So Strange You Are My Lover Chapter 4 AN's: Here it is at last! Sorry for taking so long! ^_^;;; Disclaimers: Oh pretty please don't sue me? I have a meagre student salary...and some mangas....that's all....sigh. Thanks: Special thanks to my cool new friend Jillian for e-mailing me! ^_~ And thanks to all who have e-mailed me about this story, it means everything to me! Thanks for being patient while I take forEVER writing this! ^_^hee Rated: R Author: Silent Moon Mail: silentmoonstar@yahoo.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@ It was late in the night and Darien was working feverishly, sketching, painting....his hands working restlessly to create. He hadn't slept in days. Hadn't wanted to. And he knew. This was not inspiration. No sweet muse had crept into his heart, whispering to his fingertips....this was release, realization.....and denial. For he could not believe, with every astonishing image he made, that this could all be real. And yet it was. And as he finished another painting, his mind suddenly settled on one last thing. How it must conclude. His heart grabbed painfully at that thought, but in spite of it he made a decision. He knew what he must do. Like Serena, he had avoided Rei all week too. He didn't want to talk to anyone, didn't want to break the silence after that incredible night, as though that would somehow stretch it to eternity. He sighed, cleaning up after his madness and mess. He'd been possessed this week. Anguish made for great artwork--he understood that completely now--but it didn't make bearing it any easier. But what was a man to do? In love with a woman he could not have, what recourse could he take? And how, in such a world, had Serena become the love of his life? It was almost laughable, the contrast between them! But that was surface and all at once he realized how foolish it was to believe that things like lifestyle and career confessed the truth of someone's character. The answer to whether they were compatible or not. But Serena was no simple woman either. He knew she didn't believe in love and so, probably had none of these thoughts. She was married because it seemed practical and logical and those were the only things she would credit herself with believing in. It was amazing to him that such a passionate, lustrious woman could likewise be driven, composed and fascinatingly intelligent. But such was the mystery of the Universe. Alive in this one woman's heart. And now he had pulled her closer and deeper then he could ever free himself of, all by thinking that he was lending himself to something meaningless--no strings attached--surrendoring to desire only. But desire wasn't just one thing. It was everything. It had been the sign and he had stupidly thought he could manipulate it. And now? ~And now?~ He thought bitterly. ~What is it I want? Why am I torturing myself this way?~ He knew, though he hated to admit it because he knew Serena didn't realize, but it was true, he did have the best and the most of her--more than anyone else. But it wasn't enough. ~Ah love. Suddenly I'm the most selfish man in the world.~ He thought of that amazing body, arched gracefully to his, her every sense and pulse and breath for him alone in those moments.....but another, disturbing image came to mind....more of a question really. It sprung up before he could stop it and quickly began to gnaw at him from the inside. A thought about Serena and her husband. Did they? Could they? Had they--of course they had! He scolded himself angrily. But the thought of them together....of Serena returning to his arms after leaving his was horrible, more horrible than anything he ever recalled feeling before. He pushed those thoughts back, forced himself to stop the rush of emotion they brought. But as he stood back and let his eyes trace the confines of his studio he shook his head. The horrid feeling rushed over him, followed by waves of burning, ethereal pleasure and pain. Jealousy, possesiveness, joy, futility, release, anguish, heartache.... He sank slowly to his knees, looking at all his work....all of her.... And that's when a knock came at the door. He sucked in a breath. ~No, not now, not now please.....~ But it was indeed her, she was turning to leave by the time he hid all his work and covered the paintings still drying. "Serena?" He said hoarsely as she was walking down the hall. He should have let her go. But he didn't. She turned back, eyes alight and intent on his. She approached him slowly and he took a step back. "I didn't think you were home." "I was working...couldn't just leave it like that...sorry.." "I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have come...." He shook his head and managed a weak smile, "You know I don't mind." She smiled back and he reached out and drew her inside, gazing down tenderly at her. She buried her face in his chest and just stayed there a moment, listening to the rapid beat of his heart, laying against the rise and fall of his chest. Amazing, this living, breathing man was before her, enjoying her touch as much as she enjoyed his. She looked up suddenly, lips parted to tell him how she felt when she surprised an expression of rather anguished hunger on his face. It was gone almost instantly but it made her suck in her breath and forget all about what she was going to say. "Darien?" She asked uncertainly. "I..." He began but trailed off, "I've...been kind of lonely lately..." He concluded lamely, wincing at the sound of his own lie. Serena however, took it to mean that he missed Ann and that one thought cut rather sharply into her. "Oh..." She choked out. But then in the next instant he swept her into his arms, "Did I ever tell you.....how breathtaking you are in the moonlight darling?" He finished by dipping her back and pressing his nose playfully to hers. She giggled, "Why no honeybuns! Do I?" She played along beautifully. "You do indeed! I think I had better carry you up the stairs this instant!" That said he slung her over his shoulder and carted her up to the loft. "Oh, this is SO romantic." She remarked dryly. He dropped her down into the bed, "Just call me Don Juan." He smirked. She arched an eyebrow at him but then it melted into a warm smile. She offered her arms to him and he came down to meet her. The lamp was still on and it was now she noticed the dark circles under his eyes. Looking around she realized he'd been working non-stop. "You haven't slept have you?" She said with concern, tracing the sallows about his beautiful eyes. Her voice was laced with such tenderness that he felt himself breaking. "When inspiration strikes!" He joked weakly. She smiled lightly but was soft and careful undressing him, laying him down and making love so carefully he knew that had he not already been in love with her, he would have fallen swiftly tonight. She was slow and deliberate, stroking at his skin and murmuring sweet things to him. But she held back torturously whenever he moved to change the pace. Giggling at his disappointed face as she stretched the sensations out till he ached for her throughout. But he knew her too well and pretty soon the joke was on her. Making love slowly always ended up pleasing her deeply. And so it was her body stiffening about his in anticipation, slender legs urging him closer till the release came, long and rich and darkly satisfying as she tensed and spent beneath him. He gathered her up chuckling at how the tables turned and she sighed, "I hope you learned your lesson." She murmured, snuggling closer and he laughed outright at that. But then he settled, molding her to the curve of his body round her and fell fast asleep. She watched his still face for a few moments before drifting off herself. But she dreamt of being pregnant--her rounded belly warm and satisfying--and felt deleriouslly happy. She awoke with a start and found Darien leaning on one elbow, staring softly down at her as he stroked her arm. "Sorry, did I wake you?" He whispered. "Mmmmno. Bad dream." He gathered her to him, soothing touch warm and lovely. She laid a kiss to his chest and mumbled something he couldn't quite make out but smiled anyway. "Hey..." He whispered, stroking her back, "...moon princess..." "Hmmm?" She muttered dazedly. He chuckled and pulled her sleepy face up to kiss her forehead, "'night." "'night...." She returned. But he stayed awake long hours holding her, love burning it's suffering out silent in the night as he basked in it's strange glow. The next morning, as he sat sleepily over coffee, watching her eat heartily with half-joking awe, he felt the question still burning to be asked. But he must not ask it. That chatted rather listlessly of the usual--but the apple stars still gleamed from the pancakes, and their wit was still quick--though rather flat. It seemed their minds were elsewhere and indeed they were. Finally Serena stood to go, heading for the door when he stopped her, catching her suddenly by the shoulders, "I have to ask you something...." "Yes?" Her wide blue eyes fixed on his. "I've no right to ask...but...Serena...do you...I mean....while we've been....do you and your husband make love?" He watched her face still a moment and a brief frown flashed before she replied, "No..." Then she met his eyes steadily, "No. No we don't....I--" "No, no don't finish. I shouldn't have asked! I have no right! Forget I ever did I--" "Darien, Darien! It's all right." She cut in, shaking him by the shoulders a bit to stop him. Then she stared deep into his eyes, "C-Can I ask you something?" Something flickered in his eyes briefly, "Anything." "Do you....do you want children?" He regarded her face, remembered how Ann hadn't wanted any....how he'd tried to pretend it was okay.... "Yes." He said quietly, his eyes solemn, "Yes, I want them." She nodded slowly, then she turned, caressing his face absently, "I have to go." He sat a long time after she left, by his window, trying to collect himself. What was this coming to? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~~@ Serena meanwhile, rushed home, her thoughts spinning and then focusing dangerously. She was waiting for Alan when he arrived home in full wrath--regardless of how he hated to be confronted in such a manner. "Hello d--" He began briskly but she cut in. "Why haven't we made love?" She bit out abruptly. "Wh--at?" He managed, staggered. "You haven't made love to me since..." He mind calculated, "...since we had that argument about children." Her eyes widened with shock and if possible, she got even angrier as realization hit her, "You don't trust me!" Alan collected himself at this point, "Well ofcourse I don't. You really want a baby! What was I to do?" "I'm your wife Alan, you should trust me!" He just stared at her, his silence speaking volumes. "I would NEVER conceive an unwanted child with you." She spat coldly. "You still want children." "Not with you! Not if you don't!" This incurred the argument over children all over again. "Work is my love--" "So am I!" She cut in harshly. "I thought we had the same goals, a baby would interfere with your life." "My life? Alan, I work all day, everyday. That's not living!" "How can you say that?" "When your life is passed. When you're old and retired, your work won't thank you, love you, it will continue on without you!" He was silent again. Then he turned coldly on her, "This is the worst of you, you know." "What?" "This side of you. This childish side that clings to silly values. I thought I'd broken you of it, I thought you'd grown--" "Broken me of it?! What ARE you?! Have you been spending these years trying to break my spirit? Trying to change me? Because you can't! And I'm tired of apologizing for who I am!" "You're just immature. You have the potential to be--" "I won't hear it anymore Alan! THIS is who I am! THIS woman, right now!" He sighed, rolling his eyes as though indulging a foolish child. Her eyes narrowed and she knew then, as she never had before, that she did not love him. "You don't love me." she said harshly, "You only love yourself." He looked up angrily at this but she was already gone, walking away, packing a bag. "Why do you want less from our life? Why do you want to sell yourself short?--" "I won't want less Alan." She said calmly, "I want more. Children are not a burden, they're a blessing. Everything I've deprived myself of these years for you, it's a part of me. It always will be. I won't deny it any longer." "What are you saying?" "It's over. I'm leaving." And she was gone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~~~~@ chapter 5 soon, I promise!!!