The Penis Monster of Brunswick Square

It was a dark, bleak winter's night
I first beheld that horrid sight
The biggest member I have seen
So gross it almost made me scream
Perhaps just an exotic dream
from some French film left on the screen
Or listening to too much Queen; NO!
It's the Penis Monster of Brunswick Square
And I'm the only one that knows it's there.

In Brunswick No. 37
When the clock has struck eleven
The Penis Monster of Brunswick Square
Wanders up and down the stairs
Leaving clumps of pubic hair
I clean it up it isn't fair
With hoover, mop and feather duster
Following this strange nut cluster
The Penis Monster of Brunswick Square
And I'm the only one that knows it's there.

No-one else believes my story
Of this giant 6 foot corey
I've caught it hiding in my bed
Staining pillows with it's head
With crumbs on sheets it's ate my bread
The smell of cheddar causes dread
The landlord just can't understand
My stories of this Penal Gland
The Penis Monster of Brunswick Square
And I'm the only one that knows it's there.

Now the worst part of this ditty
Things have gone from bad to shitty
Its mate comes round to shed its load
The Arsehole Troll from Western Road.

©Copyright Cooper/Fish Brothers 1998