Topic: Humor
WASHINGTON DC -- During a typical maintenance routine in the Pentagon, inspectors discovered that the Homeland Security Advisory System (HSAS) was jammed. The HSAS, which measures the threat of terror to the US, was inspected over the weekend and they noticed that oil was leaking in the back of the machine.
Upon further inspection a popsicle stick was found jammed in a cog that was prohibiting the system from changing its current status. When inspectors removed the popsicle stick and reset the HSAS, they were shocked to see it down to Blue or otherwise known as “Guarded” status.
The Pentagon immediately offered a written response to the press regarding the HSAS mishap. “Even though the new status of the Homeland Security Advisory System is lower, we still want people to keep a watch out for foreigners with dynamite strapped to their chests. If you see something like that, contact an emergency official, don’t just continue on your day.”
It is unknown when the machine became jammed. The last time the machine changed was when it went from Orange or “High” down to Yellow or “Elevated” shortly before the 2004 election. Nothing happened. It is being suggested that the earlier increases and decreases in the HSAS may have been due to the mechanical problem in the machine in the first place. “We really never had too much ‘intelligence’ to go on when these raises were made. The machine popped up to ‘Orange’ so we just rolled with it, despite any credible evidence of any actual threat,” said former Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge back on May 10, 2005.
In addition to the overall rating dropping, the threat to airliners dropped to “Yellow” in the HSAS system. It is also currently unknown, and may not even be determinable, as to when the two terror levels dropped to Blue and Yellow.
