Talking about all this though kind of reminds me of The Ugly Duckling, you know, where the duckling was picked on and called ugly by all the other ducks til they figured out he was a swan and then they loved him. I don't remember too much of the story, but aren't swans like 3 or 4 times as big as ducks? I hope that swan kicked some serious duck ass. Anyway, that's how the story would have gone if it had been written by the Brothers Grimm. Or Steven Seagal. I don't know if swans are really all that ugly anyway, or if it was just a point to make a story.

 

I do know that caterpillars are ugly. Especially those great big squishy green ones that look like they're staring at you with these big old buggy eyes. They're bigger than my thumb. Once I saw five of them in my yard. I know they were just trying to gross me out, too. It was like one of those old 50's movies where the dorky guy stumbles into the motorcycle gang's headquarters and they all laugh and push him around. I'm surprised they didn't take out a can of spraypaint and tag my deck. It was so gross.

 

And then there are butterflies. Sometimes I see them flitting through my yard and they hardly even look like they are flying: They look like leaves flitting to the ground. Well, except that they're flitting sideways. If I could fly, I believe that's how I would like to do it, just kind of dancing on the wind. I mean, you got those little songbirds and bats that are always flap-flap-flapping their wings constantly...even if I could fly that way I doubt I ever would, because it looks like it would be WAY too much effort and would also require a certain level of concentration that I reserve for the TV. And then there's big birds like eagles and hawks, who soar. But they always fly so high, you never see them flying low unless they're fixing to kill something. Which, come to think of it, might be kind of cool. But no. Half those birds eat crap that already died.

 

I guess my point is just that folks look at caterpillars and butterflies completely differently. It's almost like if a big rat wrapped himself up in a cocoon and turned into an eagle. Would we treat rats differently if they did? They would still spread disease and be disgusting, so maybe not. On the other hand, people really like birds, so maybe we would. It would sure be a conundrum, though.

 

I do kind of like butterflies. I mean, way more than I like caterpillars, anyway. To me, a caterpillar is just another disgusting bug to step on. But butterflies are nice to look at, because they're pretty and they're going away from me. Maybe I would feel differently if they flew right up in my face or stung me all the time. But this one time I saw one of those enormous black and green moon moths or luna moths or whatever you call them, and I swear that thing was as big as a bat. I did kill it, but I didn't use a flyswatter, I used a hammer.

 

Just call me Ranger Rick.