So Strange You Are My Lover Chapter 7 author: silent moon mail: silentmoonstar@yahoo.com rated: R genre: romance/alt. reality author's notes: thanks to all the wonderful people that e-mailed me about this story and sent compliments! I love feedback (who doesn't) and I'm so glad my story is being enjoyed by people! ^_^ Hope you all like this last chapter! I'm putting in these lyrics from a song natia_99 wrote since they kinda go with the story! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [dream] by natia_99 I had a dream last night you were my lover the moon cast long dark shadows from within left a hazy glow across your skin which is strange since we are only friends Beautiful I was beautiful in my dream Your eyes were lovely in my dream and we are only friends I had a crazy dream last night you were my lover the night made all things dark but you left silence everywhere but you strange for just a moment since we are only friends Beautiful I was beautiful in my dream Your eyes were lovely in my dream and we are only friends Softly It all paused so softly all things dark so silent in shadows with the moonlight soft across your shoulder Beautiful You were sleeping Your breath the only sound Your warmth the one thing found and we are only friends and we are only......? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rei sat at the usual Sunday brunch table impatiently. Her dark--almost violet eyes looking from Mina to the door over and over. Mina sighed, "She's late, that's unusual for her." Then she smiled, "Hey, maybe this whole embracing the rest of life thing is really starting to rub off on her!" But Rei shook her head. She'd just had dinner with Darien the night before last. Her cousin had kept an impressive front but the stark agony haunting his eyes had given him away. Besides, she'd been to his show the previous day and everything had finally started to make sense. Now to confront Serena. Serena appeared at this moment and Rei watched her longtime friend with a little bit of awe. What a transformation! She'd often wondered if she would ever break out of her self imposed cacoon and just let herself be. And now here she was coming over, long hair only partly tucked up, clothes soft and casual. But as she sat down and whooshed out an apology for being late Rei caught that same tell-tale agony in her eyes and knew. But Serena held an even tighter front than Darien himself, chatting about Amy's expected baby, about work, asking Mina about her beau....and yet carefully avoiding bringing up anything to do with Darien. And she'd backed out of all their plans these past two weeks, saying she had too much on the go at work. A lie. Rei waited patiently for her to stop talking and when Serena dared to stop and take a sip of her tea she spoke, "So, how long have you known you're in love with Darien?" Serena spat her tea out as Mina gasped, "What?" with her. The two blonds stared at their dark-haired friend in shock. "You heard me." "I don't know what you're talking about!" Serena sputtered, trying to look shocked and angry. Biting back the urge to just bawl all over both of them--could anyone know how hard this was on her? But Mina turned on her friend, "I wondered myself if you two wouldn't make a match of it! Oh, Serena--don't think you have to wait for years because you were married once!" Serena was speechless. Rei turned her expression to sympathy, "Oh, why wouldn't you tell me? This must have been such an ordeal for you!" Mina turned to face her, "I can't believe you finally fell in love! You, who wouldn't ever allow yourself to believe in it!" Serena's face was very pale but finally it crumpled and tears escaped her eyes, "It doesn't matter! It never mattered! Don't you both see? He doesn't love me back!" "Are you sure you know that?" Rei asked knowningly. But Serena knew more than both her friends, "Yes, I'm sure. There are things between us you two wouldn't understand." Rei reached over and took her hand, "I know." Serena paled, "What do you mean?" Mina perked up, wondering what Rei meant and why Serena was suddenly terrified. "I was there....at the poetry reading all those months ago...." Rei said carefully. The words sunk in slowly and Serena was once again silent with shock. "It was Darien wasn't it? You two were lovers weren't you?" Mina's eyes widened, "You had an affair with him?--and you didn't tell us?" "We told no one." Serena said dully, all the life suddenly drained from her, "And when Ann came back we split up....it was during those months I wrote and read.....and then when she left him we got back together...until Alan and I split up....it was only--" She stopped herself and blushed, her two friends breaking into wry smiles. "Only what?" Mina prodded wickedly Serena pretended to ignore her, "Anyway, he wanted to stay friends and so we did...and then I realized that..a wonderful lover and a beautiful friend....make something even better..." She shook her head as her friends gazed sadly at her. Her voice was bitter when she spoke again, "Oh why did I ever try to live this way? Why did I start to believe again?! My life was better before all this! It was less complicated--" "Oh really?" Cut in Mina arching an eyebrow. "Is *that* why you constantly snuck out to art shows and music recitals?" Rei said mockingly. "But-but--" Serena stuttered helplessly--looking for sympathy where there suddenly was none. "But nothing. You're happier now--and you know it." Mina smiled. "I'm not." Said Serena sadly, "I'm heartbroken. You know....Alan didn't want children, that's when things really started to seem bad between us....and then Darien bought Amy that bear and I felt so strange....and I asked him--I know I shouldn't have but I did--I asked him if he wanted children and when he said yes I suddenly wanted to cry..." "What happened that you two are avoiding each other now?" Serena shook her head, "It all just came to a head two weeks ago when I realized I loved him and then he wanted to--to--be lovers again....oh it was awful, I wanted to and suddenly it wasn't enough anymore and he said he couldn't see me anymore....." She buried her face in her hands and Mina jumped up to comfort her but Rei stopped her and gestured her to stay back, then she leaned over and said very softly in Serena's ear, "I think you should go see his new show..." Serena looked up slowly and met Rei's eyes, "Maybe..." She said softly and rose to leave. Rei stood up, "And you should know..." She added as Serena went to leave, "...Ann didn't leave him...he left her." She watched Serena's shoulders stiffen in shock as she walked away and held Mina back, "Let her go....just let her go." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~@ Serena took a long walk in the park then....thinking over everything Rei had said....everything she and Darien had been through..... Had he really been the one to leave Ann? Why? Didn't he love her? Wasn't he still pining away for her? She realized however, the folly of thinking that when she suddenly wondered if Darien thought she loved her husband. Had she ever loved Alan? Certainly not. She remembered Darien asking her if she and Alan made love. By that definition they never had. Ironically she'd only ever experienced love making with the man she had an affair with. Had she loved him all along? The whole time? Like a fool? Thinking she was simply satiating some small part of herself rather then completing her very soul? Suddenly all her dreams of finding love had returned only to be dashed cruelly away with the knowledge that she wanted them only with this one man she could never have! Getting married, having children, spending her life with the perfect companion....they all seemed very grey at the moment....unattainable. Darien had never loved her, had only taken her into his world because that was the kind of beautiful man he was and because they shared a very real attraction. Perhaps her own love for him had been enough to lend him such an attraction or at least balance what he offered so much of in comparison to her small, undeveloped heart. And now she must spend her life without him, after finally feeling awake, ready, alive. He didn't love her. Couldn't. And why should he? And yet....he'd left Ann....walked away from the one woman he believed was his true love. And she knew him. He believed completely in true love. Falling once, forever. But he'd walked away...called her in agony....she believed it was because Ann had left but had it really been because he'd realized she wasn't the one? Her heart grabbed and she suddenly realized she'd left the park and started towards the gallery. She caught a cab the rest of the way and hurried breathlessly up the stairs, through the high stone hallways until she found his room..... She stopped short at the title over the doorway....on the small pamphlets.... ~Why is she beautiful?~ Her throat suddenly closed, her lungs unable to take in air.... ~He wouldn't.....~ But as she walked slowly in and caught sight of it all she stumbled and only nearly escaped falling to her knees. They were her....all of them....every picture....sketches, paintings...her face, her eyes her long hair.... She felt her eyes fill with tears as she traced them all....by the time she reached a smaller painting in thick oils of an apple star the tears were trailing down her cheeks, her lips trembling....her heart burning as though it might burst. People had started to realize it was her and smiled at how moved she seemed. But she was blind to everyone and Rei had to reach up and touch her shoulder to shake her from her daze. "Hey..." Rei said gently. Serena turned on her, "Rei....do you speak japanese?" Rei frowned and nodded, "Yes, yes I do." Serena met her friends eyes evenly, "There's something I want you to translate for me...." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Darien had just put together the last of his cardboard boxes and was looking carelessly around for someplace to start packing from, his heart heavy. He was moving away. This apartment was haunted and he couldn't bare it. Had to get away. Maybe go to Paris? Start over? The art gallery had offered to recommend him. Even Ann had offered to pull a few strings and get him an interview. It was done now. The show was up--he didn't plan to stay long enough to collect the paintings. He'd be gone before the show finished--before Serena had chance to see it. He felt the dull ache rise up again and take over at the thought of her. His mind flashed through a thousand memories and sensations.....finishing with the way she had looked at him that last night as she said "but...this isn't real." Whether that was because she didn't love him, or didn't believe in love or some impossible combination of the two he did not know. It didn't matter. He sighed and picked up one of the boxes heading for the loft. ~Might as well pack up the paints first.....~ He didn't hear the first knock some time later as he pack his palettes and brushes gently. The second knock he attributed to something else. But the third knock was unmistakable. Someone was pounding desperately on the door. He hurried down then and flung it open after peering out the peephole and almost falling over in surprise. "Serena...?!" He said starkly as he opened the door to face her. She looked wild, absolutely wild and shoved him back violently as she barged in blurting, "Ashiteru? Ashiteru! How long were you saying that?! All along!? The whole time! You were saying you loved me the whole time!?" Darien stared wide-eyed at her, then put up his hands for protection as she moved to shove him once more, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He cried, not knowing what else to say. All those beautiful nights....all those soft words in japanese..... "The words just came out! I couldn't control them! I said them before I realized! Before I knew!" She stopped then, her expression changing, softening, making him shiver suddenly with cursed hope. "You love me?" She asked gently, her voice suddenly sweet. He stared at her in anguish though, blind to the sudden truth, "Yes." He said hoarsely. She came closer slowly, "I went to the show." He looked down, "Oh." She reached him and looked up to meet his eyes, touching his face, "It was..." her voice choked up now, "...so beautiful....." She tried to take a deep breath, "I only wish....I had a beautiful way to tell you too...." She thought of all his beautiful sketches...his paintings....the soft ways he'd found to say it, with everything in him, even his work.... He looked incredulously at her, shock and beautiful beautiful pain evident on his face. "I wish I had some beautiful way to say it......but I don't..." She looked up into his dark eyes then and found them suddenly glazed with unshed tears. "You just did..." He whispered as he bent to kiss her, catching her up tightly against him and sinking his lips into hers with all the emotion of the first time finally spoken alive... ...made real. "I love you." He breathed gently as he finally pulled away. "I love you too." She returned, smiling brightly as her arms rested about his neck with soft claim. He smiled then....his whole face lighting up, "Marry me?" She laughed softly, "Of course!" She looked around then and her face tightened with horror, "You're moving?" "I was going to." "You were going to leave?" "This place is haunted with you Serena. You're everywhere in it...." She turned guilty eyes on him, "You let me into all the parts of your life and I--" "You let me discover yours with you." He finished, pulling her close again, "Someday, you are going to realize just how amazing you are.....and how ridiculous to love a fool like me!" She laughed then and scoffed that notion away, "Darien!" She cried, grabbing his nose playfully, then she turned serious, leaning closer, "I feel so lucky and so blessed. You know, I didn't believe in love....but I fell anyway....it was always only you..." He smiled softly, "I'm glad I made you believe again." "I don't know what it is I offer you in return....." He reached up and stroked her hair, "I know you don't....but it's everything. You offer me everything. I've spent my life looking for beautiful things....wondering why they are... and you...are the most beautiful--" He never finished for the moment became a kiss and then there was no more talking.....as they sank to the floor and let one beautiful moment become another and another.....time itself was suddenly made beautiful by their love... And this time when Darien said he loved her she knew....and she returned his words with all the passion and beauty he offered them with--knowing in a blinding flash what it as she offered him....it had no name, no words...was only beautiful and perfect and true......a balance to his own. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~