How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb?

ARIES:
1.Just one. You want to make something of it?

TAURUS:
1.One, but just "try" to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.

GEMINI:
1.Two, but the job never gets done-they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!

CANCER:
1.Just one. But it takes a therapist 3 years to help them through the grief process.

LEO:
1.Leos don't change lightbulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out.

VIRGO:
1.Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.

LIBRA:
1.Er, two. Or maybe one. No-on second thought, make that two. Is that OK with you?

SCORPIO:
1.That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.

SAGITTARIUS:
1.The sun is shining; the day is young; we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid, burned-out light bulb?

CAPRICORN:
1.I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.

AQUARIUS:
1.Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so...

PISCES:
1.Lightbulb? What lightbulb?

The Quabbalah Boat Song
(c) 1991 by Dana Corby, Erynn Darkstar, Helen Adams, Micheal Memo, Cae Cerr, and Lethe McCombs. Inspired by Robert Carey. Apologies to Harry Belafonte

IIIIIIIIIIIIIII-O. III-III-III-O
Io Pan, and me wanna go home

Come Mista Crowley mon
Talley me Qabalah
Aeon come an' me wan' go home
Come Mista Crowley mon
Talley me Kabalah
Aeon come an' me wan' go home
You want Enochian but heed my warning
Aeon come an' me wan' go home
You take two tablet and call me in the morning
Aeon come an' me wan' go home
Upon the Planes I rise protected
Aeon come an' me wan' go home
By the Pentagon I've erected
Aeon come...
Across the Shining Path lies the Abyss
Aeon come...
To get to Kether you must cross this
Aeon come...
Malkuth, Yesod, Netzach, HOD
Quiphoth come an' me wanna go home
Chochma, Bina, Kether, DA'ATH
Quiphoth come...

Come, Mista Crowley mon build the Astral Temple
Aeon come...
Come, Mista Crowley mon build the Astral Temple
Aeon come...
Of squid-god cities it's a good example
Aeon come...
I saw a beautiful Scarlet Woman
Aeon come...
But I'm not sure that she's even a human
Aeon come...
You mispronounce Abrahadabra
Aeon come...
You leave a very messy cadavera
Aeon come...
Malkuth, Yesod, Netzach, HOD
Quiphoth come...
Crowley mon celebrate lotsa Gnostic Masses
Aeon come...
Wear your Rosy Cross and make lotsa mystic passes
Aeon come...
Come, Mista Crowley mon talley me Qabalah
Aeon come and me wanna go home!

Traditional Pagan Jokes

Why did the Zen Buddhist get reincarnated as a Pizza Supreme?
He wanted to be one with everything.

What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid?
--Someone who worships the tree that is not there.

What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid mathematician?
--Someone who worships the square roots of the tree that is not there.

What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid veternarian?
--Someone who worships the bark of the tree that is not there.

Best thing about Pagan friends? They worship the ground you walk on...

"Confuscious say man who sits alone in church, sits in his own pew"

"Confuscious say man who stands on toilet is high on pot"

WHY M&M'S ARE WICCAN:
* MM = Merry Meet
* Round shape for wheel of the year, cycle of seasons
* Skins are different colors, but the inside is the same chocolate, because we are all related.
* Associations with the colors:
Red = South
Green = West
Dark Brown = North
Yellow = East
Orange = For the Solar God
Light Brown = For the Earth Mother (Copper Woman)
* Rotate the M & M:
M = 13th letter of alphabet, and there are 13 witches in a coven
3 = Triple Goddess, three phases of moon
W = Witchcraft, Wiccan
E = Enlightenment, Enchantment of chocolate
* "Melt in your mouth, not in your hand"--God/dess's love must be experienced directly to appreciate. Also, God/dess will take care of you.
* Sweetness to remind us of how sweet the love of the God and Goddess is!

Q:How many Druids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in stone circles.

Q: How many Druids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Thirteen; one to hold the bulb, and twelve to drink enough to make the room spin.

How many ceremonial magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One; he stands still with the bulb, and the universe revolves around him.

How many Thelemites does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Crowley never wrote a book about it.

How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it, one not to change it.

Why did the Zen Buddhist get reincarnated as a Pizza Supreme?
He wanted to be one with everything.