Can I?
Written in: November 2002
Can I ever make someone truly happy?
My flaws flow through my veins.
Throughout this imperfect body.
My personality is good but lacks something as always.
All I do is disappoint you when I'm only being me and trying to make
you happy.
I wish I was perfect for you.
Make you happy forever.
Have you fall in love with ME.
The person I am flaws and all.
Afraid
Written in: November 2002
I fear those beautiful eyes not being able to see me as I first was or in
a loving way.
I fear those lips never again pressing against mine.
I fear those arms that I feel so safe in, will never again be there to
hold me tight.
I fear those skillful hands, I will never hold again and feel them touch
my body gently.
I fear never hearing your handsome voice that brought secrets to life,
smiles, tears, and laughter.
I fear losing that personality of yours, so sweet, understanding,
caring, and uniquely
perfect to me.
I fear that when I lay my head on your chest I’ll never hear
you heart
beat fast for me.
I fear you regretting what we had together or even starting it.
Most of all I fear losing the one I come to love.
My Shadow
Written on: September 9, 2002
Everyone in their lifetime experiences bad incidents at least once,
that bring pain and suffering.
My incidents have become my shadow.
As I grow older, it grows in numbers.
Wherever I go, it is sure to follow.
Haunted of he visions of these incidents pass before my eyes,
causing me to re-live each painful moment.
New tears form remembering all the ones before.
My heart, as well as my body, have suffered in unmeasurable
ways.
Pretending to be strong and hide my past and fearing
so much...
It happening again
The pain
returning
Losing those I care for
Losing my identity
Being alone forever
How will people view me knowing what’s happened?
Will they not want anything to do with me?
Why am I in this position?
What did I do to deserve what I’ve experienced?
Why should I be viewed differently for someone else’s crimes?
So many questions like those enter my mind.
No answers to any...only more questions
A tortured soul still lays hidden, aching to be released from this
anguish.
Playing a great role to hide my true feelings of pain.
My life has changed.
I’ve grown, matured and come to deal.
But alas, that doesn’t mean the last of my pain and suffering
for my
heart is broken
and mangled.
My past is my shadow and always will be.
My heart will never be whole for the shadow continues to grow,
because bad luck
follows this tortured soul.
Fear
Written on: November 2002
I fear not being all you need me to be.
I fear disappointing you.
I fear making
you mad and upset
I fear you
not trusting me.
I fear you
not wanting me or to be with me.
I fear you
finding someone new and interesting
Most of all
I fear losing you.
Emptiness
