Ernie Writes A Story

from approx. 1978

Ernie is watching a movie on TV as Bert walks in

Bert: Ernie, what are you watching?

Ernie: Oh, it's a great old movie Bert.

B: What is it?

E: It's called ... it's just uh "Cowboys in Outerspace" Bert.

B: Ernie? Ernie? (E: Look at that!) Uh, can't you do something else besides watch TV? I mean, you've been watching TV all day long.

E: Well gee, like what Bert? I mean, it's raining outside Bert.

B: Well, I know it's raining, but Ernie there are other things to do inside besides watching TV.

E: Oh yeah? Well, like what Bert? AH!

B: What what?

E: Look at that! Those are just actors Bert.

B: I know, I'm trying to think what else you can do.

E: Ooh! Did you see that one Bert?

B: How 'bout reading? How bout reading? You can read, we have a lot of books here.

E: Reading? Well, I don't know Bert, I really don't feel like reading right now, Bert.

B: Oh. Well....um..

E: AH!

B: How 'bout writing a story? Hey, that's good Ernie, writing a story.

E: Writing a story?

B: Wouldn't that be fun, you could write your very own story.

E: Writing a story. That's a pretty good idea Bert.

B: Yeah. (Bert laughs)

E: Hey Bert, would you help me if I were to write a story, would you help me?

B: Well, I suppose I could give you ideas. Yeah, I'll help you, sure.

E: OK, Great.

B: Great.

E: Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm...

B (Faces camera) Terrific. Wow, no TV set on all day long. Oh great.

E: Hey Bert?

B: Huh?

E: C'mere Bert.

B: Yeah, well what do you want?

(Ernie and Bert are off camera)

B: Ernie! What are you doing?

E: Uh, we're writing a story Bert.

B: This is not writing a story!

(Ernie and Bert come in, Bert has a waste paper basket on his head)

E: This is the first stage, planning to write a story. You see, you can't just sit down and write a story, you have to plan to write it, and that's what I'm doing. Now, we've got paper, I'll take that paper Bert. Let's see we have paper to write on. And I have pencils right here to write with Bert.

B: *sigh*

E: And then I have my handy dandy pencil sharpener. And I have my eraser here Bert for any mistakes I might make, see I can erase them.

B: Uh-huh.

E: And I have a waste paper basket to put in .. a waste paper basket ... Bert, have you seen my waste paper basket?

B: Ask me that again and look into my eyes.

E: Have you seen ... Have you seen .. Oh! This is my waste paper basket.

B: Of course it's your waste basket!! You put it on my head!

E: Oh, thank you Bert.

B: Yeah, thank you.

E: That's my waste paper basket for throwing stuff in when I make a mistake, you see?

B: Ok, now Ernie, Ernie. You have planned your whole adventure in writing a story.

E: That's true.

B: All planned to the last detail ... all planned.

E: Right.

B: OK, now go to it.

E: OK, I'll see you around.

B: Ho, ho wait, well, where are you going?

E: I'm going to go outside and play in the puddles.

B: But why?

E: Well, you see Bert, I can't think of anything to write right now, Bert. But, when I DO think of something, I have it all planned. And thanks to you Bert, I couldn't have done it without you. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm.

(Bert rests his head on the basket and shakes it in disappointment)

Transcribed by Don Murphy