May 3, 1998
salaices@leland.stanford.edu

Hello everyone!  This is my first attempt at a fanfic . . .WAIT!  Don't
leave yet!  I really need input to become a better writer and YOU are just
the person to do so!  And lets face it, you wouldn't be here if you didn't
want to read some mushy romance about Mamoru and Usagi, right?  RIGHT?!
Well, this is pretty much what this is, a story centering on Usagi and
Mamoru's relationship (or lack thereof, depending on Mamoru's state of
mind  ;)   I placed the story pretty much right after the episode where
Sailor Moon is rescued from eternal sleep by Tux, or the Sleeping Beauty
episode, if you prefer, in Sailor Moon R.  I'm afraid I don't really know
the titles of the episodes in English, as I watch Sailor Moon religiously
on a Spanish channel (where the dubbing is SUPERB, by the by.)

Disclaimer:  I don't own Sailor Moon or any characters thereof, they all
belong to Naoko Tackeuchi (THE Genius), DIC, Toe Animation, etc. etc.

Anyhow, enough with the chatter on my part.  I hope you enjoy!

******                   @>------                  *********

Final Truths

by
Lilac Summers

Chapter 1

Friday, Midnight:

"Did you see how I fried that thing?! It never stood a chance!" exclaimed
Sailor Jupiter, flashing a grin at the group.

"If I hadn't been holding on to it with my chain, it
wouldn't have mattered.  It takes strength to hold that thing, y'know!"
was Venus' contribution.

"Actually, it was Sailor Moon's Princess Hallation that ended the job,
although we all worked very well together.  I think our improvement is
quite marked," that was Mercury, the voice of reason.

"Yeah, well it is about time that Meatball Brains starts getting it
right!" huffed Mars.

  The girls as a group turned to see how their leader, Sailor Moon, would
take the barb.  Sailor Moon forced herself to focus past the burning pain
and pay attention to the group.  They were all staring, waiting for her to
rise to the bait, as she usually did with gusto.  She knew if she didn't
respond in some way, she would be found out.  Whatever she was to do, she
had to do it quickly.

"Mars, why are you so mean to me!  I totally moon-dusted that thing, like
I always do!  Wahhhhhhh!"  The tears came easily, the pain in her side an
inducement.  The hard part was trying to keep the grimace of pain off her
face.

"Yeah, well, I knew you wouldn't shape up for long."  Satisfied that she
had gotten a rise out of Usagi for the night, Mars yawned hugely and
decided to call it a night.  "Anyway, I, for one, am exhausted.  I wish
the damn enemy would stop sending these things at night.  Don't they
realize we all have school tomorrow?"

  Venus giggled.  "Right, Mars, I'm sure they're worried about your
beauty sleep, as much as you might need it!"

  Sailor Moon continued to listen to the light-hearted bickering.  The
girls were on a high off the latest victory, and rightly so.  The monster
had been a nasty one till the end, when it had disintegrated completely
into dust, except for the odd jewel-like rock that had disappeared when
the monster was defeated.  The monster had appeared when Reeny had tried
to run off.  Sailor Moon wasn't quite sure what had prompted Reeny's
subsequent energy beam, but the creature had homed in on it and begun to
chase her.  It had been a particularly ugly monster, with multiple arms
tipped with vicious spikes that attacked with unerring precision.  Tuxedo
Mask had arrived somewhere along the battle and taken Reeny to safety,
she presumed.  The Senshi had been busy dodging the arms.  They had all
been successful.

The pain in her side intensified, as if to remind her otherwise.

  Fine, amended Sailor Moon, they had all been successful except for her.
During the fight, a sneaky arm had snaked out to capture Reeny, and
the girl had been too terrified to move.  Sailor Moon had barely had
time to scoop the child out of the way, but the steel-tipped arm had
gotten her just the same.  It hadn't felled her, and she had
continued to a safer place with Reeny.  Tuxedo Mask appeared out of
nowhere and took the child from her, barely glancing her way as he
muttered that he would take her home.  The Senshi had continued to
fight the demon, and no one noticed how the blood had begun to well
through the jagged cut in her suit.

  She realized quickly that the Senshi had no inkling of her wound, and
decided not to enlighten them.  They were all so tired from the attacks,
which had been occurring non-stop for a week, in the dead of night, no
less.  She didn't doubt Mercury's hypothesis that the Black Moon, or
whatever they called themselves, were trying to wear them down and make
them easy prey.  So, she couldn't have the girls worrying about her.  And
what could they do, really?  She couldn't go to a doctor, and she had
gotten worse wounds before.  If the blood wasn't seeming to stop, she was
sure that it was because she hadn't had time to patch it up yet.  She had
been able to hide the gash by keeping her right arm close to her side and
staying in the shadows of a tree, as the girls congregated around the
fountain and celebrated their victory.

  There was another reason, however, that Usagi was suffering the pain
silently, a very un-usagilike manner.  She had made a promise to
herself, on that day when Mamoru had broken up with her and broken her
heart in the process.  She would be stronger, for him.  No longer would he
think her weak, and beneath him. Maybe then he would love her again.
After all, the burning in her side couldn't compare to the sheer anguish
in her heart.

  However, she thought, it would be damn close if her friends didn't
decide to call it quits and head home soon.  She was starting to feel the
tiniest bit dizzy standing up.

"Well, if that is enough bragging for one night, I suggest we all get home
for some sleep.  I'm sure I've gotten behind in my studies this week, and
I need to be alert so I can make up for it in class," said Mercury.

"Awww, Mercury!" chorused the others, as they stared at her in bemusement.

The girls split to go to their separate homes, except for Mars who waited
impatiently for Moon.

"Well, what are you waiting for?  We live in the same direction, let's get
going!"

  Sailor Moon paled at the realization that, of course, Mars would have
been walking her home.   She searched frantically for some excuse to not
walk with her.

"Um, Mars, you go on ahead. . .I have to, uh, contemplate the meaning of
life!"

  A huge sweat drop seemed to appear by Mars' head.  "Contemplate the
meaning of life?!  You idiot, it is 1 AM!  Do you even know what
'contemplate' means?!"

  Usagi was pretty sure she knew what 'contemplate' meant.  "Oh, well,
life's been hectic, y'know?  And with Mamo-chan and all, I just need
some time. And it is so peaceful here, now.  So you go on ahead."

 Mars was more confused now than anything else.  "Are you all right? Uh,
Sailor Moon, you are planning to give up sleep time to, to THINK?  You
*do* know that is what 'contemplate' means, right?"

Pain, Sailor Moon realized, fueled anger quite nicely.  "OF COURSE I DO!
I'M NOT SOME IDIOT, YOU KNOW!  CAN'T I THINK, FOR ONCE?!?"

  Relief washed through Mars upon the realization that Usagi was, after
all, okay and acting like her usual ditzy self.  "Well, far be it from me
to suspend this historical occasion!  Knock yourself out there, Usagi!
See ya!"  Then, flashing a cocky grin in her direction, she bounded off
for home.

  Usagi, who had been holding herself tense against the pain, could now
lean tiredly against the tree trunk in private.  The others had long since
disappeared.  The night now hung thickly silent, only the tinkling of the
water in the fountain cutting through it.  When Usagi finally gave up a
bit of her control and sobbed at the pain, the sound was loud as gunfire
in comparison.  The sheer volume of it shocked her back into silence and
she bit back the sound.  She didn't think anybody would be around at this
time of night, but the sound of her own sobbing had simply made the pain
seem worse.

  With faltering steps, she walked out from beneath the protective cover
of the tree and towards the fountain, bathed in a golden pool of
light by the decorative street lamps that shone their lights over the
water.  Gingerly she sat on the edge of the pool and looked down at her
side.  The once white suit was stained crimson, and the arm she had kept
pressed to the gash was also soaked.  Blood had even trailed down her hip
and leg, all the way to her boot.  She hadn't even felt it, but thanked
God that Mars hadn't been closer.  She would never have missed it.

  With a whimper, she decided it was time to see the cause of her distress.
She began to pull her arm away from her side.  Her arm wouldn't budge,
and a lance of red-hot pain ran up her side.  Usagi's eyes widened in
horror. The fabric of her glove had, because of the blood, stuck to her
side!  She almost fell into a faint at the thought of the immense pain
that removing it would bring.  Perhaps the blood would flake off by
itself?  Then her glove would be released. . .she didn't really have to
pull it off.  The wound couldn't be that bad, anyway. Just bloody. . .

  She shut her eyes in despair.  Don't be a coward, Usagi.  You want to be
stronger, that is what Mamoru needs.  Rei wouldn't be simpering like
a ninny now, would she?  She'd just tear her arm right away from the wound
and barely wince at the pain.  You can do that too, come on, you know what
pain is like.  Think about Beryl and that pain, or Alan and Anne.  Those
blasts hurt like the dickens, right?  Think about when Mamoru dropped you
for the coward, the cry-baby that you are, and how your heart exploded
into cutting, jagged pieces. . .

  With clenched teeth, she ruthlessly flung her arm away from her side.
The fabric ripped away from the gash and the blood began to gush out
freely. A scream of pain escaped from between Usagi's bloodless lips and
the world tilted crazily on its axis.  She could feel herself falling,
sure to make painful impact with the concrete, but she couldn't care less.
The pain was too fierce, gnawing at her with tiny teeth. . .Suddenly, her
rapid descent was stopped by something soft and strong at the same time.
Through the anguished haze she realized that someone had caught her before
she hit the ground.

  She forced her eyes to open.  Her gaze met that of fierce, stormy-blue
eyes shielded by a white mask.

"Tuxedo Mask. . ." she managed.

  Right before her world went completely black, she noticed almost
off-handedly that he looked angry enough to kill. . .namely her.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

  The day had been a normal one, by his standards.  Wake up, think about
Usagi, go to work, think about Usagi, leave work, think about Usagi, bump
into Usagi, fight with Usagi, get home, think about Usagi, go out and
fight some energy-sucking monster.  The minute he had felt the tingling
pain in the back of his mind, he had transformed into Tuxedo Mask and
followed the link that connected him to Sailor Moon.  He had, like always,
waited until he was needed, his heart in his throat as he saw his love, as
courageous and lovely as always.  Usagi had done a marvelous job hiding
Reeny, for he hadn't even noticed she was there until she ran out into
the open.  Then the fear had surged up, as he noticed the long tentacle
make a bee-line for the wild-haired kid.  With despair in his heart, he
knew he could not make it in time to save her, but he wasn't even needed.
Sailor Moon flung herself between the child and the monster and spirited
her out of danger.  He had followed her and taken the little girl from
her.

  It had taken all the strength he had to walk away from Sailor Moon then,
her sad little face etched in his mind as he had turned his back on her
and ignored her.  Or, at least, he had acted as if he was ignoring her.
In reality, he noticed every gesture, every word, every look that she
directed at him.

  So he had taken Reeny to Usagi's house.  He'd entered through Usagi's
open window and set the little girl down on the bed.  She had been shaken
up by her close call and he decided to stay with her just long enough to
reassure her before rejoining the fight.

"Reeny," he had asked, "why did you run away?"

  The flamingo-haired child sniffed and looked up at him with big red
eyes.
"I. . .I just missed my mommy so much, and stupid Usagi was getting on my
nerves, I know she doesn't understand me at all.  I...I thought that,
well, if I found Sailor Moon, then she could help me out. . .maybe, or
you..."  Big tears were welling up in her eyes.  "But then I got lost and
I couldn't find anyone and I got scared so, so then I started crying. . ."

  Tuxedo Mask could pretty much figure out the rest.  She had released her
energy and the enemy had tracked her down.  He sighed, "Reeny, you have
to learn to trust Usagi.  She'll make everything better, you'll see.  And
Sailor Moon is good friends with Usagi, isn't she?"

The child nodded shyly.

  "Well, then, Sailor Moon wouldn't be friends with Usagi if she didn't
like her and think she was a good person.  You trust Sailor Moon, right,
and you trust me, right?"

  Reeny nodded again, then spoke up, "But, *you* don't talk to Sailor
Moon, so how come you are sticking up for her?"

  Pain flashed in Tuxedo Mask's eyes, but they were effectively concealed
by his mask.  He turned his head away from the perceptive girl nonetheless
and murmured, "I will always be on Sailor Moon's side, Reeny, even if it
doesn't look like it.  I, I would trust her with my life, with the world
even.  She is the strongest person I know."  He stopped before the tears
burning behind his eyes spilled and stood up abruptly.

  "Well, I must go now and, um, search for Usagi.  No doubt she is out
there looking for you.  You just go back to sleep and don't worry about
it, okay?"

  Reeny blinked and looked around the room, noticing for the first time
that it was empty of its regular occupant.  Guilt lanced through her as
she thought of Usagi running around at night in the cold.  She would have
left in only her pajamas. . .

  "Okay," said Reeny shyly, "a-and could you tell Usagi, when you find
her, that I am sorry?"

  Tuxedo Mask softened and smiled at the child.  "Sure," he said, jumping
out of the window and taking off for the park.

                   * * *

  And so here he was again, hidden in the branches of a tree, a spectator
as he found himself to be so often.  For a while, such a short, sweet
while, he had not been looking in, but had been part of that happy group
that celebrated their victory.  But, he reasoned, he had no right to long
for that now.  Usagi had given him his wish, and he has pushed it and her
away.  His hands fisted in helplessness.  It hadn't been his desire!!!  It
had been the same as driving a knife into his heart when he had separated
himself from his Usako.  But those damn dreams would never leave him,
otherwise, and the last thing he wanted was to see her hurt.  He'd rather
die than have that happen.  And, with the way his heart felt now, he just
might.


  Now he found himself following Usagi discreetly, whenever possible, in a
pathetic bid to be close to her.  He recognized himself to be, Mamoru
realized with a self-depreciating smile, a stalker.  And, though he told
himself that he followed her to keep her safe, he knew that he did so to
keep himself sane.  Like a drug, he needed her in his system.  He had no
wish to end his addiction.

  He looked down at the Senshi and finally his depressed brain figured out
that something was wrong.  He moved slightly to get a better view through
the branches and peered at the gregarious group.

  "Yeah, well it is  about time that Meatball Brain starts getting it
right!" teased the hot-tempered Sailor Mars.

  Realization dawned on him that Sailor Moon was not in the middle of the
noisy group as she usually was.  He began to look around for her
frantically when he heard her typical response sounding from beneath him.

He almost fell off the tree.

  He looked down quickly and saw her standing right underneath the massive
shadow of the very tree he was on.  Of all the trees in the damn park...
If she found him up here he really would have some explaining to do, and
he didn't think he could handle being so near to her again without
sweeping her up into his arms and begging for her forgiveness.

  For the next few minutes that followed he kept himself still,
wary of alerting Sailor Moon to his presence.  Only after the girls said
their goodbyes and began to depart did he stir from his position, ready to
follow Sailor Moon and Mars until Usagi was safely home.  Then he heard
Sailor Moon refuse Mars' company.  What is she up to?  He didn't believe
for a second that she wanted to "contemplate the meaning of life."  He
knew she was bone tired, it was obvious in her voice.  Knowing his Usako
as he did, he knew nothing could keep her from her bed.

  Disconcerted, he watched Sailor Mars run off home.  He peered at Usagi
from the his cover of leaves, waiting for her next move.

  When she let out a painful sob that cut through the night like the cry
of a lost soul his frown became fear.  Dear God, what was wrong?  Was she
going to cry?  He forced himself not to jump down immediately, fearing
that perhaps she really had meant to stay back for privacy.  Lord, he
wouldn't be able to stand it if she began to cry.

  But she cut off her crying abruptly, which was as unlike Usagi as
anything.  She was not the type to reel in her emotions.  Deeply
perturbed, foreboding gnawing at the edges of his consciousness, he watched
her take lagging steps towards the fountain.  The bushy leaves didn't
allow him a completely clear view and he was only able to make out the
flash of color of her uniform and her sitting figure at the fountain.
With a soundless movement, he shifted a bit so that he could peer between
the branches.  Ah, there she was, sitting facing a bit away from him so he
only saw her profile.  She was looking down beside her, but he couldn't
figure out at what.  The water, perhaps?

And then he heard her scream.

*****************************
To be continued