Razzz Sweet Dreams Well, We all know these characters don't belong to me. Sailor Moon and all the characters are the property of Naoko (sorry, I don't know her last name) and Toei and Dic and whoever else owns them. Big Huge thanks to the archive administrators. Thanks sooo much. Also, thanks a million times over to Lianne, who had amazing comments that I really appreciated even if I didn't listen to them all, and the wonderfully sweet and incredibly talented Laurel Anne. (these two also write the bestest stories in the world. Well, I love comments of all kinds, so please please please tell me what you think. And thanks to everyone who has sent me comments already. It is definitely appreciated. At home, in her bed, Serena slept, tossing and turning restlessly in her sleep. "Are you worried about Darien?" Luna asked the sleeping girl. "Is that why you can't sleep?" In response, Serena rolled over, almost turning the poor cat into a pancake, still dreaming. So many years had passed, and yet nothing, not the stone walls surrounding the red brick building, not the constant ringing of young voices, had changed at all; the ivy still grew tall along the perimeter, and his rose gardens were in full bloom. Children played hopscotch and skipped rope, just as they had ten years ago. "Why did you ever come back?" he asked himself aloud, leaning against the walls he had climbed on as a child, staring out over his rose gardens. Even though he had left this place long ago, they were still his gardens. An old woman, her eyes shining with mild annoyance strode confidently into the court-yard, looking as though she owned the place. She had set her sights on the young man standing, loitering, in her orphanage, and was determined to get him off the premises. Protect the children, you know. "Excuse me young man but this is private property and-" she pushed her wire rimmed glasses further up her nose, and squinted, then gasped in surprise. "Why Darien Chiba, is that you? Why it is, it is!" she exclaimed, remembering her former charge, the brilliant, troublesome, introverted little boy. "Why, what are you doing back here?" she said, beginning to walk away. Darien didn't follow, and she turned back to look at him harshly, again giving him that teacher look that shouldn't have made him squirm - but it did. "Well, what are standing there for. Let's go inside. Lord, how you've grown. I'll bet you make all the girls just swoon." She said merrily, walking into the foyer. He followed her silently, staring about the room in awe. He remembered how the marble looked to him when he was a boy, the cold floor with the black and white patterns he could play on. 'Careful, don't touch the black,' shouted the sweet soprano of a little boy. He smiled, as he realized he was still avoiding stepping on the black tiles, although now it was a simple step, not the leap it had taken him when he was younger. "Lucy, could you bring us some tea - or do you want coffee maybe?" She asked. "What ever's the easiest Miss Geist." He said politely. "Lucy, two teas - and try to remember to stir this time." Miss Geist called. "So, what ever have you been doing?" she said, turning her attention to the young man in front of her. 'My, he's turned out nicely' she thought. "A little of this, a little of that. But mostly studying." He said, folding his hands in his lap. "Are you still tending roses? Our gardens are just so beautiful thanks to your work." "Yes, you could say I'm still keeping up with them." he said enigmatically. Miss Geist looked at him oddly. 'Hasn't changed a bit.' She thought. She cleared her throat loudly, perhaps a little too loudly. "So, what brings you back? It's been, what, maybe 3, 4 years since you left?" she asked. Ah, now there was the real question. Why had he come back. Even Darien wasn't sure. To say good-bye to this part of his life - was that it? He thought it was. To say good - bye to that little boy, lost and scared and alone. To begin his new life with friends, with love. He wasn't that boy anymore. He had grown up, could stand on his own two feet without being overwhelmed by the giant statues in the courtyard, without having to look at his shoes in shame when he had failed to finish his homework. He wasn't the one who knelt silently in his garden, crying, because his parents had left him, because he couldn't remember the parents he wanted back. He wasn't the one who climbed the trees and walked the walls instead of belonging to the petty cliques that gathered in the sand-box and at the swings and on the handball court. All that was in the past, wasn't it? "I've just come to look around, I guess. Say good-bye to this place." he said. Lucy brought in the tea, and Darien sipped it slowly, savoring the taste of it, an odd flavor that he didn't recognize. But it fit, the sour and tart liquid making him hold back a grimace. Just like this place made him hide his own emotions. 'I don't want to be here.' he thought miserably. Why in the world did he think he could just come back and not be affected, as though time had removed the emotions from his memories. His absence hadn't changed anything. He was still strangely afraid of this place, afraid of the people here who knew that he was nothing more than a frightened little boy. A frightened little boy who was all alone. 'You'll always be an orphan Darien Chiba. You'll always be alone. No one will have you. No one will want you' There it was, that voice he hadn't heard in years - the voice that was his own, the voice that had taunted him as a youth, driven him to be what he was now - the dedicated student, the skilled acrobat, the gentle gardener. 'It's this place!' he thought. It was this place where he had locked away that part of himself, the part he had lost here so long ago, the child that he had been, that he had left here, that he had never wanted to be again. That little boy was back, looking for him, humming that silly school-boy tune he couldn't name, walking the halls in search of him. "So, have you met anyone special yet. I would imagine that you'd have no trouble in that department." Miss Geist said, her voice, usually so grating, so annoying in her incessantly condescending tone, sounded like an angel's harp just by bringing up that topic. 'Serena. Yes, let's talk about Serena.' ' He though happily, his mind shifting from the unpleasant image of a small, dark-haired, sad-eyed boy. He could feel the heavy atmosphere that had been weighing him down, begin to lift as he thought of the one thing that had saved him from the type of life he had known here, saved him from eternal solitude and sadness. 'Let's talk about anything that keeps my mind off of him.' "Yes. Actually, I have. Serena. She's a really wonderful girl. She's beautiful, and kind and loving, and I couldn't have asked for anyone better." He said, just the sound of her name on his lips making him smile. She would be asleep by now; it was almost 11 pm her time. "Oh, that's wonderful. You know, I never thought that you'd be the one to find love -or, in all honesty, to attract it." she said, laughing in a high pitched drone. 'You never were the type who people would fall in love with. You're too callous, too cold. You're like a fish Darien.' he thought. 'Does Serena deserve a cold fish?' The boy was looking for him, bringing with him the truths he had lived by, threatening Darien with these memories he didn't want to remember. 'Leave me alone.' He thought, yelling as loudly as his mind could. 'I came here to get rid of you, to move on. I'm not you any more. I've changed.' Darien abruptly stood, a hand massaging his temple lightly. He almost knocked the chair over, a heavy golden oak one with plush maroon velvet lining, startling Miss Geist. "Miss Geist, if you'll excuse me please. I have -things - I have to do." he said, picking up his heavy black jacket. "Oh, well, of course. Darien. It was nice seeing you again. Do stop by and visit again if you have the chance. I hope you enjoy your stay." she said, her eyes narrowed at the boy. 'Of all the rude, inconsiderate - why, he almost made me spill my tea!' she thought, watching the boy quickly walk out the door, his smooth and steady gait marred by apprehension. He ran until he was breathing hard, gasping for breath, standing in the cold night air with just his shirt and slacks on. He was in the rose garden - he always ended up there, even as a child. His look turned to one of horror as he realized, he was doing it again, after all these years, that strange habit making him return to his sanctuary. No, this wasn't his sanctuary. It was the boy's sanctuary. But why did it make him feel so much better to be here. He wasn't that boy, he wasn't alone, he wasn't scared. He was Tuxedo Mask. He fought monsters on a regular basis. He had Serena, who never ever left his side, even when he didn't need her around. He wasn't alone anymore. He wasn't scared anymore. So why did he feel that he was? "I'm not who I was anymore. I'm me! Me!" he yelled out at the night sky, at the bright moon, at the blooming roses. 'I'm me.' he thought again, unsure of what 'me' meant, of who 'me' meant. The strains of a piano floated out into the garden. No piano was playing though. Slow, low tones, ominous sharp and flats, pounding angrily steadily. The tempo rose- it wasn't supposed to go faster. The Moonlight Sonata was steady; this rendition of the piece wasn't right. It was too intense, too fast, and then it slowed again. He stared out at the moon; was that where the song was coming from? It seemed as though it did. He couldn't see where it might have originated from at the orphanage. It was all quiet there, all the children asleep, or playing quietly, and certainly not practicing the piano. "Oh Darien, can't you hear?" a sweet voice, familiar, safe, warm loving, said. He whirled around to face it, to face her. "Serena?" he whispered. She stood on the wall, dressed in her brilliant white princess dress, her hair floating loosely behind her, still in it's two meat-balls. "What are you doing here? You should be at home, asleep," he said, stepping forward towards her. She leapt gracefully off the wall. "Oh, Darien? Listen, listen." She said, leaning her head back to enjoy the song, her expression one of rapture. He listened again. The music was still low, still depressing and ominous, but rising, rising sweetly, to high C, and the octave above that clear crystal note. "It's you Darien. Can't you hear? It's you." she said, her arm waving in the air to illustrate her point. "But Serena, it's just a song." He said. "It's more than that Darien. It's you. Listen - listen with your heart." She urged, passing an arm over his eyes. They seemed unable to stay open, and he let his lids shut tightly, as thought he were asleep, and yet he was fully conscious. Again it played that melody. The soft, sweet chords playing, rising above the darker, lower notes. Oh, those notes were still there, they were always there. The low sharps and deep flats would never go away; they were part of the song. But, they were secondary to that beautiful major chord - that sweet, crystal tune that took over the piece, that rang out high and soft and loud and beautiful, as though renewing the hope and purpose of the piece, as though reviving the song, giving it new life, giving it new reason. That bright spot, that one line of music that sung out above the rest, that was the whole point of it, to let the light win out over the never forgotten dark that had to be played, that made it possible to reach that point. His eyes slowly opened as the final strains of the song faded away. He looked at Serena, who was smiling at him. "Do you see?" she asked. "I see. But what does that have to do with me?" he asked. She sighed. "You do not see what I wanted you to. Oh Darien." she said sadly, embracing him. Her eyes shimmered with tears. "Why did you come back here?" she asked. He looked at her strangely. "You know why. I told you before I left." He said. "Please, tell me again." "I guess I wanted to say good-bye to this part of my life. So it doesn't hang over us in the future." He said slowly, carefully choosing his words. "But Darien, how can you say good-bye to something you never said hello to?" she asked. I don't understand." He said. She stepped out of his arms and turned away from him. "Serena? Serena, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you but I don't get what you're trying to say." he said, sounding apologetic and hurt. She turned around, holding a small, pale hand in hers. A small boy, trembling, his dark hair tumbling forward into his sad blue eyes, stood beside her. He recognized him in an instant. "That's me!" he said in amazement. "Finally." Serena said. She seemed to almost float to his side, the boy following her. "This boy is you Darien. It is a part of you." "But I'm not him anymore. I've changed." He said, protesting. The boy's eyes were too familiar. How many times had he looked in the mirror and seen that look, that look that had made him vow not to ever get close to another person, to stay alone, because as hard as being alone was, it was better than being hurt again. "Why, of course you've changed Darien. But that is still part of who you are. You must accept that. Or else, how can you say good-bye. How can you move on?" 'And what if I can't move on? What if I'm still him?' he thought, afraid, desperately afraid of his Serena. How odd that was. To be afraid of Serena. Or was he merely afraid of what she asked? It didn't matter. Here he was, afraid again, alone again. 'Will that child curse me, haunt me forever?' he angrily asked silently. "No, not forever Darien. I love you too much. You will never be alone again, I swear. But Darien, you can not ignore this part of you. It will always be there - just as in the song the darker notes were always there." Serena said. She took the boy's hand in hers, standing dangerously close to Darien with the child. "Please Darien. Take his hand. And then, it will be like at the end of the song." She said, grasping his hand in her free one. He could feel himself trembling despite himself. "Let this child live inside you, in harmony with your present. Let him free Darien. Let yourself free." She placed his hand in that of the child's. He could feel the boy's fear, the loneliness, the sadness. 'I don't want this.' Darien thought in alarm. He looked at Serena for help, his eyes in a panic. She was watching them contentedly, smiling. All the child's emotions washed over him, overwhelming him. They seemed to take over - his hate and anger, his fright and horror, the dismal sense of being utterly alone. And then they began to fade, barely at first. But they soon began to become unnoticeable, untouchable, almost unreal, yet very, very real. He could no longer feel that child trying to break in through his wall. The child had stopped crying now, and all that he brought with him, all that seemed gone, or at least forgotten, but not really forgotten, just calmed, sated. The child was sated now. He could only hear a clear melody, his love reciprocated, sing out loudly above the soft strains of the darker harmony. Darien looked down at the boy, who was smiling. Darien recognized it as his own smile. "This is me." he said, looking at the boy. Then he looked at his own hands, large and strong, long and lithe. "This is me too." Amazement and wonder filled his voice with emotion. "Do you understand now?" Serena asked. He nodded his head affirmatively. "Yes, I think I do. Now I do." he said. He looked at his former self again, tousling the boy's hair affectionately. He stared at the child for a long, silent moment. The boy returned the intense gaze - it would have, should have, unnerved anyone else. But not Darien. He understood. This was himself, a part of himself that made him who he is, and that without this child, he would be someone else entirely. The boy was a part that he must accept, be at peace with in order to move forward, so the child does not hinder and haunt his future. "Darien?" Darien asked. The boy remained silent, but Darien knew he had heard. "Good bye." Darien said, reaching down to hug him. The boy smiled happily, light shining in his eyes. "Thank you Darien." the boy said. He seemed to almost glow, to shine, then become transparent, until he was nothing more than a fading, glimmering mirage that disappeared into the soft moonlight raining down. Darien turned to Serena, who stood on the wall again, out of his reach. "I love you Darien. I love who you were, who you are, and who you will become. I won't ever let you be alone again. So don't be afraid. Never be afraid." She said. He could see her begin to shimmer as the boy had done. Behind her, no through her, he could see the red brick of the orphanage, the windows all dark due to the late hour. "Wait, Serena, where are you going?" he asked in alarm as she faded. His arm was raised up, as though gesturing for her to stop. She smiled, amused. "Why I'm going home Darien. Where else would I go?" she said. She blinked out of existence, the moonlight filling the spot she had been standing. Darien blinked, unsure of what had just happened. She had been standing there, and now she wasn't. ' Serena!' he thought in alarm. Where did she go? Was she all right? He began to grow afraid. He leapt over the wall of his rose garden, no longer feeling the need for it's sanctuary. He doubted if he ever would again. He found the first pay-phone he could and poured all his change into it, dialing a number he had called so many times it was permanently ingrained in his memory. After seven rings someone picked up. "Yeah?" someone said sleepily, still groggy. "Serena?" Darien asked. Serena immediately brightened and pushed herself up on her bed, holding the phone close to her ear. "Darien!" she said happily, still whispering. "What's wrong?" Why are you calling? Do you have any idea what time it is? If my Dad found out I'd be toast." She said in one long breath. "Nothing's wrong. I just wanted to hear your voice." He said, relieved that she was all right. "Have you been home all night?" he asked. "Of course I was. Were you worried I was out with someone else? Don't worry, I wasn't. But I was having the greatest dream. Until you woke me up." She said. " I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was so late." He apologized, feeling a little embarrassed at calling her for no apparent reason. He figured he just worried about her too much. "Oh, it's all right. I love talking to you. My dream was way cool. You were in it, but that's all that I remember." she said. Darien remained silent, listening carefully to the soft piece of music he thought he heard playing softly over the telephone. "Are you listening to music?" he asked, his mouth going suddenly dry. "Yeah, it's this classic piece by um, that dead guy, Beethoven. Luna was listening to it and I guess I fell asleep while it was playing. I think it was in my dream too. It's not that bad, for a classic. Called the um, the . . . oh what's it called again?" "The Moonlight Sonata?" he asked. She brightened. "Yeah, that's it. How'd you know?" she asked. "How could I forget." he said. "The End"