Katrina chapter 10 living in a nightmare

I find myself growing more and more depressed as each day passes. I miss my life that my husband and I built together. I'm loosing weight, but that is not all bad. I find that almost everything I eat makes me feel sick.

The insurance companies are ripping off everyone, I can only speak for the ones I know. These insurance companies collected premiums for years, now they have that famous " loop hole".

The people would like to take back their life, began anew but they can't do it. Like Buster and I, they don't have the money to start over. Why should we have to start over with a HUGE mortage payment? Does this seem fair to anyone? I think not, no way it is fair. You hear people say " sometimes life just isn't fair" Well, let these people live one day, with all they have known taken away by a hurricane.

Okay, this has happened to many people, I know this is true. To loose all they have and start over. Some of these people no longer qualify for a long term mortgage. Even in your late fifties companies don't like to take a chance on a long term mortage. They are looking at a twenty five to thirty year pay off. I'm not upset with the mortgage company, they have to protect their interest. I'm not sure I would loan the money either.

I called a friend to tell her what was going on with the people of the Coast and our family. She is a wonderful friend but just could not understand she ask me " why do you worry about the people you don't even know?" I have always been that way I guess. She ask me " what do you and Buster need? At first I told her we were fine. I told her I was not feeling well, I was angry, unable to eat. I told her how guilty I felt, we had a safe place to sleep. She ask me to see a doctor, I told her I would be fine.

Then she ask again " what do you need?"

I ask her to do me a favor, " walk through each room of your home, look closely at each and everything you have. Look at the things money can never replace, look at all the things you love and care about. Look at the things you have, you've worked for. Then close your eyes, nothing is there, nothing but the clothes on your back and a few things you got out of the house.

Now your house is gone too, at this piont your really could care less. You feel so guilty that people are more needy than you.

I told her the friendship we had meant more to me than anything, we will be just fine. Terrie has always had the ability to make me laugh no matter what was going on in my life. We ended that call with her telling me she was sending me a few things. She sent me a DVD player, computer, telephones I can't really remember what else.

I've told you about Victoria, because of the message she posted on her site packages were at the P.O. almost everyday. We were set up with beautiful things. The packages were from so many places I could not began to remember them all. Each package touched me deeply, made me see we were not forgotten.

Yet, I just could not come out of the deep sadness. Biloxi, D'Iberville, Pass Christian, Long Beach, Bay Saint Louis, very little was left, near the beach and for miles inland. " The people, where were the people of these cities? No I did not know them by name but I saw many crying on TV, telling how they lost everything, even loved ones.Parts of GulfPort as well as Ocean Springs the where destroyed.

When the beach drive opened, I was not ready for this! From the end of Ocean Springs/ Biloxi bridge to Bay Saint Louis nothing was as it had been. " FOR SALE" signs were strung in front of empty lots. FEMA trailers were setting where mansions had once sat. I cared about each and everyone of these people. This is America, we were in this together.

In our neighborhood and surrounding areas tents, trailers, are everywhere you look. Almost three months, yet not much has changed. I do feel wonderful that so many people have reached out to my family, I really do. Please don't think I'm not grateful. Like part of the title of this book " living in a nightmare" This is so true, yet I know it's a nightmare that seems to never end. Each day the local paper headlines scream of the condition the Coast is in.

My family has food, but I can only eat very small amounts, everything hurts me so badly when I have to go to the bathroom. I am passing blood, hurting each time I go. Most of my family and friends are begging me to go see Dr. Wansley. Please don't tell me you would have gone to the doctor by now. Maybe you would, who can say? I can tell you this at this point I know I'm not thinking very clear. In my mind its the IBS, or the ulcer Dr. Dillon found back in August.

The mind is a strange thing it is not always your friend. It could be that I did not want to admit I knew there was something wrong. I would say to myself " its the guilt of having a little better conditions than others." Then I got better, after changing my diet to very soft foods, soups and cottage cheese.

Living in the cottage was like a fairy Tale, if I don't go any where then I will be fine. Buster is home, we have time together now. For over thirty years he worked and I missed him. If we stay here and not drive toward the beach in Ocean Springs, or other places of this area I can for a moment in time have peace. Yes, even Ocean Springs got hit very hard in some places. I've met some wonderful friends here, I would understand how wonderful later.

Each day we still drive to Biloxi, the air is foul people trying to save what they can are wearing masks. Centers are still open to help anyway they can, with food, clothing, cleaning supplies, medical services. The Salvation Army was still feeding three meals a day. Others from every part of the USA have feeding centers, offering things we need and prayer. It is almost November and they are still with us, ready to help in anyway they can. These people have their own life, families yet it seems they just can't leave the Coast. It is like they have become a part of the people here. Some must leave, as they go they are hugging the locals like they are leaving family.

We are not for gotten, by our extended families that we may never see again but will always remember. When they go back to their homes they still care, I know they do. They have lived with us cried with us saw the pain.

One lady told me " how can this be? it is more than one can take to see so many in need. Every where you go on the Coast nothing is there. If you have money, where could you buy anything? I wish we could help more." She was from a small community in Minnesota, I just knew her name was Mary. I told her we had Wal-Mart over by me, and one on pass road. She smiled at me, then giggle. "Wal-mart must have some kind of secret." Yes, them and the Waffle House I replied.

Mary and her group pulled out the next day. I did not get to tell her good- bye and thank her. I think she knew, and still thinks of us down here on the Coast.

The insurance complines are still trying to get out of paying claims, with there loop holes, it just is not right! No way it is right. My dad once told me " what goes around comes around" I think that means the same as " pay back is a? hum lets just say it comes barking at your door." ajuster saying " well, I'm only doing my job!!

Well, I had rather go hungry and eat DIRT & DIE than have a job where to take all hope away from people! Not I'm not saying they should pay back, okay yes I am!

FEMA is trying to help the people more, now that they have a new guy, that knows the war is over! " The war is over," is a Southern saying. It means that guy has not a clue what is going on around him) He would be more qualified to work digging ditches,I think he was very good at shovelling the dirt! OKay, let me cut him a little slack! You think it could be that he wasn't Aware that there was a storm named "Katrina"? I bet that is it, poor soul didn't know.

I really thought about this chapter, after Buster proof read it. Do I put this journey into madness in my book? Well do you think caught me on a bad day? Maybe my hair didn't do "just" right? Or could it be this is normal for me? You call the shots on this one. Now I must write a poem that fits the tempo of this strange chapter.