*looks sheepishly at the readers* Uh...hi, minna-chan! *nervous grin* Here's Chapter 9. *sweatdrops* Hope you like it! *gets inside a bulletproof vest* I just have one request... *drops to knees and fold hands* DON'T KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahem. *nervous grin...sweatdrop sweatdrop... fidget...cough cough...* I'll just be uh... going now... *runs and hides* @--<----- @--<----- @--<----- @--<----- @--<----- The Coldest December By Aimee Chapter Nine "Cynical, just your way. You play the doubting Thomas. Feel the scars and wipe the stains. So you fight, and retreat, And talk yourself out of believing, In any peace that you can't see." ~Jars of Clay The silence was dense and heavy upon my back. It flooded the room as Mamoru and I stood before each other, and I breathed heavily of it, no longer quite the naive little girl I was only moments earlier. Harsh knowledge pounded in my veins, laughing at me... mocking my foolishness...my innate ability to trust... to forgive...to let people into my life without questioning their motives. Thoughts and memories raced through my pounding head, reviewing past events, trying to confirm this new information I'd just encountered. I tried to deny it, but a truth so blinding could not be disregarded. Chiba Mamoru was Tuxedo Kamen. And I was a fool. I couldn't look at him. I just couldn't. My chin fell to my chest, and my eyes vised shut, still in denial of undiminished fact. Breathing raggedly, almost laboriously such was my unacceptance, I stumbled back a step, completely leveled with the startling findings. "Usagi..." the dark man began hesitantly, so though he didn't know what to say but felt obligated to speak regardless. "I know what you're probably thinking..." A tear slipped down my cheek. "But I had my reasons for keeping it from you..." My head shook back and forth as I managed to inhale and exhale, each breath a burden on my heavy chest. "I had wanted to tell you later...when you were feeling better, but I--" *SMACK* His face flew to one side with the force of the slap, and my bandaged arm screamed wildly in pain. I choked down a sob as a wide-eyed Mamoru turned to stare at me in complete shock, placing a hand over his stinging cheek. "Usa-chan..." "DON'T!" I yelled, eyes overflowing with enraged tears. "Don't you *dare* call me that!" "But..." "Liar! You've been playing me for a fool this whole time, haven't you? *Haven't* you?!" I screamed, backing away from him, my shaking hands forming tight fists. I wanted to strike him again and again in tumultuous fury. Mamoru was at a loss. "No! I just..." "You *lied* to me! Manipulated me! And after all those things you said to *me* about not lying anymore...after that huge guilt trip you put me on in the arcade because *I* lied. You hypocrite!!!" My body was shaking, such was my anger. I stormed past the sputtering man and hastened down the darkened hallway, finding my shoes near his front door. He wasn't far behind. "Usa, will you please just listen?" "No, I will not! Not anymore!" I snapped, whirling around to face him, one shaking hand on the doorknob. "Luna and the senshi were right. You *are* the enemy! I should have been more careful with my emotions. To think I actually fell for you. To think someone as heartless and cold as *you* could actually care about anyone but himself..." His lower lip trembled at my relentless attacks, and a crushed expression clung to his face like a mask. He looked as though he'd been struck. The poor dear. He certainly could put on quite an act when he wanted to, but I wasn't going to fall for it again. I wasn't the fool he seemed to fancy me as. "This whole charade of romancing me...getting me to fall for you...was that part of your plan, *Tuxedo Kamen?* To get close to Sailor Moon? Who are you working for?!" "I'm not working for anyone." His voice was quiet...defeated. "Are you some sort of mercenary then? Or do you just have a sick obsession with me? After that kiss you *forced* on me last night, I wouldn't be surprised if you did! You're no better than the rapist who assaulted me!" His mouth dropped open slightly, eyes widening with disbelief. "I can't believe you just said that..." "You stay away from me!" I threatened the man who stood more than a foot taller than me, yet was cowering like a child. "And stay away from the senshi! I don't know what you're up to with Rei, but so help me God, if you hurt her, I'll...I'll kill you!!!" I turned and ran through the door, my shoulder slamming painfully against the doorframe as I fled. I cried out in anguish and stumbled, but managed to keep going. Tears blinded me as I rushed toward the elevator at the end of the hallway. I frantically pushed at the buttons on the wall, willing it to hurry with painful sobs. Shaking with fear, I reached for my locket, only to find it missing. I cursed, realizing that it must be back in that contemptible apartment. It had fallen into Mamoru's...no, into Tuxedo Kamen's hands...and *he* was the enemy. I kicked the elevator door in anger and gave a little squeal of pain immediately afterward. Hopping on one foot, I decided that there was no way in hell I was going back to his apartment. The senshi would deal with him later. When the doors opened at last, I stumbled into the elevator, clutching my injured arm as it protested my movement with excruciating pain. A shaky hand reached to press the "1," and the doors began to close. But they never made it... A hand slipped between the closing doors, forcing them open. Mamoru stormed into the elevator, his eyes furious and dark. "No..." I whimpered, fear spreading through me. I was helpless to fight against him. The doors shut behind him, and the elevator thankfully began to move. "Stay away from me..." I whispered a harsh warning, stumbling backwards, away from him. "No, you're going to listen, Usagi," his said evenly, anger evident in his tone. "No more games." My tears increased as did my fear. Angrily, Mamoru pulled the Emergency Stop knob on the elevator's control panel, and I was thrown to the ground when it screeched to a halt. I looked up at him, jaw dropping in horrified terror. He had me trapped... he could kill me if he wanted to...molest me...anything. And I was powerless to fight against him. Without my locket, I was just a small child compared to his tall, muscular form. In my mind's eye, Mamoru's face vanished, and it was replaced with the face of the man who assaulted me. I could see only the man's horrid features, muddy hair, snarling grin, and dirty hands. I sank to the floor, eyes wide with complete terror. It was like a nightmare becoming a reality...and this was the worst nightmare of all. My tears became sobs of fright, and I curled up in a little ball on floor, near the corner of the elevator. "No..." I choked, covering my head with shaking arms. "Please...don't hurt me...God, please...no...not again..." "Usagi! Good Lord! I'm *not* going to hurt you!" he yelled angrily, but my sobs were so loud, I couldn't understand him. I heard my name being repeated, but I refused to acknowledge what was being said. He cursed loudly, running impatient hands through his hair. "For the love of God, will you just *listen* for once!?" But I wouldn't have any of it, and his yelling only served to frighten me more. Defeated, he trudged to the elevator door and leaned upon it heavily, facing away from me. He stood there for a long while in complete silence. His face was set in stone, and his head, which rested against the cold metal door, shook back and forth angrily. He waited until my sobs quieted into frightened sniffling before releasing the Emergency Stop. I whimpered quietly as the elevator jolted back into motion and began descending towards the first floor. The doors opened with a neighborly ding upon arrival, and I looked past Mamoru at my freedom with unbelieving eyes. "Leave," he ordered quietly, indecipherable emotion tainting his voice. I hesitated, looking up at him uncertainly. "LEAVE!!!" he roared, angry eyes flashing with tears at me. I gasped, drawing back physically at his uproar. Stumbling clumsily to my feet, I carefully sidestepped the statue of a man who glared at me bitterly with a look that turned my heart to ice. Taking one last glance at my betrayer, I turned and fled. @--<----- @--<----- @--<----- @--<----- @--<----- Icy rain pelted me scornfully as I ran through the darkened streets of Tokyo. The frightened tears that seeped from my eyes were quickly washed away. I was immediately drenched by the heavy shower as I departed from the lobby of the darkened apartment complex. Wrapping my arms tightly around my body, I tried to ward off the bitter cold. I shivered and quaked, cursing myself for leaving Mamoru's apartment without my jacket. But still, I pushed on regardless of my rapidly declining physical state, wanting to get as far away from my betrayer as possible. I choked on a sob, thinking of Mamoru...of Tuxedo Kamen. I had fallen hard for him, given him part of myself, and what did he do in return? Betrayed me...lied to me...cheated me out of what I needed most. All I wanted was to be loved...to be with him...to have him hold me and kiss me as though I was precious to him. Was that too much to ask for? He had been an answer to prayers...or so I thought. My run slowed as I grew numb in the freezing rain, and I stumbled to the ground with an fatigued sob. I struggled to get up and failed, completely exhausted. My breath froze before me as I laboriously inhaled and exhaled. As I pushed against the ground once more in another halfhearted attempt to rise, I realized that I couldn't feel my fingers. Rubbing them frantically in a vain attempt to warm them up, I began to cry harder, this time in fear. I knew that if I stayed out in the cold much longer, wearing as little as I was, I would likely be seriously injured from exposure. But I couldn't pick myself up, much less push onward towards my home. I was too tired. Both my physical and emotional strength had been drained by the day's events. Trembling, I glanced around at my surroundings through wet lashes, but the streets were abandoned and lonely as the rain washed over the city. It was very late. No one would be around for hours. The shaking hands that were rubbing my frozen fingers began to grow numb from the cold as well. I shuddered as harsh reality settled in my bones. I was alone and very much in trouble. Despite my efforts to remain alert, my eyes began to drift shut from exhaustion. I shook my head back and forth to jar myself awake. "You can't fall asleep, Usagi...you can't..." I muttered to myself, lips quivering. But the world was cold and uninviting, and sleep was warm and soothing. I was powerless to fight against such a force. Just when I felt myself begin to lose touch with reality, something warm washed over me...a soft, loving feeling, like when your mother tucks you in at night and kisses your brow lovingly. My shivering ceased almost immediately as a peace settled deep down inside me. For a moment, I thought I must have died. I didn't think it was possible to attain such peace without being in Heaven with the Almighty. But as I opened my eyes and looked around at the dark street corner I'd collapsed in, I became increasingly convinced that I was very much alive. Heaven didn't have broken bottles and overflowing trash bins. The warmth continued to spread through my body slowly...to the tips of my fingers. They began to burn and tingle painfully as though they were recovering from near-frostbite. The same feeling spread through my legs and feet, and I suddenly felt as though I could stand. I rose with surprising ease, feeling my strength return with abundance. My eyes grew wide as I felt the warmth spread to my middle... down to the depths of my heart. There, the warmth seemed to burrow into my soul. The ache...the loneliness...the void that I felt burning within me each and every day...it was buried deep within my heart where no one could touch it. But the warmth found the void and met with it...caressing it...meshing with it...extracting it. Something unlocked within me. My eyes grew wide as my blood ran cold. The ache suddenly screamed out with such intensity and anguish that I was nearly driven down to my knees. It twisted and writhed, wailing and howling with grief and pain. Covering my heart with a shaking hand, I staggered, crying out in shocked agony. "What...what's happening?!" I screamed, tears slipped from my clenched eyelids. I dropped to my knees, struggling to breathe. "God please! I can't take this anymore!!!" My vision began to swim and my surroundings vanished. The world disappeared as a blinding light washed over me, encasing me in a sea of endless white. I screamed and everything went black. @--<----- @--<----- @--<----- @--<----- @--<----- *drops to her knees* Oh please oh please oh pleeeeeease! Don't flame me for the fight between Usagi and Mamoru! And don't inflict cruel and unusual punishment either! I just might cry if you did...*convincing sniffle* You don't *really* think I'd end with them at odds, do you? I had to put the climax of the story *somewhere,* didn't I? And good grief, I *had* to repay Mamoru for being such a jerk! Yes, I love the man to pieces, too, but you have to admit, he did some pretty nasty stuff to Usagi-chan. If it were me, I'd have done a little more than slap the guy. *sheepish grin* Forgive me? *big, watery puppy dog eyes* I'll make up for it in Chapter 10...I promise! ^_~ Write me! But no flames! Only *you* can prevent forest fires. ^_~ sailor_moon89@hotmail.com http://www.geocities.com/moonlit_eclipse/ Love ya! Aimee-chan, who's sleeping with one eye open tonight -_0