You see, Big don't get down like that. That's why his recent arrest on assault charges is so unbelievable. Ain't nobody trying to hear that bullshit about rappers happy to be locked up 'cause they'll sell more records. "I'd rather be dead than in jail," says Biggie. "That shit is the worst. I was shaking, throwing up, 'cause the shit was mad dirty, mice and rats all over." Not the place for an MC who wants Coogie down to the socks, caviar for breakfast, and champagne bubble baths.

On May 6, Biggie was supposed to do a show in Camden, N.J., but when he got to Club Xscape, the promoter (and Big's money) could not be found. Pitts told Nate Banks Jr., who had brought Biggie to the club, to take them to see the promoter. Upset ticket holders followed Big in their own cars, joining the mission to find the promoter. When the caravan reached the promoter's crib, his brother came outside to say he wasn't home. According to Banks's attorney, Banks was then beaten up and robbed of his necklace, bracelet, watch, cellular phone, beeper, and $300 in cash. "When he was down, Christopher Wallace comes across the street and kicks him in the head," the attorney adds.

"I saw the commotion," says Biggie. "I got out my truck, Mark said, `Get the fuck back in the truck,' and I did." Exactly who beat Banks down-and when-remains unclear.

Six weeks later, after a show near Philly, Biggie and crew jumped in their rides to leave. Outside the parking lot, they noticed flares on the ground and policemen giving directions. "We're thinking it's a police escort 'cause there were so many people outside the club," says Biggie. "They lead us to a lot and-whoo, hoo. I swear on my daughter, niggas rolled out the bushes on their stomachs and pointed rifles with infrared beams on my truck. Meanwhile, I'm in the passenger seat with a bottle of Dom Perignon, pissy drunk, like, What the fuck is going on?" No one in Biggie's circle even knew that there was a warrant out for his arrest.

"They got me on my belly, in the grass, with mad bugs crawling on my face," recalls Biggie. "Next thing you know, one guy got the shotty with the flashlight on the tip leaning on my head. They took me to the precinct and niggas were giving each other high fives and doing belly slaps. I'm looking at them like they crazy." The cops even asked him to sign autographs.