I wish my name was Steve or Joe or Bob. I wish I had a seeing-eye dog, even though I'm not blind. And I wish my seeing-eye dog could talk to me and be my best friend. Then we could call each other Steve or Joe or Bob or whatever our names were, and be best friends and solve crimes. And I wish I had a soft brown leather jacket to wear everywhere so that it kind of became my trademark, you know, just one of those little quirks that makes me me.

 

And maybe I could have a few super-powers, too. Maybe I could jump real far and know what people are thinking and be really strong. Of course, I would have to keep these things secret, except from a select few. I wouldn't wear any fancy costume or have a secret identity, but I would like it if my hands or eyes would glow with weird black energy rings when I use my powers. That would be cool.

 

And I wish I had a friend with an old-timey sounding name like Clara or Penny or Midge. She would be like this teenage girl whose father was a great evil sorcerer-king from another dimension, but she rebelled against him and ran away to Canada where she pretends to be a normal average girl and doesn't realize that she has great uncontrollable power that will manifest itself at a much later time. In the meantime, she goes to school during the day and at night has to constantly be trying to avoid getting captured by the gremlins and trolls that her father sends out to capture her. That is, until she meets me and comes to live in a secret room in my attic.

 

And then I wish I had another friend with a strange-sounding nickname like Pinky or Skippy or Yaya. I wish he lived in a van with a satellite dish on top, and all kinds of super-advanced computer equipment inside. And he would be super-intelligent and really intense and get excited about things that no one else could even understand. And I wish that this guy had stumbled on a device that would give his robot sidekick a human-like personality and the ability to learn at an astounding rate, but the device was lost by an alien scientist who comes back looking for it with an army of alien gorgons.

 

And I also kind of wish I had an arch-enemy, you know, the kind who possess great power and wealth but whose whole entire life is centered on an obssession with utterly destroying me. I wish his name was Dr. X or Sinister Man or General Evil. He could be a Civil War General with one eye who for some reason found out that he could never grow older and so spent the last 140 years traveling the world and fighting in all kinds of wars and building his fortune to try to take over the world. And he lives in a huge ship that floats in the sky disguised as a cloud.

 

And if my name was Steve or Joe or Bob, and if I had a seeing-eye dog that talks even though I'm not blind, and if my trademark was a soft brown leather jacket, and if I had weird super-powers that made my hands or eyes glow with strange black energy rings, and if I had a little friend named Clara or Penny or Midge who came from Canada but was really the daughter of an other-dimensional sorcerer-king who kept sending trolls and gremlins after her, and if I had another friend named Pinky or Skippy or Yaya who lived in a van with a satellite dish on top and was a computer genius with a super-smart robot friend, and if I had an arch-enemy with one eye who was rich and powerful and lived in a cloud, then maybe we could all have big adventures and solve crimes and save the world.

 

Maybe Dr. X or Sinister Man or General Evil could kidnap Clara or Penny or Midge and use a time machine to get away. And then me and my seeing-eye dog, and Pinky or Skippy or Yaya, and his super-smart robot friend, could go after him and try to free Clara or Penny or Midge, before the gremlins and trolls from her father's other-dimensional kingdom capture her, or the alien Gorgons capture us and get back the device that Pinky or Skippy or Yaya used to make his robot friend super-smart.

 

And there would be neat little twists, too. Like say the robot guy downloaded all this history into his robot brain and uses it to look for clues, like a crazy one-eyed American General at the Battle of Verdun, or a Canadian girl getting chased by gremlins in Colonial Virginia, or a demon living in a cloud in Ancient Rome. And so we all go through time trying to catch Dr. X or Sinister Man or General Evil, and stop him from changing history, and free Clara or Penny or Midge, and avoid the Gorgons. It would be really cool.

 

I don't know, it's just a thought. It doesn't matter anyway, because my name isn't Steve or Joe or Bob.