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Q: My friend told me it's a good policy not to talk to strangers. Is he nuts?
Absolutely. You need to learn to associate with strangers as often as possible! Strangers can be your friends, and can teach you valuable lessons about life. For instance, who would teach you to cope with that first victim-of-an-armed-robbery experience? Why, a stranger, or course! And who do you think will rob you blind while you sleep? You guessed it--a stranger! Who doesn't like being robbed blind? I've also found it a good policy to take candy from them whenever possible, especially of the unwrapped variety. After all, wouldn't you feel offended if one of your FRIENDS drugged you with a piece of candy? Damn right you would. You should be grateful that there are strangers out there nice enough to sacrifice their legal well-being to drug or poison you, so your friends don't have to. And speaking of friends, yours is definitely a nut. I suggest making a new friend. And where better to find one than in the massive pool of strangers our society has to offer? Happy hunting!

Q: Why do we have to pay taxes?
Any idiot knows that we pay taxes to support the drug habits of the bureaucrats in Washington. Take a good look at a politician--any politician--and you'll clearly see that he or she is on drugs of some sort. Honestly, who would want to devote their entire life to things like foreign policy and the national debt if it wasn't for the drugs available to politicians? Politicians want your money to enhance the experience of being in power--with more, better quality drugs. Plus, they can break other laws and get off scot free. That brings up another interesting piece of advice... vote for me in the 2000 election. Why waste a vote on Gore or Bush when you can vote for me? Sure, they may have experience or "education"... but we all know that education is for losers anyway.

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