On legal shows, lawyers always object to things, and they always have reasons like "badgering the witness" or "calls for a conclusion" or whatever, and most of them I understand. But there is one I don't, and that's when they say "Objection! Argumentative!" I thought that's what court was about; grown people arguing. I always thought the judge was like mom and dad, and the plaintiff was telling on somebody. All court cases basically boil down to lawyers going

"Did not."
"Did so."
"Did not."
"Did so."

This is because people are basically unable to settle disputes among themselves. Everyone's afraid of confrontation, because they want everyone to like them. Unless of course, it's a confrontation with a huge, faceless corporate entity. Because for something like the last 30 years, we've been taught that Big Business hates us! They want to sell us substandard goods, cheat us, and even kill us, all to make a buck. So just sue the crap out of them. They deserve it.

I'm not all pro-Big Business, let the buyer beware, product liability be damned. I just thing that, like most everything, there should be a balance.

And I think the whole atmosphere has made people more like babies, not less.

Waaah! This coffee burned me!
Waaah! These asbestos made me sick!
Waaah! My breast implants are leaking tobacco!

I can't stand it when people complain about stupid crap. I wouldn't ever be a judge and have to listen to all those crybabies. Unless I could be a judge like Judge Dredd, and shoot people.

People don't like to face off with other people. Generally they don't, I mean. Some people do, but most of the time we don't like these people, because it's ALL they like to do. They're the kind of folks who get up in your face and tell you you're wrong. They have no tact or subtlety. Most folks are not like this, and that's why we have judges.

And lawyers.

Lawyers are generally these kind of people. They love to argue. And they do. And it just seems like whatever position you take, pro or con, you can find a lawyer who will argue it for you. That's why folks don't like lawyers. It's kind of strange to think that we live in a world where people shun the idea that there are any absolutes, objectively or morally or even scientifically a lot of the time, and yet we hate lawyers because that's what they argue.

I think lawyers get a bad rap. Lawyers do a lot of good. I mean, there are lots and lots of those unscrupulous ones, but there are also a lot of decent ones. No, I don't know any, but I don't know a lot of lawyers.

I really hate the ones that advertise on TV, the ones that promise to get you "the money you deserve". They say "Have you been injured in an accident through no fault of your own? Let L.J. McGuire get you the money you deserve!" They seem to be advertising to folks who haven't yet thought about even getting a lawyer, which is odd, because when most folks get injured that's the first thing they think about. Or they start off their commercials by saying "How do you go about finding a personal injury attorney?" And I always think, just watch TV in the afternoon and pick one.

Sometimes, on the radio, you hear advertisements for DUI Lawyers. I understand that a normal person can sometimes get in a bit of trouble, and when that happens they'll have lots and lots of questions, but I still can't help finding the idea of a lawyer who gets drunk drivers off a little bit sleazy. I keep expecting the commercials to go like "L.J. McGuire: Keeping drunks on the highway since 1982."

A great many politicians start out as lawyers. I don't know what the figures are, but a lot of them do. For the most part, folks don't like politicians much anymore these days, either, and I'll tell you why. It's because the press and the opposition shine a spotlight on every single mistake or indiscretion every politician has ever made.

It's not that I don't think the public has a right to know, it's just that I think it's gone too far. Americans seem to have set impossibly high standards for their elected officials, which is ironic since no other public figure is held to any standard at all. An actor or recording artist can shoot someone or have 15 bastard children and go in and out of rehab, and still be a "role model"; George W. gets his feet held to the fire for a drunk driving arrest in 1976, and Bill Clinton for smoking pot in the 60's. The result is that no one trusts politicians anymore, and says they're all the same. The result of that is that no one votes anymore. The result of that is bad government. The result of that is bad laws. The result of that is more lawyers.