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Be forewarned...if you thought the last chapter
was intense, you haven't seen anything yet. ^^;;
Gomen nasai...

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Numb
By Aimee

Part Two

	She felt his eyes on her before she even
saw him. Standing still in the doorway, she met
his gaze...a gaze which scared the living
daylights out of her. It gripped her helplessly.
She couldn't have looked away if she tried.

	His voice didn't so much as waiver as
he spoke with quiet words that sent a feeling
of complete dread through her veins. "You asked
me not to do it. Give me one reason why I
shouldn't."

	Brow twisting in confusion, her pale
blue eyes fell to the bottle of whiskey he held
protectively, it's dark gold liquid gently
swaying back and forth, in motion with his
shallow breathing. He wasn't drunk. Far from
it, in fact. But she knew the alcohol would
ease him into doing things he might not normally
do...trapping him into believing whatever lies
his mind had conjured up to torture him with.
It was then that Usagi noticed the bottle of
painkillers on the coffee table before him...
open. Panic shot through her like lightning.
If he drank the whiskey...and then took those
pills...

	"You didn't..." she whispered in
denial, wide eyes snapping back to his face
in alarm.

	"You asked me not to," he repeated
forcefully, glaring at her for reasons she
did not understand...nor did he. "Tell me
why," he demanded, rising from the couch.

	Asked him not to? What was he talking
about? Her mind recalled the words she had
sobbed as she rushed through the darkened
streets towards the apartment she now stood
in. <Don't do it...> She blinked in amazement.
Could he have possibly heard her plea? A plea,
which she herself did not understand at the
time?

	Heart shattering, eyes softening, her pale
lips parted. "Because I don't want you to,"
she whispered quietly.

	The hot glare emanating from his eyes
nearly leveled her to the ground. "I never
took you for a liar, Odango. We both know you
hate me."

	Usagi whetted her lips, stepping
uncertainly inside the cold apartment, even
though his tall form was looming before her
threateningly. She closed the door with shaky
hands, turning to him solemnly. "I don't hate
anyone."

	"Oh yes...that's right," he replied
sarcastically, touching his brow as if
suddenly remembering something. "You love
everyone, ne? And everyone loves you. Life is
just peaches and cream. No pain. No worries.
You're just a little princess, waltzing through
life, clueless of all the heartache and
loneliness around her. You're *clueless*,
Odango."

	"And you're angry..." she whispered,
trying not to take what he was saying to heart.

	"You're damn right I'm angry!" he
yelled, taking a step towards her that
frightened her more than it should have...but
it frightened Mamoru more. Glancing over her
frail form and wide, shaky eyes, he shook his
head and turned away abruptly, not knowing
what to do with the burning rage inside of
him. He sat back down on the couch, placing
his pounding head in his palms.

	Usagi stood her ground, despite the
fact that the man before her was obviously
dying to thrash something to vent his anger.
Silently, she wondered how long he'd been
keeping the anger inside...if he ever cried...
if he ever talked about what he was feeling
with others. She doubted it, which confirmed
her strong belief that he needed her right
now...even though he would never admit that.

	"Why?" she asked calmly, trying to
hide the fact that she was trembling all over.
She could feel his pain...burning inside of
her as if it were her own.

	"Why what?" he muttered.

	"Why are you angry?" she repeated,
taking a seat on the couch beside him.

	His eyes flashed at her untrustingly
as she drew close. "Because I have a right
to be angry."

	"I'm sure you do, and it's okay," she
agreed. "Why don't you me about--"

	"You're not my damn shrink, Odango,"
he interrupted her, muttering a few unmentionables
under his breath as he glared at her. "You
couldn't possibly understand what's going on
inside of my head, so don't bother."

	Usagi swallowed the lump in her throat,
blinking back a few tears as she watched him
drink deeply from the whiskey. "You don't know
that for certain. You've never tried to talk to
me..."

	Two eyes that were so dark blue, they
appeared black, turned upon her slowly, boring
into her own eyes with such intensity, she
unconsciously shrunk away from him. "You wanna
hear about what I'm feeling? Fine, my dearest
Odango Atama. Welcome to my mind. Or better
yet, welcome to hell," he spat out bitterly,
rising from the couch, still grasping the
whiskey in one hand, picking up the bottle of
pills with the other. Usagi watched with wide
eyes and pale, trembling lips...speechless.

	"You wanna know why I'm so angry?" he
continued, shaking some pills from the bottle
into his hand. Usagi gasped and shot up from
the couch as he popped them into his mouth,
washing them down with the whiskey.

	"Mamoru-san, stop..." she whimpered,
shaking her head back and forth in denial.

	"Because life stinks. Because life is
unfair. Because life is heartless...and cold...
and empty...and worthless..." he rasped, his
voice raw from the alcohol. Usagi rushed up
to him, trying to prevent him from swallowing
a second handful of pills. He gripped her
flailing arms with little effort, pushing her
back on to the couch where she couldn't
interfere as he downed his second dose.

	"Please..." she sobbed. "Let me help
you. This isn't the way to make the pain go
away."

	"I've tried everything else," he
muttered, popping a more pills into his mouth.
"There is no other way."

	She rose from the couch a second time,
shaking and trembling with fear and emotion
she couldn't even put a name to. He tried to
push her away, but she latched onto his waist,
hugging him tightly, pressing her tear covered
face to his chest. "Mamoru-san...please stop..."
she sobbed. "Please..."

	A long breath expelled from his lungs
as she came into contact with him. His eyes
drifted shut sleepily...drunkenly. He let his
chin slowly drop to rest on the top of her head,
between her buns. He nuzzled her hair
unconsciously. She felt so...warm. Just like
the alcohol that burned in his stomach. It'd
been a long time since anyone had bothered to
hold him.

	Mamoru allowed the bottle of pills and
the whiskey be pried from his fingers by her
persistent hands. It didn't matter. The deed
was done. It was only a matter of time, and
there was nothing she could do about it. At least
he could die in someone's embrace.

	Usagi's pained voice sounded, causing
him to jolt in surprise...almost as if he were
jolting awake. He suddenly realized how very
tired he felt...and very scared. It was beginning...

	"Who did this to you, Mamoru-chan? Who
made you feel like this?" Usagi pleaded, dragging
him back to reality. He struggled to understand
the meaning behind her words.

	"Everyone..." he whispered weakly, his
voice breaking, as he sank to the ground, no
longer having the strength to stand. Usagi
followed him to the ground, sitting before him,
her arms wrapping around his neck, easing his
head to rest on her shoulder. "Nobody cares.
No one listens. No one understands. They never
have."

	Her fingers ran through his hair
soothingly. "I care..." she whispered, kissing
his burning forehead. "I care more than you
can imagine." Which was why she was eyeing the
telephone on the table beside her. If she
called for help now, she was almost certain
that he could be saved.

	Determined, she reached for the phone,
gasping in surprise when a strong hand gripped
her wrist, stopping her. "Don't, Odango. Please,"
he asked quietly in a voice that did not match
the steel grip that encased her wrist.

	Her lower lip trembled in helplessness.
"But..." she whispered, "I don't want you to
die..."

	"That's because you don't understand.
If you really cared, you wouldn't try to stop
me," he muttered, whetting his lips; his mouth
suddenly seemed so dry. He swallowed painfully.
"Don't you see? This is the only way it'll go
away..."

	"The only way *what* will go away?"

	His face crumpled with the threat of
tears. "The pain...the numbness. I feel it
constantly. I'm empty and overwhelmed all at
once. I just can't take it anymore..."

	"Then give it to me..." she whispered
into his hair, feeling his tears slide slowly
down her neck. "The pain...the hurt...let me
take it from you. You're weak. You've had enough.
Let me be your strength."

	"I don't know how..." he whispered in
defeat, his body slackening in her arms. "I
can't think...I'm tired...God, I'm tired..."

	"I know...just rest in me," she said,
rocking him back and forth, running her hands
through his hair and up and down his back. He
became quiet after a few moments of quiet
sobbing. After five minutes, only his breathing
could be heard...it was shallow and laborious.
Usagi's heart twisted at the sound of it in
dread. How many pills had he taken? Would he
be willing to seek help now? "Mamoru?" she
prompted, after a moment, intending to ask him.
He did not move.

	She shook him lightly. "Mamoru-chan?"
she repeated in alarm, her voice rising
considerably. Again, there was no response.

	"Oh God..." she whimpered, eyes
clamping shut as she offered up a frantic
prayer. "Give me strength..."

	Still cradling Mamoru's unconscious
body against hers, Usagi reached desperately
for the phone.

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To be continued.

Look into my eyes... @_@ You're feeling very
sleepy. You're feeling a very strange desire
to e-mail Aimee. It's getting stronger.
Stronger! Yes yes! You *will* e-mail Aimee!
BWAHA!

sailor_moon89@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/moonlit_eclipse/