The Way Part 2-Phase 3 By: Sailor Jes E-mail: Sailor Jes@aol.com Finally, I have the next phase out! Hopefully, you won't find it as sad as the last one. Tell me what you think! Sailor Moon is owned by Kodansha, Toei, Bandai, and the great Naoko Takeuchi (Is it still Takeuchi? Did she change her name? Does anybody know?) But, my story belongs to me. E-mail me first to use it anywhere. IMPORTANT!!! Because of all this Melissa virus stuff, I'm deleting any e-mails that don't have recognizable addresses to me. If you e-mail me please put "The Way" or something to let me know you're writing about my fic so I don't delete your message. Ja! Jessi P.S. The next phase should be out in a month or so. ************************************************************************ "War is like love, it always finds a way." -Bertolt Brecht ******** Someday My friend: We will know Love - Of its existence. In time Existing within it: Becoming part of it. You and I. - Jonivan ************************************************************************ At 12:26 in the afternoon, Usagi's bedroom door creaked open. Rubbing her swollen eyes, she winced once she saw the bright sunlight. "Morning, sleepyhead," bubbled Minako, when Usagi shuffled into the kitchen. Usagi gave no reply. Raising her eyebrow, Minako looked at Makoto. This was unusual. Usagi usually gave a hearty "good morning" when she awoke. Opening the kitchen cabinet, Usagi took out the jar of instant coffee and put the kettle of water on the stove. "Since when did you start drinking coffee, Usagi-chan?" Ami asked walking into the kitchen to get a banana. No reply. Ami looked at Minako and Makoto with the same puzzled look. "What's wrong with her?" Ami mouthed. Minako and Makoto shrugged. "So, Usagi-chan," Mako began. "Did you have fun last night?" Back facing away from her friends, Usagi froze. "I guess," she muttered. "Why'd you leave so early?" asked Ami, mouth full of banana. No reply. Usagi yanked open the refrigerator door and stuck her head inside. An akward silence filled the room. "Usagi-chan, are you okay?" Minako asked. "Yes!" Usagi shouted, slamming the door shut. "Can't I get a little peace in the morning! You all just keep bombarding me with these questions!" Three jaws dropped open simultaneously. "Usagi-chan?" Mako asked, placing her hands on her friend's shoulders. "Are you still upset because of the fight?" Usagi shook her head. Minako noticed that her eyes had become wet. "Did something happen to you?" Ami inquired. Usagi's chin trembled. Suddenly, she covered her face and burst out into a loud sob. "I don't want to talk about it!" Minako and Ami ran to Usagi's side. "If it's bothering you this much, then you should get it out of your system," suggested Mako. "Is it Seiya?" Ami asked. "Did you get into a fight?" Usagi cried harder and shook her head. "It's...it's worse." "Did somebody die?" Minako asked. Usagi shook her head and, wiping her eyes, attempted to regain her composure. She gulped in air. "No, it's nothing like that...It's so embarassing...I don't even know what's going on...it was so sudden," she stammered. "What, Usagi-chan? What was so sudden?" Minako asked, squeezing Usagi's hand. Feeling her lower lip quiver, Usagi bit it and choked back tears. "It's...Mamo-chan." Her voice cracked and she buried her face in her hands again. Ami, Mako, and Minako hugged her. "Shhh, Usagi-chan, it's OK. Don't cry," cooed Ami. "You don't have to tell us just yet," Mako said. Usagi nodded her head. But, then she whispered: "He loves me." "What?" Minako asked. Looking up, Usagi gazed right into her eyes and calmly repeated: "He told me that he cared for me." "What?!?" exclaimed Makoto and Ami. Minako's heart skipped a beat before sinking into her feet. "What did you say?" Minako asked, feigning casualness. "I told him I didn't love him. That I never could," Usagi said. "Oh my god," muttered Ami. "I would have never suspected." "What did he say after that?" Mako asked. "I...I'm not sure. I don't even know if we wants to be friends anymore." "Why not?" Minako nearly yelled. Panic had taken control of her actions. She felt awful. Had Mamoru said anything about their conversation to Usagi? "I don't know," whispered Usagi, her voice shaky. "He said 'Goodbye, Usagi' and walked away. I don't know what he meant." "Well, call him! Ask him what he meant!" Minako cried. "I already did. When I got home last night and again this morning. Both times I got the answering machine. I don't know what to do..." Usagi looked down. It was one of those moments where words were futile. Nothing could be said. Nothing could be done. The drip of the faucet reverberated in their ears. Suddenly, Minako ran out of the room. Mako watched her leave with concern. "I'll be right back," she said, exiting the kitchen. She saw Minako leaning against the sliding glass door. "Minako-chan?" "It's my fault, you know," Minako answered, gazing out to the busy streets. "What?" Mako asked. "I told him to do it," she said, looking to Mako. "And now look what I've done. He won't even talk to her. She's a disaster. All because of me..." Mako sighed. "How is this your fault?" "First, I encouraged it ever since the beginning. Always hinting at both of them and what not. Second, I...I...I told Mamoru-san to tell her." "You knew all along?" "I assumed. And then I confronted Mamoru-san and he affirmed my suspicions. I told him that Usagi needed to know; that he should tell her." "Minako-chan, that doesn't make this your fault. It was bound to come out sooner or later. Don't beat yourself up over this." Minako shook her head. "It's not that I'm concerned whether it was my fault or not." "Then what is it?" Mako asked, stepping over to her. Minako chuckled to herself before answering. "This is going to sound pathetic. But, I...wanted it to happen so badly. I wanted to them to fall in love. You may not understand this, but, in my mind, they were a sure thing. A rock. I thought they had already conquered the hard part. To me, it was only a matter of time before my good work would make itself evident. But...I guess I should know that I can't control other people's emotions." "Oh, Minako-chan," Mako said, chuckling. "I'm sorry that your prediction didn't come true." "You're mocking me," Minako replied. Mako laughed. "I'm not." "I wouldn't laugh, Mako-chan. When I saw Mamoru-san and Usagi-chan together, I saw passion. That was love. I knew it from day one. It makes me think--if that love couldn't be made manifest, then what hope do the rest of us have?" Shrugging, Mako began walking back to the kitchen. "I don't know. I think you've become a little too involved in their lives, Mina." "I don't," she replied, pouting. "Listen," Mako said. "This sounds cliche but if it's meant to be, then it will happen. If it isn't, then it's better that this occured. Friendship is a one way street. You can't go against traffic. Mamoru-san was traveling the wrong way. A head-on collision was eminent." Minako remained staring out at the street. "Anyways," Mako continued. "We've got a friend who's very upset. She needs our support. Are you coming or not?" Looking back at Makoto, Minako sighed and then smiled. "I'm coming." ****** "Finished," Usagi sighed, stretching her arms above her. "Finished with what?" asked Seiya, from his relaxed position on the sofa of her living room. Usagi smiled. "Oh, just something I've been working on. I'm hungry. Want something?" Seiya shook his head. Usagi pushed out her chair and disappeared into the kitchen. Staring at the familiar notebook, Seiya knew exactly what Usagi had finished. He had secretly been reading her stories since he had first come upon them. Over time, they had gotten even better. Getting up, he walked over to the table, sat down, and started reading her latest. It thrilled him. Thrilled, because the language was brilliant. Usagi, he could tell, had been writing for a long time. She could express herself well for her age. Her language was poetic without being gushy. Her characters were believable. Her plots, intricate. He had never told her this, assuming she would be angry with him for eavesdropping on her. But lately, Usagi had been detatched. He felt like she needed some complimets. "Usagi," Seiya called. "Yeah?" she replied from the kitchen. "This is really good," he said. "What is?" She poked her head out from the kitchen. "This." He held up the notebook. "Your story." Usagi felt her cheeks turn red. She strode into the living room. "Don't read that," she said, taking the notebook from his hands. "Usagi. I mean it. I really like what you write. How long have you been doing that?" Usagi shrugged and looked down. "A while." Seiya stood up and took back the notebook. "Can I read some more?" he asked. "It's-they're not very good," she replied. "Usagi," Seiya commented. "This is great work. You could do this for a living." "Really?" she asked, gazing up at him. He kissed the tip of her nose. "Of course. Please let me borrow it." She stared up at him for a while. Some of the stuff in there was private, extremely autobiographical. But...this was Seiya and she loved him and she figured he would know soon enough anyways. "Alright," she relented. "But I want my stories back soon." Seiya smiled. "You got it. I can't wait to read them." ******* Usagi sighed and closed the door behind Seiya. Shuffling to her room, Usagi just wanted to curl up in a ball and go to sleep. The past month had been hard. Being in her room, however, was just as tiring. Everywhere she looked-pictures, trinckets, ghosts of Mamoru. She flopped on her bed and closed her eyes. Some days were worse than others. Some days, she heard the hum of the ceiling fan whisper his name. Some days, the sight of his picture would make her cry. Today was one of those days. A knock on her door caused her to open her eyes. "Come in," she called. "Usagi-chan," said Mako. "Have you seen--oh, Usagi-chan, not again." Mako saw that Usagi's eyes and nose were red from crying. She placed her arm around her friend's shoulder. "Usagi-chan, it's been almost a month," Mako said. "I know. But I miss him," she said, sniffling. "It hurts, Mako-chan. He never returned my phone calls. He transfered campuses. He's being such a jerk!" [Ed. note- the real Keio University has 5 campuses.] "Nevertheless, Usagi-chan, when are you going to move on? You're letting him imprison you." "He was my best friend!" she shouted. "I loved him like a brother. He-he said he...loved...me. Obviously, he was lying. If he really did care for me, he wouldn't alienate me." Mako sighed. "I think you know that he really loves you. If you doubted it, then you wouldn't be making such a big deal out of this, now would you?" Usagi sighed and reamined still for a moment. Then she replied "He is imprisoning me, isn't he?" Mako nodded. Usagi squeezed her eyes shut and breathed deeply. "Can I be alone, Mako-chan?" she said. Nodding, Makoto stood and exited the room, closing the door behind her. She felt bad for Usagi. Ever since that night at the club, she had been a wreck. She had stayed in her room and cried for three days, refusing to see anyone except her friends. They hadn't heard from Mamoru since. It had been a shock to learn that Mamoru had secretly harbored feelings for Usagi. Mako could hardly believe it herself. So she could imagine how Usagi was hurting. Makoto hated seeing one of her best friends in turmoil. Sighing, she walked away from Usagi's room to continue cooking dinner for that night. * Usagi had been staring at the same stain on her carpet for a long while. Mako was right. Her grief was a lead weight shackled to her ankles. She was sinking. It made her angry. That Mamoru could say what he had and then run away. The questions amassed in her head. And he couldn't return her phone calls. He had just run the other way. Was he crying? Probably not. Mamoru could be sad but he would not, could not cry. And here Usagi was, eyes swollen and stinging from the many tears that had pooled in them. It wasn't fair. Poor Seiya, Usagi thought. He had been loving and apologetic towards her. She had been distant and cold. Wasn't indifference worse than rage? Wasn't caring nothing at all a more egregious crime than caring too much? She had cried in his arms and he hadn't known what she was crying about. He didn't know her tears were for Mamoru. She hadn't told him. Mamoru. Her mind had been solely focused on him, ignoring the other people who she cared about. And he refused to speak to her. Wasn't indifference worse than rage? he had said. He wasn't even upset. She held her breath. It was the first time she had thought the words without breaking down into tears. Usagi sat pensive on her bed. Her fists clenched the bedspread, knuckles becoming white. "He wasn't even upset," she muttered. Wasn't indifference worse than rage? Acid exploded in her insides. How dare he. How dare he tell her that he loved her and then just walk away. How dare he let her cry until her eyes stung and not even return her calls. How dare he tug at her like a limp marionette and leave her hanging on the wall! And how dare she let herself let him. Well, enough was enough. No more. If Mamoru wanted to forget her, then she would forget him. If he wanted to shove into a dusty abyss, then she would do the same to him. Literally. Bounding from her bed, Usagi grabbed an empty shoebox from her closet. Then, she ripped a picture frame from her beaureau. Hestitaing, she stared at the snapshot of Mamoru and she in the park. Narrowing her eyes, she threw the picture into the shoebox. Usagi stormed around her room, tearing away pictures of Mamoru taped to her door, gathering silly little knicknacks that he had given her, throwing anything into that shoebox that reminded her of him. She yanked the crystal moon off of the window. She flung the velevt box with the pearl earrings inside. With every item, her teeth clenched harder, her pulse fired away in her veins. Breathing hard, she glared around her room, searching for any forgotten reminders of Mamoru. Her eyes roamed onto her dresser once more. Usagi stopped. Her anger fizzled away like air released from a balloon. There, on her dresser, was a picture. A painting actually. It was her Moon Princess and, God, it reminded her of Mamoru with a vengeance. Stepping over to it, Usagi picked it up and stared. And stared. Memories of high school and study sessions with Mamoru flooded her mind. he had commented about the painting. So here they were again. Right back where they had started. Usagi and Mamoru had begun in hate and it seemed as if it would end in hate. Usagi sighed. Her breath had returned to normal. Tears burned her eyes. No. No more tears. Not for Mamoru. He didn't deserve them. She gently set the frame back down onto the dresser. The photos, the presents, the trinckets, those could be shut away forever, but the Moon Princess? That had been her fantasy. No, even though it made her think of him, not everything could be shut away. She slammed the lid on the cardboard shoe box, crouched onto the floor, and slid it under her bed. she thought, Usagi pushed the shoe box further back, just to be sure. ******* Winter was over. The bitter cold had fallen to cool breezes. Grey clouds had succumbed to endless blue skies. She hadn't cried in over a month. Walking to meet Seiya outside of his class, Usagi breathed in the air and smiled up to the obliging sun. All was peaceful in the world. At least, so it seemed. Lately, Usagi had become worried. Since the beginning of her relationship with Seiya, when all of the problems with you-know-who had started, Usagi had been able to churn out a story in two weeks tops. The past year had been a writing goldmine for her. Now, whenever she sat down to write, her mind was like the pages in front of her: blank. Hoping that her writer's block was because she didn't have her spiral notebook, she meant to ask it back from Seiya today. Usagi waited outside of his class. Knowing she had a few more minutes until he would be dismissed, she opened a book and began reading. "Hey," she heard. Looking up, Usagi saw Rei walking towards her. "Hi, Rei-chan," Usagi said, waving. "How are you?" she asked. "I feel so good," Usagi replied. "Maybe it's the weather, but I feel full of energy." Rei laughed. "What are you doing here?" "Oh, just waiting for Seiya to get out of class. I need my notebook from him." "What does he have your notebook for?" asked Rei. "Oh, well, it's just my writing notebook." "Oh. So, have you gotten your inspiration back?" Usagi looked away and chuckled. "No, not yet. I'm hoping that my lucky notebook will help. If not, I think I'm in some serious trouble." Rei laughed with her. "Well, you know, some one once told me that it's harder for artists to produce when they're in good moods." "So are you suggesting that I revert to a state of depression." Shrugging, Rei replied "Hey, if it helps. I gotta go, Usagi. I've got another class in ten minutes. I'll call you sometime, okay?" "Sure, Rei-chan, I'll see you later." Rei walked away and soon after the door to the classroom opened. Students began filing out. Usagi waved and greeted those that she knew until the person she sought exited. "Usagi," he exclaimed. "What a surprise." Kissing her forehead, Usagi looked up at him. "Seiya, I need my notebook back." "Huh?" "My writing notebook. You borrowed it from me a while ago. I need it back." Seiya swallowed. "Oh, oh right. Your notebook. But, uh, I'm not finished reading all of the stories yet." "That's okay," Usagi said, shrugging. "You can read them at my place. I just need my notebook back." "Why now?" Seiya said, cracking his knuckles. "Seiya, what's wrong?" Usagi asked. "Huh? Nothing! Nothing's wrong," he protested. "Something's wrong. You got really nervous all of a sudden and now you just cracked your knuckles. You always do that when you're feeling anxious." Realizing his folly, Seiya chuckled. "You've got me figured out, huh?" Usagi placed her arms akimbo and stared at him "Odango," he said. "Give me a week. I'll get it to you then. Please don't ask me anything else." Opening her mouth to retort, Usagi gazed up at him curiuosly. Then, she shut her lips and nodded. "A week. No later." ****** Four days later, Ami sat in the living room with a book in her lap. Suddenly, an urgent rapping sounded at the door. She peered at it quizzicaly, placed the book down, and rose to answer it. Again, the person knocked at the door. "Coming, coming!" she yelled. Once she had opened the door, she saw Seiya, panting and excited. "Is Usagi home?" he asked eagerly. "Yes. She's in her room." "Great," he exclaimed and ran past Ami without invitation. "Usagi!" He flung open the door to her room and saw her lying on her bed, books open, studying. Jumping with fright, Usagi was caught unawares. "Seiya! What are you doing here? You startled me," she said. "I'm sorry but I've got some great news!" he cried. Usagi smiled and saw that in his hand was her notebook and a small packet of papers. "Oh, you have my notebook. Good. I need it." She motioned to get it but Seiya pulled it back. "That's what so exciting!" "What? Seiya, tell me." Seiya smiled and placed his hands on his girlfriend's shoulders. "Usagi, I read your stories adn they were fantastic. I let Taiki and Yaten read them and-" "You let them read my stories. But, I didn't tell you that they could read them." Usagi furrowed her eyebrows. "Wait, just listen. They thought they were excellent too so they said why don't I call up this friend of our who's some big-shot publisher. So I did. And I gave him your notebook. That's why I didn't have it when you asked for it. So, he just came over and told me that he likes them and wants to publish two of your stories! Isn't that great?" Seiya had thought she would squeal and hop around the room. She didn't. Usagi glared at him coldly like a gargoyle perched on the roof of a cathedral. He saw her swallow slowly. "Usagi? Isn't it great?" "I didn't ask you to show my stories to anyone. They were for me only." "But, I thought that-" "I had no intention of ever getting them published." "But, they're good!" "Then I didn't need you help, did I? I could have done it by myself!" Usagi's face was turning red and her eyes were boiling. "I never asked you to do this, Seiya! I trusted you with my notebook. I thought it would remain under your eyes only! Did I ask for you to give them to your brothers? Did I say that I wanted them published? How could you betray my trust?" Her voice was at full volume now. From outside her room, Ami, Minako, and Mako could hear what was happening. "Usagi, I meant it in the best way! I only had your best interets in mind," protested Seiya. "My best interests? Don't you think I know what's good for my own benefit? If I had wanted them published, then I would have pursued it. But I didn't. Why do you always assume that just because you're rich and famous that everyone else wants to be also?" Seiya's jaw droped and his voice raised to meet her decibel level. "I never said that, Usagi. You're just as wrong for making assumptions about me as I am, you." Usagi shut her mouth and glared at him. "I think you'd better leave," she whispered. Seiya nodded stiffly. "I'll leave this with you. Just in case. Usagi, I never meant to upset you. You know that." Seiya flopped the notebook and the papers onto her bed and left the room. Breathing loudly, Usagi picked up the packet of papers. It was a contract. She hadn't asked for it but here it was. A contact for two of her stories. It was what she had always dreamed of. To be a writer. But not under these circumstances. She wanted to do it on her own. Folding the thick packet in half, she dumped it in the wastebasket and returned to her studying. ******* Thirteen messages. And then no more. He had responded to none. Regretted it every single time. They were still there on his machine. He played them sometimes when he needed to hear her voice. It was one of those times. The first three messages he couldn't listen to without tearing up. She sounded so helpless in them. The last two he had played over and over like a favorite song. Message number twelve went: "Mamo-chan, you know who this is. I haven't called you in a long time. I'm not going to anymore. It was wrong of you. Not wrong to have feelings for me. Emotions aren't crimes. But running away from them...that's wrong. I can't chase you anymore. I can't wait for you to accept what you feel. It hurts too much. You'll always be one of the best friends I ever had. It hurts me to leave it like this. I suppose our friendship was bound to self-destruct someday. It seemed like the odds were against us from the very start. I hope we can talk again someday. Please don't call me back. Not for a while. Bye." Message 13: "Whoops. Me again. There's one more thing I forgot to tell you: I love you. Just not how you want me to." And that was it. It had been two months since the last message. Three months since he had last seen her face. At first, Mamoru had cried. Like a child in fact, hudled in a dark corner in his room. Not because she didn't love him (although that was a big part of it). Rather, because he was alone again. It was awful and strange not having milkshakes at the Crown with her. Not being able to call her up whenever just to talk. Her not dropping by unannounced for help with physics. He had transferred to the Shinanomachi campus, left all of his classmates and teachers, so that he wouldn't have to see her. Eventually, he had accepted it. She didn't love him, fine. He was alone again, okay. He had managed before. But, Mamoru had always clung to the hope that maybe she would call him and profess her undying love. Three months had passed. And she hadn't. He swallowed down a bitter taste in his mouth. Mamoru stared at his answering machine. He stared at it for an answer. He reached to play the message over again. But he stopped. He let his finger caress the 'delete' key. And then he pressed it. The red numbers changed from 13 to 0. ******** Usagi buried her head in her pillow and cried. The bouquet of red roses had been delivered over an hour ago. Twenty-four perfect long stemmed buds complete with baby's breath and all. The card had read: My dearest Odango, Can you ever forgive me for being so insensitive? You know I love you and I never meant to hurt you. Call me when you recieve these. With love, Seiya It was a touching gesture. She brought the bouquet to her room and stared at it. She knew that should have gotten a vase to put the flowers in or called Seiya but she remained gazing at the roses. The petals felt like skin on her fingers. The fragrance was exotic, like the oils an Egyptian queen would rub on her hands. It didn't fit. The roses. Some features so human and real, others so exotic and sensuous. Everything about them was perfect...but the perfections didn't make sense together. The petals felt like skin...like the smooth skin of a cheek or a hand. Usagi thought that the flowers should smell like warm sugar cookies or like wet grass. Something that she knew. Something that made her insides tingle with satisfaction. Not something so elusive as Egyptian oil. That's when she started crying. It was ridiculous. But something inside felt so, so wrong. She felt like a jigsaw puzzled completed by an impatient child. Pieces forced into the wrong places. The picture made no sense. Before she knew it, Usagi was sobbing. What was it? What was it that was making everything seem so incongrous? It wasn't her and Seiya's fight; they had fought before. It felt like something she had always possesed had been violently ripped away from her. What was it? What was it that made her heart quiver with such uncertainty? Usagi lay on her bedspread and cried until she had no more tears left. ******** The phone in Usagi's apartment rang twice before Minako picked it up. "Hello?" "Hi, Minako-chan," the voice on the other line said. "Is Usagi there?" "Oh, hey, Seiya-kun. Yeah, sure. Hold on." Minako cupped the reciever in the palm of her hand and shouted "Usagi-chan!! Telephone!" >From inside her room, Usagi called "Who is it?" "Seiya-kun!" Silence. Minako heard Usagi open the door to her room. She walked into the living room. "I can't come to the phone," she whispered. "Huh?" "Tell him that." Minako nodded. "Uh, Seiya-kun, can she call you back. She's, uh, in the shower." "Sure. Just have her call me when she gets out. Bye, Minako-chan." "Bye." Minako placed the phone back on the hook and then placed her hands on her hips. "Okay, Usagi-chan, what was that?" "What was what?" "That! I've never seen you refuse to talk to Seiya." "I-I just didn't feel like talking," Usagi stammered. "Yeah, but it's been more than that," added Minako. "You've been home two Saturday nights in a row, claiming to be too tired for Seiya. You refused to go watch him tape that big interview on the talk show. What gives?" "Nothing! Gosh, Minako-chan, you're being ridiculous. Just then, Makoto walked into the living room. "Oh, have I?" Minako challenged. "Hey, Mako-chan." "Yeah?" "Have you noticed anything different about Usagi and Seiya lately?" "Besides that she doesn't see him often anymore?" Mako replied. Minako nodded her head. "Thank you, Mako-chan. You see what I mean, Usagi-chan. Something's up. I want to know what." Usagi sighed and threw her hands up in the air. "Nothing! What do I look like, Seiya's shadow? I don't always have to be with him!" Mako peered at her. "Coulda fooled me." Usagi groaned in exasperation and stormed out of the room. "Tou-chy!" exclaimed Minako. Mako simply shrugged and walked away. ******** As she sat at the table in the library, Usagi cursed the day she signed up for Quantum Physics. Here she was, trapped in a gloomy library on a gorgeous April day. She had been poring over fat textbooks for two hours straight. "Need sunshine..." she thought. Closing the cover to the books, she heaved them into her arms and walked towards the desk to check them out. As she approached it, she noticed a tall man with an unmistakable build and raven crop of hair. "No..." Usagi whispered. He turned his head slightly and all suspicions were confirmed. Gasping, Usagi ran behind the nearest bookshelf. Mamoru! Her heart flew up to her throat and beat wildly. Usagi was forced to set her heavy load of books on the floor, thinking her arms would give out. She hadn't seen him in over five months. Gathering her courage, Usagi removed a book from the shelf and had a perfect view of the check-out desk. He was talking to the librarian and smiling. Then he laughed, baring all of his teeth. In spite of herself, Usagi smiled. How long had it been since she had seen that smile? Heard that laugh? He leaned his elbow on the desk and propped his head up with it, staring at the pretty librarian eagerly. The smile on Usagi's lips dissolved. Had he been that friendly with her? Usagi had never seen Mamoru flirt. It wasn't him. He never went out of his way to impress girls. Was he doing that now? Something about the whole scene was unsettling. Just then, the librarian walked away and Mamoru was left leaning casually against the counter. Glancing around, he seemed so natural there. Usagi wasn't sure how long she remained hidden behind the bookshelf. Seeing Mamoru eased her heart instantaneouly. Like a sudden burst of heat on ice, her heart had melted and lay in a pool at her feet. Usagi wanted to run over to him and talk. About anything. About nothing. She wanted to be next to him. She wanted his understanding. She wanted his friendship again. It would have been alright. It had been alright. Not seeing him. But spying Mamoru now in the sudden way she had, was like a dam breaking. Usagi equated it to one wandering through the desert. You never realize how thirsty you are until you take one small sip of water. Then your tongue seems as dry as the sands. Mamoru gathered a few books in his hand. He wrote something down on a slip of paper and handed it to the pretty librarian who had re-emerged from the back room. Then, he waved and walked away. Usagi stayed where she was for a few more seconds. Should she run after him? It was a question whose answer was an impulse. The moment the impulse was gone, the question was answered. Usagi saw him walk off and remained behind the bookshelf, head swimming, heart thumping in her chest. ****** It consumed her. Nearly every thought she had was of him. Walking from the library, writing her History paper, watching TV. It was a struggle to focus on her tasks. Does he think about me? What was he saying to that librarian? How has he been? I wonder what he's doing now. Does he know I was there? Did he let his hair grow longer in the back? Does he miss me? I hadn't seen that shirt before. Does he think about me? What books were he checking out? Does he think about me? Has he gotten over me? Does he think about me? "Are you okay, Usagi-chan?" Ami asked during dinner that night. "You've been very quiet." "I saw him today," she replied frankly. "Huh?" Mako said. "Who?" "Mamo-chan." It was a name that had gone unspoken for nearly half a year. They three girls were surprised. They felt like a dust from an old vase had gotten blown into their open eyes. "Where?" Minako asked after the intial shock had worn off. "At the library." Ami raised an eyebrow. "You seem a little too okay with this, Usagi-chan." Usagi shrugged. "How should I feel?" "I think Ami was suggesting that seeing him should have a greater impact on you than you're making it out to be," replied Minako. "It affected me but what am I supposed to do? Cry like a little baby? Will that help?" The trio remained silent. Usagi popped another piece of chicken in her mouth and continued: "But I did realize something. I miss him. A lot more than I thought I would. I felt like I've been going a hundred miles per hour these past five months. So fast that I've been ignoring the scenery whizzing by my window. Seeing Mamo-chan was like slamming on the brakes. I miss sitting on his balcony and watching the city at night. I miss milkshakes at the Crown and helping him with his English work. Funny, I even miss the daily arguements over anything and everything. I miss him." "So are you going to try to call him again?" Mako suggested. Usagi shook her head. "No and that's why I told you this. I know if I kept it inside and brooded on its cosmic relevance, I'd cave in and pick up the phone and call him. He had his chance. It's gone. I'm through with Chiba Mamoru. Phone lines operate both ways. I refuse to call him. I trust that you, my most sacred friends, will help me in this." "Sure," Ami replied. "No problem," answered Mako. Minako shoved another piece of bread down her throat. A slight nod of her head was the affirmative. Usagi grinned. She knew she could always depend on her friends to pull her away from Temptation's waiting embrace. ******** "It feels like I haven't seen you in ages," remarked Seiya. Holding hands, Usagi and Seiya ambled in the park. "Well, maybe now that finals are over we'll have some time together. That is, before you go off on tour." Wincing, Seiya wished Usagi hadn't brought up the subject. Normally, touring was his favorite thing. New places, new fans. It was an adventure. But, things had changed. Now he had Usagi and the thought of leaving her behind in Tokyo for six months made him shudder. When he told her about the six month tour, she had taken it remarkably well. Usagi had simply said: "Wow, that sounds really exciting. You're going to have a lot of fun." Thinking that she would have sobbed for him to stay, Seiya had been mildly pleased. He didn't want to purposely cause Usagi any pain. But, deep inside, in some remote area in his brain, he was worried. Shouldn't Usagi have been more upset about his leaving? It didn't seem like her to repress her emotions. Then again, Usagi had been acting strange for a long while. Ever since the fight at the club with Mamoru. Seiya believed she wasn't upset with him. Still...it seemed as if Usagi had been on another planet for the past six months. Come to think of it, she hadn't mentioned Mamoru in a while either... The tour had been scheduled to begin in June and end in December. He had specifically requested that no tour dates be scheduled in the week of June 30th, knowing that Usagi wanted him to be in Tokyo on her birthday. There was something very special that he wanted to ask her then. Seiya winced again. Something had come up and an important concert in Paris had to be rescheduled on June 28th, two days before Usagi's birthday. Seiya hadn't told her yet. She wouldn't be pleased. "Uh, yeah. Actually, Usagi, I wanted to talk to you about that. The tour." "Sure, Seiya. What about it?" Seiya paused and drew her to a nearby park bench. The lake in front of them danced with sunlight. "I know you wanted me to be in Tokyo for your birthday..." Usagi smiled. "I never actually said that." "Yes, but you know that it's true." Giggling, Usagi nodded and shrugged. "I have some bad news," Seiya continued. The smiles on Usagi's lips turned sour. "What is it?" "The hall in Paris, where we were scheduled for the 2nd of July, called yesterday. Something came up and they can only give us the concert space for the 28th." Dropping her eyes, Usagi replied "So what does that mean?" "I-I have to be in Paris on your birthday." Usagi stared at her lap, saying nothing. "Usagi, I'm really sorry. You know I would never do this if...I'm sorry." Usagi shook her head and gazed up at him. "It's okay. Really, it's okay." "You're lying," Seiya commented. "No...I'm not." "Then why are you tearing up?" Surprised at his keen observation, Usagi suddenly laughed and reamrked "You know me too well." "Usagi, you can come to Paris with me. It'll be my present to you. Just you and me in the City of Love on your birthday. It will be romantic." Usagi's eyes lit up momentarily. Then, the spark flickered and extinguished. "You know I can't. I always spend my birthday with my parents. It's tradition." Seiya sighed. "I know, but I thought..." They were silent and they felt out of place. Commotion was all around them. Two children ran past them, shrieking happily. A woman laughed loudly with her husband. A baby cried. "Usagi." "Yes." "When I asked you to come with me, I figured you would say no." Usagi looked down. "I'm-I'm sorry, Seiya." "It's okay. In a way, I'm glad you turned me down. Maybe, then, you'll consider what I'm about to ask you." "Okay..." Usagi said. "It's been over a year since I met you and it's been the happiest of my life. When I'm with you, I get filled with such joy and hope and-and love. Leaving you alone here for six months is going to be the hardest thing on the world." "Being here alone for six months is going to be the hardest thing in the world," responded Usagi. Seiya's face melted into a small, satisfied smile. "I'm happy that you said that...Well, not happy that you're going to be unhappy...but I think it makes what I'm about to ask you easier to say." Smiling pleasently, Usagi should have known what was coming next. Looking back on the incident she should have expected it. She should have known not to be shocked. Seiya dropped off of the bench and knelt down in front of Usagi. Her eyes sparkled with anticipation and apprehension. "I was going to wait until your birthday to give you this," he saids, pulling a small black box from his pocket. "But, since I'm leaving in less than two weeks I want to do this now." If Usagi had existed in total darkness, the revealing of the velvet box would have been a faint beacon in the distance. It brought only a hint of awareness; full comprehension would follow. "Odango," Seiya said firmly. "Marry me." Lifting the lid to the box, Seiya revealed a ring with a large diamond in the center and tinier diamonds circling it. When the sunlight caught the gems, they sparkled, almost moved as if they were a living, breathing creature. Usagi sucked in her breath and gazed at Seiya with wild eyes. "I know it's sudden," he began. "And I know we're still very young. But...we can wait until I come back and we both finish school. Then, we'll get married. And you can come tour with me. Just think, you and me only, seeing the world together." On tour with him? With only him? It was a lonely way of seeing the world. Mouth agape, she stared directly into his eyes. So blue...just like Mamo-chan's. A thought was distant in her head like a bird pecking at a hollow tree. "Usagi, what are you thinking? Tell me." Peering at him, Usagi began slowly "Seiya...I love it here. I don't want to see the world...yet. I want a family and a home...you know that." "But, Usagi, those things can come later. My career can't be put on hold. In a business like mine, everything is about the moment. You know that." The hollow tapping in the back of her brain was growing louder. A black crop of hair and a infectuous laugh edged its way into her stream of thought. "I do know that, Seiya. But, I don't want that. I don't want to spend the most fruitful years of my life on tour buses. I don't want to live like a nomad. Seiya, I love you but I can't wait here like a injured deer for you. I'm impatient. Waiting idly isn't appealing to me." "Usagi, I don't understand! It's only six months! If you loved me enough, you would wait." The remark triggered something in Usagi. What was he doing to her? Making her feel guilty? Questioning her love? Her mind flashed back to a rainy night...standing outside a noisy club...pleading... "You're questioning my feelings for you?" she asserted. "Not questioning, Usagi. I don't understand why you can't put yourself on the back burner for once! Plenty of women do it all the time. Why can't you?" His words slashed at Usagi's heart. She had been in tears...he had struggled to fight his back..."Mamo-chan, please"..."Goodbye, Usagi"..."Goodbye." It arrested her, like the slamming of brakes. Of all the thoughts...of all the people to think of...why? "If you don't understand why I can't lay down my life to you, then you don't understand me," Usagi said. "Well, if you can't compromise, then you don't understand me either." Looking down, Usagi replied "Two people who don't know each other shouldn't get married." She had spoken it calmly. Sometimes the faintest noises can hurt the ears most. Seiya stood, nodding. "I agree." His voice had become gentler than before. They said nothing. In their silence, they heard the world continue on. Chlidren still shrieked, wives still laughed, babies still cried. "I do love you, Odango." Eyes downcast, Usagi nodded. She could not speak for fear of letting out the sob caught in her throat. "We'll keep in touch, won't we?" he asked. "Yes," she muttered. Seiya nodded and then turned to walk away. His eyes were shining with tears. "Seiya," Usagi cried. "I love you too but..." Smiling, he nodded and murmured "I know. Odango, someday you and him will realize what you had." Usagi's eyes widened. "I don't understand." "Yes you do," he replied. Then he smiled and strode away, hands in pockets. >From the bench, Usagi watched him walk away. His figure grew smaller and smaller until lost to a corner and a grove of trees. Usagi heard the shrill laughter of children in the distance. Coming next...phase 4.