Congress to Investigate Credit Card Companies
Topic: Humor
Washington DC - AP -- The Senate has announced plans to investigate whether receiving 7 to 10 credit card applications a week, 30% interest rate charges and outrageous account management fees are questionable.

"I'm up for re-election and I need a very popular and public position to take," started Minnesota Senator Norm Coleman. "...so I'm for investigating whether 30% interest rates on credit cards are kosher."

The other Senator taking the lead is Michigan Senator, Carl Levin. "We need to investigate whether it is predatory to send the average household up to 5 to 10 credit card applications a week."

The nation was shocked when it learned that Credit Card companies send a barrage of credit card applications to every person in the country, including 10 year olds and people who've been dead for 15 years. The nation was also surprised to learn that credit card companies will give credit cards to anyone who'll sign up for them, almost entirely regardless of their annual salary.

"We feel this is utterly embarrassing," said Citibank president John Falker amongst the company of lots of puppies and kittens. "We try to give credit cards to children to teach them the value of a dollar, not to make them think they can have now what they can't even afford later."

Consumer advocacy groups for years have been saying the credit card companies have been giving these cards to anyone who'll take them. They'll also take those people to the cleaners. "They don't care if they destroy someone's life," said Carla Edwards of the National Advocacy Group Against Giving Credit Cards to Just Anybody (NAGAGCCJA). "They'll swoon anyone over introductory rates and free balance transfers, but then the rates are jacked up and they trap young people."

But not all people are against the credit card company behavior. John Ellis of the National Advocacy Group for Parents Being Responsible For Everything and Anything Their Kid Does (NAGPBRFEATKD), says that parents are repsonsible for everything and anything their kids do. "Parents are responsible for everything and anything their kids do," said John Ellis. "If they want their 5 years not to abuse their credit cards, then maybe they should teach their 5 year old proper fiscal restraint."

The Senate will investigate the issue, bringing in the heads of credit card companies to ask them questions that they don't really need to ask, while the credit card company heads' lawyers will tell them to only talk in completely vague and meaningless banter. Senator Norm Coleman has noted that benefits have already been seen. "Citibank has announced they will no longer raise your interest rates if you paid your electric bill one day late. This is progress and thanks to me... a temporarily populist campaign supporter during my re-election cycle."