salaices@leland.stanford.edu

  Hi!  Welcome to another installment of our regularly scheduled program
... although I don't know how much longer it will be regularly scheduled.
School is gonna get out and I will be on my way HOME in another week.  So,
while I will try to keep updating the story as regularly as possible, some
weeks I won't have access to my computer, or a computer.  However,
faithful reader, despair not!  I WILL finish this story, even if I have
to walk five miles in the snow up a hill to reach the nearest computer!  I
don't know how much longer this is going to be.  I keep on thinking,
*okay, one more chapter ought to do it,* and then our lovely couple starts
doing something completely different than what I had planned and I have to
follow along.  Doh!  Oh, well, hope you stick with it,  though.

  My thanks go out again to all of you who have taken the time to e-mail
me with all your lovely comments and suggestions.  I love you all, and I
love e-mail.  In fact, e-mail is the only thing that keeps me going.  I
want it, I need it, I crave it.  My friends call it an addiction, but what
do they know?!?  GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!

Okay, if I haven't scared you away yet, here*s all the business junk.

Disclaimer:  Sailor Moon and all related characters and paraphernalia are
not owned by me but by a very talented lady named Naoko Takeuchi.  Not
that I'm not a lady, mind you, but all I own are a few trading cards and a
collection of episodes taken off the TV, okay?  Don't sue me for them
because then I will be very, very sad and probably go bonkers.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Final Truths

by
Lilac Summers

Chapter 5

  Mamoru was swimming in sensations.  Usagi was attacking him with her
sweet lips, and he was more than happy to surrender and begin his own
assault.  God, how he had missed her, the feel of her, the taste . . .
Some tiny part of his brain was trying to come through, to remind him of
something, but he ignored it completely and focused only on the dark
sensations that Usagi's kiss engendered.  Her little body was
pressed up against him, and with a groan of defeat he engulfed her in his
arms, holding her tightly and kissing her with such a ferocity that her
back angled until she lay over his arms.  His hands were pressed against
innocent flannel and clutched handfuls of her golden hair, using the
glittering strands as tools to angle her neck back, too.

  Usagi was completely dazed by the onslaught.  When she had initiated the
kiss she had meant to shock him back to her, to remind him of what he
missed.  Never had she thought that he would go crazed, that the kiss
would serve as a key to a floodgate of emotion he had kept checked for
weeks.  Yet, however befuddled she may have been, she welcomed and
participated in the embrace whole-heartedly.  She could not get enough of
his taste, of his scent, of the feel of his strong body holding her own.
Her back was strained almost to the breaking point and she didn't give a
damn.

  They made quite the passionate picture beneath the shadowy atmosphere of
the tree,  the soft lights by the fountains casting fluttering patterns on
the couple.  They were the picture of every fairy-tale,  the dark,
handsome prince engulfing the golden princess.  This was the scene that
greeted the eyes of four teenage girls dressed in unbelievably short
skirts as they stumbled into the park.

  Sailor Mars was the first to arrive at the fountain, and she stopped
dead in her tracks as she saw the passionate couple under the tree, then
froze stock-still as she realized just WHO that couple was!  Mercury,
unaware of Mars' sudden halt, plowed into her back, and then Venus and
Jupiter followed.  Finally,  in a multicolored parody of dominos, they
fell in a heap on the ground.

  "Uuummmph!" protested Sailor Venus as she landed on Jupiter with Mercury
atop her.  "Hey, Mars, watch what you're doing, will you?  My butt is
still sore from last night's fight!" The girls untangled themselves from
the mass of arms and legs and proceeded to dust themselves off, all except
for Mars who still stood transfixed at whatever it was she saw.

  "Sailor Mars . . . earth to Mars!!"  said Sailor Jupiter, waving a hand
in front of Mars' face.

  "Hmmm, don't you mean  'Jupiter to Mars'?" teased Venus as she craned
her neck to see what kept Mars so entranced.

  "Gyahhh!" she breathed, catching a glance of the shadowy pair beneath
the protection of the tree, not recognizing who they were, "guys, you
gotta see this!  Well, no wonder you ain't moving, Mars."  With a sly
glance she poked the gaping Sailor Mars in the ribs, "catching a bit of a
show, aren't you?"

  Mercury and Jupiter joined their friends to watch the couple, both
breathing a sad, romantic little sigh at the picture that they saw.

  "Oooh, I'm jealous!  I wish I had a guy who was so passionate!  Like my
old boyfri- - -"

Mercury slapped a hand over Jupiter's mouth.  "Don't say it, Jupiter.
Just don't even say it."

  Jupiter pushed Mercury's hand away.  "Bah.  You are SO unromantic
Ami-chan . . ."  Sailor Mercury gave her a reproving glance.  "I mean,
*Sailor Mercury*.  Anyway, in either form, you are SO unromantic."

  "Hmmm, not *everything* revolves around boys, Jupiter.  Why, I think a
good, well-rounded education of the classical subjects can serve just as
. . . What?  What'd I miss?!"

  The other girls had sighed and stepped a little closer to the embracing
couple, though still remaining hidden behind the spray of the fountain, at
a particularly steamy moment when the golden-haired girl had gripped her
lover's body tighter.

  "Aaaahhhh," they all breathed, especially the shy Sailor Mercury.
Jupiter turned her head and gave Mercury a knowing look.

  "Well, I'm human, too, you know!" exclaimed the blushing Senshi.

   "Yeah, though sometimes you make it hard to believe," responded the
tall Amazon.

  As they started to discuss the love life, or lack thereof, of  Sailor
Mercury, Sailor Venus stretched from her position and assumed a
business-like demeanor.

  "Okay, guys, as, ummm, *entertaining* as this may be, we still have to
find Usagi.  C'mon, let's go."

  The girls had been awakened by the urgent beeping of their communicators
around four in the morning.  A haggard Luna had pleaded for them to search
for her ward, who was NOT in her room as she was supposed to be.  Although
she had mentioned the rose, and the Senshi all knew where *that* came
from, she was still worried at not knowing where Usagi was.  Naturally,
they had all thought to stop in the park where they had last seen their
friend.

   Mercury and Jupiter abruptly stopped their arguing and moved off after
the Senshi of Love. They were perhaps a few feet away from the fountain
when Mercury realized that they were one short.  Placing a soft hand on
Venus' arm to halt her, she pointed at Mars who still stood behind the
fountain.

  The girls returned to the fountains, casting worried glances at their
fiery friend.

"Mars-chan . . . are you okay?"

  Mars turned her head to look at her friends, a huge smile lighting up
her exotic features.  "You dolts!  Just WHO do you think is under that
tree?"

  Venus gave Mars a doubting look.    "Really, Mars, I wouldn't think you
would be so interested in some random stranger's love-life!  Now, *I*
would be, and so would Usagi, but not you . . ."

  Mars blew out a frustrated breath, ruffling her bangs.  "Are you people
blind?!  Will you just look closer!?!"  she demanded.

  With puzzled glances, the three girls peered around the fountain,
straining their eyes a little to focus in the dim light.

Hmmm, a tall, handsome guy, no doubt, bent over a girl with ridiculously
long hair that swept her ankles (in the Senshi's defense, Usagi's odangos
had fallen out).  Still, though they looked a bit familiar it wasn't as if
. . .  The couple who had yet to resurface for air shifted a bit so that
light finally hit their features.

    The collective gasp arose from the girls, blending into the music from
the fountain.   Immediately large grins covered their faces and their
interest turned much more avid.  Jupiter opened her mouth to whoop out a
victory cry, but was stopped when Mars clapped both hands over her mouth
and gave her a stern glance.  Unfortunately, no one bothered to do the
same to Venus, who took one large breath and shouted her encouragement:

  "Usagi-chan!  You *GO*, girl!!!!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

  Mamoru never wanted to let go of this well-spring of emotion.  It felt
as if he held spun sunshine in his hands, warming his entire being like
intoxicating wine.   Whenever that  persistent little voice rose up to
make him try to think he would block it out, clutching Usagi like a
life-line and drowning himself in her just the same.

  Usagi, for her part, had long ago used up the last of her breath, but
had entered that ethereal place where air was no longer necessary.  Any
air she needed she took from his lips.  Her body was a melting mass of
Jell-O, anyway, that did not need oxygen to sustain it.

  Minutes that spanned a thousand years passed before something intruded
into their consciousness, tearing them away from the hot spring they were
riding on.  That something was  a very enthusiastic voice that yelled:

  "Usagi-chan!  You *GO*, girl!!!"

  Usagi's eyes fluttered open, as did Mamoru's, so sky-blue met turbulent
sea.  Their lips separated gently as reality began to intrude, and Mamoru
realized with mounting disbelief that he held on to Usagi like a mad-man.
Her delicate back arched over his arm and he was bent over her as if
sheltering from a storm, although the storm raged within him.

  That voice that he had managed to ignore now rose full force, rearing
its ugly little head so it could scream in his ear:  "Hey, Mamoru, what
the hell do you think you are doing?!  Usagi is in danger, remember?  You
CAN'T be with her!  STAY AWAY FROM HER!"

  Usagi watched awareness return into Mamoru's eyes as her own began to
clear.  Instantly she braced herself for rejection . . . .  She wasn't
disappointed.  Mamoru released her so abruptly that Usagi had to fight not
to fall over from her contorted position now that Mamoru's supporting arm
was removed.  She managed to right herself just barely with
uncharacteristic balance.  Mamoru was confused, wondering how she had
managed to get through all his defenses, and he backed away from her until
he once more was pressed against the trunk of the tree.  He fought to
distance himself from her, to pull down the cold mask over his face again.

  Usagi wanted to stomp her feet and howl at the moon in frustration.
Instead she turned her head to see where the cheering was coming from.
Her face infused with cherry-red color as she saw the her friends sitting
by the fountain.  Jupiter was giving her a thumbs-up, Mars flashing a
cocky smile, Venus was holding up her "V is for victory" pose, and Mercury
was analyzing the entire situation through her visor.  A hysterical giggle
threatened to bubble up when she distinctively heard Venus confide to
Jupiter:  "I wish we had some popcorn . . . "

  Usagi shut her eyes tightly and took a few deep breaths, blocking out
the giggling in the background.  She hardly cared, now, if they had an
audience, not when she had been SO close to breaking through.  She knew,
sensed somehow, that Mamoru had been on the point of capitulation.
Trying to gather her wits about her she finally turned back around and
faced down Mamoru.

  She felt like screaming when she saw that that cool-operator mask was
over his face again.  By looking at him one could never have known that he
had spent five minutes in a fervent embrace.  Now he stood collected and
calm, blue eyes slightly mocking in that upperclassman stance that was
calculated to drive girls insane, and that did just that.  Usagi, for her
own part, pasted a slight smile on her face and raked trembling fingers
through the mass of hair that fell about her shoulders.  She knew she
wasn't any good at hiding her feelings, that she couldn't hide behind an
icy wall like Mamoru did.  She had never needed such a defense mechanism .
. . until now.

  Instead she did the best she could and tried to calm her heartbeat,
readying herself for whatever Mamoru might choose to dish out.  She didn't
have to wait long.

  "I hope you know that that little, uh, display that just occurred proves
nothing," began Mamoru, who prayed to God he sounded as believable as he
looked.

  Usagi tilted her head to the side inquisitively, "Doesn't it?"

  To play off the role to the max, Mamoru glanced uncaringly at the sleeve
of his shirt and flicked at some imaginary lint.  "Of course not.  The
only thing that proves is that we are both human beings . . . anyone can
get carried away during angry moments," he rationalized.

  Usagi remained in the same stance.  "Can they?"

  Mamoru shot a look at her through his eyelashes and busied himself with
straightening out a cuff.  "Of course they can."  Somehow he knew he was
on a downward slide, that nothing was quite coming out the way it was
supposed to.  But how could he know that, now that Usagi realized his true
love for her, he would never be able to dissuade her?  He had to try . . .
for her sake.

  "Really, Usagi.  I would expect you to be more mature about this," he
chided.

  That one hurt.  Usagi thought she was handling the matter very well, but
she couldn't help but wonder if perhaps she was reading too much into this
with her naivete.  She searched hurriedly in his eyes for confirmation,
ready to rely on her instincts.  Nothing . . . there was nothing in those
icy blue depths.  Wait . . . THERE!  Yes, a flicker of emotion, of remorse
. . .  Usagi shook off the doubt and conceded the point to him.  Oh, he
was a wily one . . . and that one had stung enough to make her a bit
defensive.  She struck out:

  "Well, what can you expect, Mamo-chan, when I'm only fourteen?  It's not
my fault you decided to go at it hot and heavy with a teenager . . ."

  Hisses and titters came from the cheering section by the fountain.
Venus held up a card that said "9.5" and Mercury applauded for form.

  Mamoru lost balance slightly, a dark blush suffusing his face.  Ouch,
but the rabbit could bite if provoked!  He could hardly tell her that many
a times he had held back from being just a little more, um, *passionate*,
for that very reason.

  "Hmmmm, well, the pickings were ripe.  But let's face it Usagi . . .
it's over.  Nothing you can say can change that.  Whether or not I'm
lonely is none of your concern.   What's more, I don't have to give you a
reason for the break-up, it just *is*, okay?  Let it go."

  Usagi was not about to "let it go," not when she had been so damn close!
She threw a threatening look over her shoulder at the Senshi, who had
started "booing" at Mamoru's last comments.  Wait . . . where the hell
had they gotten the popcorn from?

  "Very well, *Mamo-chan*, I will let it go, but not without that reason
that you are so stubborn about not telling me.  I want to know *why*.
Just one good reason is all that it will take, and then you'll be free.
The string of destiny will be cut."

  The Senshi fell completely silent, sensing the importance of the moment.
Mamoru stared impassively at Usagi while his mind raged with
possibilities.  Most of all, dread filled his body completely.  Whether it
was dread of not being able to come up with a believable reason or dread
at actually having her "let it go" he couldn't tell.  He wanted to tell
her he had no reason, that he loved her, that he was a fool . . . He
needed to tell her that he loved her not, that they weren't meant to be.
He could do neither.

  The silence stretched interminably .   Usagi stayed as she was, leaning
slightly towards him, ready to hear whatever answer he had and reject it
no matter how logical.  He, however, remained still as a stone, not
uttering a word or giving anything away through any nuance in his
demeanor.

  He had to say something, anything, to drive her away and keep her safe.
The problem was, he had absolutely not one good reason other than the
truth.  He could see the Senshi getting restless in the background,
anxious for the next dramatic hit.  Usagi simply stared up at him with big
blue eyes, looking so damn innocent in those pink pajamas, so trusting . .
.  He shut his eyes briefly and opened them again, ready to give the most
whopping lie he had ever given.

"I love another."

  Usagi blinked.  That was all.  She blinked and stood there, looking up
at him until he thought he would sink through the grass and slide straight
down to hell.  The Senshi had immediately risen in an uproar, their auras
lightening up threateningly.  He had no doubt they would blast him to hell
themselves for the blasphemy he had committed.

  Usagi must have sensed this, because she simply turned and shook her
head at them.  With disappointed huffs and dirty looks aimed at his
direction they settled back down..  Usagi turned again and looked at him,
clearing her throat delicately.

  "Hmmmm, I see.  And what would the name of this lucky girl be?"

  Mamoru stared at her strangely, wondering why she wasn't throwing a fit,
and then racked his brain for a name.  "Diana," he supplied.

  "Oh, how interesting," was all she said, very calmly, very serene.  Then
the dam burst.  "NOT IN THIS MILLENNIUM, YOU DON'T!" she shouted.
"HONESTLY!!!  How stupid do you think I am?  Any fool can tell you are
lying through your teeth!  Can't you, Rei?" she asked her friend for
backup.

  Rei nodded her affirmative, and then the insult hit.  "HEY!" she
protested.  But Usagi was already ignoring her.

  "Mamoru, I can SEE you.  Don't you get it?  You can't lie to me
anymore!"

  He brushed past her, refusing to be corralled by her any longer, wanting
to get away from this inquisition.  But she wouldn't let him.  She grabbed
his arm and held on so he was forced to stop for fear of dragging her.

  "Just tell me the truth!  That's all I ask!  The final truth and you'll
be free!  That's what you want, right?  Or at least, that's what you have
fooled yourself into thinking you want!"

  That was it.  Mamoru could handle no more.  He could not appease both
parts of himself.  He could not continue to tear himself apart.  He could
not have her--he knew that--but, oh, how he wanted her . . . It was too
much.

  He tore his arm from her grasp and whirled on her, complete fury at his
helplessness whirring through him.  "NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT!  THAT'S
NEVER WHAT I WANTED,  BUT THAT'S WHAT I'LL HAVE!  LEAVE IT ALONE, USAGI,
FOR GOD'S SAKE!!  YOU'LL DRIVE ME INSANE!  My God, I think I already am
insane!" With haunted eyes he looked at her, weary from weeks of sleepless
nights, "by the Earth itself, I will not be the one to hurt you.  I refuse
to see you die, you hear me!?  I will go first, I swear I will, before I
see you die!  So don't ask me again, Usako . . . .  It's over."

  With a swirl of petals and cape, Tuxedo Mask took over and disappeared
into a night starting to show the first traces of dawn.  Usagi was too
shocked to move and could only stare at his retreating back.

  The Senshi looked at each other in awe.  Never had they seen such an
outburst from stolid Mamoru, except when coming to Sailor Moon's defense.
It was something they had never thought to see in this context.  Mercury,
predictably, was the first to come out of the stupor, and she went over to
her standing friend, ready to offer comfort if need be.

  "Are you okay, Usagi-chan?" she whispered.  Usagi turned teary eyes on
Sailor Mercury and Mercury prepared herself for the flood.  Instead, a
single tear escaped Usagi's shining eyes to flow gently down a porcelain
cheek, and a hundred-watt smile lit up Usagi's face.  She threw herself
into Mercury's arms, hugging fiercely.

  "Finally, oh FINALLY we're getting somewhere!" she exclaimed
ecstatically.  With a happy little hop she moved over to the rest of her
friends who sat confused by the fountain's edge.

  "Venus," asked Usagi tentatively.  Venus looked up, ready to offer her
friend any sort of help.

  "Venus," repeated Usagi, "do you have any popcorn left?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

  Tuxedo Mask entered his apartment via the balcony, sliding the glass
door shut behind him.  With furious, jerky movements that contrasted
greatly from his usual grace he ripped off his gloves, mask, and hat,
flinging them away from him so they landed in a shadowed corner.  Pale
streaks of light were beginning to glimmer over the rich velvet of the sky
and cast a pale blue sort of light into the room.  That was its only
illumination.

  Mamoru stayed in the tuxedo, too weary to detransform from Tuxedo Mask
form, and sat dejectedly at the foot of the rumpled bed.  He rested his
head in his hands, pressing trembling fingers to his temples in an attempt
to soothe his pounding head.  But nothing could stop the collage of images
that ran through his mind  . . . and all the images were of one person.
Usagi.  In pink pajamas, in a school uniform, in a Senshi suit, in a
princess gown--no matter what the form it was that she took, she was a
constant in his life.  She was the *only* constant in his life.

  She had come so close to getting the truth out of him.  Her words had
rang too true.  She was right, he did not understand himself.  He refused
to follow his heart and instead relied on his brain.   After all, his
heart could be broken and his brain (though sometimes lacking in the
memory department) could not.  He knew he was bad at revealing emotion,
but that was how he had survived the orphanages and the loneliness.  God,
the loneliness . . .  He had not known, when he was still a boy, that that
emptiness he felt inside was not the norm.  He had lived with it for as
long as he could remember.  He had not known that not everyone went
through life feeling incomplete.  It had nothing to do with friends, for
they did not fill the void, as good friends as they may be.  No, he had
not realized that the emptiness was unnatural until a certain bunny had
stumbled into his path and the chasm had mysteriously disappeared.  And
then he had known . . . he had known that his entire life he had been only
a half of a whole . . . half a person walking around in the world, with
half a soul and half a heart.

  But he could deal with the loneliness, he told himself, if only she was
safe.  He had lived with a hollow in his being for eighteen years, and he
would survive . . . even if it was spent in abject misery for the rest
of his days.  As long as he knew that she lived, somewhere out there,
giving off her light, he could pretend to go on living.  And the day she
died, after realizing that glorious destiny that he knew she would
fulfill, many, many years from now an old lady with a score of
grandchildren, then he would rest.  Then he would finally be free of the
loneliness, and be with her in death as he was not being allowed to be
with her in life.

 It was the most he could hope for.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

  Usagi crept stealthily up the stairs to her room at five thirty in the
morning.  Without being in Senshi form it would have been too difficult to
go through her window, so she had opted for the front door, praying that
her parents wouldn't hear the creak of the stairs.  Fortunately, her
parents did not hear her passage down the hall.  Unfortunately, a certain
pink-haired munchkin did.

  "Hey, baka!" she hissed from her room adjoining Usagi's.

  Usagi squealed softly and jumped, whirling to face the little girl.
"Darn it, Reeny, you startled me!"

  Reeny sniffed and raised her nose in the air.  "Humph, it doesn't take
much!"

  Usagi really was not in the mood to fight with the child, so she ignored
her and proceeded to enter her own room.  Reeny didn't take the hint and
followed her inside.

  Usagi sighed at the intrusion and resigned herself to not getting any
sleep that night.  She turned to the little girl.  "Yes?"

  Reeny fidgeted nervously by the door, unsure how or where to begin.
After a bit of deliberation she decided to take her usual tact and tease
Usagi into a froth, first.  After all, she was so fun to tease.

  "So, where have *you* been?  I hope you haven't been out there trying to
seduce my Mamo-chan, cuz I can always tell Mama Ikuko that you haven't
been home all night!"

  Usagi glanced with tired eyes at the child, not really believing the
threats and too drained to raise to the bait.  Instead, she decided to
give the most plausible excuse.  "You can hardly do that when I spent
hours looking for you after you ran off."

  That was the crux of the matter and Reeny blushed guiltily.  "I know...
that's what I came to talk to you about . . ."

  Usagi raised one eyebrow at the girl. "Oh?"

  Reeny peeked at the older girl through her lashes and then lowered her
eyes again to where her little bare feet were digging into the carpet.
"Yeah.  Well, uh, I wanted to apol . . . I wanted to say . . . Well, I
just felt that . . ."  She was blushing furiously, very unused to
apologizing, especially to Usagi, and making a muck of the whole process.

  Usagi stared at the top of the little girl's bowed head, a gentle smile
curving over her lips as she figured out what the Reeny was trying so hard
to say.  "It's okay, Reeny, you're forgiven.  Just don't do it again,
okay?  You really freaked me out."

  Reeny raised surprised eyes at Usagi when hearing the gentle tone.
Usagi stood by the lightening window, her hair down so that it swept the
floor, a soft expression on her face as she returned her gaze.  *Gosh, she
looks so much like my mama, now that I think about it . . . .*

  Her eyes clouded with tears at the reminder of her parents.  She missed
them so much, and she just didn't know what to do anymore!  Everything
seemed to be falling around her small shoulders . . .

  With a sob she threw herself into the startled arms of the older girl,
burying her face into the soft material of Usagi's pajamas so that it
absorbed her tears.  Usagi stared down at the little girl, disconcerted.
Then something warm and sweet seemed to fill her, a feeling she had never
felt before.  She wanted to protect this brave little girl, and it
suddenly just didn't seem to matter that Reeny could be a royal pain.
With a volition of their own her arms went around the small form of the
kid.  She comforted the crying child as she watched the new day dawn.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  * * * * *

  To be continued . . . .

It's almost a sure thing that I won't have the next one in by next week,
but I WILL have Chapter 6 out within two weeks, okay?