“I thought that I heard you laughing. I thought that I heard you sing. I think I thought I saw you try... But that was just a dream. Just a dream.” ~REM ‘Losing My Religion’ “He’s not smiling at you because he wants to, y’know! They’re *making* him!!” ~Brittany ‘Daria’ Disclaimer: Sailor Moon doesn’t belong to me...yet. It belongs to Naoko Takeuchi...for now. Send money to help my worthy cause!! Walking the Thin Line Part four Luna arrived at Mamoru’s apartment complex almost the same time as he did, although while he had pass security, take the elevator and unlock his door, all she had to do was jump onto his balcony and wait. Luna wasn’t sure she was happy with this arrangement, however. The small cat wasn’t sure she was up for an hour or so hanging out in the wind- chill waiting for lover-boy to finally come to terms with the world around him. She heard the door open, a sigh, trudging footsteps and then silence. “Shimatta!” Luna thought, near tears, “if he doesn’t come into the bedroom and see me, I might as well market myself as the new flavor from Haagen Daaz*: Frozen Lunar Cat. It’s like Usagi and her ‘moon pudding’”*. She rolled her eyes. During her little soliloquy Luna was huffing and puffing as she worked on leaping high enough to twist the handle to the glass balcony door. ‘I hope he doesn’t lock it...’ finally she managed to grasp the handle and turn it, sliding the door open enough for her to squeeze through*. The room was immaculate, just as it was last time. The bed was made, the floor obviously just freshly vacuumed. As Luna wandered out into the studio, she noticed the kitchen was organized, tea ready to be made, dishes from that morning cleaned and drying on a rack nearby. A vase of roses stood on the nearby coffee table near the sofa. ‘Well, to heck with everything I’ve heard about teenage boys!’ Luna thought, sweatdropping. She leaped up onto the back of the sofa, and startled to see Mamoru lying there, his mouth open a little bit, half-lidded eyes staring at the ceiling Luna was a little miffed that he hadn’t noticed her yet, after all, as a feline she demanded attention! But his distraction made Luna feel an unusual rush of pride. It was obvious by his nature that nothing put Chiba Mamoru out of commission for long. Yet he had also very obviously been lying there since he came home, gazing into space with an almost dreamy look, all because of Luna’s little plan! ‘Well, ok, Usagi may have unknowingly helped *a little*...’ Luna admitted, grudgingly. With that, she jumped down onto his stomach and looked at him expectedly. With a miserable look at her, Mamoru groaned loudly and covered his face with a throw-pillow. “Oh, god, go away.” Came the muffled voice, begging. “That’s always a greeting that warms the heart,” Luna said. He jumped up, knocking Luna back onto the sofa, and pointed at her, “A- ha! So it wasn’t a dream!” Luna was taken quite aback by his sudden unruly behavior and appearance. What happened to mild-mannered young man she had spoken to the other night? ‘Apparently Usagi did.’ “Whoever said you aren’t dreaming now?” He narrowed his eyes suspiciously but didn’t say anything. Finally he shrugged. “You were here last night. But I dreamed about you, too.” Mamoru looked so defeated as he sat down again, head in his hands, “It seems my life is ruled by what I see when I am asleep. It’s hard to care, anymore.” Luna watched him, silently, sympathetically. “There is a princess. She’s so beautiful... and so kind. There is something... some connection to me radiating from her like light from the moon. She is an enigma, one I can never hope to solve. But I know this much: I need to find her.” He had trailed off, eyes unseeing. “Princess?” Luna asked, leaning forward her eyes bright and eager, “moon?” He looked up suddenly as if he had forgotten she was there. “And I dream of Odango’s cat talking to me, asking me about the Princess, as if that wasn’t ironic enough.” Mamoru’s voice had taken a bitter tone. “Would you rather me ask about Usagi, then?” Unconsciously, he moistened his lips. It was a moment before he spoke, clearly choosing his words carefully. “What would you ask me? Because I guarantee you I probably could not answer it.” “Just say what you feel.” Mamoru looked at her as if she had just asked him to skip through corporate Tokyo in his underwear*. “I don’t think so, Dream-cat.” He sat back down on the sofa, leaning back and scrubbing his face with his hands. “If this is a dream, should I try to fly off my balcony?” Luna jumped. “NO! That’s crazy. I wouldn’t if I were you.” Mamoru shrugged, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. “But it’s a dream, right? So I should fly.” “If you die in a dream...” Mamoru nodded, “I’ve done that.” Silence. He smiled, “Did you just admit that this isn’t a dream?” She bristled for a moment, mouth open. “No... what makes you think that?” “Well I got you to change the subject, then.” “I want to talk about this Princess of yours...” Luna leaned toward him again. “I don’t want to talk about this Princess with anybody.” Luna sat there for a moment, a heaviness settled on her heart. “Do you love her?” Silence. “Do you,” Luna said again, “love her?” Mamoru covered his face with the pillow again, and choked a little. “Go away.” He whispered. Eyes filled with tears, Luna complied. Trotting over the balcony, the harsh wind stung her eyes even more as she jumped to the pavement. ‘Oh, no. I’ve made such a horrible, horrible mistake. The Princess. She appeared to him in his dreams...that must mean... Oh, Usagi...’ Luna was just now realizing the ramifications of what she believed to be a dire misjudgment. ‘Chiba Mamoru belongs with the Princess. He is the one.’ She remembered the look on his face when Usagi touched the wound on his hand, the smile dancing in Usagi’s eyes after she left the storeroom... ‘Gomen nasai, Usagi- chan, Mamoru-san. What have I done? I’m so sorry.’ The silence in Mamoru’s apartment was oppressive, pressing down on him and forcing Luna’s words to echo and re-echo in his ears. ‘Do you love her? Do you love her?’ Love. What word was that? He expected it to sound hollowly in his heart, as it always had. But somehow this time there was something different. His mind conquered up the memory of warmth, acceptance, longing, and blue eyes like twin lanterns. Tsukino Usagi. ‘Do you love her?’ Mamoru took the pillow off of his face, stared at the ceiling for a moment, a look of awe spreading across his features as he ran his fingers lightly over his lips. ‘Maybe...’ ‘Never say never.’ Yes, if Usagi had to sum up the events of the past two days in a sentence, that would be it. She pondered this as she watched the sun slip slowly behind the horizon, blue into pink into spreading hues of violet. Her friends had dragged her home, forcefully, explaining to Tsukino-san that her daughter was sick and needed bed-rest right after a healthy dinner and lots of liquids. Especially, in the words of Ami, ‘so she’s well enough to go to school tomorrow.’ So that’s how Usagi found herself in her pajamas and blankets at 6:30pm. Not that she minded. Stretching comfortably back into the pillows, she wished she could do this every night. Tilting her head so she could stare out the window again she caught the deep indigo globe above her head and the bright, white stars appearing from so many millions of miles away. She slipped her flannel-clad arms behind her head, biting her lip and thinking. Luna had not come back yet, and Usagi wondered where she had gone. Usagi knew Luna often talked of her conversations with mission control, but that didn’t take all that long. And why had her cat spent last night at Mamor--Mamo-chan’s apartment, anyway? And there was the subject she had avoided thinking about. She felt guilt envelope her and tears fill her eyes. ‘Gomen nasai, Tuxedo Kamen-sama...’ Usagi knew it was awfully conceited of her, but she was pretty sure the mysterious man felt something for her. She could fell it in his arms, the catch of breath, the raising of the pulse. The times when he pushed her away always hurt her, and his cold words could cut like the roses he threw at enemies, but there was something deep and tangible between them that couldn’t be changed. Usagi sighed. And she wholeheartedly returned his feelings, one-hundred fold. ‘I can’t believe I betrayed him.’ There was a genuine human being behind that mask, and Usagi didn’t want to think about what he would feel if he knew. ‘But can I really care about someone who never allows me to see even his eyes?’ ‘And that kiss...’ Usagi shut her eyes, remembering, as warm feelings spread unbidden into her soul. But when she opened her eyes they were full of tears. ‘I never felt anything even remotely like that before. And I loved it. And I love Mamoru’s teasing and the way he smiles at me when he thinks I’m not looking, and I love his sense of humor, god help me, I love it when we argue.’ She sniffled a little, tears running unchecked down her pale cheeks. ‘But I like it more when we get along.’ Lacing and unlacing her fingers together, she stared at her hands, spread them before her. ‘Watashi no Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon. Demo, Tsukino Usagi desu...’ Shaking she fell back onto the bed. ‘I need Tuxedo Kamen-sama, in so many ways. But I’m falling in love with Chiba Mamoru. Aren’t I?’ “Hai.” She whispered, running cold hands over her tear-streaked face. “Hai. Aishiteru, Mamo-chan.” She offered the darkening sky a shaky smile. “He had me at ‘Odango Atama’....” After reaching up to turn off the light, Usagi fell asleep to the sound of her own heartbeat, a small smile upon her lips. The waxing moon shone watchfully into her window. Watched as the small princess dreamed of her prince. As for the asteriks: *Doesn’t belong to me. I was going to say Ben and Jerry’s but I know they have Haagen Daaz in Japan and I’d rather be accurate. *Episode 5. Luna says she’s looking for the Moon Princess and Usagi pictures a crescent-shaped dessert with chocolate sauce and a cherry and asks “Moon Pudding?” (Kawaii ko-chan, ne?) * My cat opens doors. And she can’t even talk (as far as I know) so I figure Luna can do it, too. *THAT was for MK, who I know is picturing it now with a goofy grin on her face. I’m so sorry minna! Was that depressing or what?! It lightens up I promise. MK recommands ice-cream, but I’m thinking prozac. Oh, and Usagi’s not unhappy or anything, I don’t think. She’s just crying because, well, she does that. ;) As well we all know.