
'Dear Captain Bridger,'
He stopped. He opened up the discussion to Julianna again and laughed slightly to himself despite the hurt he was feeling, "I'm not sure what to do now." He added in a laughing icon.
Julianna's icon laughed too, "Start with why you're writing to him."
Lucas nodded, and considered telling Julianna what came off the top of his head, but decided to type it into the letter instead.
He positioned himself in the chair and started typing again:
'I'm writing you a letter because I'm not sure how to talk to you in person.' He stopped and pulled a funny face then opened the discussion to Julianna again.
"I think I'm going to hand write it. I'll be able to think clearer."
He got up from his chair to collect a peice of paper and sat down, smiling as he saw Julianna's nodding icon.
He copied the words so far onto the paper before he continued:
'Lately I've been hurting because of things that have happened between us.'
He stopped and considered asking Julianna for advice but took a deep breath and put the pen back onto the paper.
'I want you to know that I really appreciate you being there for me when I needed someone, and I've always had a lot of respect for you.'
'I was mad and hurt about what I found out about you at Banaba Island. But it doesnt really change who you've been to me.'
'I keep hearing you say that you expect me to act like a soldier. I feel like you're disappointed in me. But you need to understand my reasons. I'm not ready to leave my home yet. I can't do that all of a sudden. I signed on because I'm not ready to leave SeaQuest, that doesnt mean I chose the service permanantly. You have to understand that it was a necessary step for me.'
He wiped the flood of tears out of his eyes and sniffled a bit. He realised that he'd kept Julianna waiting for a while, "Sorry, I got into the flow of it a bit."
"No that's good!" she responded, "Don't mind me, I'll still be here."
Lucas looked at the page and took his pen out from between his teeth, wiping his eyes again:
'I realise that you probably don't need me anymore, but I still need you.'
After stopping Lucas realised that that was all he wanted to say. He looked up at the ceiling and thought about how to end it. He remembered Julianna's advice:
'If you want to, you can write a letter back to me. Just please respond.'
Lucas wiped more tears from his eyes and considered taking out the last part. But he looked at the letter that was scrawled in his handwriting and decided that a handwritten letter off the top of his tongue was probably the best thing.
He opened the discussion to Julianna, "Thanks Julianna. I couldn't have done this without you."
Julianna smiled, "Hey, it's okay. Now send it before you chicken out!"
Lucas smiled and wrapped up the letter, his eyes still red up against the blue pupils.