The other day, one of my friends told me I should stop listening to rock music before it drives me insane.... and I said, why should I drive when I can take the train? QSY - ASCII'ed with pride by Antenna 3 Productions ________________________________________________ | ______________________________ | ||S13579+ 12:07 PM | 123 MODE __ | ||****--- A 90.500.00 WFM M 102 | 456 FUNC / \ | ||------- B --.---.-- OFF ----- | 789 SCAN \__/ | || THE QSY! BAD MUSIC AWARDS | .0C V/M | ||______________________________| M/W MENU | | http://kg4cyx.cjb.net POWER | |________________________________________________| d88888b d88888b Y88P Y88P d87 q9b d87 q8b d8b d9b |\ ___________ 888 888 88888b d8bd9b __| \ | | 888 dd 888 q888888 d88b |__ > | SCAN! | q8b X88b q8b q8b 88 | / |___________| q88888X8b d88888b d88b |/ T h e B a d M u s i c A w a r d s < - S C A N - > h t t p : / / k g 4 c y x . c j b . n e t And now, the moment you've all been waiting for... THE QSY! BAD MUSIC AWARDS In 1895, Marconi developed the first apparatus for long-distance wireless radio. His first transmitting and recieving equipment was crude, using a spark-gap transmitter and, I believe, a simple crystal reciever. This relatively primitive equipment carried the world's first wireless message across the Atlantic ocean in Morse code: "VVV VVV CQ CQ CQ DX... I'D LIKE TO ORDER A LARGE CHEESE PIZZA." A few years later, amplitude modulation revolutionized the world of radio. It was now possible for radio to carry voice and music. Bad music. Eventually, frequency modulation was brought into use for broadcasting, improving the sound quality for local broadcasts. Unfortunately, some of the music remained bad .... It is for that truly bad music that we are gathered here today. In the QSY! Nasty Obnoxious Teen Crush Band category, we have #20 going out to the Backstreet Boys for "I Want It That Way"; #7 going out to Britney Spears for "Hit Me Baby, One More Time"; and #11 going out to N'Sync for "God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You". I don't think music like this even really deserves a place on the prestigious QSY! awards... but hey, bad music is bad music. Outside Inside Out, Living La Vida QSY! #19 goes out to Ricky Martin for "Living La Vida Loca"! Congratulations! Now get the !#%$$@ off my radio. Thank you. So you can take that QSY and stick it up your YEAH! QSY! Award #18 goes out to Limp Bizkit, for "Nookie". ("Faith" remains at QSY's nonexistent #21.) My name is... My name is... QSY! #18 goes out to Eminem for "My Name Is". Geeeeeeeeez...that guy scares me. Kid Rock gets QSY! Award #17 for "Bawitdaba(?)". Dear God, NOOOOOOOO. #16 goes out to Metallica, for "Turn The Page". Here I am, on the road again; here I am, up on the stage; here I go, playing star again; here I go....turn the knob. QSY! #15 goes out to Blink 182, for "What's My Age Again?". Sure, I liked hearing it the first 30 times or so, but then it just got old. 'Cause nobody likes it when you're 23, and you're trying to sing like Hanson. #14 goes out to Eagle Eye Cherry for "Save Tonight". If extraterrestrial life had been listening to Earth's radio broadcasts, they would have long ago given up on the theory of intelligent life. #13 goes out to the Insane Clown Posse, for "F*** The World". For more F-word action, see #1. #12 goes out to Aerosmith, for that nasty song from the equally wasted movie, Armageddon. #11: See Nauseating Teen Crush Music Section above. #10 goes out to The Wallflowers, for "One Headlight". Here's another song that was good - the first 10 times (?!) #9 goes out to Virgos Merlot for "Kiss My Disease", yet another tragically overplayed bad song. The #8 QSY! Award goes to Cher, for "Believe. I'm probably going to reserve space in all future editions of QSY! for any further works by Cher. #7: See Pathetic Hanson Wannabe Section. Kid Rock gets #6 for "Cowboy". Straight out of the trailer, his only words of wisdom are *radio edit*. I think that says it all ... DANGER: Now approaching the top 5. Please fasten your seat belts, set your phasers to Stun, and keep a A/B/C fire extinguisher at hand. A MAJOR #5 QSY award goes out to John Osaka, for "Bisexual Chick". And I thought "My Name Is" was bad.... geez QSY #4 goes out to Touch And Go, for "Would You". Complete lyrics: "I've noticed you around. I find you very attractive. Would you go to bed with me?" (Answer: NO.) QSY #3 goes out to Robby Williams, for "Millenium". If any catastrophes occur as a result of the infamous Y2K glitch, it would be really convenient if they somehow eradicated this song from existence. QSY #2 goes out to Christina Aguiliera for "Genie In A Bottle". Your body is saying let's go... my scan button's saying no, no. DANGER: #1 QSY BAD SONG APPROACHING. HARD HAT AREA. WEAR EYE PROTECTION. The infamous and prestigious #1 QSY award goes out to Nine Inch Nails, for "Far Stuckers, INC (actual title not suitable for all audiences)". I can't believe anyone actually plays this... let alone OVERPLAYS it. That's it, I'm unplugging my radio. Afterword: I'll be back in February with the first QSY! Awards of Y2K. Want to rewrite those infamous Hanson wannabe songs and laugh your posterior off? Go to http://www.amused.com/aom/amusosongs.html This is Tom Morris signing off from cyberspace... 73, best wishes, happy halloween, merry Christmas, happy new year, and keep a finger on that SCAN button!