THE WORD-SELAH

SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS

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        SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS

 

How can we have successful relationships in marriage, between friends and on the job? The grace of God is not only the means by which we can have successful relationships with others. Understanding and trusting in the total sufficiency of Christ to meet all our needs is what frees us from a misplaced dependency on people, places or things.

All of us have experienced injury, insult and rejection from people. We have also done the same to others. As long as we live in this world and live with imperfect people, this is going to be a normal part of everyday life. No matter how hard we try, we cannot isolate ourselves from injury, insult and rejection. Christ Himself said, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33) God shows us where we are walking through our reactions to circumstances. It is so easy to blame others for our bad reaction to our circumstances. Our first response is, Boy she makes me angry", or, "If he hadn't done that, I wouldn't have got so upset. But the truth is, circumstances or people do not cause our nature, they just reveal it.

What is already in our flesh is simply made manifest by our circumstances. What circumstances reveal are our misplaced dependencies and unrealistic expectations toward life. When we are looking toward people to meet our needs, we have a misplaced dependency. This is what ruins relationships. It is an unrealistic expectation to believe that another human being can meet my need for unconditional Love and meaning in life. When I believe this lie, my thinking becomes self-centered on how I can get my needs met. This produces fear because there is always the possibility that this person may let me down. At this point, mistrust enters the picture. I cannot completely trust someone whom I fear may hurt me. As this downward spiral continues, our Love for one another is destroyed. Sooner or later that person will let me down and I will have to deal with the disappointment of having put my trust in someone besides Christ. Not only am I in bondage to depend upon that person, and if that other person buys into this lie, they are under bondage to meet all my needs. This happens often in a marriage relationship. Many people go into marriage believing that their mate is going to meet their need for Love and acceptance. It doesn't take long to realize that this person you thought was so perfect, cannot meet all your needs. So, rather than turning to the only one who can meet all of our needs, many marriages end up in divorce and then the search continues for that "perfect" person. Our dependency upon Christ and His unconditional Love and acceptance is what allows us to Love others without expecting anything in return. When we look to Him to meet all our needs, we are no longer self-centered in our thinking. We are then free to trust others because our dependency is no longer in that person. Our Love for one another is built up because we are experiencing the unconditional Love of God. HE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT WILL NEVER FAIL. He will never insult, injure or reject us. He promises to work ALL THINGS together for our good (Romans 8:28) He always has our best in mind. He never condemns (Romans 8:1) These truths are what cause us to depend on Him and let His Love and peace rule our hearts in the midst of our circumstances. Successful relationships can only occur when we are looking to Christ to meet our needs, not other people.

 

          The Truth in Love, John & Darlene

 

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