train of thought(less)
w/out a beat, and the Death of jim Carroll
-
lying atop my bookshelf
the third one up
lies a group of pages
which contain heroes to one
like myself
and as i rip through
as a buzzard
my heart- which writes in the shadow
of the third shelf up's contents-
sinks
as if in heartbreak- daily. hourly.
when i can find the time to ruin the self
image
you see~ A third of the 3rd shelf contains
those that write to some
beat
a pocket poets dreams to a street
to 1930's pages
written during the best jazz
the heart of anti-racism
before it became a trend
and as i compare, which one can not avoid
like breathing
like lust
i am in agony, one which i cannot share
my paper
my tooth beaten pen
is beat
beat-less
may alan, jack, and kaufman
die not for the soul which has no rythem..
.
...
...
.
the second sect-ion of the 3rd of the 3rd shelf
contains contents of those who wrote on a trackless
trainof
thought
like that of a wallfly that bounces and begs
on garbage and china of both richmen or dregs
and it hurts and lusts
and lightens
the soul
in the antithesis of a beat
which beats me as blue
and black as the 1rst of the three on my
in-famous tri-shelf
it does these three and so much more
without remorse
with the fairness and brutality
that comes
with the rolling of ones thoughts
like one would sex another
without moral
with no bible because
it happened to fumble between breathing
and sleep and awareness
and I ACHE for this type of mindofanother
and i cannot explain why i ache
why i care but the shelf contains another
3rd, which had to contain my favorite nod
of poetry
this is the house in which Jim Carroll exists
and only selfishly is he the God of my trinity
lying atop the two other somewhat uninhabited shelves
for he is New York's drugged voice of the 7080's
he and his America sisters and brothers like Van
although irish/ infected with
USA dispelled in a syringe
who did only because it addicted
who own the pain of the pen the hatred
of self taken down by self
who hitchhiked be
cause they could not bear the responsibility of
the Responsible Amerikan
such as insuring the vehical of streets
tiptoed and ran and dreamed through nods of
chicago and NYC and the losangelases
without a care without fear of death
which the other 2/3rds of my little house of the living and dead
have in commen (death that is)
who ingested and recorded only because they
were brilliant enough
to bring
a
pen
funny this is the only genre of which i could obtain
membership
which i will never take away enough of myself to actually
kill me enough to Write.
with the simplicity of
the clogged clarity of an infected mind/brain of the addicted
Jim Carrol when will you over
dose?
be over, so that i
may breathe without having to lift my diaphram
consciously, painfully, and with such taxing of the rib
cage and the ch
est
this three shelf aircrash deserves its
ignited kerosene: sprayed intentionally
so that i may sleep over
on the other half on the room.
so i may write without dirty hands.
so that i may write.
so that i will not bear the load of my inspirations.
so i can be as pure as
a thought generated from nothing.
generated because the mind just happened once.
inspired itself, why may
I beg/knees for that "One."?
4.22.98
tld
